Old Joe was Bingo mad
I once knew a bloke called Joe
who was addicted to playing Bingo
he played nearly every day of his life
which cost him his marriage and his wife.
But Joe just could never pack it in
even though he hardly ever did win
as soon as he got out of his bed
the thought of Bingo came into his head.
The biggest win he ever had was sixty quid
and even then he shared it with his pal Sid
but Joe said one day he'd win the jackpot
and then he'd go and live somewhere hot.
But his long suffering wife called Flo
said she'd had enough of his silly Bingo
she shouted to Joe so what's it going to be,
your stupid addiction to playing Bingo or me?
But sadly Joe was now too far gone to care
when Bingo was on he just had to be there.
But alas Joe never won the Bingo jackpot
and he never ended living somewhere hot
the most he won was that sixty quid
and even worse Flo went off with his mate Sid.
I heard that Joe passed away playing Bingo
but I know that's how he would have wanted to go
I bet old Joe died with a smile on his face
because at least to Joe he was in the right place!
poem by Kevin Halls
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
Bingo! ! !
Bingo, go, in, big, gin, on, no, bog;
And, i won the jackpot in the land of beautiful roses!
For, the muse of love was there to guide me on.
Bingo! ! !
Lingo, bingo, jingo, dingo;
And, i wo the jackpot in the land of beautiful roses!
For, the muse of love was there to guide me on.
poem by Edward Kofi Louis
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I think the Irish woman was freed from slavery by bingo. They can go out now, dressed up, with their handbags and have a drink and play bingo. And they deserve it.
quote by John B. Keane
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Little lost chidren
Little lost children of the land,
Who will take hold of their hand.
Who will lead them over life's rough places,
Mother's at bingo, dads at the races.
They see the world through lonely eyes,
No one hears their cries.
Social workers face a locked door,
Who can they, their troubles pour.
Little lost children when you have grown,
When you have children of your own.
Will you guide them over lifes rough places,
Or will mum be at bingo, dad at the races
poem by Sheila Stead
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Bingo
The daughter of the village Maire
Is very fresh and very fair,
A dazzling eyeful;
She throws upon me such a spell
That though my love I dare not tell,
My heart is sighful.
She has the cutest brown caniche,
The French for "poodle" on a leash,
While I have Bingo;
A dog of doubtful pedigree,
Part pug or pom or chow maybe,
But full of stingo.
The daughter of the village Maire
Would like to speak with me, I'll swear,
In her sweet lingo;
But parlez-vous I find a bore,
For I am British to the core,
And so is Bingo
Yet just to-day as we passed by,
Our two dogs haulted eye to eye,
In friendly poses;
Oh, how I hope to-morrow they
Will wag their tails in merry play,
And rub their noses.
* * * * * * *
The daughter of the village Maire
Today gave me a frigid stare,
My hopes are blighted.
I'll tell you how it came to pass . . .
Last evening in the Square, alas!
My sweet I sighted;
And as she sauntered with her pet,
Her dainty, her adored Frolette,
I cried: "By Jingo!"
Well, call it chance or call it fate,
I made a dash . . . Too late, too late!
Oh, naughty Bingo!
The daughter of the village Maire
That you'll forgive me, is my prayer
And also Bingo.
You should have shielded your caniche:
You saw my dog strain on his leash
And like a spring go.
They say that Love will find a way -
It definitely did, that day . . .
Oh, canine noodles!
Now it is only left to me
To wonder - will your offspring be
Poms, pugs or poodles?
poem by Robert William Service
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Peculiar Questions
What would
A Raven
Look like
If it
Was Shaven?
What would a
Flamingo
Look like
If it
Played Bingo?
What would
A Lamb
Look like
If it was shaped like
A Clam?
poem by M.L. Squier
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Congress: Bingo with billions.
quote by Red Skelton
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I'd rather rot on my own floor than be found by a bunch of bingo players in a nursing home.
quote by Florence King
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Just because a woman is over 50 does not mean she no longer has anything to offer. If anything, we have so much more to offer! We have lived life, we get better with age. I do my best work now in my 60s. Sure, I could retire; but what would I do? Play Bingo? I think not!
quote by Dawn Wells
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Think of That As a Gift
I have just the place,
Where you can park your sorrows.
You see this?
'Yes,
It looks like a map! '
Bingo! That's exactly what this is!
Now...
See this area right here?
'That's the Antartic isn't it?
I will freeze there! '
And so will all of your sorrows!
There...
You will never have them to worry about,
Ever.
That is guaranteed!
'Why are you so sarcastic? '
You've identified another reason,
Why you should take this map with you!
Think of that as a gift!
And your trip as a vacation!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Persistent
Annoyance?
Okay.
Agitation?
I wouldn't use that word.
But...
Okay.
Head strong and hard headed?
I would say determined!
Spoiled and self-centered?
You're getting warm!
Persistent and...
Bingo!
That's it!
Persistent.
Now that we've almost covered the alphabet...
Are you giving me sex or not?
Or do I have to beg?
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Mind and Heart
When I told him
How much I loved him
With all my heart…
He replied to me
Sarcastically…
There's nothing
Called the Heart.
It's all to do with the
Mind.
I felt heart-broken
With his curt reply.
Nevertheless,
Just to test his
Words…
I thorned his mind
With my prickly
Words, to see if his
Heart grieves…
Bingo! It did.
My offensive
Words caused
Him a lot of hurt.
He cried with a
Heavy heart and
Died of a heartache.
poem by Aparna Chatterjee
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A terse poem on numbers
Numbers are everywhere
twenty four hours in a day
seven days in one week
thirty one in the month of May.
A number on your front door
and on houses down your road
numbers on your credit card
and also of your postal code.
Numbers called out at Bingo
two fat ladies are number eight
and if your numbers come up
you'll go home feeling great.
Would you like a cup of tea?
one or two sugars in your cup?
sorry but I have to go now
that's the end time is up!
poem by Kevin Halls
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My Fault
i close my eyes to see,
the sunrise above the sea,
though i fail to fore see
heart feel in the jungle,
over my old bingo,
for fame, am single,
am shaking over noises,
whispers and cries,
reminds me false,
the pain i have,
today i deserve,
kids shouldn't observe,
ooh come on my little man,
you are here for us men,
let's have this fun.
poem by Dickson Mseti
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West By Northwest USA
They wear suede coats
Of stained leather, torn and worn
Drive battered ol’ pickups
Ride horses in the morn’
They play cowpie bingo
And the winds always blow
Descendants keep a’comin’
The ol’ ones die and go
The plains in their stead
Remain impervious to change
As it was…as it’s always been
…and will e’er be so…
poem by David Whalen
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Acapella Ditty
Well a hello and a howdy
We're so very glad to see you.
And we're getting kinda rowdy
And we've got a lot to say
And we're going to try and do our very best to entertain you
And we hope you'll be delighted by the time you go away
And we are called by name, Oingo Boingo
And we're here just to entertain you
Make you laugh and maybe offened you
But we hope that you, will be happier than when you came because
It is more fun. Just relax, prepare to come undone.
Madness in large portions to serve you
Second helpings come wih mashed potatoes.
Wylee, weelie, wylee wailee (???) We are called the Oingo Boingo
Not Gazingo, or Gazongo or by any other name
And we'll punch you in the gizzard if you dare to call us Bingo
Cause we're called the Oingo Boingo
And it's simply not the same.
No it's simply not the same
song performed by by Oingo Boingo
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Influence And Prestige
Keeping one's mind fantasized,
Does not return good dividends.
Nor does the hoarding of truth,
Keeps it unavoidable.
No one playing this game of Bingo,
Is going to be heard to win.
And...
The starting all over with new rules,
To school those unaccustomed to discipline...
Will not gain the attention,
Those grabbing onto their balls...
With threats to leave with perceptions they lead.
They follow themselves,
Down the road of bigger not better delusions.
With beliefs they can make someone listen,
To more created tales,
About their influence and prestige...
That has resulted in jealousy and envy.
'What are you whining about now? '
A 'piper' carrying a batch of promissary notes.
And a reluctance shown to masquerade,
Unpaid.
You didn't hear that from me.
I'm not the one whining.
I'm observing. Remember that!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Political reporters no longer get to decide what's news. The days when a minister gave briefings to a dozen lobby correspondents, and thereby dictated the next day's headlines, are over. Now, a thousand bloggers decide for themselves what is interesting. If enough of them are tickled then, bingo, you're news.
quote by Daniel Hannan
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Crying
no breathing
panting my chest as if im bleeding
me neck chokes up
my heart throws my gut
elbow dropp into my knees
water finds my face
my knuckles hit my skull
why am i doing this today
my insides hurt
my outsides show this
my stomach feels of nausia and filth
my brain is beating a sad red
the phrase choofooked it up a bingo sings tunes in my head
how the hell could you ever make me feel like im dying
because of you i cant stop crying
Be A Hero
help someone today, it doesn't take much to be a hero
go and show some love, it's not just about a house or a limo
give someone a hand, it takes two to tango
it wont take just long, the next you'll hear is 'bingo'
you dont need a million bucks so you can give
'get well soon', you can say that to the ill
help a fallen child to get back on its feet
go ahead, tell the blind guy the train's about to leave
to a restless head, you could be a pillow
save a life, quench a thirst
do some more, leave the rest
to someone today, you can be a hero.
poem by Emaediong Uko
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I'm Gon' Lay Some Happy On Your 'Halloween
Why do you expose your teeth,
With such a fixed smile?
And your eyes?
They sparkle like diamonds
So bright and glistening.
And why is your eyebrow raised,
As if you are excited with delight.
And why are you holding my arm so tight.
As if the Moon ignites your might.
Like I am a...
'Victim I am preparing to bite?
BINGO!
You win the prize.
You are so deliciously right! '
NO!
No, you can't be.
You can't be! NO!
'Golly gee...!
You're right again.
I'm not just your average salesman.
I'm a 'werewolf'.
With a woofer that out 'woofs' all wolves.
AND I'm gonna suck some blood from your neck!
Yep.
I'm gon' lay some happy on your 'Halloween'.
Bet?
Would you like,
Some candy? '
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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