I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks
If your ass is a Chinese restaurant I'll have the poo-poo platter
My friend Jerry Vandergrift kissed me in Home Ec. class
Later in the afternoon some jarheads in the locker room kicked my ass
I said guys I'm like you I like Monster Trucks too
Wanna see how many push-ups I can do?
I just wish I was queer so I could get chicks
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
But if I were handsome just imagine how great it would be
Incognito as gay though but not actually that way though pseudo homo phony
Maybe it's a stupid theory or maybe just stupidity
But if I was a queerbee in the fashion industry
Scoring with a super model would be easy
Cause 'super model' means voluptuous but is also is synonomous with 'super dumb'
Ya see I'd be a good listener so she'd treat me like a sister and soon I'd become
That trusted friend that cares that rubs her back and braids her hair
No it wouldn't be a week before I'm in her underwear
I wish I was queer so I could get chicks
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
Doesn't matter what I'm packin' in my denim it's what's in my genes
The only smoked meat the only sausage I would eat is made by Jimmy Dean
See I'm not to keen on the smell of Vaseline
No I'm not Princess Di and I don't wanna be a queen
I wish I was queer so I could get chicks
Anyway if I were gay I'd have to change my name to Dirk or Lewis
Hang out with my mom's hair stylist his name is Kip he's got a lisp he talks like this
And wear my mother's lingerie learn the songs of Broadway
And appreciate Depeche Mode and avant garde ballet
I wish I was queer so I could get chicks
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
And I don't shave my heiny
Don't shave my heiny
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
song performed by by Bloodhound Gang from One Fierce Beer Coaster
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Related quotes
Dead Guy Stickers
In the USA,
They want to put dead guy pictures on cigarette packs.
With that brilliant logic in mind, I say put dead guy stickers on:
car windshields(dead guys in wrecks)
pistol and rifle handles (dead guys shot)
marriage licenses (dead spouses)
hamburger and hot dog wrappers (dead fat guys)
pies, cakes (more dead fat guys)
bathroom doors (thousands of dead guys in bathrooms every year)
bicycles (road kill dead guys)
fire places (burnt dead guys)
swimming pools (drown dead guys)
every electrical outlet (fried dead guys)
air plane tickets (dead passenger guys)
the beach (shark bit dead guys)
cities (shot dead guys)
air (blue dead guys)
fish (poisoned dead guys)
motorcycles (more road kill dead guys)
scarfs (strangled dead guys)
football helmets (brain dead guys)
hot tubs (more drowned dead guys)
and so on.
Just about everything can kill you, such as:
Mothers (dead baby guys plus dead fathers)
Fathers (dead baby guys plus dead mothers)
Police(multiple dead guys and chicks)
Drugs (multiple dead guys and chicks)
and so on.
Once everything has a dead guy sticker on it,
You've been warned and the world will be safer, right?
It shows we care, right?
poem by Richard Jarboe
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Lies About Tall Guys
Just seems like it’s that way to me
Taller guys seem to get executive jobs
Shorter guys work mostly as clerks
Taller guys never seem to be slobs
Shorter guys always seem to be jerks
Taller guys seem to get all of the action
Shorter guys seem to be quite invisible
Taller guys always seem to deserve satisfaction
Shorter guys are lonely and miserable
Just seems like it’s that way to me
Taller guys just seem born to play sports
Shorter guys kinda seem to like tennis
Taller guys certainly look better in shorts
Shorter guys look like Dennis the Menace
Taller guys are usually at the top of their class
Shorter guys seem to fail quite a lot
Taller guys always seem to kick ass
Shorter guys want to, but simply cannot
sure seems like it’s that way to me
Taller guys get better grades and such
Shorter guys seem to barely scrape by
Taller guys seem to do better, pretty much
Shorter guys always wonder why
Taller guys seem to have eyes like a hawk
Shorter guys seem to wear glasses a lot
Taller guys cover more ground when they walk
Shorter guys, to keep up, have to trot
Sure seems like it’s that way to me
Taller guys and their friends look like N.B.A players
Shorter guys look more like cheerleaders
Taller guys seem to look like dragon slayers
Shorter guys look a lot more like bleeders
Taller guys seem to have more gear to protect
Shorter guys wear more protective gear
Taller guys, more confidence seem to project
Shorter guys have less confidence, more fear
Really seems like it’s that way to me
Taller guys appeal to the female gender
Shorter guys always seem to choke
Taller guys carry a lot more legal tender
Shorter guys always seem to be broke
Taller guys seem to drive high dollar cars
Shorter guys drive toyotas
Taller guys seem to reach for the stars
Shorter guys reach for diet sodas
Taller guys are obnoxious, let’s neuter them all
Shorter guys are great people, always a delight
Taller guys are an abomination against mother nature’s law
If you think I’m a short guy….well, you’re right!
Really seems like the way it should be
poem by David Whalen
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Girls Cant Do What The Guys Do
(reid / clarke)
Ooh, ooh
Guys are gonna wanna go out and play sometime
But girls you must not let it get you down
Just take this advice I give you
Just like a mother
You try to match a guys independence
You end up in the gutter
Girls, you cant do what the guys do, no
And still be a lady
Girls, you cant do what the guys do, no
And still be a lady
No, oh no
And, listen girls when you give your heart away
You can easily be hurt
And the least little wrong he does
Always seems like dirt
So take this advice I give you
Just like a mother
You try to match a guys independence
You end up in the gutter
Girls, you cant do what the guys do, no
And still be a lady
Girls, you cant do what the guys do, no
And still be a lady
No, oh, no, mmm
When you put your faith in one guy
(sometimes hell make you happy)
(sometimes hell make you cry)
Dont lose your self-respect
Tryin to gain revenge
cause no matter how you do it
You lose out in the end
Girls, you cant do what the guys do, no
And still be a lady
Girls, you cant do what the guys do, no
And still be a lady
Girls, you cant do what the guys do, no
And still be a lady
Girls, you cant do what the guys do, no
And still be a lady
Girls, you cant do what the guys do, no
And still be a lady
Girls, you cant do what the guys do, no
song performed by by Dusty Springfield
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Psycho
No matter wherever I go
Some guys think I am a psycho!
No matter whatever I do
Some guys think I never need you!
No matter whenever I dream
Some guys think I am without team!
No matter whichever I choose
Some guys think I will just lose!
No matter how much I love
Some guys think I tell the bluff!
poem by Asif Andalib
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Ten Cents A Dance
I work at the palace ballroom, but gee that palace is cheap
When I get back to my chillly hallroom, Im much too tired to sleep
Im one of those lady teachers, a beautiful hostess you know;
One that the palace features, at exactly a dime a throw.
Ten cents a dance, thats what they pay me
Gosh how they weigh me down.
Ten cents a dance, pansies and rough guys, tough guys who tear my gown.
Seven to midnight I hear drums, loudly the saxophone blows,
Trumpets are tearing my ear-drums, customers crush my toes.
Sometimes I think, Ive found my hero
But its a queer romance;
All that you need is a ticket,
Come on big boy, ten cents a dance.
Fighters and sailers and bow-legged tailors
Can pay for their tickets & rent me
Butchers and barbers and rats from the harbour
Are sweethearts my good luck has sent me
Thought Ive a chorus of elderly bows
Stockings are porous with holes at the toes
Im here till closing time
Dance and be merry its only a dime
Sometimes I think, Ive found my hero
But its a queer romance;
All that you need is a ticket.
Come on, come on big boy, ten cents a dance.
song performed by by Ella Fitzgerald
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Three Cool Cats
Three cool cats,
Three cool cats
Are coming up in a beat up car,
Spitting up a lift of candy bar
Talking on about how sharp they are.
Three cool cats.
Three cool chicks
Are walking down the street
Swinging their hips,
Splitting up a bag of potatoe chips
I think cool cats really did flip.
Three cool chicks
Three cool chicks.
Well up came that first cool cat,
He said: man look at that.
Man, do you see what i see?
Well i want that middle chick
I want that little chick.
Hey man save once chick for me.
Well three cool chicks.
Three cool chicks.
Well they love like
Angels from up above
And three cool cats
Really fell in love.
But three cool chicks
Made three fools out of
Three cool cats.
Three cool cats.
Well up came that first cool cat,
He said: man look at that.
Man do you see what i see?
Well i want that middle chick,
I want that little chick.
Hey man, save one chick for me.
Three cool chicks.
Three cool chicks.
They look like
Angels from up above
And three cool cats
Really fell in love.
And three cool chicks
Made three fools out of
Three cool cats.
Three cool cats.
Three cool cats.
Three cool cats.
song performed by by Beatles
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Five Guys Named Moe
I gotta tell you a story from way back
Truck on down and dig me jack
Theres big moe, little moe, four-eyed moe, no moe,
Look at brother, look at brother, look at brother eat moe
Moe, moe, moe, moe, moe, moe, moe
Whos the greatest band around
Makes the cats jump up and down
Whos the talk of rhythm town
Five guys named moe
When they start to beat it out
Everybody jump and shout
Tell me who do the critics rave about
Five guys named moe
They came out of nowhere
But that dont mean a thing
They rate high and youll know why
When you hear them sing
High brow, low brow, all agree
Theyre the best in harmony
Im telling you folks you just got to see
Five guys named moe
Theres big moe...
Little moe...
One guy... big moe
Two guys... little big moe
Three guys... four-eyed moe
Four guys... no moe
Five guys... eat moe
Five little guys named moe
song performed by by Joe Jackson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I Know What Boys Like
Boys, boys
He you wanna know something?
Boys, boys
Boys like girls
I know what boys like
I know what guys want
I know what boys like
I've got what boys want
Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh
I know what boys like
I know what guys want
I seem them looking (looking)
I make them want me
I like to tease them
And they want to touch me
I never let them
I know what boys like
I know what guys want
I know what boys like
Boys like, boys like me
I got my cat moves
That so upsets them
Zippers and buttons
Fun to frustrate them
They get so angry
Like pouty children
Denied their candy
I laugh right at them
I know what boys like
I know what guys want
I know what boys like
I've got what boys want
Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh
I know what boys like
I got what boys want
I know what boys like
Boys like, boys like, boys like me
I think you're special
I might let you
You're so much different
I might let you
There's no one like you
I might let you
Or would you like that?
I might let you
Sucker!
Boys, b-b-boys
Boys, b-b-b-boys
G-g-g-g-got what boys want
G-g-g-got
I know what boys like
I know what guys want
I know what boys like
I've got what boys want
Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh
I know what boys like
I got what boys want
I know what boys like
Boys like, boys like, boys like me
I know what boys like
I got what boys want
I know what boys like
Boys like, boys like, boys like me
Yeah, I know what boys like
Come on girls, you know what they like
It ain't no secret
I know what boys like
I know what guys want
I know what boys like
I've got what boys want
Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh
song performed by by Vitamin C
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Nice Guys Don't Deserve To Be Put To The Test
do i really judge a guy,
before i give him a chance,
is that why it so hard,
for a guy to stick around,
i push him away,
before he has the chance to,
change my opinion about him,
yeah i admit,
i don't love easy,
i was hurt before,
i even started to date,
most guys can't understand,
they can't understand my pain,
my struggles of even letting them,
get close to me,
in my mind,
all guys want is sex,
there are very few guys,
who will hold back enough,
to let me know that,
that is not all they are after,
i put guys through tests,
and when they are done,
some see that i am not worth it,
it's my way of keeping my distance,
at times it gets lonely,
but i would rather be lonely,
than broken into a million pieces,
i can't handle anymore pain,
what i'm dealing with,
will make anybody go crazy,
but i'm starting to see,
it not right too,
what i put guys through,
just to prove they worth it,
i'm doing the samething,
as the guys who want me for sex,
what makes me any different?
ppl deserve to be treated right.
poem by Mona Martinez
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Skull Ring
(feat. The Stooges)
Skull rings
Fast cars
Hot chicks
Money
Skull rings
Fast cars
Hot chicks
Fancy things
The touch of a hand in the wasteland
you're walking asleep and dreaming cheap
A bird's wing don't beat for free
You're freezing cold and your family
Skull rings
Fast cars
Hot chicks
Money
Skull rings
Fast cars
Hot chicks
Fancy things
Fingers on fire to do what's bad
Ring on the finger is a skull man
Strong as a bar of steel
Weakness is that you can't feel
Skull rings
Fast cars
Hot chicks
Money
Skull rings
Fast cars
Hot chicks
Fancy things
My life is dirtied, my mind is loaded
I'm feeling and breathing and fighting
To see
People get ready now
Baby come on give your heart to me
Skull rings
Fast cars
Hot chicks
Money
Skull rings
Fast cars
Hot chicks
Fancy things
song performed by by Iggy Pop
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A boxing match is like a cowboy movie. There's got to be good guys and there's got to be bad guys. And that's what people pay for - to see the bad guys get beat.
quote by Sonny Liston
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Multiple Choice III: American Literature
please choose one only: Walt Whitman
1) was queer and wrote Leaves Of Grass
2) was queer but wrote Leaves Of Grass
3) was simply queer
4) had a blisterig affair with Thomas Eakins
5) none of the above
poem by Morgan Michaels
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Men on t v ware lip stick
Men on t v ware lip stick
But when I do it they call me queer
Men in church ware long black dresses
But when I ware one they call me queer
Men on the football field slap each other
On the buttocks
But when I do it they call me queer.
poem by David E. Patton
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Your Mean
How come with me, you guys are always so mean
Especially when you dont know what I've been through or what I've seen
I don`t know why you`s are like that, every single day
It`s your behaviour, that makes me wanna say...
``Everybody, just shut the hell up
Before I smash this worthless glass cup
Over one of you`s fat ugly head
It`s what has to be done, has to be said
You guys need to know how I really feel
I also need to stop letting myself be reeled``
poem by AutumnRose Narvey
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Waiting For The Man
D. mccafferty/p. agnew/d. sweet/m. charlton
Cruisin on down to my street corner
Where me and my friends hang out
Im pickin up billy along the way
Man he knows what its all about
Jed knows some chicks that can be had
Hes got his old mans car
You know that cant be bad
Phil just got numbered in a fight
But we all jumped in now ol phils alright
Hangin out together on the street
Lookin so hot we cant be beat
Keepin so cool when we get hassled
Takin our time to move along
And if youre lookin to start some trouble
Man you dont know what youre takin on
Me and billy all the guys
Fat marie with the friendly eyes
She aint so pretty but, ooh my my my
Street corner people waitin for the man
Just me and billy and all the guys
Fat marie with the friendly eyes
She aint so pretty but, ooh my my my
Street corner people, were waitin for the man
Shootin our job to the local ladies
Showin them such a good time
Drinkin our wine and gettin crazy
And movin on down the line
Just me and billy, all the guys
Fat marie with the friendly eyes
She aint so pretty but, ooh my my my
Were just street corner people waitin for the man
Me and billy, all the guys
Fat marie with the friendly eyes
She aint so pretty but, ooh my my my
Street corner people waitin for the man
Were just street corner people
Were waitin for the man
song performed by by Nazareth
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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All the world is queer save thee and me. And even thou art a little queer.
quote by Robert Owen
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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All the world old is queer save thee and me, and even thou art a little queer.
quote by Robert Owen
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Gay Party's
Get invited
am near sited
to a gay party
for free
3 in the morning
didn't get a warning
that everyone is Gay
are they?
The girls seem nice
are as sweet as spice
and all the guys
have nice thighs
I tried to see clear
I didn't see anything queer
really felt fine
had a grand time
poem by David Darbyshire
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Money For Nothing
Now look at them yo-yos thats the way you do it
You play the guitar on the mtv
That aint workin thats the way you do it
Money for nothin and chicks for free
Now that aint workin thats the way you do it
Lemme tell ya them guys aint dumb
Maybe get a blister on your little finger
Maybe get a blister on your thumb
We gotta install microwave ovens
Custom kitchen deliveries
We gotta move these refrigerators
We gotta move these colour tvs
See the little faggot with the earring and the makeup
Yeah buddy thats his own hair
That little faggot got his own jet airplane
That little faggot hes a millionaire
We gotta install microwave ovesns
Custom kitchens deliveries
We gotta move these refrigerators
We gotta move these colour tvs
I shoulda learned to play the guitar
I shoulda learned to play them drums
Look at that mama, she got it stickin in the camera
Man we could have some fun
And hes up there, whats that? hawaiian noises?
Bangin on the bongoes like a chimpanzee
That aint workin thats the way you do it
Get your money for nothin get your chicks for free
We gotta install microwave ovens
Custom kitchen deliveries
We gotta move these refrigerators
We gotta move these colour tvs, lord
Now that aint workin thats the way you do it
You play the guitar on the mtv
That aint workin thats the way you do it
Money for nothin and your chicks for free
Money for nothin and chicks for free
song performed by by Dire Straits
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Some Guys Have All The Luck
Some guys have all the luck
Some guys have all the fun
Some guys have all the luck all the luck
What you gonna do when your luck begins to run
Such a lucky dog it's good luck - push it
I get turned on by everything you do to me
Don't say you shouldn't do that
Push your hard luck hard push it
Oh, to take a kiss from lady luck tonight
Oh yeah I want to so much
Ooh the way it feels when you find out
there's a pearl in it
Girl the way it feels when you get it
Some guys have all the luck
Some guys get all the fun
I get to hear you talk, see you walk
Ooh take me in your arms and let your luck
begin to run
I touch you - alright
I thought my luck had held until you fingered me
We make a right impression when you hold me tight
Wait for a break, my lucky charm
Things are looking up alright - alright
Oh - to taste the lips of lady luck tonight
Oh yeah - I want to - so much
Ooh the it it feels when you find out
there's a pearl in it
Girl the way you squeal when you get it
Some guys have all the luck
Some guys get all the breaks
I get to roll my dice - ain't it nice
Ooh take me in your kitchen and we'll play
for higher stakes
song performed by by Robert Palmer
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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