Highly Skilled AND Quite the Professional
When she squeezed my 'noogies'
I indeed had a fit.
I wanted her to immediately produce,
Her 'learning' certificate.
'Look at the wall to your right and cough.
No need to look at me,
As if you are pissed off.'
She insisted she was a doctor.
Dressed in black and not a white smock.
She told me to dropp my pants to examine...
My prostrate and other things I've got.
'Bend over. Spread those cheeks for me.'
~Do you understand how uncomfortable I am? ~
'I'm only here to do your prostrate examine.
Your primary doctor made this request.
And I'm a 'specialized physician'!
Mister Pertillar?
Get over it!
You can 'now' pull up your pants.'
I was hot!
Not for her.
Just hot.
And I was more shocked that she was beautiful.
That part of my prostrate appointment...
I came to hate.
But it was too late.
She was highly skilled AND quite the professional.
With a big diamond 'rock' on her left hand.
Out of my league.
And clearly not 'dating' material.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
The Hand That Feeds
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Please, doctor, doctor, please
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Feel like an old diseace
Get your sweet ass off the floor
Doctor, doctor, doctor
I cant refuse any loose harted lady anymore
I scream your name into the crowd
You feel the flame, but yo aint proud
Mabye your attitude aint right
So all thats left for me to do is bite
The hand that feeds me
Feeds me
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Doctor, doctor, please
All things you put me through
What the hell you want me to
Do all the things that uncle john needs
I aint the dog that bites the hand that feeds me
In the middle of, with a spittle of
Et tu like birds of a feather
When another day, love another way
Push, shove, make love, play
Never never, never ever
Never ever, never ever
Na, na...
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Please do a-what you can
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Would you please give my life a hand
All the things you put me trough
What the hell you want me to
Do all the things that uncle john needs
I aint the dog that bites the hand that feeds me, yeah
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Doctor, doctor, please
(repeat)
song performed by by Aerosmith
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Examination
Abolish examination.
And who are you to take examination?
Do you know whom to examine
And how to examine?
If you are so keen to take examination
Examine yourself first.
It is not easy to examine self
And pass the examination
scoring top.
Examine self while alone
Alone at night
Alone at bed.
Dare not examine others and
Dare not examine especially children.
poem by Gajanan Mishra
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Shot (intro)
phones ringing babies crying]
white guy: Hi how ya doin' ?
nurse: Doctor's office could you hold please? Yes sir can I help you?
white guy: Yes I have a four o'clock appointment I'm here to get my shot.
nurse: Okay come right with me.
white guy: This isn't gonna take too long is it?
nurse: Here we are here have a seat right here.
white guy: Oh great thanks thanks.
nurse: The doctor will be right with you, and can I get you anything?
white guy: Uhh maybe a glass of water would be great.
nurse: Okay great.
[door shuts]
white guy: Damn, what is taking so long?
[door creaks open, funky music in the backround]
doctor Ice Cube: Yo wussup?
white guy: Hi how ya doin' ?
doctor Ice Cube: Alright, let's see what we got here uhh, Mr. White huh?
white guy: Yes sir that's me.
doctor Ice Cube: heh, I heard you don't like shots do ya?
white guy: No I sure don't.
doctor Ice Cube: Aww you're a big boy uhh this won't hurt a bit,
jus' uhh turn your head...
white guy: Let's get this over with.
doctor Ice Cube: yeah uhh, rub a little alcohol on there, right here,
for you, and uhh brace yourself!
[click]
[BANG
song performed by by Ice Cube
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Doctor My Eyes
Doctor, my eyes have seen the years
And the slow parade of fears without crying
Now I want to understand
I have done all that I could
To see the evil and the good without hiding
You must help me if you can
Doctor, my eyes
Tell me what is wrong
Was I unwise to leave them open for so long
'Cause I have wandered through this world
And as each moment has unfurled
I've been waiting to awaken from these dreams
People go just where they will
I never noticed them until I got this feeling
That it's later than it seems
Doctor, my eyes
Tell me what you see
I hear their cries
Just say if it's too late for me
Is it too late
Is it too late for me
Tell me doctor
Doctor, my eyes
Cannot see the sky
Is this the price for having learned how not to cry
song performed by by Wilson Phillips
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Doctor, Doctor
Doctor, theres something wrong with me
My health is not all that it used to be
My heart is out of beat, I got chokers on my feet
My eyesights getting dimmer, I cant see
Doctor thanks for seeing me today, Im glad,
Ive got every sickness there is to be had
I had whooping cough last month
And today Ive got the mumps
And tomorrow Ill catch chicken pox as well.
Doctor doctor doctor make me well
Ive not got long to go now I can tell
Doctor doctor doctor make me well
Ive not got long to go I can tell
Ive not got long to go I can tell
Those pills I took have no effect at all
Just the other day I had a nasty fall
And I think I broke my jaw when it hit the kitchen floor
And Im shrinking last week I was five foot four
Ive been getting shivers lately, is it flu?
I know the bug is going round, what can I do?
Its about to pick on me, Ive still got the other three
Do you think I caught smallpox Id get flu?
[chorus]
Do you think its time that I made out my will?
Ill leave everything to you to pay my bill
Just how long is there to go
Please tell me I want to know
But on second thoughts dont tell me, Im too ill.
song performed by by Who
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Falsified Claim of the Roofie and the Women
So sorry hear from you again.
Back from another on of your excursions I see.
So how did your sick perversion go.
Oh oh you put on quite a good show.
A hell of a dating scam.
It took ten years from this man.
He went to prison for rape.
A unjustified claim.
He just wanted the money you stole.
He lied to get it back.
It pissed you off when you found out.
With venom you went straight to the hospital.
Pull out the kit.
Check me out.
He fed me a roofie.
The next thing I woke with no clothes.(40 minutes later)
He was pulling up his pants.
I made no scene and didn't even realize I was raped.
Strange don't you think.
I went home.
Then I thought about what must have happen (3 hrs later) .
Oh he rapped me.
Yeah I stole his money.
And I gave it back so that has nothing to do with it.
It is the truth because I am a women.
poem by Ace Of Black Hearts
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Doctor Robert
Ring my friend, i said you call doctor robert
Day or night he'll be there any time at all, doctor robert
Doctor robert, you're a new and better man,
He helps you to understand
He does everything he can, doctor robert
If you're down he'll pick you up, doctor robert
Take a drink from his special cup, doctor robert
Doctor robert, he's a man you must believe,
Helping everyone in need
No one can succeed like doctor robert
Well, well, well, you're feeling fine
Well, well, well, he'll make you ... doctor robert
My friend works for the national health, doctor robert
Don't pay money just to see yourself with doctor robert
Doctor robert, you're a new and better man,
He helps you to understand
He does everything he can, doctor robert
Well, well, well, you're feeling fine
Well, well, well, he'll make you ... doctor robert
song performed by by Beatles
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Salat
We go for ablution
Before performing Salat
And stand on a clean place for Salat
Because God is the most holy
Then we express our intention to do it
Since at first God wished to create
Then we raise our hands
To surrender to God
Then we recite Surah Al-Fatiha
The best prayer
And couple of other chapters
From the holy Koran
Since they are full of advices
Then we bow and prostrate
To remember God
Since God remembers those
Who remember Him
Then we pray for prophet Abraham
And prophet Muhammad
Since God becomes happy
If we pray for them
At last we convey Salam
To the angels
Who note down our actions
Since they are also our guardians
We do not change the place
Where we stand
During performing Salat
Unless it is absolutely necessary
Since God does not move
But we bow, prostrate and sit in Salat
Because God’s body can move
Inside His glow
We bow in Salat
To show our respect towards God
We prostrate in Salat
In utmost awe and surprise
Imagining we are touching at first
Right foot of God’s body
With our hands, forehead and nose
Then we do it again
Imagining God’s body
Has moved a little bit
From Right to left
And we are touching
Left foot of God’s body
We do not eat, drink and enjoy sex
During Salat
Since God’s body doesn’t do these things
We do not sleep and drowse
During Salat
Since God’s body doesn’t do these things
We do not tell lies and say worthless things
During Salat
Since God’s body doesn’t do these things
That’s why Salat is the best worship
And the easiest way to please God.
poem by Asif Andalib
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Shot
[phones ringing, babies crying]
White guy: hi how ya doin ?
Nurse: doctors office, could you hold please? yes sir can I help you?
White guy: yes I have a four oclock appointment, Im here to get my shot.
Nurse: okay, come right with me.
White guy: this isnt gonna take too long is it?
Nurse: here we are, here have a seat right here.
White guy: oh great, thanks, thanks.
Nurse: the doctor will be right with you, and can I get you anything?
White guy: uhh maybe a glass of water would be great.
Nurse: okay great.
[door shuts]
White guy: damn, what is taking so long?
[door creaks open, funky music in the backround]
Doctor ice cube: yo wussup?
White guy: hi how ya doin ?
Doctor ice cube: alright, lets see what we got here uhh, mr. white huh?
White guy: yes sir thats me.
Doctor ice cube: heh, I heard you dont like shots do ya?
White guy: no I sure dont.
Doctor ice cube: aww youre a big boy uhh this wont hurt a bit,
Jus uhh turn your head...
White guy: lets get this over with.
Doctor ice cube: yeah uhh, rub a little alcohol on there, right here,
For you, and uhh brace yourself!
[click]
[bang!]
song performed by by Ice Cube
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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If You Don't Like Rock & Roll
You'd never know there was some music playin'
Until you talked your way inside the door
And then a sound like rollin' thunder
Begins to push you right thru the floor
And there's a great white sign
With big black letters
That just about explains it all
If you don't like rock 'n' roll
Well, if you don't like rock 'n' roll
If you don't like rock 'n' roll
Then it's too late now
Well it's too late now
Hey hey
Of course there was the usual lady
And she was dressed the way the stories tell
So bein' cool i made a move to grab her
But you could see she read story well
And then she whipped out a card
With big black letters
That just about explained it all
Well if you don't like rock 'n' roll
If you don't like rock 'n' roll
Well if you don't like rock 'n' roll
Then you're too late now
Then you're too late now
Well, if you don't like rock 'n' roll
Well, if you don't like rock 'n' roll, yeah
If you don't like rock 'n' roll
Well it's too late now
Well you're too late now
If you don't like rock 'n' roll
If you don't like my rock 'n' roll
Then you're too late now
Then you're too late now
Then you're too late, too late now
song performed by by Rainbow
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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U.M.C.
I wanna be a lawyer
Doctor or professor
A member of the UMC
I want an air conditioner
Cottage on the river
And all the money I can see
I wanna drive a Lincoln
Spend my evenings drinking
The very best burgandy
I want a yacht for sailing
Private eye for tailing
My wife if She's a bit too free
I've been told ever since a boy
that's what one aught to be
A part of the UMC
I want a pool to swim in
Fancy suits to dress in
Some stock in GM and GE
An office in the city
Secretary pretty
Who'll take dictation on my knee
I want a paid vacation
Don't want to have to ration
A thing with anyone but me
And if there's war or famine
Promise I'll examine
The details if they're on TV
I'll pretend to be liberal but I'll still support the GOP,
As part of the UMC
I wanna be a lawyer
Doctor or professor
A member of the UMC
song performed by by Bob Seger
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Left To Examine
People seldom select rebellion.
From a truth spoken and understood.
Yet those upset and labelled rebels,
Know too well...
They've been deceived and meant to be.
With perceptions shallow and kept to believe,
And fed to a consciousness deluded to depths.
And difficult it is to keep people like this,
Conformed to accept values distanced from reality.
Realities often thought to be militant with intent.
And long mentioned by the ones...
People decided they would choose to shun.
But themselves left to examine and now have begun,
Analyzing traditions and values with a doing done.
With a wondering of which standards to use.
Where to go and who to question,
To release them from confusion.
And self inflicting mental abuse.
Protected in historic denial hypnotized to seduce.
Left to examine...
These times.
And how will they be...
Redefined.
How will that begin to be done,
These times.
And how will they be...
Redefined.
Left to examine...
These times.
And how will they be...
Redefined.
How will that begin to be done,
These times.
And how will they affect,
Minds!
Left to examine...
In the coming of the changing times.
And...
How will that begin to be done,
In minds,
Left to examine...
In the coming of the changing times.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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1985 Food Medley - 02 - Doctor
[parody of doctor! doctor! by the thompson twins]
Woah, cause hes my doctor, doctor,
And his name is bernie, bernie.
Oh, doctor, doctor,
Im feelin pretty dismal.
Doctor, doctor,
And his name is bernie, bernie.
Oh, doctor, doctor,
Wheres my pepto bismol?
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Soul Doctor
Well I woke up this morning
Took your advice
I dialed the number
And I let it ring twice
Then I hung up
Now I tried to do
Everything I could
To save our love
And make it feel good again
I cant fight it, theres nobody home
Hard hearted and all alone
I give you love, you aint giving it back
I cant take it
I need to see the soul doctor
Before the fever begins
You know Im searching for the soul doctor
When love is wearing thin
Doctor soul is in
Ive been kicked in the corner
Im down in the dirt
I cant feel a thing
But I know it ought to hurt
Now your shaking my spirit
Im breaking my back
Im too blind to hear it
So I over react to satisfaction
If I could get me some
I aint talking, theres nothing to say
Misunderstandin, your walking away
Maybe baby, its gonna take time, time, time
I need to see the soul doctor
Before the fever begins
You know Im searching for the soul doctor
When love is wearing thin
Doctor soul is in
I need to see the soul doctor
You know things are looking grim
I keep searching for the soul doctor
Doctor soul is in
The doctors soul intention
Let it be understood
Cant pull the strings of my heart
I aint made out of wood
Now I take what I get
To get what it takes
Need a little bit a love
Got a whole lotta heartaches
I cant fight it, theres nobody home
Hard hearted and all alone
Maybe baby, its gonna take time, time, time
I need to see the soul doctor
Before the fever begins
You know Im searching for the soul doctor
When love is wearing thin
Doctor soul is in
I need to see the soul doctor
You know things are looking grim
I keep searching for the soul doctor
Doctor soul is in
Hey, a little bit of soul, oh yeah
Doctor soul is in
Heart and soul doctor
I need to see the soul doctor, soul doctor
Doctor soul is in
Doctor, doctor, doctor, doctor save my soul
Doctor soul is in
Ooh
song performed by by Foreigner
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Your Heart With Your Mind and Faith Is Your Doctor!
Some say they would share this if they could.
They can not.
And wouldn't...
IF they could.
Some say they can feel yours!
They can not.
And wouldn't...
IF they could.
Some say they understand.
And if there is anything they can do,
To let them know!
Sincerety like this is difficult to dismiss.
But pain is personalized.
And not quite felt,
Like the one who is feeling it!
Some may empathize, cry and hold your hand.
Rub it.
Or give a hug to pat a back!
It's a fact of your condition.
You are there without a physician.
However,
When your pain comes...
Attaching your heart, body and mind to it?
There is no question who it belongs to!
But what more can a human being being human do?
Some say they would share this if they could.
They can not.
And wouldn't...
IF they could.
Some say they can feel yours!
They can not.
And wouldn't...
IF they could.
Some say they understand.
And if there is anything they can do,
To let them know!
Sincerety like this is difficult to dismiss.
But pain is personalized.
And not quite felt,
Like the one who is feeling it!
And when you are feeling yours...
You know it can not be felt,
Like it has you feeling it!
And somehow you know,
It is there not to be shared!
No matter who, what and how it is perceived.
Only you know 'why' pain feels like it does!
It is yours and it has been received.
And only you can create that feeling to make it heal!
You know it is there and that reality has no appeal.
Your heart with your mind and faith is your doctor!
Your heart with your mind and faith is your doctor!
Your heart with your mind and faith is your doctor!
Faith is your doctor!
Faith is your doctor!
Faith is your doctor!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Staples
Cause it hasn't been that long
since you almost hit the tree.
Cause it hasn't been that long
since you hit the pole because of speed.
Do you remember
the ambulance it took you there?
Do you remember
they cut your pants your favorite pair?
They shaved your head.
Where's all your hair.
The doctor said,
"We need some staples for his head."
The doctor said,
"Another foot you could be dead."
The doctor said,
"We need some staples for his head."
The doctor said,
"You should have took the bus instead."
All you could hear
was kachunk, kachunk, kachunk.
All you could hear
was the doctor putting staples in this punk.
He could have died that day.
Which means that he would not be here.
He would have gone away,
friends and family we'd shed our tears.
But the good thing would be
is that we would always know.
He would be living
with Jesus Christ in his new home.
song performed by by Relient K
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Sunnyside, Pretoria revisited (in answer to I.L. de Villiers)
On the street corners, in the dark back alleys
whores cackle,
some black women glance lusting at me,
poor children are watching me in hunger,
without pants form behind trellis fences,
deeply moved I notice here,
how my country is falling into disrepair,
doctor Mamba's advertisement is pressed into my hand.
[Reference: "Distrik ses herbesoek" (District six revisited) by I.L. de Villiers. Doctor Mamba refers here to a witchdoctor]
poem by Gert Strydom
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Black Rat Requiem
Hail Rattus Rattus
How the Great have Fallen
black rat
you runt
mouse sized
long lean
with pointy
sticky beak nose
your crime
was to enter
uninvited
home lounge
by stealth
by night
and to be caught
brazen bold baby
arrogant spied lad
guilty actually seen
stupidly upon several
night days running
was time enough
to leave
poisoned you are
staring up
unable to move
prostrate
prone upon pedestal
lying upon entrance step
Imperial Bathroom Hall Door
tight shut closed before you
denying last plead request
drink thirst questing water
Hail Caesar
housemaster
I salute you
I who
am about
to die!
prostrate
questing water
head turns
slightly
last look up
dehydrated dead
‘die vermin’
that’s a thumb
down your dead
poem by Terence George Craddock
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Let's Sew Our Pants Together
Raise the window
Its getting hot in here
All these breathers
And all of these suckers
Shake my hand now
Pleased to meet you but
Skin is pretty
But underneath you're a monster
Are we friends now?
Am I your brother?
Can we bleed together
Are we lovers?
Let's sew our pants together
1, 2, 3, 4, 5
Let's climb right in forever
6, 7, 8, 9, 10
Then won't we all be so clever?
If we sew our pants together
Wake the next morning
One below the waist
But you want poached eggs
And I want to go to the bathroom
What do we do now?
What do we make of this?
Can my blood flow
Apart from your stitch?
Let's sew our pants together
1, 2, 3, 4, 5
Let's climb right in forever
6, 7, 8, 9, 10
Then won't we all be so clever?
If we sew our pants together
Lets set our hair on fire
Lets throw our hearts in the mire
Lets sell our eggs to any buyer
We've made a liar of desire
Lets sew our pants together
Lets sew our pants together
We've made a liar of desire
We've made a liar of desire
We've made a liar of desire
We've made a liar of desire
song performed by by Weezer
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Put Those Pants Back On
Look, BOY!
Pull those pants up.
Or either take them off.
'But POP? '
Don't you 'POP me boy.
You heard what I said.
'Ooookkkaaay.'
What are you doing?
Put those pants back on.
'That's what I've been trying to tell you.
I am overdressed these days.
Some of the kids are totally butt naked.
And they are allowed because they have high grades! '
So what are you saying?
You get F's on purpose?
'Well...
Kinda.'
Well..
Kinda put those pants around your waist.
And kinda do it with a belt.
I don't care if you are perceived,
To be the dumbest walking the hallways in school.
Your ass will stay covered.
Is that understood?
'Yes.'
Yes what?
'Yes, Your Majesty.'
Hee with two Haahs.
Now get out of here.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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