Tough cat Sam is back
Tough cat Sam is making a comeback
he's out running and getting fit
but Jess reckons he's gone crazy
because he's getting on a bit.
A tough young moggy called Spike
has proclaimed that he's the best ever
he's also been bad mouthing Sam
saying that he's thick and not very clever.
So an angry Sam has said yes to a fight
but Spike has said he's going to lose
but Sam has got back into shape
due to his training and cutting out the booze.
The feline boxing world got really excited
and all the tickets quickly sold out
but Spike continued to taunt tough Sam
calling him an old cat and a washed up lout.
Spike was a stocky built Persian
and caught Sam with a fast uppercut
Sam replied with a flurry of jabs
and gave Spike a crafty headbutt.
The fight went on for ten bloody rounds
both cats were out on their feet
Spike tried hard to win the battle
but tough Sam just wouldn't get beat.
Then Sam threw over a mighty right hook
and Spike went out like a light
Sam was the champion once more
which meant he had never lost a fight.
Young Spike was no longer brash and cocky
and accepted that Sam was simply the best
so Sam put his winners cheque in the bank
and went home to Jess for a nice long rest!
poem by Kevin Halls
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Spike
Oh, we got another one, just like the other ones
Another bad ass, another troublemak er
Im scared, aint you boys scared?
I wonder if hes gonna show us what bad is?
Boys, we got a man with a dog collar on
You think we oughta throw ol spike a bone?
Hey spike what do you like?
Hey spike what do you like?
Heres another misfit, another jimmy dean
Bet hes got a motorbike,
What do yall think?
Bet if we be good well get a ride on it
If he aint too mad about the future
Maybe we oughta help him see
The future aint what it used to be
Hey spike, youre scarin my wife
Hey, spike what do you like?
Please spike, tell us bout life?
song performed by by Tom Petty
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Motorcycle Mama
Motorcycle mama
Wont you lay your big spike down
Motorcycle mama
Wont you lay your big spike down
I always get in trouble when you bring it round
Motorcycle mama
Wont you lay it down.
Im runnin, Im runnin, Im runnin
Down the proud highway
Yeah, Im runnin, Im runnin, Im runnin
Down the proud highway
And as long as I keep movin
I wont need a place to stay.
Motorcycle mama
Wont you lay your big spike down
Motorcycle mama
Wont you lay your big spike down
I always get in trouble when you bring that round
Motorcycle mama
Wont you lay it down.
Well Im here to deliver
I hope you can read my mail
I just escaped last night
From the memory county jail
I see your box is open
And you flag is up
My message is ready
If theres time enough.
Motorcycle mama
Wont you lay your big spike down
Motorcycle mama
Wont you lay your big spike down
I always get in trouble when you bring it round
Motorcycle mama
Wont you lay it down.
song performed by by Neil Young
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I'd like to state that Spike Lee is not saying that African American culture is just for black people alone to enjoy and cherish. Culture is for everybody.
Baby Talk
This is a song about Spike
He is a bad ass guy
Who just happens to be
A really good friend of mine
Everyone I know...yeah
Who knows Spike too
Would agree when
I say the words
That Spike is cool
The problem with
my friend Spike
He has fallen into
a true love with a nice girl
Who has gotta lot of tattoos
He always talks crazy
Whenever she calls
He always talks like a baby
It's obvious now...
She has got him by the balls
She has got him by the balls...
She has got him by the balls
My weird little brother...James
And his ex-girlfriend
They would talk in those
ridiculous voices
We would all be hanging out
getting drunk in
the neighborhood
And they both would make
those ridiculous noises
He would always talk crazy
Whenever she calls
He always talks like a baby
It is obvious now
They have got him by the balls
I hate you
when you talk like that
I wish you could act like a
grown man
(they have got you by the balls)
I hate you
when you talk like that
I wish you could act like a
grown man
(they have got you by the balls)
I hate you
when you talk like that
I wish you could act like a
grown up man
(they have got you by the balls)
You will never see me...
walking that walk
You will never catch me...
talking that babytalk
(you know it's true...
they've got you by the balls)
Which brings me back to Spike
A good guy to have in a fight
Unless he was
With his girlfriend
Obnoxious on Saturday night
You know he couldn't care less
What anyone thinks
He does not give a damn
No, because he has no shame
He looks so happy
Just like everything is fine
He is oblivious to the fact
That he has no spine
He always talks crazy
(you have no shame)
Whenever she calls
(you have no shame)
He talks like a baby
(you have no shame)
It is obvious...
they have got him by the balls
I hate you
when you talk like that
I wish you could act like a
grown man
(they have got him by the balls)
I hate you
when you talk like that
I wish you could act like a
grown man
(they have got him by the balls)
You will never see me...
walking that walk
You will never catch me
....talking that babytalk
(you know it's true...
they've got you by the balls)
I am not going to let it
get to me
They've got you by the balls
song performed by by Everclear
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Tough guy Spike was always the funnest, but I'm most proud of the more recent stuff, the last season, I think.
quote by James Marsters
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Tough cat Sam returns
Tough cat Sam is restless
he wants to box again
retirement is boring he says
he misses the action and even the pain.
Jess says he's lost the plot
and he's being a grumpy old cat
although Sam maybe knocking on a bit
he can still do a hundred press ups on the mat.
He wants to fight the reigning champ
a psycho cat by the name of feral Fred
he hasn't lost a fight in years
and two poor opponents ended up dead.
But Sam has been working out
and eating lots and lots of raw fish
feral Fred has heard all about this
and says he'll grant Sam his wish.
The Feline Gazette ran the headline
that Sam is too old and must be mad
they wrote some nasty things in their paper
saying he was washed up and very sad.
But Tough cat Sam had heard it before
and announced that he was in really good nick
while feral Fred laughed and taunted Sam
saying he was just an old cat and thick.
So Sam had his fight with feral Fred
and for fifteen rounds they went paw to paw
and when the fight finally came to an end
feral Fred was lying knocked out on the floor.
Tough cat Sam was the champion again
the oldest cat to retain the boxing crown
and as Sam proudly said to the feline press
' I'm living proof you can't keep a good cat down!
poem by Kevin Halls
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Tough Cat Sam
My neighbour had a mad cat
by the name of ginger Sam
he would never eat fish
instead he lived on Spam.
He had a bad reputation
he had spent time in a feline jail
his body was covered in scars
and a dog bit off half of his tail.
Sam was scared of nobody
and he loved to have a fight
he'd take on Pitbulls in the day
and Badgers and Foxes at night.
But one day someone caught his eye
a beautiful Siamese named Jess
and after a few months of dating
Sam proposed and Jess said yes.
Now they live happily together
and Sam is old and very fat
he's no longer that tough young moggy
but just a grey haired soft pussycat!
poem by Kevin Halls
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Everything I do is always scrutinised. But that's all I'll say about that.
How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
quote by Spike Milligan
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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It's all in the mind, you know.
quote by Spike Milligan
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To, for, about, because of, Spike Milligan
Spike, we talked of you today.
You’ll have to live with that now, I guess -
it seems that everyone has
a place in their hearts for you.
So, like a heap of ‘floral tributes’,
they’re all individual, but
it makes a very great pile
For myself, it’s that look on your face
that stays – as if you found life just so great a thing
that it stupefied you, wondering
how to confront it – whether
to laugh at it or cry for it
(both of which you did so well,
that perhaps it didn’t help you much
to decide between, so, lucky us, we got both by turns..)
and on your face, that quizzical appeal
to the rest of us, to help you to decide
how to confront life…or sometimes, should we even try? ..
When you see, in theatre foyers,
those two masks of tragedy and comedy,
it could say underneath –
‘To Spike Milligan, who knew both’
and perhaps people would notice them more and think.
And though you laughed and cried
at our mortality like
a philosopher who was also
a stand-up performer with tears of absurdity in his eyes,
it seems we’ve decided that
despite how you may be feeling now,
we’ve decided in our mortality
that you’re immortal.
I guess
you’ll just have to live with that.
poem by Michael Shepherd
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I'm not afraid of dying I just don't want to be there when it happens.
quote by Spike Milligan
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs
quote by Spike Milligan
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Spike Wegg
Me photer's in the papers! 'Oly wars!
A 'ero, I've been called in big, black type.
I 'ad idears the time was close on ripe
Fer some applorse
To come my way, on top uv all me bumps.
Now it's come sudden, an' it's come in lumps.
I've given interviews, an' 'ad me dile
Bang on the front page torkin' to a 'tec'.
Limelight? I'm swimmin' in it to the neck!
Me sunny smile
Beams on the crowd. Misun'erstandin's past;
An' I 'ave come into me own, at last.
But all the spot-light ain't alone fer me;
'Arf, I am glad to say, is made to shine
Upon that firm an' trusted friend uv mine,
Ole Wally Free
A man, I've alwiz said, 'oo'd make 'is mark…
But, case you 'ave n't 'eard the story, 'ark:
Spike Wegg - Yes, 'im. I thort, the same as you,
That 'e was dished an' done fer in the Lane.
I don't ixpeck to cross 'is tracks again;
An' never knoo
That 'e 'ad swore to git me one uv those
Fine days, an' make 'is alley good with Rose.
Spike 'ad been aimin' 'igh in 'is profesh.
Bank robberies, an' sich, was 'is noo lurk;
An' one big job 'ad set the cops to work
To plan a fresh
Campaign agin this crook. They want 'im more
Than ever they 'ave wanted 'im before.
They yearn fer 'im, reel passionit, they do.
Press an' perlice both 'ankers fer 'im sore.
'Where is Spike Wegg?' the daily 'eadlines roar.
But no one knoo.
Or them that did 'ad fancies to be dumb.
The oysters uv the underworld was mum.
It was the big sensation uv the day.
Near 'arf the Force was nosin' fer the bloke
Wot done the deed; but Spike was well in smoke,
An' like to stay.
Shots 'ad been fired; an' one poor coot was plugged.
An' now the crowd arsts, 'Why ain't no one jugged?'
That's 'ow the land lies when, one day, I go
Down to the orchid paddick, where I see
A strange cove playin' spy be'ind a tree.
I seem to know
The shape uv that there sneakin', slinkin' frame,
An' walk across to git on to 'is game.
It was red-'ot! I grunt, an' break away
To 'old 'im orf. I'm battlin' fer me life
All-in, a cert; fer 'e's still got the knife.
An', by the way
'E looks, I know it's either 'im or me
'As an appointment at the cemet'ry.
I've often wondered 'ow a feller feels
When 'e is due to wave the world good-bye.
They say 'is past life flicks before 'is eye
Like movie reels.
My past life never troubled me a heap.
All that I want to do is go to sleep.
I'm gittin' weak; I'm coughin', chokey like;
Me legs is wobbly, an' I'm orful ill.
But I 'ave got some fight left in me still.
I look at Spike;
An' there I see the dirty look wot shows
'E's got me where 'e wants me - an' 'e knows.
I think that's where I fell. Nex' thing I see
Is Spike Wegg down, an' fair on top uv 'im
Some one that's breathin' ard an' fightin' grim.
It's Wally Free!
It's good old Wally! 'E 'as got Spike pinned,
Both 'ands, an' kneelin' 'eavy on 'is wind.
So fur so good. But I ain't outed yet.
On 'ands an' knees I crawls to reach 'em, slow.
(Spike's got the knife, an' Wally dare n't let go)
Then, as I get
Close up, I 'ear Rose screamin', then me wife.
I'm faint. I twist Spike's arm - an' grab the knife.
That's all. At least, as far as I'm concerned,
I took no further interest in the show.
The things wot 'appened subsekint I know
Frum wot I learned
When I come-to, tucked in me little bed,
Me chest on fire, an' cold packs on me 'ead.
I 'ear they tied Spike up with 'arness straps
An' bits uv 'ay-band, till the John 'Ops come;
An' watched 'im workin' out a mental sum
Free an' some chaps
Uv 'ow much time 'e'd git fer this last plot
An' other jobs. The answer was, a lot.
Then that nex' day! an' after, fer a week!
Yeh'd think I owned the winner uv a Cup.
Pressmen, perlice, the parson, all rush up;
An' I've to speak
Me piece, to be took down in black an' white,
In case I chuck a seven overnight.
The papers done us proud. Near every day
Some uv 'em printed photers uv me map
(Looked at some ways, I ain't too crook a chap)
But, anyway
I've 'ad enough. I wish they'd let me be.
I'm sick uv all this cheap publicity.
But sich is fame. Less than a month ago.
The whole thing started with a naggin' tooth.
Now I am famis; an', to tell the truth
Well, I dunno
I'd 'ardly like to bet yeh that I don't
Git arst to act in pitchers - but I won't.
poem by Clarence Michael James Stanislaus Dennis
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
quote by Spike Milligan
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
quote by Spike Milligan
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Spike Lee is obviously more stupid than anyone can be by accident.
quote by Dick Armey
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I can speak Esperanto like a native.
quote by Spike Milligan
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I'm a hero with coward's legs.
quote by Spike Milligan
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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