The Grand Question Debated: Whether Hamilton’s Bawn Should Be Turned Into A Barrack Or Malt-House
Thus spoke to my lady the knight full of care,
'Let me have your advice in a weighty affair.
This Hamilton's bawn, while it sticks in my hand
I lose by the house what I get by the land;
But how to dispose of it to the best bidder,
For a barrack or malt-house, we now must consider.
'First, let me suppose I make it a malt-house,
Here I have computed the profit will fall t'us:
There's nine hundred pounds for labour and grain,
I increase it to twelve, so three hundred remain;
A handsome addition for wine and good cheer,
Three dishes a-day, and three hogsheads a-year;
With a dozen large vessels my vault shall be stored;
No little scrub joint shall come on my board;
And you and the Dean no more shall combine
To stint me at night to one bottle of wine;
Nor shall I, for his humour, permit you to purloin
A stone and a quarter of beef from my sir-loin.
If I make it a barrack, the crown is my tenant;
My dear, I have ponder'd again and again on't:
In poundage and drawbacks I lose half my rent,
Whatever they give me, I must be content,
Or join with the court in every debate;
And rather than that, I would lose my estate.'
Thus ended the knight; thus began his meek wife:
'It must, and it shall be a barrack, my life.
I'm grown a mere mopus; no company comes
But a rabble of tenants, and rusty dull rums.
With parsons what lady can keep herself clean?
I'm all over daub'd when I sit by the Dean.
But if you will give us a barrack, my dear,
The captain I'm sure will always come here;
I then shall not value his deanship a straw,
For the captain, I warrant, will keep him in awe;
Or, should he pretend to be brisk and alert,
Will tell him that chaplains should not be so pert;
That men of his coat should be minding their prayers,
And not among ladies to give themselves airs.'
Thus argued my lady, but argued in vain;
The knight his opinion resolved to maintain.
But Hannah, who listen'd to all that was past,
And could not endure so vulgar a taste,
As soon as her ladyship call'd to be dress'd,
Cried, 'Madam, why surely my master's possess'd,
Sir Arthur the maltster! how fine it will sound!
I'd rather the bawn were sunk under ground.
But, madam, I guess'd there would never come good,
When I saw him so often with Darby and Wood.
And now my dream's out; for I was a-dream'd
That I saw a huge rat—O dear, how I scream'd!
And after, methought, I had lost my new shoes;
And Molly, she said, I should hear some ill news.
'Dear Madam, had you but the spirit to tease,
You might have a barrack whenever you please:
And, madam, I always believed you so stout,
That for twenty denials you would not give out.
If I had a husband like him, I purtest,
Till he gave me my will, I would give him no rest;
And, rather than come in the same pair of sheets
With such a cross man, I would lie in the streets:
But, madam, I beg you, contrive and invent,
And worry him out, till he gives his consent.
Dear madam, whene'er of a barrack I think,
An I were to be hang'd, I can't sleep a wink:
For if a new crotchet comes into my brain,
I can't get it out, though I'd never so fain.
I fancy already a barrack contrived
At Hamilton's bawn, and the troop is arrived;
Of this to be sure, Sir Arthur has warning,
And waits on the captain betimes the next morning.
'Now see, when they meet, how their honours behave;
'Noble captain, your servant'—'Sir Arthur, your slave;
You honour me much'—'The honour is mine.'—
''Twas a sad rainy night'—'But the morning is fine.'—
'Pray, how does my lady?'—'My wife's at your service.'—
'I think I have seen her picture by Jervas.'—
'Good-morrow, good captain'—'I'll wait on you down'—
'You shan't stir a foot'—'You'll think me a clown.'—
'For all the world, captain, not half an inch farther'—
'You must be obey'd—Your servant, Sir Arthur!
My humble respects to my lady unknown.'—
'I hope you will use my house as your own.''
'Go bring me my smock, and leave off your prate,
Thou hast certainly gotten a cup in thy pate.'
'Pray, madam, be quiet: what was it I said?
You had like to have put it quite out of my head.
Next day to be sure, the captain will come,
At the head of his troop, with trumpet and drum.
Now, madam, observe how he marches in state:
The man with the kettle-drum enters the gate:
Dub, dub, adub, dub. The trumpeters follow.
Tantara, tantara; while all the boys holla.
See now comes the captain all daub'd with gold lace:
O la! the sweet gentleman! look in his face;
And see how he rides like a lord of the land,
With the fine flaming sword that he holds in his hand;
And his horse, the dear creter, it prances and rears;
With ribbons in knots at its tail and its ears:
At last comes the troop, by word of command,
Drawn up in our court; when the captain cries, STAND!
Your ladyship lifts up the sash to be seen,
For sure I had dizen'd you out like a queen.
The captain, to show he is proud of the favour,
Looks up to your window, and cocks up his beaver;
(His beaver is cock'd: pray, madam, mark that,
For a captain of horse never takes off his hat,
Because he has never a hand that is idle,
For the right holds the sword, and the left holds the bridle
Then flourishes thrice his sword in the air,
As a compliment due to a lady so fair;
(How I tremble to think of the blood it has spilt!)
Then he lowers down the point, and kisses the hilt.
Your ladyship smiles, and thus you begin:
'Pray, captain, be pleased to alight and walk in.'
The captain salutes you with congee profound,
And your ladyship curtseys half way to the ground.
'Kit, run to your master, and bid him come to us;
I'm sure he'll be proud of the honour you do us;
And, captain, you'll do us the favour to stay,
And take a short dinner here with us to-day:
You're heartily welcome; but as for good cheer,
You come in the very worst time of the year;
If I had expected so worthy a guest—'
'Lord, madam! your ladyship sure is in jest;
You banter me, madam; the kingdom must grant—'
'You officers, captain, are so complaisant!''—
'Hist, hussey, I think I hear somebody coming '—
'No madam: 'tis only Sir Arthur a-humming.
To shorten my tale, (for I hate a long story,)
The captain at dinner appears in his glory;
The dean and the doctor have humbled their pride,
For the captain's entreated to sit by your side;
And, because he's their betters, you carve for him first;
The parsons for envy are ready to burst.
The servants, amazed, are scarce ever able
To keep off their eyes, as they wait at the table;
And Molly and I have thrust in our nose,
To peep at the captain in all his fine clo'es.
Dear madam, be sure he's a fine spoken man,
Do but hear on the clergy how glib his tongue ran;
And, 'madam,' says he, 'if such dinners you give,
You'll ne'er want for parsons as long as you live.
I ne'er knew a parson without a good nose;
But the devil's as welcome, wherever he goes:
G—d d—n me! they bid us reform and repent,
But, z—s! by their looks, they never keep Lent:
Mister curate, for all your grave looks, I'm afraid
You cast a sheep's eye on her ladyship's maid:
I wish she would lend you her pretty white hand
In mending your cassock, and smoothing your band:
(For the Dean was so shabby, and look'd like a ninny,
That the captain supposed he was curate to Jinny.)
'Whenever you see a cassock and gown,
A hundred to one but it covers a clown.
Observe how a parson comes into a room;
G—d d—n me, he hobbles as bad as my groom;
A scholard, when just from his college broke loose,
Can hardly tell how to cry bo to a goose;
Your Noveds, and Bluturks, and Omurs, and stuff
By G—, they don't signify this pinch of snuff.
To give a young gentleman right education,
The army's the only good school in the nation:
My schoolmaster call'd me a dunce and a fool,
But at cuffs I was always the cock of the school;
I never could take to my book for the blood o' me,
And the puppy confess'd he expected no good o' me.
He caught me one morning coquetting his wife,
But he maul'd me, I ne'er was so maul'd in my life:
So I took to the road, and, what's very odd,
The first man I robb'd was a parson, by G—.
Now, madam, you'll think it a strange thing to say,
But the sight of a book makes me sick to this day.
'Never since I was born did I hear so much wit,
And, madam, I laugh'd till I thought I should split.
So then you look'd scornful, and snift at the Dean,
As who should say, 'Now, am I skinny and lean?'
But he durst not so much as once open his lips,
And the doctor was plaguily down in the hips.'
Thus merciless Hannah ran on in her talk,
Till she heard the Dean call, 'Will your ladyship walk?'
Her ladyship answers, 'I'm just coming down:'
Then, turning to Hannah, and forcing a frown,
Although it was plain in her heart she was glad,
Cried, 'Hussey, why sure the wench is gone mad!
How could these chimeras get into your brains!—
Come hither and take this old gown for your pains.
But the Dean, if this secret should come to his ears,
Will never have done with his gibes and his jeers:
For your life, not a word of the matter I charge ye:
Give me but a barrack, a fig for the clergy.'
We give the world to understand,
Our thriving Dean has purchased land;
A purchase which will bring him clear
Above his rent four pounds a-year;
Provided to improve the ground,
He will but add two hundred pound;
And from his endless hoarded store,
To build a house, five hundred more.
Sir Arthur, too, shall have his will,
And call the mansion Drapier's-Hill;
That, when a nation, long enslaved,
Forgets by whom it once was saved;
When none the Drapier's praise shall sing,
His signs aloft no longer swing,
His medals and his prints forgotten,
And all his handkerchiefs are rotten,
His famous letters made waste paper,
This hill may keep the name of Drapier;
In spite of envy, flourish still,
And Drapier's vie with Cooper's-Hill.
poem by Jonathan Swift
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Related quotes
Oh, My Captain
Oh, my Captain, my Captain
Where is that gleam in your eye?
Where is that sting
Whenever your colors fly?
Where is that thirst
for adventure you sail?
Where is that booming voice
Through oak will drive nail?
Oh, my Captain
Where could you be?
Thy gaze crosses
more than the sea
Where is the man
Who knows not any fears?
Who's cheated death
All these long years
Come Captain,
Where is thy cheer?
We sail into eternity
The rest is unclear
Oh Captain, oh Captain
Why such a sad soul?
It's treasure and loot
So much we have stole
Oh, master, my master
We are, and can no more be
Like the birds,
We are free as long as we breathe
Come Captain, my Captain
Give us command
Give 'weigh all the anchors'
Seek ye new harbors with warm golden sand
to Captain Cur
poem by Midnights Voice
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A Tenant of Mrs. Van Kleeck
Translation of a letter from a tenant of Mrs. Van Kleeck to that lady, dated January 9, 1787
My very good landlady, Mistress Van Kleeck,
(For the tears that o'erwhelm me I scarcely can speak)
I know that I promis'd you hogs two or three
(But who knows his destiny? Certain not me!)
That I promis'd three hogs I don't mean to deny
(I can prove that I had five or six upon sty.)
Three hogs did I say? Three sows I say then
'Pon honour I ne'er had a male upon pen.
Well Madam, the long and the short of the clatter
For mumbling & mincing will not better the matter;
And murder and truth, my dear mammy wd say
By some means or other forever saw day;
And Daddy himself, as we chop'd in the wood,
Would often observe that lying wasn't good.
Tell truth, my sweet fellow, no matter who feels it,
It ne'er can do hurt to the man who reveals it.
But stop! While my Daddy and Mammy's the subject
I am running aside the original object --
The sows, my sweet madam, the sows I repeat,
Which you and your household expected to eat,
Instead of attending their corn and their swill
Gave way to an ugly he-sow's wicked will.
When 'twill end your good ladyship need not be told,
For Nature is still as she hath been of old,
And when he cries YES mortal may not cry NO -
So Madam, farewell, with my holliday bow.
poem by Major Henry Livingston Jr.
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Brassbound [haughtily]: My men, madam, are not children in the nursery.
Lady Cicely [with unanswerable conviction]: Captain Brassbound, all men are children in the nursery. I see that you don't notice things. That poor Italian had only one proper bootlace, the other was a bit of string. And I am sure from Mr. Drinkwater's complexion that he ought to have some medicine.
line from Captain Brassbound's Conversion, Act I, script by George Bernard Shaw (1900)
Submitted by Dan Costinaş
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Captain Hook
Captain Hook must remember
Not to scratch his toes.
Captain Hook must watch out
And never pick his nose.
Captain Hook must be gentle
When he shakes your hand.
Captain Hook must be careful
Openin' sardine cans
And playing tag and pouring tea
And turnin' pages of his book.
Lots of folks I'm glad I ain't--
But mostly Captain Hook!
poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
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Modern Love XXXVI: My Lady unto Madam
My Lady unto Madam makes her bow.
The charm of women is, that even while
You're probed by them for tears, you yet may smile,
Nay, laugh outright, as I have done just now.
The interview was gracious: they anoint
(To me aside) each other with fine praise:
Discriminating compliments they raise,
That hit with wondrous aim on the weak point:
My Lady's nose of Nature might complain.
It is not fashioned aptly to express
Her character of large-browed steadfastness.
But Madam says: Thereof she may be vain!
Now, Madam's faulty feature is a glazed
And inaccessible eye, that has soft fires,
Wide gates, at love-time only. This admires
My Lady. At the two I stand amazed.
poem by George Meredith
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Ye Agents
These agent men! these agent men!
We hear the dreaded step again,
We see a stranger at the door;
And brace ourselves for war once more.
He bows and smiles. 'Walk in,' we say,
He smiles again. 'I come to-day,
Dear Madam, with a great invention;
And Sir, pray give me
your
attention;
Now here, you see, is something new,
And just the thing, my friends, for you.'
In vain we interrupt and say:
'We shall not buy of you to-day.'
'But, Madam, Sir, you have not seen
The beauties of this new machine;
When thus arranged, your old affair,
'Tis plain to see, is just nowhere.'
'No doubt,' I say; ''Tis very fine,
And quite superior to mine.'
This gives him courage. On he goes,
And every sentence glibly flows,
Until his lesson is repeated
To 'warranted if fitly treated.'
'Yes, new and fine, and grand,' we say,
'But still we shall not buy to-day.'
'But, Madam, Sir, pray list to reason,
'Twill buy itself in half a season;
You see the thing is bound to go.'
'Oh certainly, we see, we know,
But still we do not wish to buy.'
He turns and leaves us with a sigh,
And while we hasten to our labor
He goes and persecutes our neighbor.
But lo! another follows on,
Before the last is fairly gone.
One day a reaper, next a mower,
And then a fanning mill, and sower;
Machines of all kinds 'neath the sun,
Each better than the other one;
A rocker for each dining chair,
A brace to hold the broom in air,
A book, just out, and you must buy
Or give a proper reason why.
So if we sometimes turn away
Abruptly, Sirs, you must remember,
That we have heard your tale each day
From early Spring to late December.
Why! if we listened to you all,
And gave you the required attention,
I think ere long each one would call,
The 'county house,' the
best
invention.
1869
poem by Ella Wheeler Wilcox
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The Captain To His Dear
Farewell to you my dear
Here, I see your smile with glare
On this deck, here I stand
About to sail far from land
Farewell to you my dear
The land is no more near
Waves are now very high
So dark now is the sky
Here is your captain lying
Above these waves arising
Below the dark skies falling
Now your captain's striving
Angrily, the tempest roar
And you captain's far from shore
But your captain keeps believing
Behind the clouds your smile is hiding
poem by Mark Joseph Canoy
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O Captain! My Captain!
O Captain! my Captain! our fearful trip is done,
The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won,
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring;
But O heart! heart! heart!
O the bleeding drops of red,
Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.
O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells;
Rise up—for you the flag is flung—for you the bugle trills,
For you bouquets and ribbon’d wreaths—for you the shores a-crowding,
For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;
Here Captain! dear father!
This arm beneath your head!
It is some dream that on the deck,
You’ve fallen cold and dead.
My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still,
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will,
The ship is anchor’d safe and sound, its voyage closed and done,
From fearful trip the victor ship comes in with object won;
Exult O shores, and ring O bells!
But I with mournful tread,
Walk the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.
poem by Walt Whitman
Submitted by Dan Costinaş
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Muleskinner Blues
Good mornin captain, good mornin shine
Good mornin captain, good mornin shine
Do you need another mule skinner,
Workin on your new road line?
My lines been rollin
Im rollin all the time
My line is work
Im rollin all the time
I can carve my initials (ha!)
On an old mules behind
I said hey, little waterboy (hey!)
Bring that water bucket round
(bring it round, bring it round, bring it round, bring it round)
I said hey, little waterboy
Bring that water bucket round
And if you dont like your job
Shut that water bucket down
(stand up here!)
(instrumental)
Good morning captain, good mornin shine
Good morning captain, good mornin shine
Do you need another mule skinner,
Workin on your new road line?
Well I like to work,
Im rollin all the time
Well I like to work,
Im rollin all the time
I can carve my initials
On an old mules behind
I said, good mornin captain
Good mornin captain
I said good mornin captain
Mornin captain
Said good mornin captain
Mornin captain
I said good mornin captain
Mornin captain
Mornin captain
Mornin captain
Working on your new road line
song performed by by Van Morrison
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Captain
Well I don't have as many friends because
I'm not as pretty as I was
I've kicked myself at times because I've lied
So I will have to learn to stand my ground
I'll tell 'em I won't be around
I'll move on over to your town and hide
And you be the Captain
And I'll be no-one
And you can carry me away if you want to
And you can lay low
Just like your father and if
I tread upon your feet you just say so
'Cos you're The Captain
song performed by by Kasey Chambers from The Captain
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The English, the plain English, of the politest address of a gentleman to a lady is, I am now, dear Madam, your humble servant: Pray be so good as to let me be your Lord and Master.
quote by Samuel Richardson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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You're The Captain
I'd crawl a mile,
I'd climb the highest hill.
To bring you back to
A life that's real
You burned your mind out,
With your foolish games
May you lie there helpless,
Will you ever be the same.
You're the captain,
The leader of your ship.
Don't get captured (captured),
Cause you just might never quit.
You're the captain,
I hope you realize,
Don't be a fool,
Better open up your eyes.
I've traveled this world,
I've seen most of it.
I've seen the best ones
Go down with the ship.
Fortune and fame,
They don't mean a thing.
When you're hooked on junk,
That's your only game.
You're the captain,
The leader of your ship.
Don't get captured (captured),
Cause you just might never quit.
You're the captain,
I hope you realize,
Don't be a fool,
Better open up your eyes.
Just a part of life,
That we all must go through.
Gettin' high with friends,
Was all in being cool.
Hope you never see, this misery.
A prisoner by drugs
With no right to be free.
You're the captain,
The leader of your ship.
Don't get captured (captured),
Cause you just might never quit.
You're the captain,
I hope you realize,
Don't be a fool,
Better open up your eyes.
You're the captain,
The leader of your ship.
Don't get captured (captured),
Cause you just might never quit.
You're the captain,
I hope you realize,
Don't be a fool,
Better open up your eyes.
song performed by by 38 Special
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Madam and Her Madam
I worked for a woman,
She wasn't mean--
But she had a twelve-room
House to clean.
Had to get breakfast,
Dinner, and supper, too--
Then take care of her children
When I got through.
Wash, iron, and scrub,
Walk the dog around--
It was too much,
Nearly broke me down.
I said, Madam,
Can it be
You trying to make a
Pack-horse out of me?
She opened her mouth.
She cried, Oh, no!
You know, Alberta,
I love you so!
I said, Madam,
That may be true--
But I'll be dogged
If I love you!
poem by Langston Hughes
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Dear Madam Barnum
I put on a fake smile
And start the evening show
The public is laughing
I guess by now they know
So climb from your high horse
And pull this freak show down
Dear madam barnum
I resign as clown
You said I was the master of all I surveyed
But now Im sweeping up
The last in line in your circus parade
Children are clapping
As I fall to the floor
My heart torn and broken
And they just scream for more
If Im not the sole fool
Who pulls his trousers down
Then dear madam barnum
I resign as clown
You tread the high wire
Between truth and lies
Your safety net just walked out
Much to your surprise
Strike up the band love
And let the show begin
For this is the last time
Im painting on a grin
If Im not the sole fool
Who pulls his trousers down
Then dear madam barnum
I resign as clown
song performed by by Xtc
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Madam's Past History
My name is Johnson--
Madam Alberta K.
The Madam stands for business.
I'm smart that way.
I had a
HAIR-DRESSING PARLOR
Before
The depression put
The prices lower.
Then I had a
BARBECUE STAND
Till I got mixed up
With a no-good man.
Cause I had a insurance
The WPA
Said, We can't use you
Wealthy that way.
I said,
DON'T WORRY 'BOUT ME!
Just like the song,
You WPA folks take care of yourself--
And I'll get along.
I do cooking,
Day's work, too!
Alberta K. Johnson--
Madam to you.
poem by Langston Hughes
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Closer To Home / I'm Your Captain
Everybody listen to me
And return me my ship
I'm your captain
I'm your captain
Though I'm feeling mighty sick
I've been lost now for days uncounted
And it's months since I've seen home
Can you hear me? Can you hear me?
Or am I all alone?
If you return me to my home port
I will kiss you Mother Earth
Take me back now
Take me back now
To the port of my birth
(bridge)
Am I in my cabin dreaming?
Or are you really scheming
To take my ship away from me?
You'd better think about it
I just can't live without it
So please don't take my ship from me
I can feel the hand of a stranger
And it's tightening around my throat
Heaven help me
Heaven help me
Take this stranger from my boat
I'm your captain
I'm your captain
Though I'm feeling mighty sick
Everybody listen to me
And return me my ship
I'm your captain
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I'm your captain
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I'm your captain
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I'm your captain
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...
I'm getting closer to my home
I'm getting closer to my home
I'm getting closer to my home (repeat until fade).
song performed by by Grand Funk Railroad
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Closer To Home
I'm Your Captain
Grand Funk Railroad
Mark Farner
The tune that is remembered as "Closer To Home", is actually labeled "I'm
Your Captain" on both the album sleeve and record label. It is from the
album "Closer To Home", released by Grand Funk Railroad in June of 1970.
Everybody,
listen to me,
and return me, my ship.
I'm your captain, I'm your captain,
though I'm feeling mighty sick.
I've been lost now,
days uncounted,
and it's months since,
I've seen home.
Can you hear me, can you hear me,
or am I all alone?
If you return me,
to my home port,
I will kiss you,
mother earth.
Take me back now, take me back now,
to the port, of my birth.
Am I in my cabin dreaming,
or are you really scheming,
to take my ship away from me.
You'd better think about it,
I jsut can't live without it,
so please don't take my ship from me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I can feel the hand,
of a stranger,
and it tightening,
around my throat.
Heaven help me, heaven help me,
take this stranger, from my boat.
I'm your captain, I'm your captain,
though I'm feeling mighty sick.
Everybody, listen to me,
and return me, my ship,
I'm your captain, yeah yeah yeah yeah
I'm your captain, yeah yeah yeah yeah
I'm your captain, yeah yeah yeah yeah
I'm your captain, yeah yeah yeah yeah
I'm getting closer to my home.
I'm getting closer to my home.
transcribed by Steve McClurg ([email protected])
song performed by by Grand Funk Railroad
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Jacket
Through the Plagues of Egyp' we was chasin' Arabi,
Gettin' down an' shovin' in the sun;
An' you might 'ave called us dirty, an' you might ha' called us dry,
An' you might 'ave 'eard us talkin' at the gun.
But the Captain 'ad 'is jacket, an' the jacket it was new --
('Orse Gunners, listen to my song!)
An' the wettin' of the jacket is the proper thing to do,
Nor we didn't keep 'im waitin' very long.
One day they gave us orders for to shell a sand redoubt,
Loadin' down the axle-arms with case;
But the Captain knew 'is dooty, an' he took the crackers out
An' he put some proper liquor in its place.
An' the Captain saw the shrapnel, which is six-an'-thirty clear.
('Orse Gunners, listen to my song!)
"Will you draw the weight," sez 'e, "or will you draw the beer?"
An' we didn't keep 'im waitin' very long.
~For the Captain, etc.~
Then we trotted gentle, not to break the bloomin' glass,
Though the Arabites 'ad all their ranges marked;
But we dursn't 'ardly gallop, for the most was bottled Bass,
An' we'd dreamed of it since we was disembarked:
So we fired economic with the shells we 'ad in 'and,
('Orse Gunners, listen to my song!)
But the beggars under cover 'ad the impidence to stand,
An' we couldn't keep 'em waitin' very long.
~And the Captain, etc.~
So we finished 'arf the liquor (an' the Captain took champagne),
An' the Arabites was shootin' all the while;
An' we left our wounded 'appy with the empties on the plain,
An' we used the bloomin' guns for pro-jec-tile!
We limbered up an' galloped -- there were nothin' else to do --
('Orse Gunners, listen to my song!)
An' the Battery came a-boundin' like a boundin' kangaroo,
But they didn't watch us comin' very long.
~As the Captain, etc.~
We was goin' most extended -- we was drivin' very fine,
An' the Arabites were loosin' 'igh an' wide,
Till the Captain took the glassy with a rattlin' right incline,
An' we dropped upon their 'eads the other side.
Then we give 'em quarter -- such as 'adn't up and cut,
('Orse Gunners, listen to my song!)
An' the Captain stood a limberful of fizzy -- somethin' Brutt,
But we didn't leave it fizzing very long.
~For the Captain, etc.~
We might ha' been court-martialled, but it all come out all right
When they signalled us to join the main command.
There was every round expended, there was every gunner tight,
An' the Captain waved a corkscrew in 'is 'and.
~But the Captain 'ad 'is jacket, etc.~
poem by Rudyard Kipling
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Captain Carpenter
Captain Carpenter rose up in his prime
Put on his pistols and went riding out
But had got wellnigh nowhere at that time
Till he fell in with ladies in a rout.
It was a pretty lady and all her train
That played with him so sweetly but before
An hour she'd taken a sword with all her main
And twined him of his nose for evermore.
Captain Carpenter mounted up one day
And rode straightway into a stranger rogue
That looked unchristian but be that as may
The Captain did not wait upon prologue.
But drew upon him out of his great heart
The other swung against him with a club
And cracked his two legs at the shinny part
And let him roll and stick like any tub.
Captain Carpenter rode many a time
From male and female took he sundry harms
He met the wife of Satan crying "I'm
The she-wolf bids you shall bear no more arms.
Their strokes and counters whistled in the wind
I wish he had delivered half his blows
But where she should have made off like a hind
The bitch bit off his arms at the elbows.
And Captain Carpenter parted with his ears
To a black devil that used him in this wise
O Jesus ere his threescore and ten years
Another had plucked out his sweet blue eyes.
Captain Carpenter got up on his roan
And sallied from the gate in hell's despite
I heard him asking in the grimmest tone
If any enemy yet there was to fight?
"To any adversary it is fame
If he risk to be wounded by my tongue
Or burnt in two beneath my red heart's flame
Such are the perils he is cast among.
"But if he can he has a pretty choice
From an anatomy with little to lose
Whether he cut my tongue and take my voice
Or whether it be my round red heart he choose. "
It was the neatest knave that ever was seen
Stepping in perfume from his lady's bower
Who at this word put in his merry mien
And fell on Captain Carpenter like a tower.
I would not knock old fellows in the dust
But there lay Captain Carpenter on his back
His weapons were the old heart in his bust
And a blade shook between rotten teeth alack.
The rogue in scarlet and grey soon knew his mind.
He wished to get his trophy and depart
With gentle apology and touch refined
He pierced him and produced the Captain's heart.
God's mercy rest on Captain Carpenter now (a,
I thought him Sirs an honest gentleman
Citizen husband soldier and scholar enow
Let jangling kites eat of him if they can.
But God's deep curses follow after those
That shore him of his goodly nose and ears
His legs and strong arms at the two elbows
And eyes that had not watered seventy years.
The curse of hell upon the sleek upstart
That got the Captain finally on his back
And took the red red vitals of his heart
And made the kites to whet their beaks clack clack.
poem by John Crowe Ransom
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Captain America
By: jimmy buffett
1970
Can you tell me where I might find my friend and companion
Now he looks a little different from anything youve seen
He likes to beat the bass drum for justice and salvation
Hes got the brains of einstein and the brawn of mister clean
Hes a lightnin flash wholl make the dash from one coast to the other
To stop a crime or lend a dime or help his aging mother
Captain america we love you, captain america youre grand
Oh spiro agnew eat your heart out captain americas our man
Now he wears a mask his clothes are weird and some folks call him hokie
But he is hip he just cant dig the okie from muskogie
Captain will help anyone a friend or a stranger
Now number one without a gun hes bypassed the lone ranger
Hes a do do good who loves apple pie and kisses little babies
Hell guard you against everything from atom bombs to rabies
Captain america we love you, captain america youre grand
Oh spiro agnew eat your heart out captain americas our man
Can you tell me where I might find my friend and companion
He looks a little different from anything youve seen
He likes to beat the bass drum for justice and salvation
Hes got the brains of einstein and the bod of mister clean
Hes a lightnin flash wholl make the dash from one coast to the other
To stop a crime or lend a dime or help his aging mother
Captain america we love you, captain america youre grand
Oh spiro agnew eat your heart out captain americas our man
Captain americas our man
song performed by by Jimmy Buffett
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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