An Oral Examination
How on Earth was it feasibly possible,
That someone riding on a jetski...
Able to get off because of being standed,
AND walk across two runways...
At one of the busiest airports in the world.
And...
Keep this in mind,
Go undetected.
Remember...
This is an oral examination.
Your responses will determine,
Our decision as to who should be selected...
To become the next security advisor..
Number one?
Your answer is...?
'I did my understudy work at Harvard.
And I obtained my Master's Degree in Physics,
Recently at Yale.'
Oookay! ? And...
Number two?
Can you be a bit 'more' specific?
'I've never been on a jetski.
But I've heard they can go really, really fast.'
Number three?
And please do not take this personally.
If you happen to feel offended...
Don't cuss us out and roll your eyes,
Okay?
We only want to hire the best one for the job.
'I understand.'
Good.
Number three...
It is an accepted myth you people can not swim.
With a preference to lay out on the beach,
To drink beer and eat fried chicken.
Now...
We have reviewed your excellent credentials,
So 'hopefully' you have a response that is more direct.
'Well...
I am willing to bet,
IF the jetskier was stranded...
AND walked across two runways,
Wearing a bright yellow vest...
To expose both arms and chest,
This individual had to have been...
A goodlooking Black or Hispanic man,
Who attracted those viewing him...
Through binoculars.
AND...
Those manning the security system,
Were highly impressed!
Unless...
All were awaiting with expectations,
This was the start of a fashion show.'
Geeessshh!
You ARE correct!
However...
We will have to disqualify you,
Based upon our security concerns.
'Which are...
What? '
Don't take this personally,
But I am sure you will understand.
Because of our immediated security concerns,
We preferand seek...
A caucasian.
'You what? '
To ensure 'our' interests stay prioritized and protected.
However...
If you'd like to apply for a manitenance position,
We can set you up for an interview.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Related quotes
Knowing you might some day come
Knowing you might some day come
and how unprepared I’ve always
been
like Mr. Sloppy
in Charles Dickens’
our Mutual Friend
I made a list:
not meat, vegetables, beer and pudding
but number l, warmth.
number 2, warmth.
number 3, warmth.
number 4, a good snuggler.
number 5, someone who sings
while he/she works.
number 6, a dancer.
number 7, someone who grows & is
intrigued by
the mind. And
by the spirit too.
Number 7, someone who is loved
by animals; and loves
them back without
a thought.
number 8, someone who smells
delicious.
number 9, someone whose anger
lasts no longer than mine.
number 10, someone who
stands beside me. behind me. If necessary
in front of me.
number 11, someone who
is a passable cook.
number 12, Someone who laughs
a lot, thinks I have a fine
sense
of humor
& has friends.
number 13, someone who can be
original in dress:
stylish
warlock –In silver, lapis
& black – to my witch.
poem by Alice Walker
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I have the highest number of Social Security recipients of any Member of Congress, and it is always good to hear about how women in their districts are affected by any changes, by the need for changes in Social Security.
quote by Ginny B. Waite
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Roll Me Over
Now, this is number one,
And the fun has just begun.
Roll me over, lay me down,
And do it again.[CHORUS]
Roll me over, in the clover,
Roll me over, lay me down,
And do it again.
Now, this is number two,
And he's got me in a stew.
Roll me over, lay me down,
And do it again.[CHORUS]
Now, this is number three,
And his hand is on my knee.
Roll me over, lay me down,
And do it again.[CHORUS]
Now, this is number four,
And he's got me on the floor.
Roll me over, lay me down,
And do it again.[CHORUS]
Now, this is number five,
And his hand is on my thigh.
Roll me over, lay me down,
And do it again.[CHORUS]
Now, this is number six,
And he's got me in a fix.
Roll me over, lay me down,
And do it again.[CHORUS]
Now, this is number seven,
And it's just like being in heaven.
Roll me over, lay me down,
And do it again.[CHORUS]
Now, this is number eight,
And the doctor's at the gate.
Roll me over, lay me down,
And do it again.[CHORUS]
Now, this is number nine,
And the twins are doing fine.
Roll me over, lay me down,
And do it again.[CHORUS]
Now, this is number ten,
And he's started once again.
Roll me over, lay me down,
And do it again.
poem by Anonymous Americas
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Think of a number
Think of a number, from 1 to 10
(Haven't played this since you know when)
Double it, add..? No, start again.
Think of another, from 2 to 9
(Were these the numbers we'd combine?)
No, that's not right - wrong line!
Think of a number, from 3 to 8
(Was what I heard from my schoolmate?)
No, come on John now, concentrate.
Think of another, from 4 to 7
(I know, if added, it's 11
And - 'all good children go to heaven')
Think of a number, from 5 to 6
(And here I'm getting in a fix)
I'm bad at these arithmetics.
Let's try again, from 6 to 5
(For this I bet we had to strive)
It's like the last - let's not revive.
Think of a number, from 7 to 4
(This game could run forevermore)
I'm lost, I've now forgot the score.
Think of another, from 8 to 3
No matter what the answer be
I'm sure it's baffling you and me.
Think of a number, from 9 to 2
Have you really any clue
What this riddle's meant to do?
Think of a number, from 1 to 10
No! ...
I can't go through all that again!
(Written Oct 2012)
poem by John Carter Brown
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Superstar
Superstar (Interlude)"
This goes out to you, you, my number one (number one, number one)
I won't stop until I see you, suga
You know who you are
This is for my number one, number one (I see you)
So many shows, swear wherever I go I'm gonna keep on lookin'
Lookin' for my number one, number one (Oh)
This goes out to you baby
Wherever you are (my only one)
Just know that you're mine (number one, number one)
Are you there?
I can't hear you
On the road doin' shows
Girl I can't get you off my mind
All around the world
So many faces
All these places
Girl I just need one
My number one
This is for you, you, my number one
[Crowd chanting]
Usher! Usher! Usher!
song performed by by Usher
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The heart of the security agenda is protecting lives - and we now know that the number of people who will die of AIDS in the first decade of the 21st Century will rival the number that died in all the wars in all the decades of the 20th century.
Top Ten Reasons I Would Make a Lousy Poetry Critic
(Letterman style countdown)
Number Ten: Because I probably lack the skill to determine where another’s failings lie
Number Nine: Because I doubt that anyone else really has such infallible skill
Number Eight: Because I lack the desire to render negative opinions of another’s work
Number Seven: Because I question the true motives of any one who readily renders scathing critiques
Number Six: Because I believe in positive reinforcement rather than accentuating negatives
Number Five: Because I don’t wish to have any hand in discouraging or killing the dreams of other poets
Number Four: Because I believe that what people write is far more important than the skill they show in doing it.
Number Three: Because the majority of poetry derives from a warm heart and most criticism originates from cold indifferent intellect
Number Two: Because I know what it feels like to be on the other end of the equation
And the Number One reason I would make a lousy poetry critic:
Because, poetically speaking, I live in a glass house.
poem by Mary Havran
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Number
I have no number
No number is related to me
Do not show me number
I have not missed any
There is no magic square
To fill the number
There is no number
I have also not trumpet
For number.
poem by Gajanan Mishra
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You Know My Name
You know my name
Look up the number
You know my name
Look up the number
You you know you know my name
You you know you know my name
Good evening and welcome to slaggers
Featuring denis o'bell
Come on ringo, let's hear it for denis
Good evening
You know my name
Better look up the number
You know my name
(that's right) look up the number
You you know you know my name
You you know you know my name
You know my name
Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
Look up my number
You know my name
That's right look up the number
Oh you know you know
You know my name you know you know you know my name.
Huh huh huh huh
You know my name
Ba ba ba pum
Look up the number
You know my name
Look up the number
You-a you know you know my name
Baby you-a you know you know my name
You know my name you know you know you know my name
Go on denis, let's hear it for denis o'bell
You know my name you know you know you know you know you know my name
Prrr you know my name and the number
You know my name and the number you know you know my name
Look up me number
You know my number three you know my number two
You know my number three you know my number four
You know my name you know number too
You know my name you know my number
What's up with you?
You know my name
That's right
Yeah.
song performed by by Beatles
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Divorced from Dumb Reality - Number Lesson on Numb Pointless Love
DIVORCED FROM DUMB REALITY
My fun begun with number one,
swore to be true to number two,
happy to be with number three,
then to adore fair number four.
No more alive is number five,
mix stones and sticks Styx number six,
who’s in heaven, number seven?
its now too late for number eight.
Another line for number nine,
begin again with number ten.
13 May 1982 revised 20 January 2009
robi03_0199_robi03_0000 WXX_LXX
for previous version entitled Numbers see below
Numbers
My fun begun with number one,
swore to be true to number two,
happy to be with number three,
then to adore sweet number four.
No more alive is number five,
beset by tics was number six,
she’s in heaven, number seven,
its now too late for number eight.
Another line for number nine,
begin again for number ten.
13 May 1982
poem by Jonathan Robin
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That's Why I Value Number One
For clarity purposes.
You are in no position to place demands on me.
Let's make that acknowledgement number one!
I've been in relationships and split from them,
Because it had been believed my needs would be neglected.
That's number two!
Never do that.
Not even if you wanted that done to you.
And I am not one who wallows in doubt.
If I know there is not an exchange of desires met,
I do not seek explanations from therapists or counselors.
Number three will never happen to me.
No third party will be giving me advice.
Period!
If it is not working out for me...
There is no research that could be done,
To awaken my heart feeling overjoyed with discovery.
That's why I value number one.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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If Heaven has a Number
I pick up the phone, dial 0 for the operator
And ask if heaven has a number
Does heaven have a number because I need to speak to God to ask For his forgiveness?
Does heaven have a number, because I need to speak with my aunt To ask her does she feel better?
Does heaven have a number, because I need to speak with my aunt
To tell her I love her?
Does heaven have a number, because I need to speak with my aunt
To know if I will be accepted
As one of God's children?
Does heaven have a number, this at last I need to know because, I Need someone in my life who cares, who loves me for me, like my aunt
Did, because I am all alone on this big Earth
So...........
Does heaven have a number?
poem by Katrina Thompson
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Number One Through Five
Making adjustments in one's life,
To accomodate the needs for another...
Who bothers not to call or show,
To let the adjustment maker know...
Things have changed.
And time was not there,
To permit one to become aware of it!
Needs only to happen just once!
To allow this event to re-occur,
AND 'then' complain?
Should say five words,
That has particular meaning...
To the one who believes,
Patience is a virtue.
NOT!
Number one...'Yes'
Number two... 'I'
Number three..'Am'
Number four... 'A'
Number five... 'Fool'
The repeating of this,
Should do something to assist in the 'awakening'.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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I do not believe that the Social Security system is in crisis. The Social Security Administration itself recently reported that the system is able to pay full benefits as they are defined today until at least 2042.
quote by James T. Walsh
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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We know that the most fundamental responsibility of our Federal Government is to ensure the safety of its people and to protect and ensure our National security. And clearly port security has been left in limbo.
quote by Vito Fossella
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Three In Numer
We three in number
Doing together
The work with us
We three in number
Gather mangofruits
Count flying birds
We three in number
Looking the world
That is smiling
We three in number
Staying together
And in peace
And we can not live
minus one other.
poem by Gajanan Mishra
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Let me be clear, the discussions about Social Security are not about the retirement security of those Americans who are 55 or older - the Social Security system for those folks 55 and over will not change in any way shape of form - no ifs, ands, or buts.
quote by Norm Coleman
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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She's Got My Number
She's got my number she always did
She can always see where my secret's hid
Everything about me is hers to tell
She's got my number she always will
She's got my number I must confess
One look in her eyes and I feel undressed
She can see right through all my little games
She's got my number she has my name
Late night driving with the telephone
In the car and I'm always
Waiting
song performed by by Semisonic from All About Chemistry
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Top Of The Pops
Ive just come in at number 25
Im oh so happy, so glad to be alive
And everybody says its going to get to the top
Life is so easy when your records hot.
Go tell my mamma and my sister too
To press my trousers and polish my shoes
I might even end up a rock-and-roll god
It might turn into a steady job.
And my agent said to me: son, I always told you so.
Now my records number 11 on the bbc
But number seven on the n.m.e.
Not the melody maker want to interview me
And ask my view on politics and theories on religion.
Now my records up to number 3
And a woman recognized me and started to scream
This all seems like a crazy dream
Ive been invited to a dinner with a prominent queen
And now Ive got friends that I never knew I had before.
Its strange how people want you when you records high
cos when it drops down they just pass you by
Now my agent just called me and said it me:
Son your records just got to number one.
song performed by by Kinks
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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12 Roses I Need To Say
I grab a rose that is number one
To show you that it is for fun
To have a girl that you can always have fun with
Not only someone to love but a friend also
To hang out and laugh
One is for fun
I grab a rose that is number two
To show you that it is so true
True love that is
True everything and much more
Nothing but true happiness
Two is for true
I grab a rose that is number three
To show you that it is for me
What you did to me
To show me I can smile
To make my heart beat again
Three is for me
I grab a rose that is number four
To show you that it is for more
Everyday the feelings don’t stop
More good things come every time we see each other
Everyday I love you more and more
Four is for more
I grab a rose that is number five
To show you it is for alive
I feel alive again
I do not spend my days being down
I spend them thinking of you
Five is for alive
I grab a rose that is number six
To show you that it is for fix
No matter what happens
We can fix it because our love
Is stronger then anger
Six is for fix
I grab a rose that is number seven
To show you that it is for heaven
You are like an angel from heaven
You make my world feel like heaven
You mean everything to me
Seven is for heaven
I grab a rose that is number eight
To show you that it is for date
The day I first laid eyes on you
The date I will not forget
The day my face smiled
Eight is for date
I grab a rose that is number nine
To show you that it is for shine
You shine in everyway
When you smile my day is happy
When you hold me I am at ease
Nine is for shine
I grab a rose that is number ten
To show you that it is for when
Like I am happy WHEN I hold you
I am happy WHEN I miss you
When I miss you I can’t wait WHEN I see you next
Ten is for when
I grab a rose that is number eleven
To show you that it is for seven
Seven days a week
I will work for it till the future comes
When I can see you every one of these days
Eleven is for seven
I grab a rose that is number twelve
To show you that it is for…you know what?
poem by Paul Celano
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