En.Citatepedia^®.ro

Can I offer a version of the world's (supposedly) funniest joke?

Whilst working on the switchboard once
for the emergency services team,
I came across a fatal dunce
who haunts my every dream.

his call came through at half past two
an over-excited punter
'Help me please, what should I do?
I've found the body of a hunter!

His skin is cold and clammy
he's bleeding from the gut,
If he's not dead, I'm barmy! '
So I stopped him and said, 'But...

could you just make sure that he's dead? '
the phone dropped, I was vexed
A shot rang out and then he said,
'Ok. He's dead. What next? '

poem by Hola Mentirosa
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!

All Dead, All Dead

Memories, my memories
How long can you stay
To haunt my days
She came without a farthing
A babe without a name
So much ado about nothing
Is what shed try to say
So much ado my lover
So many games we played
Through every fleeted summer
Through every precious day
All dead all dead
All the dreams we had
And I wonder why I still live on
All dead all dead
And alone Im spared
My sweeter half instead
All dead
And gone
All dead...
All dead all dead
At the rainbows end
And still I hear her own sweet song
All dead all dead
Take me back again
You know my little friends
All dead
And gone
All dead and gone
Her ways are always with me
I wander all the while
But please you must forgive me
I am old but still a child
All dead all dead
But I should not grieve
In time it comes to everyone
All dead all dead
But in hope I breathe
Of course I dont believe
Youre dead
And gone
All dead
And gone

song performed by by Queen
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!

Dead Or Alive

There in the shadows, looks like a hand
Without its owner, to give it a command
Its got a purpose but I dont know what it is
Im in trouble
There in the streets, looks like a man
But something wrong that I dont understand
His eyes are open but he dont see a thing
His skin is peeling off, his bones are sticking out
Im getting scared
Oh my God (is it dead? )
Is it living? (is it dead? )
Is it dead or alive?
(is it dead? ), is it dead? (is it dead? )
Is it dead? (is it dead? )
Is it dead or alive?
Hiding in the cupboards, like little mice
Hiding in the frigerator, that isnt nice
Its not an animal, it dont have legs
No one else can see it
It moves so fast, corner of my eye
Look again its gone, its hiding
Wont somebody help me, doesnt anybody care?
It waits so patiently, for me to lose my guard
Im getting scared
Is it dead, is it
(is it dead)
Is it dead
(is it dead)
Is it dead or alive
(is it dead)
Is it dead
(is it dead)
Is it dead, is it
I remember there was a time
When dead and buried meant just that
Underneath the cold dark ground
Things stay put!
Oh them bones they make them bodies walk
Them bones, them bones
If they could only talk!
Is it dead (fade)

song performed by by Oingo Boingo
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!

When I Think Of Myself As Dead

WHEN I THINK OF MYSELF AS DEAD

When I think of myself as dead
I think of what it will mean for my loved ones
I pray they will not lose heart and hope because of it-
When my father died my brother lost hope-

When I think of myself dead
I wonder about God and God�s purpose
Is there really an afterlife?
What could it mean?
Will I meet again those who have gone before me?

When I think of myself dead
I think about a body in the ground
Worms eating it, cold paining it-

When I think of myself as dead
I think about never feeling anything again-

When I think about myself as dead
I think about the work I have left behind
And whether it will mean anything to anyone
And for how long-

When I think of myself as dead
I think of all the memories that will go with me
I think about nothing and more nothing and the end of the universe-

When I think of myself as dead
I think of life going on down below
Life with all its beauty and pain
And I pray and I pray again
My loved ones will be able to manage and make their own lives still happy

When I think of myself as dead
I pray to G-d
That somehow in some way
It will not be the end for me forever.

When I think of myself as dead
I think of myself as living again somehow
In a way I cannot now know-

poem by Shalom Freedman
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!

Dead Guy Stickers

In the USA,
They want to put dead guy pictures on cigarette packs.
With that brilliant logic in mind, I say put dead guy stickers on:
car windshields(dead guys in wrecks)
pistol and rifle handles (dead guys shot)
marriage licenses (dead spouses)
hamburger and hot dog wrappers (dead fat guys)
pies, cakes (more dead fat guys)
bathroom doors (thousands of dead guys in bathrooms every year)
bicycles (road kill dead guys)
fire places (burnt dead guys)
swimming pools (drown dead guys)
every electrical outlet (fried dead guys)
air plane tickets (dead passenger guys)
the beach (shark bit dead guys)
cities (shot dead guys)
air (blue dead guys)
fish (poisoned dead guys)
motorcycles (more road kill dead guys)
scarfs (strangled dead guys)
football helmets (brain dead guys)
hot tubs (more drowned dead guys)
and so on.
Just about everything can kill you, such as:
Mothers (dead baby guys plus dead fathers)
Fathers (dead baby guys plus dead mothers)
Police(multiple dead guys and chicks)
Drugs (multiple dead guys and chicks)
and so on.
Once everything has a dead guy sticker on it,
You've been warned and the world will be safer, right?
It shows we care, right?

poem by Richard Jarboe
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!

Dear wife

I work so hard
I have no time for supper, breakfast, and dinner
Got a cracker and a noodle
A little solid a little hot liquid Are enough since I need a lot of time
Before my computer And this is non-stop working for the whole day
My cell phone is on silent mode and I cannot open it
I work the whole day, concentrated and straight It is eleven o’clock in the evening I arrive in the house and you say a lot of things I do not care anymore as I drag my dead tired body Towards the room and eyes half-closed I almost stepped upon your expensive porcelain vase
I lay on bed my shoes and sock still on my feet I did know anything since then Dead tired I am dead asleep.
If you are unhappy and do not like me
Find the man who is not tired, just leave me I am dead asleep.
i am just your loving husband, tomorrow i will still be your loving husband, yes tomorrow, even if you decided to go away.

poem by Ric S. Bastasa
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!

Never Feed Your Body With The Dead Soul

If dreams break even in a dream
Yet you get hurt in your heart
The body is lying like a log
The soul is dead in frosty fog

So dare to dream in a dream
As the soul searches life
The life searches dream
The dream is the cream of life.
let the dream to break down never
Rather get it move like a super car
Stretch it like a synthetic rubber
Make sure that the soul is never dead
And the body is never dead soul fed.

poem by Abdul Wahab
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!

Stop Dead

Stop!
Stop!
Stop dead,
Stop stop stop stop stop stop
I pulled up at a west end junction (seeker of attention)
A full body kit and bass bins pumping (size up competition)
Come on red light, get into green,
I hit the brake, I must be dreaming..
Im stop! (stop), dead! (dead), in my tracks (in my tracks)
Got to fix on you.
Dont wanna loose you, from my sight
Where ya going to?
Gotta know now..
Stop! (stop), dead! (dead), in my tracks (in my tracks)
Got to fix on you.
Dont wanna loose, you from my sight
Where ya going to?
Oh-oh-oh
Ive got my eyes on the action (killer reputation)
Heat crazed in full satisfaction (become a phaser? )
Do what you do and do it to me,
Body in motion, now you see me
(chorus)
Gotta know know.. stop!
Come on now, come on now
Come on now, come on now
Wise up to remain young victim (come on, ways of attraction)
A full scale attack on the system (come on, no one visor? )
Do what you do and do it to me,
Im into red line territory
And im..
(chorus)
Stop!, dead in my tracks again,
Im stop dead in my tracks
Stop!, in my tracks (yeah)
Im stop dead in my tracks
(oh-oh) gotta know know..
Stop! (stop), dead! (dead), in my tracks (in my tracks)
Stop! (stop), dead! (dead), in my tracks (in my tracks)
Stop! (stop), dead! (dead), in my tracks (in my tracks)
Stop! (stop), dead! (dead), in my tracks (in my tracks)
Stop! (stop), dead! (dead), in my tracks (in my tracks)
Stop! (stop), dead! (dead), in my tracks (in my tracks)
Stop! (stop), dead! (dead), in my tracks (in my tracks)

song performed by by Duran Duran
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!

Dead And Broken

Too many things I've never spoken
I'm not feeling fine
I never told you what to do
I never made you a promise that you could hold me to
That'll be the day you see me crying
Everyday, I still say you're dead and broken
Everyday, I still say you're dead and broken
You're dead and broken
How many different faces can you show me?
How many times can you be right?
Another world of fantasy
Another reason for dramatizing everything
Taking it all in just one more time
I'm dying
Everyday, I still say you're dead and broken
Everyday, I still say you're dead and broken
You're dead and broken
Sorry to see that you're underestimated lately
I'd rather be dead and broken than living in your grace
Everyday, I still say you're dead and broken
Everyday, I still say you're dead and broken
You're dead and broken
You're dead and broken
You're dead and broken
You're dead and broken
You're dead and broken
You're dead and broken
You're dead and broken

song performed by by Godsmack
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!

I Get So Excited

(ian hunter)
I hear a thousand drums a million miles away
I feel the wembley rock I get a buzz off a big parade
I get the music
Everywhere
Get off on the music
If this is the end there I dont care
I get so excited
So excited
Call me a fan thats just what I am
I said I i I i I get
So excited
So excited
My nerves are alive
I feel like a knife
I said I get so excited
I hear a choir singing way up above the sea
I feel the sound a-changing as the night rocks a spell on me
I get the music
Everywhere
Get off on the music
If this is the end there I dont care I get
So excited
So excited
Ill throw you a line come far behind
I said I i I i I get
So excited
So excited
Its happening so fast
And the drummers a blast
I said I get so excited
By your mind oh yeah oh yeah
Excited by your warmth oh yeah oh yeah
Excited by your body oh yeah oh yeah
Excited by your...
Ha ha ha ha
Oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah right! I get
So excited
So excited
Band on the run just for the fun
I said I i I i I get
So excited
So excited
It lasts and it lasts
Get up off your past
I said I i I i I i I get
So excited
So excited
Call me a fan thats just what I am
I said I i I i I i I get
So excited
So excited
My nerves are alive
I feel like a knife
I said I i I i
I I i i
(fade)
Hey hey!

song performed by by Ian Hunter
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!

How Does A Relationship End? ....

in Siayan the woman who broke up with her man
ended up dead,
he rationalized that if he could not own her
let no one can

the parents mourn for the death of their baby
whom
not a fly had ever landed on her skin

on his part
his life has no meaning anymore
he has become
the living dead and then with one fatal shot in his head
he exploded
death

there are two coffins in the neighborhood
two funerals

many mourners
ten lamentations

on a tongue in cheek
one of those who gambled on those wake nights asked

all in the name of Love?

poem by Ric S. Bastasa
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!

Buried Alive

[Venom cover]
I'm alive but dead, awake but asleep
As friend gather round and mourners they weep
My mind thinks of all the things I have done
My body is cold but my heart beat goes on
And on................and on
As they lower me down into that hole in the ground
I scream out for help but they hear not a sound
I fear at the lid, my fingers they bleed
Is this happening to me or is it just a dream
Summon the dead..........
Baphomets call...........
Blood on my hands........
"Let me out of here"
My bones are decayed, my flesh it doth rot
I'm lying in silk, take the lid off this box
My lungs gasp for air, my eyes scream for sight
I promise the rise of my body this night
Summon the dead..........
Baphomets call...........
Blood on my hands........
Screaming in torment.....
I'm felling you all......
Take heed of my plea.....
Answer my call...........
I'm gonna be free........

song performed by by Obituary
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!

A Small Plot Of Land

Poor soul
Spit upon that
Poor soul
He never knew what hit him
And it hit him so
Poor dunce
He pushed back the pigmen
The barbs laughed
The fool is dead
Poor dunce
Hes less than within us
The brains talk
But the will to live is dead
And prayer cant
Travel so far these days
The talk of your life
Standing so near
To innocent eyes
Poor dunce
Swings thru the tunnels
And claws his way
Is small life so manic
Are these really the days
Poor dunce
Poor dunce
Poor soul
Poor soul
Poor soul

song performed by by David Bowie
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!

Dream

If a dream
Breaks even
In a dream
You get hurt
In your heart
As dream is
The driving force
Of your life
Without dream
Soul is dead
Life is like a cloud
Without rain
Body becomes a stem
Cut from a tree
Lies like a log
In a frosty fog.
So, make sure
The body is not fed
With that of the soul which is dead.

poem by Abdul Wahab
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!

Over The Dead Body

Don’t fight over the dead body
Grudge and ego of people left behind
Could raise the worst world war
Don’t scared over the dead body
Silence and stillness of living human
Is more frightening than the ghost
Don’t keep mourning over the dead body
Sadness and lost of the one we love
Will be replaced by forever peace
Don’t worship over the dead body
Dreams could only be real and achieved
If we open our eyes to the world
Don’t disrespect over the dead body
It once belonged to precious life
Though the evidence corpse severely decayed

poem by Maria Sudibyo
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!

You Hung Me

It's dead, it'd dead you killed it all
you fucked me over, you watched me fall
the life you sucked right out of me
dead you hung me from tree.

My blood spills out onto the ground
it screams, it cries without a sound
there is no victory here for me
dead you hung me from a tree.

You can run but you can't hide
you'll try to say it's suicide
torn apart for all to see
dead you hung me from a tree.

I'll prove to you your world is wrong
your power has gone on way to long
watch my body swing so free
dead you hung me from a tree.

Free from you I find my peace
in a grave that's six feet deep
the cage unlocked, I found the key
dead you hung me from a tree.

poem by CJA Anderson
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!

The Re-Awakening.

Pan's not dead: the earth but waiteth
The burst of new life through the old;
In this way the God still createth
The sparks that animate the mould,
Though the dead be so cold.
From Winter's womb the young year springeth
When winds and rain away are rolled,
As the sprite to the body wingeth
It may be from the starry fold,
Though the dead be so cold.

poem by Robert Crawford
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!

Dead Rock Star

(feat. The Stooges)
They think that I've got the bread
They want to read my head
The position show his cool
Like football star in school
Someone to sell me
Someone to tell me
I'm a dead rock star
in a dead rock car
I'm a dead rock star
I'm so afraid of failing
I hang onto the railing
This cold hard graduation
Kills all infatuation
I took the hazing
They said "amazing"
I'm a dead rock star
in a dead rock car
I'm a dead rock star
I gathered awful knowledge
You cannot get in college
Would you like Cain or Abel
I'll bring them to the table
They try to rope me
They try to grope me
I'm a dead rock star
in a dead rock car
I'm a dead rock star
What can I hope for ?
What can I hope for ?
Nothing to live for
Nothing to live for
I'm a dead rock star
in a dead rock car
I'm a dead rock star

song performed by by Iggy Pop
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!

We Cannot Save The Dead

WE CANNOT SAVE THE DEAD

We cannot save the dead,
Though we perfect our forms of remembrance-
The dead are the dead forever dead-
And we will too one day be among them
Dead forever dead-
Despite the way those left behind strive to remember.

Dead forever dead-
Unless God decide
In some way we cannot understand
That the individual human being
Is as infinitely precious
As those who love them here
know them to be.

-

poem by Shalom Freedman
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!

Dead End Street

Theres a crack up in the ceiling,
And the kitchen sink is leaking.
Out of work and got no money,
A sunday joint of bread and honey.
What are we living for?
Two-roomed apartment on the second floor.
No money coming in,
The rent collectors knocking, trying to get in.
We are strictly second class,
We dont understand,
(dead end!)
Why we should be on dead end street.
(dead end!)
People are living on dead end street.
(dead end!)
Gonna die on dead end street.
Dead end street (yeah)
Dead end street (yeah)
On a cold and frosty morning,
Wipe my eyes and stop me yawning.
And my feet are nearly frozen,
Boil the tea and put some toast on.
What are we living for?
Two-roomed apartment on the second floor.
No chance to emigrate,
Im deep in debt and now its much too late.
We both want to work so hard,
We cant get the chance,
(dead end!)
People live on dead end street.
(dead end!)
People are dying on dead end street.
(dead end!)
Gonna die on dead end street.
Dead end street (yeah)
Dead end street (yeah)
(dead end!)
People live on dead end street.
(dead end!)
People are dying on dead end street.
(dead end!)
Gonna die on dead end street.
Dead end street (yeah)
Dead end street (yeah)
Dead end street (yeah)
Head to my feet (yeah)
Dead end street (yeah)
Dead end street (yeah)
Dead end street (yeah)
Hows it feel? (yeah)
Hows it feel? (yeah)
Dead end street (yeah)
Dead end street (yeah)

song performed by by Kinks
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!

The Drug's Not Working

I was shooting in the back of the car
When the windows smashed on the police cars
I was swimming through the streets of New York
With my cocaine dagger and throats to cut
And it was making her cry
And it was making her cry
And it was making her cry
But it was making me high
She was a hooker at the age of 16
All she wanted was the money
She didn't need an I.D.
She was a junkie and I know its clich
But then so was her life
I mean, she lived in L.A.
And it was making her cry
And it was making her cry
And it was making her cry
But it was making her high
And it was making her cry
And it was making her cry
And it was making her cry
But it was making her high
And it was making her cry
And it was making her cry
(Riot in my skull, demons are coming)
And it was making her cry
(Los Angeles is dead, the drugs ain't working)
And it was making her cry
(Painted it all black, the chains are jerking)
And it was making her cry
(Los Angeles is dead, the drugs ain't working)
And it was making her cry
(Riot in my skull, demons are coming)
And it was making her cry
(Los Angeles is dead, the drugs ain't working)
And it was making her cry
(Los Angeles is dead, the drugs ain't working)
Riot in my skull, demons are coming
L.A. your dead, the drugs ain't working
Painted it all black, the chains are jerking
L.A. is dead, the drugs ain't working
L.A. your dead, the drugs ain't working
L.A. your dead, the drugs ain't working
The drugs ain't working
The drugs ain't working

song performed by by Ryan Adams
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!