That pain exists is necessary Lord (in reply to Breyten Breytenbach)

That pain exists is necessary Lord,
as it purifies me
and the more I suffer the nearer it brings me,
it brings You nearer to me

and at times Your crucifixion is too terrible
to understand, it torments me
to think that mere man
could act so mercilessly, so revolting,
like the deranged could shout and scream
to kill You, Lord
and some of them murderous
leaning forward and jump up and down

and although Your death is a realisation
of many prophecies,
Your suffering paid the price for the lot of man,
I am still lost
in your unselfish love
that demands from Your Father
to leave the perpetrators without reckoning,
the people that were spitting on You,
the people that hated You
and nobody can understand such deep love,
that does not turn around self, or own profit

but your pain and suffering was necessary Lord
and although some turn their backs on You
I beg You to keep me on the right way,
for Your help to unlearn my own conceit,
that is harming our relationship.

[Reference: breyten bid vir homself (breyten prays for himself) by Breyten Breytenbach.]

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In The Darkness I Got Up

(after Breyten Breytenbach)

In the darkness I got up
saw you in the rays of the moon
while the gulls was screeching endlessly outside
with some flying to the endless ocean

and the yesterdays disappeared with every morning,
night fled away before each day's sunshine
with our being together
that came as a kind of healing for any previous pain

and on the far road that we have been travelling on
things were now wide and open,
while I read true love in your eyes,
healing for every fear and endless hope,

we went pass every horizon
with days going on and on
and your dreams also became mine
while nothing could hinder us

with the milk white beaches that stretched out around us
you told me your deepest secrets,
your tongue braided intimately around mine,
continuously we courted each other

while my verses went through to your depths,
each new morning brought hope and more love
that captured us again with each other,
with joy that we found in the smallest thing

while the sea threw out shells endlessly on the beaches,
the wind and sea everywhere scattered sand
it felt if every day was summer,
you were suntanned, far past being only lovely.

[Reference: 'the cup of words' by Breyten Breytenbach.]

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Mere existence (in answer to Breyten Breytenbach)

With the hot sun daily appearing,
the beauty of the glittering stars at night,
the wind dancing through the leaves
it seems as if every thing is caught,

as if existence is mere rejoicing
in which insects, birds and people are frolicking,
as if we are in a world that is only waiting
for bigger glory with each coming day

as if our lives are not measured out
to mere existence, as if time can last eternally,
as if time itself is missing,
only is something fleeting that we experience,

as if everything is caught in the here and now,
in that which we experience and live through,
the feelings in the heart,
the principles of loving

but reality
is filled with heartache,
illnesses, suffering and pain
with our youth that disappears,

there is grey coming to our hairs,
the beauty of our faces,
our bodies decay with the years
and time is measured out for every one

until when our lives suddenly
or gradually comes to a end,
where each one of us decays
like just another wilting flower.

[Reference: “daar is geen tyd” (“there is no time”) by Breyten Breytenbach.]

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Not with a machinegun, but with a pen (in answer to Breyten Breytenbach)

Not with a machinegun, but with a pen
I write this prayer
since Your might is greater than any weapon:

What am I able to tell You, Jesus Christ,
almighty Creator, God and upper Lord,
I who are only an Afrikaner in my forties,
since You know every thing, even before it happens
and there’s nothing that I can teach You.

How my country was taken away
by people who pray to ancestral spirits
(who probably are demons) ,
that a man with more than one wife
sit in the highest chair,

that I still pay taxes
when and where I have a job
and that it is difficult times
and work is very scarce
for a white man.

Would I have to tell about a government
that sings give me my machinegun
and a bullet for a Boer
and kill the farmer,
kill the white
as You know every thing.

That my people were disarmed
by the government
and by barbarians
are hacked into pieces
with panga-blades and axes
like you were sacrificed

and even in death
they are humiliated
by pulling their pants down
like You had to hang naked on the cross,

that women are raped
as if every white woman
is a sex slave
belonging to the hordes

that they still throw knucklebones
and think that it brings them invincibility
and freedom from blame.

l’Envoi
All that I am really asking
is that all of these deeds
and the things that they do, say and sing
go into the cup of Your wrath

and please help
my people and me
to serve You better
that the wide world
(like with our ancestors)
can see Your might and salvation.

[References: nie met die pen nie maar met die masjiengeweer by Breyten Breytenbach. Murder on Eugene Terreblance. Murder and violence on white people.]

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In dancing with the enemy one follows his steps even if counting under one's breath.

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I think it's an area that one writes from that is curious because it is not a clearly defined partisan one.

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The predominant yardstick of your government is not human rights but national interests.

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For my brother (in answer to Breyten Breytenbach)

For my brother
that actually doesn’t know me anymore
I write this poem

and I know that the road
that I walked till here
was at times
greatly by the choices
that I have made.

Still, we stay one in loyalty,
one in blood and family relationship,
one when destiny closes its fingers
and maybe one in being lost
although we both
face different directions
and sometimes we search for a brother
at places where he’s not.

I sometimes walk alone on a dark way
and continually search for a star, a new sun
and who know what is waiting there?

Still, I am writing these words
to return to you,
to walk along through your valleys
to places where the sun hangs bright
where the sky is blue past the horizon
and let it always go better
than just well with you.

[Reference: vir my broer, in hierdie koue wêreld by Breyten Breytenbach.]

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Mercy on me

My body now worn and riddled with pain

FATHER have mercy on me, LORD have mercy on me

Your hand on my life even before my first breath

FATHER of my life, LORD of the wholeness of my life

My life entirely in Your hands

I do not question why my suffering

FATHER Your healing hands on me, LORD Your healing hands on me

My faith and trust in You always

FATHER the author of my being, LORD Your grace upon me

No blame, my life is in You

Your Grace keeps me from long lonely nights

FATHER Your presence comforts me, LORD Your peace in me

Loneliness will never defeat me

FATHER of everlasting love, LORD Your sacrifice in love

Humbled, I surrender to You

Though my breathing becomes harder

FATHER Your breath in me, Lord Your life in me

My eyes become dim, and life escapes me

FATHER, the giver of life, LORD, the healer of my being

Your healing in me, now and forever

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It would be a tragic mistake for us out here to imagine that Bush represents the hearts and the minds of the majority of your countrymen. Many of your black and other compatriots must be just as anguished as we are.

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The goal, I submit, is obvious: subjugating the world (which is barbarian, dangerous, envious and ungrateful) to US power for the sake of America's interests.

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Better still - your history has shown how powerful a moral catharsis expressed through popular resistance to injustice can sometimes be; I have in mind the grassroots opposition to the Vietnam War.

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Dangerous because your present Administration and its specialized agencies by all accounts know no restraint in hitting out at any perceived enemy of America, and nobody or nothing can protect one from their vindictiveness.

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In reality the workings of your governing system are opaque and covert, while hiding in the chattering spotlight of an ostensible transparency, even though the ultimate objective is clear.

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Don’t Cry For Me Africa

Don’t cry for me Africa
Because I will never let you out of my mind
I hear your voices people of Africa
I hear your cries people of Africa
I see pain in your eyes people of Africa
It is hard to describe what you people of Africa are going through
Poverty strikes you all people of Africa
Don’t cry for me Africa
Because I will keep you in my prayers people of Africa
Power to the people of Africa
People of Africa lift your spirit higher
Lord is the light and truth people of Africa
The Lord sends you a message from his heart to you people of Africa
He said because I love you
I will answer your prayers
I hear your prayers
Don’t cry for me Africa
Because you have a friend that is the Lord
People of Africa continue doing the Lords work
Make a wish people of Africa
The people of Africa are looking at the Lord face to face
Lord here is no paradise
We dream a little dream said the people of Africa to the Lord
The People of Africa Pray that the Lord will give each other strength every day
Don’t cry for me Africa
Save the people of Africa
Strengthened the people of Africa each day
Because I’ll be there in your dreams people of Africa
The people of Africa tells The Lord how much they love him
Don’t cry for me Africa
Lord comes when you are ready people of Africa
Feelings you have for your Lord People of Africa
And I know you will never let it die
Nothing but flowers the people of Africa will plant in the sea shore for the Lord
Don’t cry for me Africa
The people of Africa needs hope to heal there land
The Lord rose up on you people of Africa
Don’t cry for me Africa
My heart will go on
Once I close this door of the ship I will sail across the Atlantic Sea

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I will die and go to my father

I will die and go to my father
without any further postponement, now
I will take my car and to the road,

die from everything ugly in me,
die from the wrong things between us,
die from that which separates us,

drive to where his white house is against the mountains
although fear clings to my heart.
I will die and go to my father,

die from that which has kept me so long from him,
die from all my pride,
die from all the wrong things in me

and even if I drive for hours long
while the sun fades,
I will take my car and to the road

and anchor myself on the eternal rock
(believe that he will be waiting me in) ,
die from all my pride

and believe that he will wrap his arms around me,
will hold me tightly.
I will die and go to my father

and believe that we will cry and laugh together,
believe that I will know of his love,
believe that he will be waiting me in,

without suspicion
and with repentance
I will take my car and to the road

and I will eat with him again
before time forever runs out,
believe that I will know of his love

and that he will really understand,
shall see me as his own.
I will die and go to my father
I will take my car and to the road

we will enter into deep conversations with love and new hope,
die from everything ugly in me
before time forever runs out,
die from that which separates us.

[References: Ek sal sterf en na my vader gaan by Breyten Breytenbach. Ek sal sterf en na my moeder gaan by Gert Strydom.]

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Lovers Prayer

Lord, lord, lord, lord, lord
Lord, lord, lord, lord, lord
Lord, lord, lord, lord, lord
Just wanna be with my love tonight
I dont want no jive artists calling me on the telephone
Dont wanna watch the carson show all alone
I just wanna lay back, take my rest
With the one I loves head resting on my chest
Lord, lord, lord, lord, lord
Lord, lord, lord, lord, lord
Lord, lord, lord, lord, lord
Just wanna be with my love tonight
And I dont want my best friends even coming round
cos if they do I might put em down
Carsons over and the lights way down low
And all I got, I got a heart full of soul
Lord, lord, lord, lord, lord
I said, lord, lord, lord, lord, lord
I said, lord, lord, lord, lord, lord
Just wanna be with my love tonight
And its a lovers prayer, oh yes it is
Takes a little time, takes a little care, yeah, yeah, yeah
And when it gets way on in the midnight hour
I just wanna play my guitar
I just wanna see you smile, touch your face
Be with you in my own place
Lord, lord, lord, lord, lord
I said, lord, lord, lord, lord, lord
Lord, lord, lord, lord, lord
Just wanna be with my love tonight
Just wanna be with my love tonight
Just wanna be with my love tonight

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Hymn for Atonement Day

Lord, Your humble servants hear,
Suppliant now before You,
Our Father, from Your children's plea
Turn not, we implore You!

Lord, Your people, sore oppressed,
From the depths implore You;
Our Father, let us not, this day,
Cry in vain before You.

Lord, blot out our evil pride,
All our sins before You;
Our Father, for Your Mercy's sake,
Pardon, we implore You.

Lord, no sacrifice we bring,
Prayers and tears implore You;
Our Father, take the gift we lay,
Contrite hearts, before You.

Lord, Your sheep have wandered far,
Gather them before You;
Our Father, let Your shepherd love
Guide us, we implore You.

Lord, Your pardon grant to all
That in truth, implore You;
Our Father, let our evening prayer
Now find grace before You.

Lord, Your humble servants hear,
Suppliant now before You;
Our Father, from Your children's plea
Turn not, we implore You!

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My Lord Alone

It is The Lord and Him alone, behind how much I have grown,
Just how I've grown spiritually, since meeting God at Calvary,
Saving me, so spiritually lost, while the Lord paid all the cost,
Saving me from my life of sin, to gain a new life all from Him.

It was God, Who set me free, to put me on my way to eternity,
He had set me free in this life, to follow my Lord, Jesus Christ.
Indwelt with The Spirit of God, to guide me on this earthly sod,
Guided out of the spiritual night, to walk in His Truth and Light.

It is my Lord Who walks with me, while on an ordained destiny,
My destiny prescribed by Christ, Who is The Author of my life,
The Author and Sustainer of, my life, through His power above,
Sustaining me in times of trial, by His power, there is no denial.

It is The Lord, my dear friend, Who shall lead me up to the end,
And at every bend I'm assured, that I'm in the hand of my Lord,
Guided by His Love and Care, Christ goes with me everywhere,
Wherever I journey, I understand, I'm forever in my Lord's hand.

While I'm in God's hand forever, I'm without His presence never,
As Christ's Spirit helps me grow, in ways, that He's yet to show,
This as my God sustains my life, in this world of pain and strife,
As I journey towards Paradise, because The Lord paid the price.

(Copyright ©10/2012)

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I Love You Lord Jesus

I love you, Lord.

I love you, Lord
More than anyone in this world
Because Your love is the greatest of all.

I love you, Lord
For You are my Protector
When the world is against me.

I love you, Lord
Because You are the one
Who gives me strength and hope.

I love you, Lord
Because You alone
Who understand me.

I love you, Lord
Because You love me
More than I love you.

I love you, Lord
For helping my family,
Relatives, and friends.

I love you, Lord
Because You are my guiding light
When my life is full of darkness.

O Lord, so many reasons to love you
But even without these reasons,
I still love you, Lord Jesus.

I know,
You have loved me before,
You love me now,
You will love me tomorrow,
And for the rest of my life.

I love you, Lord Jesus...

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What god do they serve?

There are people that say
that those that are sick,
wretched and poor
live outside the will of God
and that their sins
brings them there.

What about a two-year-old child
that die in terrible pain
from cancer,
the upright person
that gives his life for others
and do they also
go straight to the place of destruction?

What god does just look after the rich,
the healthy, clever people
and those that are born
with the golden spoon
and live in palaces
and do not concern themselves with others?

l’Envoi
Great Lord, I just wonder
what god do they serve
when mine see
the two pennies of a poor woman,
is the great king of the universe
and in a manger
as a human
saw first light,
visited the whore
and tax collector
and paid the price
for the sins of ungrateful impudent people
and still said:

“Father forgive them,
for they do not know what they are doing.”

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