She'll Boot Her Commuter-Taken for a Hairy Ride-Tongue Twisters II
Computing commuters hirsute
bawdy brutes though in collar and suit,
who as train hoots toot-toot
spy true beauty who’s mute,
on the fly give glad eye dissolute.
But each guy who sighs tries in pursuit,
who would lie, by and by, eye acute,
may through pride overshoot
by a wide margin moot
when he’d take for a ride maid astute.
Though some smiles superficial seem cute,
minds too sly should be given the boot,
be it beauty or loot,
or the two should it suit,
the solution seems 'ready, aim, shoot! '
Though this limerick sounds convolute
underground rails its humour to boot:
as a duty uproot
both at work and en route,
trample root underfoot and then scoot!
(Jonathan Robin limerick written 4 July 2006 and 16 July 2007
Parody Carolyn WELLS Tongue Twisters – A Tutor)
Tongue Twisters - A Tutor
A tutor who tooted the flute
Tried to tutor two tooters to toot.
Said the two to the tutor,
“Is it harder to toot, or
To tutor two tooters to toot? ”
(Carolyn WELLS 1869_1942)
Can Crime Pay?
When comptroller would syphon a dollar,
one may hear loud and clear victims holler!
Red-faced and red handed
the bait is soon landed, -
can crime pay in our heyday white collar?
There’s hot water, not flight, facts discovered,
Where the spotlight’s bright glare acts uncovered,
guilt is tried, bail denied,
for a wide span inside, -
but its rash to think all cash recovered.
(Jonathan Robin limerick written July 4 2006)
Tongue Twisters I - A Canner
A canner exceedingly canny
One morning remarked to his granny,
‘A canner can can
Anything that he can,
But a canner can’t can a can, can he? ’
(Carolyn WELLS 1869_1942)
Tongue Twisters I – Uncanny Reply
Her granny, a Canada dancer,
In answer said, “fancy to chance a
can-can grand finale
with dandy kali from Bali,
handy fanny expansive – you can, sir! ”
(Jonathan Robin limerick written July 4 2006/Parody Caroyn WELLS Tongue Twisters – A Canner)
Tongue Twisters III – ICANNy Reply
Danny, spammer ensconced on his fanny,
upgraded downloading Net Nanny, -
as damned scam the man planned
phishing fish, cash in hand,
and a land line - LAN managed tyranny.
Wifey Annie, on WiFi, uncanny,
schemed to trace where his face raced web-cammy, -
both continue to surf
under eye of Vint Cerf
and his Internet dream team ICANNy.
(Jonathan Robin limerick written July 4 2006)
poem by Jonathan Robin
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Related quotes
A canner exceedingly canny
One morning remarked to his granny,
‘A canner can can
Anything that he can,
But a canner can’t can a can, can he?’
quote by by Jonathan Robin
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Can Crime Pay? 1054
When comptroller would syphon a dollar,
one may hear loud and clear victims holler!
Red-faced and red handed
the bait is soon landed, -
can crime pay in our heyday white collar?
Bank bonus 'spite bail-outs are awful
not for long should they still seem dream lawful,
for when losses accrue
all life-savings we knew
must to dust turn to leave debts - a store full.
Sphinx Madoff may try on promotion
bankrupt pyramid raising commotion,
chickens come home to roost
soon or late, busting boost;
greenback backing's vanishing potion.
There's hot water, not flight, facts discovered,
Where the spotlight's bright glare acts uncovered,
guilt is tried, bail denied,
for a wide span inside, -
but its rash to think all cash recovered.
(8 September 2009)
poem by Jonathan Robin
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Stringing A long and short of it
Skelton
dealt on
terse taut
verse taught
strung list
tongue twist
fast rhyme
last time
[th]ink sends
wink ends
[c] Jonathan Robin 8 skeltonics written 8 June 2008
poem by Jonathan Robin
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Guiled Fleece
Guiled Fleece
Forsaking the Bourse
That falls in the Spring,
The Bulls take stock, -
They must [l]earn to live
in a land without rallies
© Jonathan Robin parody Lady ISE written 20 July 2001
Wild Geese
Forsaking the mists
that rise in the Spring,
wild geese fly off,
they have learned to live
in a land without flowers.
Lady ISE 10th. Century
poem by Jonathan Robin
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Rooty Toot Toot
Got my hands on a little bit of dough
So I went to the crocery store
And got some steaks to go
Went by, and picked up my gal, teddi jo
We had ourselves a picnic
Beside a dirty road
Chorus:
Rooty toot toot
Rooty toot toot
We had it made in the shade
Like a bell through the hoop
Spinnin and tumblin inside this
Hoola hoop
Livin and learnin
rooty toot toot
We laid out a blanket
And started a fire.
Had the radio playin
from inside the car
I took off my shirt
And kicked off my shoes
She read the paper
And told me the news
She said, theres a lot of
People out there
Who are at the end of their rope
Sometimes, baby
Youve got to lay low
Chorus:
Rooty toot toot
Rooty toot toot
We had it made in the shade
Like a bell through the hoop
Spinnin and tumblin inside this
Hoola hoop
Livin and learnin
rooty toot toot
We stayed there all day
We both get us some real
Good suntans
I thought, that was ok
Sometimes life can be so grand
We were gettin ready
To shake out that place
When the illinois state trooper
Got in my face
He said, youre on pirvate property
But once he cooled down, he was ok
Sometimes youre golden, man
Thats all I got to say
Chorus:
Rooty toot toot
Rooty toot toot
We had it made in the shade
Like a bell through the hoop
Spinnin and tumblin inside this
Hoola hoop
Livin and learnin
rooty toot toot
song performed by by John Mellencamp
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Wendy’s Willy
WENDY'S WILLY
Witless waiting was Willy
while time took time to turn
round retrograde, returned rarely
to temper tensions, tenderness attain.
Will wiry Willy wilful Wendy wed
righteously rebutting riper Rita Red?
Will true-love travel towards tolerant
respect, rope ringing, refusals refusing
without worthless warring where
troubles temperamental tempers torment?
Wicked whirlwind warning written with
tornado twisters topsy-turvy turning
wistful witness wanting Wendy’s Willy wedding
wondering whether windy weather water washes
Willy.../...
10 September 2001
robi03_0950_robi03_0000 QVW_JLM
Wendy’s Willy poem c Jonathan Robin
poem by Jonathan Robin
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Loot
If you've ever stole a pheasant-egg be'ind the keeper's back,
If you've ever snigged the washin' from the line,
If you've ever crammed a gander in your bloomin' 'aversack,
You will understand this little song o' mine.
But the service rules are 'ard, an' from such we are debarred,
For the same with English morals does not suit.
(~Cornet~: Toot! toot!)
W'y, they call a man a robber if 'e stuffs 'is marchin' clobber
With the --
(~Chorus~) Loo! loo! Lulu! lulu! Loo! loo! Loot! loot! loot!
Ow the loot!
Bloomin' loot!
That's the thing to make the boys git up an' shoot!
It's the same with dogs an' men,
If you'd make 'em come again
Clap 'em forward with a Loo! loo! Lulu! Loot!
(~ff~) Whoopee! Tear 'im, puppy! Loo! loo! Lulu! Loot! loot! loot!
If you've knocked a nigger edgeways when 'e's thrustin' for your life,
You must leave 'im very careful where 'e fell;
An' may thank your stars an' gaiters if you didn't feel 'is knife
That you ain't told off to bury 'im as well.
Then the sweatin' Tommies wonder as they spade the beggars under
Why lootin' should be entered as a crime;
So if my song you'll 'ear, I will learn you plain an' clear
'Ow to pay yourself for fightin' overtime.
(~Chorus~) With the loot, . . .
Now remember when you're 'acking round a gilded Burma god
That 'is eyes is very often precious stones;
An' if you treat a nigger to a dose o' cleanin'-rod
'E's like to show you everything 'e owns.
When 'e won't prodooce no more, pour some water on the floor
Where you 'ear it answer 'ollow to the boot
(~Cornet~: Toot! toot!) --
When the ground begins to sink, shove your baynick down the chink,
An' you're sure to touch the --
(~Chorus~) Loo! loo! Lulu! Loot! loot! loot!
Ow the loot! . . .
When from 'ouse to 'ouse you're 'unting, you must always work in pairs --
It 'alves the gain, but safer you will find --
For a single man gets bottled on them twisty-wisty stairs,
An' a woman comes and clobs 'im from be'ind.
When you've turned 'em inside out, an' it seems beyond a doubt
As if there weren't enough to dust a flute
(~Cornet~: Toot! toot!) --
Before you sling your 'ook, at the 'ousetops take a look,
For it's underneath the tiles they 'ide the loot.
(~Chorus~) Ow the loot! . . .
You can mostly square a Sergint an' a Quartermaster too,
If you only take the proper way to go;
~I~ could never keep my pickin's, but I've learned you all I knew --
An' don't you never say I told you so.
An' now I'll bid good-bye, for I'm gettin' rather dry,
An' I see another tunin' up to toot
(~Cornet~: Toot! toot!) --
So 'ere's good-luck to those that wears the Widow's clo'es,
An' the Devil send 'em all they want o' loot!
(~Chorus~) Yes, the loot,
Bloomin' loot!
In the tunic an' the mess-tin an' the boot!
It's the same with dogs an' men,
If you'd make 'em come again
(~fff~) Whoop 'em forward with a Loo! loo! Lulu! Loot! loot! loot!
Heeya! Sick 'im, puppy! Loo! loo! Lulu! Loot! loot! loot!
poem by Rudyard Kipling
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Conception of Contraception
Had I been taught the facts of life
before I met my charming wife,
it seems unlikely most to me
we’d see in two years babies three.
© Jonathan Robin 23 July 1974 robi3_0010_robi3_0000 19740723
poem by Jonathan Robin
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Sitting Bull - Parody Harry Graham - Ruthless Rhymes
Sitting Bull - Parody Harry Graham - Ruthless Rhymes
Sitting Bull
Squire Squint, aiming at a pheasant,
maimed instead a stting bull,
turned tail, - but ‘tis the bull at present
frames the ears, keeps leg to pull!
1 August 1991,21 July 2006 Parody Harry GRAHAM Ruthless Rhymes
Sitting Duck
Squire Squint, banging at a pheasant,
pranged, instead, a sitting duck, -
Said he, “It is a bit unpleasant
for hitting peasant to come unstuck ! ”
1 August 1991,21 July 2006 Parody Harry GRAHAM Ruthless Rhymes
Laying Back
Squire Squint, swatting a mosquito,
missed the pest but slipped a disc, -
discomfort followed and a veto
from Doctor Best for reckless risk.
21 July 2006 Parody Harry GRAHAM Ruthless Rhymes
Ruthless Rhymes
Père repère quelques cris
de ses très chers, - frères ennemis,
Il noie les trois, ensuite il dit: -
‘Vus, pas sentis, - pauvres chéris! ’
17 August 1977
Ruthless Rhymes
Father heard his children scream
so he threw them in the stream,
saying, as he drowned the third,
‘Children should be seen, not heard’
Harry GRAHAM 1874_1936
poem by Jonathan Robin
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Laying Back - Parody Harry Graham - Ruthless Rhymes
Laying Back
Squire Squint, swatting a mosquito,
missed the pest but slipped a disc, -
discomfort followed and a veto
from Doctor Best for reckless risk.
21 July 2006 Parody Harry GRAHAM Ruthless Rhymes
Sitting Duck
Squire Squint, banging at a pheasant,
pranged, instead, a sitting duck, -
Said he, “It is a bit unpleasant
for hitting peasant to come unstuck ! ”
1 August 1991,21 July 2006 Parody Harry GRAHAM Ruthless Rhymes
Sitting Bull
Squire Squint, aiming at a pheasant,
maimed instead a stting bull,
turned tail, - but ‘tis the bull at present
frames the ears, keeps leg to pull!
1 August 1991,21 July 2006 Parody Harry GRAHAM Ruthless Rhymes
Ruthless Rhymes
Père repère quelques cris
de ses très chers, - frères ennemis,
Il noie les trois, ensuite il dit: -
‘Vus, pas sentis, - pauvres chéris! ’
17 August 1977
Ruthless Rhymes
Father heard his children scream
so he threw them in the stream,
saying, as he drowned the third,
‘Children should be seen, not heard’
Harry GRAHAM 1874_1936
poem by Jonathan Robin
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Sitting Duck - Parody Harry Graham - Ruthless Rhymes
Sitting Duck
Squire Squint, banging at a pheasant,
pranged, instead, a sitting duck, -
Said he, “It is a bit unpleasant
for hitting peasant to come unstuck ! ”
1 August 1991,21 July 2006 Parody Harry GRAHAM Ruthless Rhymes
Sitting Bull
Squire Squint, aiming at a pheasant,
maimed instead a stting bull,
turned tail, - but ‘tis the bull at present
frames the ears, keeps leg to pull!
1 August 1991,21 July 2006 Parody Harry GRAHAM Ruthless Rhymes
Laying Back
Squire Squint, swatting a mosquito,
missed the pest but slipped a disc, -
discomfort followed and a veto
from Doctor Best for reckless risk.
21 July 2006 Parody Harry GRAHAM Ruthless Rhymes
Ruthless Rhymes
Père repère quelques cris
de ses très chers, - frères ennemis,
Il noie les trois, ensuite il dit: -
‘Vus, pas sentis, - pauvres chéris! ’
17 August 1977
Ruthless Rhymes
Father heard his children scream
so he threw them in the stream,
saying, as he drowned the third,
‘Children should be seen, not heard’
Harry GRAHAM 1874_1936
poem by Jonathan Robin
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Hot Air - Parody Witter Bynner Spectra
Just deserted after make-up refuselled,
I, who would have snoozled, hereafter
lose laughter, appear a foozle cahoozled,
as daft as a woozle or even dafter.
The hamstrung string is bamboozled,
snaking like a hung verdict noose loose from the rafters, -
when will the West wind flow less confuselled
blowing our just desserts as afters?
© Jonathan Robin – Parody author unknown possibly Witter Bynner written 3 January 1992 revised 8 October 2006 previous title Winds
poem by Jonathan Robin
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One May Write With Forked Tongue
ON written ciphers you depend
EMit and then amend your speech,
AYe, there's the rub for when I teach
WRit long till generations' end
IT will run true, no falsehood rend.
Echoes base pale face - white leach -
WIll suck to meanings change to beach
THe sense when times upon fresh bend
FOrwards embark or backwards trend
Refuting fair traditions. Each
Knows Time revenge exacts to reach
EDitions new that few defend.
TONe tribal sends reviving stream
GUEst welcomes with true story's gleam.
(c) Jonathan Robin - acrostic sonnet One May Write With Forked Tongue written 14 January 2007
poem by Jonathan Robin
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Birthday Wishes For An Art Historian
[This poem is forward dated ~ it is being framed as a gift for my step-daughter's Birthday] The poem was written on 28th June 2006.
Deborah, my thoughts are with you today,
Alas, I am distant from you,
But, on 5th July 2006,
I send my Birthday Wishes anew.
As an Art Historian and Portuguese Teacher too,
I cast my Mind for words to convey,
My wishes to you for the future ahead,
To make you smile, on this ~ your Birthday.
When you look upon this World,
Through the eyes of Artists past,
See the good that they did see,
Until ~ you breathe your last.
For this is a wondrous World,
In which we all do live,
And there is beauty and good therein,
But, behind problems and stress it is hid.
Another year older, more history made,
As your Life Cycle goes forward a year,
Pamper yourself, feast on culture and food,
And may the coming months be of good cheer.
Copyright (c) Jonathan Goldman [JGthepoet] â€" 5th July 2006
poem by Jonathan Goldman a.k.a JGthepoet
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Lost for Words
LOST FOR WORDS
The art of writing's such a sport
with styles of every kind and sort
that not to try would be a tort.
Synaptic leaps can keep, support,
ideas which interlink, report
mind melodies naught need contort
as eyes observant insight court:
imagination is my forte - right!
As interlocking lines of thought
are threaded neatly, tautly brought
to heel, reined in, discreetly taught
to underscore ideas, here’s sought
communication vectors caught
in lightning thought wave flashes short,
coherent, to the point! ... Now ought
I not recall the subject about which I meant to write?
1st verse written 29 July 2008 second? July 1 2007
robi03_1397_robi03_0000 WXX_IXX
Lost for Words poem © Jonathan Robin
poem by Jonathan Robin
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Sheepish Bo Peep Recombined
Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep
and cannot tell where to find them,
splice more DNA for cloning today
with no zoning law to unwind them...
[c] Jonathan Robin Parody Bo Peep written 27 November 2008
poem by Jonathan Robin
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Men State - Parody Diana MORGAN - Statement
Men State
Ladies who would break the rules
toy with boys they take as tools.
(c) Jonathan Robin - Parody written 1 December 1995
Statement
Gentlemen who are not fools
Take out girls who know the rules.
Diana MORGAN My Sex Right or Wrong: 1947
poem by Jonathan Robin
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“Never fear, ” carolled Carroll to Lear
and a nymph upon whom he would leer,
“all comes clear, Alice, dear,
in a limerick here, -
as son’s lusty lute’s dodgy and queer.”
quote by by Jonathan Robin
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Skinny Sweaty Man
Flashin' lots of cash and spendin' lots-o-loot
he's sitting at the bar - then he's sittin' at the booth
across the dance floor he does scoot
he's the skinny sweaty man in the green suit
The caboose that could he goes toot toot
been known to gag and sometimes puke
a very good friend of granny goose
he's the skinny sweaty man in the green suit
Skinny sweaty man in the green suit
He's half man and half cartoon
but good buddy don't be confused
he's full blooded looney tune
he's the skinny sweaty man in the green suit
Face to face with the man in the moon
his family doctor is doctor seuss
if you catch him in your soup please don't shoot
he's the skinny sweaty man in the green suit
Skinny sweaty man in the green suit
He was new in town
a free wheelin' clown
a funny young duke
hangin' under the roof
of a place in time
united sound
he'll play a little guitar sing a few blues
he's the kind-a-guy that you can't refuse
despite the fact that he's no brute
he's the skinny sweaty man in the green suit
Strike the magic groove make him jerk and move
like an eight legged freak in snake skin boots
coming soon to a theatre near you
he's the skinny sweaty man in the green suit
song performed by by Red Hot Chili Peppers from The Uplift Mofo Party Plan
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Eleven
ELEVEN
Eleven, eleven, eleven years old,
intrepid, courageous, becomingly bold,
awaiting the whistle to aim at the goal,
youth victory snatches to go for the gold.
Eleven in yellow, eleven in blue,
first warm up, then face out, they know what to do,
team practice their axis extended, each soul
feels ready, steels steady, heart heady, on cue.
Eleven enthusiasts, courage extolled,
engage without rage on the field that has told
long tales of hopes met or defeats swallowed whole,
on one ball all focus as onwards its rolled.
Eleven, eleven, well matched, tackle through,
a game which enflames passions partisan, true,
team work all important as each knows the role
to play so the day stays as record all view
Rupert Kensho Robin Le Saux written Chateaugiron 23 October 2006
robi03_1457_robi03_0000 XXX_MXX
Eleven poem © Jonathan Robin
poem by Jonathan Robin
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