Looking For A Leader
Fear inflicts the acceptance of restrictions.
And those afraid to carve their own independent way,
Facing obstacles and doubts...
Discover for themselves what life for them is about.
But will always feel inadequate,
When attempting to expose their own identity.
And unfortunately many living lives fearing,
Seek to be led.
With a looking for a leader approved by those...
Who only know what it takes to follow.
Since those who do have abilities to lead,
Are often opposed by the ones subjected to insecurities.
And people with those insecurities,
Seek those who are best qualified...
To represent the denying of every one of them.
Because the ones who express honesty and truth,
Always seem to threaten...
Those who do not.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Many Seek Status
To acknowledge that I 'am'
Who I 'am' and in the 'now'
Of my life!
Is for me a major achievement.
And one I live excuse free.
One based upon truth and honesty!
Many seek status.
Like an apparatus to mask.
Perhaps with hopes,
An acceptance is passed.
Or something that is approved...
As a test or a task.
If a status is proclaimed,
With wishes to keep one connected.
The time will not be long...
Until someone comes along,
To define that status wrong!
And pursued at the expense,
On one's identity...
That is compensated usually,
To eventually dispense.
To acknowledge that I 'am'
Who I 'am' and in the 'now'
Of my life!
Is for me a major achievement.
And one I live excuse free.
With a peace of mind,
I am glad to find...
Based upon truth and honesty!
And anyone who does not see it that way...
It is okay.
I am not going to debate it!
I am not in the pursuit of status!
To attract materialistic dreams.
With shine, sheen or gleam.
As a first time passenger on my journey...
I seek only God to please.
With deeds.
And a gratefulness to do so.
Many seek status!
And perhaps,
For them...
That is what God has assigned.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Only Within Their Reach
Many living inside their boxes,
Peek.
Not realizing dust collects,
Under their feet.
Or there is fresh air outside,
To breathe.
Although they believe,
The sky above them...
Is only within their reach.
And they from within their boxes...
Have the right to dictate,
How high others should fly...
At what height and pace.
And which dreams those they choose,
Are approved to seek.
As well as the ones they can also deny.
Although they secretly wish,
Their insecurities would free them...
To experience such ambitions.
But fearing many living inside their boxes,
Peek.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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A Self-Estimate
My life has been built around
self-doubt of who I am
with insecurity and vulnerability.
To many that might seem strange
and to others it might seem I have it all.
A lasting marriage,
fulfilling my dreams one at a time,
friends around the world.
You ask what else
could anyone really want.
When I was young
whatever I did
my sister or someone else
could always do it better
even when I succeeded,
at least that is what I was always told.
Those words brought forth
all sorts of insecurities
that plagued my life from those days to this.
They would tell me my writing
was rubbish and I should never show them
to anyone or they would hold me up to ridicule.
Now my writing is read and enjoyed
by thousands across the world.
So why is it that these insecurities
keep swirling around my head?
The questions keep coming,
but the answers elude me.
Even when I look at my accomplishments
those insecurities still follow me around.
Will my bubble burst
and will their words back then be right?
I hope and pray not and I will just carry on
no matter what the outcome is.
My future is sealed
no matter which way I turn.
A writer I will always be,
whether good, bad or indifferent,
or for richer or poorer be.
I gave up once for a number of years,
but fate had it in store
that I would write again once more.
It even lead me down different paths
than I had been down before.
What next I ask myself,
just keep on writing I guess
and the insecurities.
Well, they will still follow me
as well as the self-doubts
I was brainwashed with.
You cannot turn back the clock
say it never happened.
It is just something in my life
I am going to have to live with.
25 May 2008
poem by David Harris
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To Infest and Manifest
Why do they glare?
Those who stop to stare...
With a bringing of their gloom,
To pollute environments everywhere.
Do they perceive themselves to be,
Rulers Of Acceptance.
Judges Of Appearances.
Police to guard values and standards...
Molding with age and on the decrease.
Why do they restrict to insist,
Those of ethnic differences...
Should from themselves be distanced quick.
With minds influenced by ignorance,
To infest and manifest.
And they feast upon with feeding misery.
Miseries denying hiding,
Insecurities.
Do they perceive themselves to be,
Rulers Of Acceptance.
Or police to guard what's valued...
Hypocritically!
And they feast upon with feeding misery.
Miseries denying hiding,
Insecurities.
To infest and manifest.
And they feast upon with feeding misery.
Miseries denying hiding,
Insecurities.
To infest and manifest.
And they feast upon with feeding misery.
To infest.
And manifest.
And they feast upon with feeding misery.
To infest.
And manifest.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Sabotage As Weaknesses
They would love to blame every blemish they have,
On him or her.
Them or those.
Their successes are interpreted as defeats.
They seek to discourage any positive beliefs.
And yet very quietly...
They sob tears with sighs,
That are heard behind closed doors.
Not to expose regretted emotions.
None to interpret as theirs...
But 'yours'.
Wishing not to have their insecurities made public.
As they admonish others for abilities...
They sabotage as weaknesses...
That feed to them their strengths.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Dirt Diggers
The dirt diggers seek to smear.
Only to discover they uncover their own miseries.
Exposing their evilness and their insecurities.
For everyone to see!
And find they are themselves shattered.
Despised!
And haunted by paranoia.
In fear of their own shadows.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Daring To Be Defeated
People refusing to listen,
Create their own dilemmas.
They believe an enforcement done,
Of their wishes...
Retrieves a satisfaction,
As expectations are identified.
They lie to themselves and expect understanding.
Foolish are their delusions.
But an acceptance to be corrected...
Is taken for criticisms refused to enhance a growth.
People like this want to feel protected,
Like a child caught in a lie.
With a tantrum to come that is provoked.
And the circumstances they must face,
They don't do that!
They rather run to hide inside their minds...
Where trappings of safety begin to take place.
'I don't care if you don't believe me.
I don't care...'
And alone they weep!
People refusing to listen,
Create their own dilemmas.
They believe an enforcement done,
Of their wishes...
Retrieves a satisfaction,
As expectations are identified.
A stripping to expose flaws,
Is difficult to do.
A willingness to be wounded...
Speeds up the advancing of a truth.
And when truth is denied,
For something less painful to receive and accept...
A maturity to gain becomes a stagnation repeated.
With a daring to be defeated...
Conquered by insecurities,
As a surrounding wall that falsely protects.
'I don't care if you don't believe me.
I don't care...'
And alone they weep!
Stubbornly affixed to their insecurities,
Keeping them appeased and weak!
Daring to be defeated!
But defeated by a weakness...
Keeps their insecurities appeased.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Not Your Enabler
I am not existing,
In pretense...
Your insecurities,
I will dismiss.
Nor will I come to understand,
With an acceptance to defend...
At my expense,
It is okay when you display...
Your way of living your life,
Does not get in my way!
I am not existing,
In pretense...
Your insecurities,
I will dismiss.
I am your friend!
Not your enabler to use and offend!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Expect Your Value To Become Diminished
Would you like to discover your value quickly?
Here is a simple thing to do to test it...
With identity and dignity you pride inside,
Speak directly with honesty and truth...
In places not accustomed to it.
Begin with those who are family.
Then approach those you call friends.
I've seen this attempted by others.
Character assassinations began.
And you know there will be labelling done!
Well...
Some do not know this.
And are ready to seek approval and acceptance.
Expect your value to become diminished,
If you buy any of that, 'You are not like us' nonsense.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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After Inviting the Activity and Creating Its Affects
Have you given a listen,
To those who compare themselves to others?
Those who do that,
Down to the last detail.
As if God has made their lives,
The mold for all of humanity.
An unsolicited opinion from them is always given.
However...
There is a unique difference,
Between those who do this and those who do not.
Those who do this,
Have not spent five minutes alone!
Not by themselves.
And...
An appreciation for life is missing.
And those who do not find reasons to compare,
Live independently.
A quality of life for them,
Seems to be one they seem to make and share.
And have done so for most of their lives.
They have jumped over the hurdles.
And tackled their own obstacles.
Alone.
How they have done this?
It is a faith they have and that is shown.
While those who seem to be in constant need,
To compare...
Seem not comfortable in their own skin.
And despise.
Listen to the way they find something to criticize.
And 'who' they do it to!
The only interest they seem to have,
Is to inform anyone who listens...
As to how busy they are in other people's lives.
With complaints of what it is they do...
After inviting the activity and creating its affects.
Unknowingly...
They show a complete masking of their insecurities.
And a fear that keeps them failing to face them...
On their own,
Alone!
They seek support for their beliefs,
To keep any growth that may go on...
Unshown or known that can be identified.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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It Is Best to Be Cautious
Some folks believe they benefit,
By protecting their insecurities.
As if they are hidden.
And others can not see.
Or know those insecurities,
Have a life of their own.
And have been given the 'authority'
To express themselves!
And publicly breathe.
But when those insecurities,
Begin to plop on another's integrity...
There is no sense to defend them.
Feelings once spared,
Are no longer given a chance.
And egos become wounded.
And those romanced exaggerations,
About life...
Become stung,
By someone who intends to deliver...
A bitter nasty tongue done.
And there is no regret.
It is best to be cautious,
In these situations.
Especially when accusations,
Begin to sprout wings and fly!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Passive acceptance of the teacher's wisdom is easy to most boys and girls. It involves no effort of independent thought, and seems rational because the teacher knows more than his pupils it is moreover the way to win the favour of the teacher unless he is a very exceptional man. Yet the habit of passive acceptance is a disastrous one in later life. It causes man to seek and to accept a leader, and to accept as a leader whoever is established in that position.
quote by Bertrand Russell
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Where Are You Now?
For those of you who follow the King,
Tell me, where are you now?
For those of you who follow the Pope,
Tell me, where are you now?
For those of you who followed the Beatles,
Tell me, where are you now?
For those of you who followed the flag,
Tell me, where are you now?
Be it Frank Zappa, or Andy Warhol,
Tell me, where are you now?
Be it the Koran, be it the Bible
Tell me where are you now?
Be it Mein Kampf, the Communist Manifesto,
Tell me where are you now?
The Bill of Rights with all the fights,
Tell me, where are you now?
Will you follow the leader on to the quicksand?
Will you follow the leader to Hell?
Will you follow the leader on to Doomsday?
Only time will tell...
Sooner or later, you're bound to discover,
You're going to have to take the lead.
In this life time or maybe another,
You're more than a mouth to feed.
Time settles everything,
Indeed, all comes to rest,
And the fact is wherever you are,
Is anybody's guess.
No ones controls the length of time,
Nor the breadth and depth,
And there are no leaders at the end of the line,
Only you facing your death.
poem by Richard Jarboe
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I Refuse To Say Anything About It
I am 'not' going to say anything,
About 'anyone' and their insecurities.
It is pointless to keep harping upon them,
When those who have them are clearly possessive.
And who am I to mention who is insecure?
You know what I'm saying?
Who gave me the right to perceive,
Those with insecurities feed upon them.
With a seeking of others,
To defend their weaknesses.
And that is one of the reasons,
I refuse to say anything about it.
I'm sure people with insecurities,
Know they've got them.
'Well,
I am glad you didn't bring it up for discussion.'
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Defending My Right To Exist
Defending my right to exist...
Didn't leave too much time,
To feel insecurities.
Or get emotional about them.
I was always reminded that I wasn't who I was!
I looked like so and so,
And spoke like someone else.
And living in a place where nicknames were preferred,
It was rather difficult to maintain an identity.
Since being clownish and down to Earth,
Was a lesson taught.
And to be ignorant was the main objective.
Few people dared to express knowledge of anything.
Hey,
What can I say?
Even today...
This is not an exaggeration.
Needless to say,
Folks still living in that same mindset...
Seem not to be able to understand,
Why their visits to jails and prisons...
Are more frequent and have more of a priority,
Than when their 'children' were misbehaving in schools.
And teachers are blamed for this?
Defending my right to exist,
Didn't leave too much time,
To feel insecurities.
Or get emotional about them.
I was always reminded that I wasn't who I was!
However...
I was told I 'thought' I was better than everyone else,
Because I spoke as if I was 'intelligent'.
You know,
Clear and not like a...well...
Bunny rabbit!
And I had more than being a 'bad' little boy,
With going to jail on my mind.
I wanted to have my own identity for some reason.
With a wish to be successful at whatever I chose to do!
And there are those who try to convince others,
My accomplishments do not mean a thing!
And to them,
I wouldn't expect that they would.
Since I've lived to witness...
What many of them regard as important.
And hearing the children who brag,
About how much jail time they have served.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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What 'Fit' Would I Want
Identity?
I've had one for so long.
All my life,
I have lived to perfect it.
I don't get upset with those with none.
Those who prefer to turn away and run...
If confronted!
Identity?
I know who I am without question.
Acceptance I don't seek.
Not from those
Who believe my identity
Might leave others afraid to speak.
Those familiar with others,
Who shuffle along with stances weak.
I have no problem,
Being me and that might offend.
'Too bad! '
'Get over it! '
Nothing else or more is there...
I care to share with them!
What 'fit' would I want,
If that which I enjoy...
Provides me comfort?
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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The Fear Of Fear
Fear is not what I am afraid of.
True, it is a frightful thing to fear;
But the fear of fearing fear is overwhelming
Especially when its form becomes sheer
Fear is like losing a tree of shade on a bristling day
Or losing your breath when you fall below the sea;
I fear this fear of fearing these fears
And it is this fear that is part and parcel of me.
Fear is like loving without being loved back,
Fear is like leaving without being left;
And the fear of loving and leaving and being loved and being left
Is opposed by the fear of not fearing anything
And being an empty vase, noisy and bereft
I fear not death nor do I fear life,
But I fear the fear of both as my peers;
If I could release one fear from my fears
It would be the fear of fearing these fears.
poem by Samah Khan
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What Is It that I Seek
Could I announce from a pulpit,
Travesties I disdain?
Within my consciousness that remains.
To inflict my personal conflicts...
With a revealing of my own insecurities,
I can not shake.
Why do I have a need from a pulpit,
To announce this to berate in a scolding.
And to what desired effect?
There has to be 'something' within me,
I have not been able to face.
There has to be 'something' within me,
An honesty has not graced...
That permits a self examination,
To thoroughly erase.
And what is it that I seek...
To continue to punish others,
For those mistakes I've made?
Is it my own acceptance?
Or my deceptions...
That will not from me go away.
And I need the assurance I am protected,
By my own creation.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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To Embellish A Nonexistence Has Adverse Effects
Ego fed insecurities,
Addicted to seeking acceptance...
Are protective of their delusions.
And easily offended,
By a truth that is to them directed.
It is more important for them to impress,
Than to honestly address their own issues.
Something blocked in their minds,
Will not allow them to do this.
And quick they are to misinterpret reality.
They believe reality is something to twist to fit,
A determined wish to see,
Life from their prespective.
And only a life lived to experience as is,
Can be received to accept to adjust...
Not correct to reject what is presented!
Ego fed insecurities,
Addicted to seeking acceptance...
Are protective of their delusions.
And easily offended,
By a truth that is to them directed.
To embellish a nonexistence,
Has adverse effects.
And adverse effects are difficult to keep,
From being exposed.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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If There Is Division
If there is division...
It has been envisioned,
By those who call for unity!
A unity of what?
Collective respect?
A diversity realized...
Should have that in perspective.
A unity of color?
To accomplish what with each other?
To make the same claims...
That no one lives up,
To a common name?
Or those with divergent purposes,
Should come together
And be entertained?
Or remain as crabs in a barrel?
So everyone will see to it...
No one makes any gains?
If there is division...
It has been envisioned,
By those who call for unity!
Those who have insecurities.
And believe they should be shared by all.
To continue to stall a growth process...
Those professing unity,
Can further dissect...
To feel this done as an acceptance.
And to keep those with identities,
Fearing to accomplish...
Individual opportunities.
That a collectiveness would not embrace.
Because a familiarized ignorance,
Has been replaced!
If there is division...
It has been envisioned,
By those who call for unity!
Those who seek support...
For purposes to abort any gain!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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