Either Or just for a laugh
Either Or
Though constipation is a curse,
Diarrhoea is much worse.
I alternate between the two.
There’s very little I can do
Because I suffer I.B.S.
Which is a nuisance I confess.
Retention and distention bloats
a condition which denotes.
The former is full control
though other people find it droll.
I cannot make a joke of it
Its not enjoyable one bit.
It is the diarrhoea I fear.
Because it tends to interfere.
With anything I try to do
I have to swiftly find a loo.
Or otherwise disgrace myself.
I think that’s why I’m on the shelf.
I search in vain to find a cure
The only thing of which I’m sure.
Until I do I’ll be alone
and occupy my favourite throne.
Such is the curse of I.B.S.
I can’t afford to be careless.
No decent girl would want to be
Placed second to the lavatory.
But I can’t help it I’m afraid
it seems to be the way I’m made.
I’m all bunged up or far too loose.
There is no way that I can choose.
Constipation, diarrhoea
I wish they both would disappear
So I could lead a normal life
instead of this internal strife.
I either have to sit and strain
Or find the nearest loo again.
This malady drives me insane
I’m sick of trying to explain
To other folks the reason why
I disappear so suddenly.
I have no choice I have to go
for fear that I will overflow.
Which makes my life a misery.
I’m forced to act unsociably.
I cant make friends as others do.
My life revolves around the loo
Unless you too have I.B.S
and suffer from the same distress.
There is no way you’ll understand
Knowledge acquired second hand,
might activate your sympathy.
Which doesn’t do a lot for me.
So I must suffer silently
I don’t care what you think of me.
You cannot know what I go through
when there’s a queue outside the loo.
And I am forced to concentrate
every minute that I wait.
Until a cubicle is free
and dropp my trousers hurriedly.
And do that which I need to do
I can relax when I am through.
If only temporarily.
Until they find a cure for me.
07/11/2009
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poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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Related quotes
Halle Loo? Jah!
(May be sung to the tune of 'Hallelujah'; ¬)
They say ye canny fill yer breechs
Wi' tatty scones and boiled leeks
But you don't know whit we went through tay see ya
Diarrhoea. Diarrhoea
Diarrhoea, Diarrhoee-ee-ee-ee-ya
I'd like tay lay hons oan the bam
Who hid ma feekin diocalms
That's why ma erse is hingin o'er the pier
Diarrhoea. Diarrhoea
Diarrhoea, Diarrhoee-ee-ee-ee-ya
That Blackpool beach had golden sand
Before these things got oot o' hand
The consequence o' dodgy grub and bee-arr.
Diarrhoea. Diarrhoea
Diarrhoea, Diarrhoee-ee-ee-ee-ya
And when ma erse hole touched the sea
The briney watter stingin' me
I knew that it wiz gonnay cost me deer
I could've filled the Firth of Forth
I screamed until ma throat wiz hoarse
I've never cared for onomatopoeia.
Diarrhoea. Diarrhoea
Diarrhoea, Diarrhoee-ee-ee-ee-ya
poem by Hola Mentirosa
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Rainbow
I didn’t choose to love you
but I did choose to care
I wish I had my freedom
I wish life was fair
I suffer when I am without you
with you, I suffer even more
around you I cant wait to leave
Yet, I cling on to your door
I find peace in your silence
I find wisdom in your every word
I find pleasure in your voice tone
In you I find the world..
but like every time I start to fly
I fall right back down
and I long to see colours of a rainbow
to know hope is still in the sky
poem by Ayesha Sartawi
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We are not amused for M lady Mary Gordley
I cannot sleep the whole night through.
My muse will not allow me to
when she commands I must obey.
I wish she’d take a holiday.
She thinks that sleeping is a crime
she does not sleep so why should I.
A complete and utter waste of time.
Which I could better occupy
by sitting at my desk to write
instead of lazing in my bed.
I think she thinks she has the right.
She just ignores all I have said.
Some folks complain of writers block
whilst I have writers Diarrhoea
My muse would hide beneath a rock
if she could not supply ideas.
Which I must translate into verse
to demonstrate her eloquence
She views my fatigue as perverse;
of very little consequence.
An active muse can be a curse
I sometimes wish she’d stay away
To have no muse would be much worse
I just give in do it her way.
5-Jun-08
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poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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Sympathy
So you've seen the sunrise on the Nile
solved the mystery of the mona lisa's smile
you proclaim your innocence
what you saying
makes no sense to me at all
So you help the needy and the sick
heard confessions of a lunatic
my eyes are growing dim
ghost shadows closing in
around me now
and there ain't no sympathy at all
just a sea of angry faces
staring at me
there ain't no sympathy at all
I gotta find someone
to make me happy
so you've scattered roses at Versailles
wiped a teardrop from an old man's eye
seeing you in such distress
I'm afraid I must confess
that boys don't cry
and there ain't no sympathy at all
just a sea of angry faces
staring at me
there ain't no sympathy at all
I gotta find someone
to make me happy
Solo
and there ain't no sympathy at all
just a sea of angry faces
staring at me
there ain't no sympathy at all
I gotta find someone,
gotta find someone,
gotta find someone
song performed by by Ufo
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Divine protection?
Although we try, we can’t define the attributes of the divine
So most of us choose to accept what we are told; someone’s concept.
Is God a he? Is god a she, perhaps both simultaneously
Did God create the universe? Is curiosity our curse?
Is it right that we should fear god? I find this idea rather odd
It does not seem appropriate to live in fear the normal state.
Maybe God is a neutral source of power we can tap into
Though we are free to choose our course. Responsible for what we do
I do not know what I believe and I refuse to speculate
There’s nothing guessing will achieve I will not learn if I but wait.
Perchance we are collectively all tiny parts of one great whole
And will attain divinity, when we rejoin the over soul.
A theory you may reject and many will I must expect
alhough I say in its defence you must weigh up the evidence.
Consider what you have been taught, cast doubt on its validity
It may not be as you had thought, an absolute, a certainty.
The truth is that nobody knows. Because we aren’t intended to.
If we were wise we’d recognise some things are hidden from our eyes.
Because we could not comprehend the nature of divinity.
To suffering humanity God must remain a mystery.
17/06/2009
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poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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Interconnectedness.
The internet can’t be controlled
by any form of government
Because it’s gained too strong a hold.
Which came about by accident.
Nobody can control the flow
Although some governments still try
Of information to and fro
There is one simple reason why.
The common man has access to
What governments try to conceal
A system that’s completely new
Now people can safely reveal
The secrets of the powers that be.
The things we aren’t supposed to know
they can post anonymously
There’s nothing governments can do.
At last the people have a voice
no government can suppress
The powers that be have little choice
and in the future even less.
The internet is here to stay.
It’s up to us we must adjust.
WE can’t go back to yesterday
A world of mutual mistrust.
One thing we must appreciate.
Though information’s flowing free
It isn’t always accurate
We have to choose selectively.
What we accept what we reject
and draw our own conclusion.
I have good reason to suspect
more not less confusion.
The internet may prove to be
Either a blessing or a curse.
Though I believe quite honestly.
The internet won’t make things worse
Than when governments could decide
What people were allowed to know
To preserve the nations pride
They lied alike to friend and foe.
The internet has set us free
to find a different better way.
Though we will have to wait and see
What kind of price we have to pay.
Tuesday,22 February 2011
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poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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Once In A Lifetime (feat. Human Nature)
ONCE IN A LIFETIME
Kenny Loggins and Human Nature
Runaway Bride
Something about you
Oh, could it be I finally found
My destiny
Now here you are
Within my reach
How did I miss you? (how did I miss you)
When you were out there all the time
It took this moment
To make me realize...
Once in a Lifetime
You find your reason for living
You find the one that makes your every dream
Come true
(Find the one that makes your dreams...)
Oh I could search the world forever
But no one else could do
Cause once in a lifetime
You find someone like you
Ahh..
Once in a lifetime, ohh
I've waited for so long (so long)
Makin this can't nothin be but a lie
Cause all about
Standing by wind, oohh
Alone in the crowd, oh oh oh
I went through the motion (went through the motion)
Then out of heaven you arrived
Whatever was wrong
Suddenly is right
Cause once in a lifetime
You find the reason for living
You find the one who makes your every dream
Come true
(Find the one who makes your dream...)
No, I could search the world forever
And no one else would do
Cause once in a lifetime
You find someone like you
(Find someone like you...)
Hearts that wait for love can grow so weary
(Don't you know... a heart can grow?)
But it doesn't matter anymore
When you find the one you've waited for...
You find your reason for living
You find the one that makes your every dream come ... oh you make it come true
Oh you could search the world forever
But no one else would do
Cause once in a lifetime
You find someone like you.....
Cause once in a lifetime
You find someone.....
Someone like you......
(Ahhh...)
Whoaaa......................
song performed by by Kenny Loggins
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Time to be,
Steal away quietly meditate
You can spare time enough. For a while
silently hide away. Contemplate
who you are, what you are thoroughly.
You may find peace of mind, leave behind
the pressures and distress easily.
All you need to succeed is concede.
You can fly if you try earnestly.
You will see, you can be really free.
12/07/2009
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poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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Lacking Grace for Miss Callie
Thoughtless parents frequently
choose names for children that will be
A source of much embarrassment.
Although it’s unintentional.
A name that’s unconventional
can often be an unwise choice.
Though it appeals to both of you.
I’m sure it’s most unlikely to
appeal to the recipient.
It opens them to ridicule.
From the first day they go to school
and follows them throughout their life.
So think again before you choose
A name that will invite abuse.
Why make them suffer needlessly.
It isn’t hard find something plain
and save your child a lot of pain
That’s caused by cruel mockery.
A simple name will well suffice.
Why should your children pay the price
for your insensitivity.
Fifi Mariposa may sound well
Though you discarded Trixibelle.
You wanted something different
When she is old enough to choose
you can be sure she’ll change her name.
To something much more suitable.
Some names have stood the test of time
The one you chose a heinous crime.
For which you deserve punishment.
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poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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Their evensong; my pleasure for friend Thad
I sit outside the monastery
and pass an hour pleasantly
Listening to the brothers chant
I find their plain song elegant.
I wonder why, it puzzles me
Why do some men voluntarily
decide upon monastic life.
Are they afraid of worldly strife.
It seems to me that they retreat
from normal life; admit defeat.
I’m sure they see it differently
To me it is a mystery.
What can they possibly achieve.
This question really baffles me.
I must suppose that they believe.
It’s pleasing to their deity.
But I am not a Christian
I have my own philosophy.
More suited to a simple man.
Which is all I claim to be.
They have a choice they can decide
to worship God in their own way.
I am content to sit outside
I do not have the right to say.
What they should do or should not do.
My own motto is tolerance
that’s why I come to listen to
the plain song. which my ears entrance.
When night falls and all is still.
The final notes have died away.
I exercise my own free will
and rise to make my homeward way.
My God does not expect me to
stick to a rigid discipline.
The way the brothers have to do.
To pray or not the choice is mine.
14/07/2009
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poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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Beneath the surface 09
I choose my friends instinctively.
Signals received unconsciously
decide compatability
I am convinced accurately.
I trust my hunches completely
I find they work efficiently
and so I listen carefully
To what my guts are telling me
I understand obviously
I could be wrong quite possibly
It makes no difference to me.
It suits me to believe you see.
I do not have to make a choice
I leave that to my inner voice.
27-Jan-09
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poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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Gramercy
Why should I live in agony?
my life a total misery.
Because you find you can’t agree.
to help me die with dignity.
Who gave you the right to choose?
whether to allow or to refuse.
To end a life of little use
I think it is gross abuse.
of your assumed authority.
To decide what is best for me,
you will not listen to my plea.
I choose death voluntarily.
I am no use to anyone.
I’m well aware my race is run
and I am anxious to be gone.
The choice is mine and mine alone.
And therefore should be left to me
But in your wisdom you decide.
I must live on in agony
You won’t assist my suicide.
01/05/2009
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poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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100% Fatal
I suffer from a malady.
which is slowly killing me.
There’s no known cause nor any cure.
Its something which I must endure.
A disease universally
accepted reluctantly
As affecting every race
A truth that everyone must face.
We’re born to live a while than die.
Its only when the end draws nigh.
That we review the life we’ve led,
what we could have done instead.
If we had known what we now know.
When we were young so long ago.
Would we have done things differently?
We cannot say with certainty.
Our lives are ruled by circumstance.
We roll the dice and take our chance.
Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose
complaining is of little use.
We can’t opt out refuse to play
the game continues anyway.
Why are we born only to die.
There has to be a reason why.
A part of some great master plan
too complex for the mind of man
to grasp in it’s entirety.
Embracing all impartially.
Wednesday,18 November 2009
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poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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Moon dancer 2009
Beneath the moon alone I dance
to music only I can hear
Though other folk may look askance
and turn away to hide their fear.
They fear me ‘ cos I don’t conform
to any rule they recognise.
The say I’m mad when I perform
my shuffling dance beneath the skies
I may be mad but I am free,
more free than they will ever be.
For what they see as sanity
a subtle form of slavery.
They must conform to some set norm.
They are afraid of liberty.
Their life a role which they perform
albeit most reluctantly.
Until the pressure got to me
I used to be a college grad.
A nervous breakdown set me free.
Insanity is not too bad.
I dance alone beneath the moon
to music no one else can hear.
I caper to a lilting tune
My dancing drives away my fear.
Sometimes I can talk lucidly
and demonstrate intelligence
But all too soon the clarity
fades into incoherence.
I do no harm to anyone.
I represent no threat at all
But peoples fears still linger on
which they conceal behind a wall.
Pretending they’re indifferent
They do not try to understand
the reason I am different
They just dismiss me out of hand.
I am obsessed compelled to dance
to every moonlight rhapsody.
Recovery, there’s little chance.
Please show a little sympathy.
It could be you instead of me.
That’s forced to dance beneath the moon
to some compelling melody.
Believe me it could happen soon.
You are compelled to seek success.
The stresses grow too hard to bear
and all your efforts to impress
dissipate into thin air.
Then you will learn to be like me
Free from all the stress and strain
escape into insanity
Because you overstrained your brain..
04/06/2009
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poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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Abnormality
Abormality?
I suffer from a strange disease.
A most peculiar malady,
I do exactly as I please
I do not seek a remedy
I’m growing old disgracefully
it’s much more fun than being staid.
Revel in eccentricity.
I’ve no reason to be afraid
of what some people think of me.
All of the people I respect
accept a certain levity.
As for the rest I don’t expect
that they would dare not to conform
to what they perceive as the norm.
14-May-08
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poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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This Is Living
(words & music by weisman - wise)
This is living, full of fun and free
This is living, thats the life for me
Its good to laugh and sing, dont worry about a thing
Wear a happy smile, cut loose and run a mile
If you relax and just enjoy it all, life has got to be a ball
This is living, full of fun and free
This is living, thats the life for me
It wouldnt mean a thing
If I could be a king
I really wouldnt care
To be a millionaire
Id rather find someone to love a lot
Live and give it all Ive got
This is living, full of fun and free
This is living, thats the life for me
Dont wanna settle down
I gotta move around
I gotta lot of time
Im gonna wait and find
The kinda girl whos heart is restless too
The kind who feels the way I do
This is living, full of fun and free
This is living, thats the life for me
song performed by by Elvis Presley
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Reviewing the Situation for Friend Thad
On looking back now I am old.
I see the errors which I made
I watch as memories unfold
but they no longer trouble me.
The times I failed to make the grade
I tried but unsuccessfully.
I can forgive myself I find
although I still have some regrets.
I have attained a peace of mind
Old age has taught me tolerance
of life’s triumphs and life’s upsets.
You win or lose: You take your chance.
On looking back now I am old
I can forgive myself I find.
6-Jan-09
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poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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The only Way to go.
Some choose to grow old quietly
but others take a different view.
They chose to live disgracefully.
Why should you give up having fun.
Because you’ve reached a certain age.
There are still things you haven’t done.
You want to do before you die
Though your time may be limited.
You see no reason not to try
To make your madcap dreams come true.
Why should you sit and vegetate
as other folks expect you to.
You are the captain of your fate.
So you can do what you want to.
Tomorrow may be far too late.
So do it now immediately.
Regardless of the consequence.
What does it matter anyway?
Society may not agree.
You have the right to your own view
Choose to act disgracefully.
You’ll find that life is much more fun
than sitting watching the T.V.
Show the world you’re still someone
Seize every opportunity
that life’s prepared to offer you.
To shock your neighbours thoroughly.
They choose to sit and wait to die.
You choose to do the opposite.
You won’t surrender easily/
But fight until your final breath
because it is your nature to
Although you know you can’t beat death.
You know that one day you must die
but until then you choose to live
Just as you wish disgracefully.
01/09/09
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poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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Suffer
Im gonna suffer for you no longer
Im gonna suffer for you no more
Im gonna write you out of my life
And shut the door
You tried to drive a wedge between me and my friends
You pushed me to the edge time and again
Ive been living in your shade since I cant remember when
Now Im bringing this charade to an end
Im gonna suffer for you no longer
Im gonna suffer for you no more
Im gonna write you out of my life
And shut the door
There was subtlety and skill in your manipulative ways
You chipped away my will so you could make me stay
You soothed me with your voice until I obeyed
But Im making my own choice from today
You used the tongue of love like a boxer uses fists
You contained me like a glove or a creeping cloak of mist
You guaranteed the stars but there always was a twist
Now I see you as you are - egotist !
Im gonna suffer for you no longer
Im gonna suffer for you no more
Im gonna write you out of my life
And shut the door
Ive got a ticket in my hand and I must be moving on
But I want you to understand that from the moment I am gone
I release and let you go - you owe nothing now to me
Im not angry anymore - Im free !
Im gonna suffer for you no longer
Im gonna suffer for you no more
Im gonna write you out of my life
And shut the door
song performed by by Waterboys
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The call we can't ignore for Friend Stephen
When I was young so long ago
an inside toilet was to me
epitome of luxury.
We had no choice we had to go.
To the outside lavatory
trudge down the yard through rain and snow
We suffered untold misery.
I can recall it vividly.
A stump of candle for a light.
Squares of newspaper on a string
It was no haven of delight
and all the while the draught whistling.
It used to be an earth closet
but we had progressed to a loo
Most usually the floor was wet
a home made duck board had to do
Today I sit upon the throne
in my bathroom warm and dry
and ponder on the loos I’ve known
I know I am a lucky guy.
From footprint loos in the east
to ultra modern super loos
It doesn’t matter in the least.
We have to go we can’t refuse.
I sit content and contemplate.
The softly quilted toilet roll
and all the latest up to date
systems with which I can control
The heat and the humidity
and spray sweet perfumes in the air.
Such decadence and luxury.
I do not find too hard to bear.
07/07/2009
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poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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