B: XI: Pity the Dictator

Wanting what was 'grand',
he looked up 'connoisseur',
the 'universe',
'...to perfect the mind of man'.
He grew callous in his search:
'force',
'consanguinity',
'preposterous' and 'pompous'.
He hadn't understood
He really wanted 'good'.

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Greater Force

I don’t know what to believe for each people has a good book of its own.
But I do believe there’s a greater power than anyone has ever known.
Marvels from the atom to the universe manifest incredible design
For lack of a better word they’re attributed to an entity called divine.

Being but human we name it many things like Allah, Buddha or God,
But to me it’s just an unknown force which in the instant of a nod
Can create a human body still little understood by mankind
Or paint a magnificent sunset no mortal could have ever designed.

This force has no timetable since past, present and future are one.
Best I use my few seconds wisely before my brief journey is done.
I do believe one thing for sure… I will be judged for doing what I could,
Because there is intrinsic right and wrong just as there is bad and good.

This force, this power is all around me; it manifests eternal love.
With this goodness my life will be as brilliant as any of the stars above.

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Pen her to pin her

A providing, possessive husband,
The endeared children, a good home,
A good wealth, a good standing
And a striking shyness are her credit.
Yet she looked for more
Which I have readily understood
And provided to her delight.
She wanted pampering and adoration.
Verses were penned; she was pinned.
20.09.2002

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I also wanted to do something that I hadn't really seen in almost any black novels, which was a complex love story in which both people were extremely intelligent and talented and understood a lot of things and were still at odds getting it together.

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The Perfect Drug

The perfect drug
I got my head, but my head is unraveling
Cant keep control, cant keep track of where its traveling
I got my heart but my heart is no good
And youre the only one thats understood
I come along but I dont know where youre taking me
I shouldnt go but youre reaching back and shaking me
Turn off the sun, pull the stars from the sky
The more I give to you, the more I die
And I want you
And I want you
And I want you
And I want you
You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
You make me hard, when Im all soft inside
I see the truth, when Im all stupid eyed
The arrow goes straight through my heart
Without you everything just falls apart
My blood wants to say hello to you
My feelings want to get inside of you
My soul is so afraid to realize
Every little word is a lack of me
And I want you
And I want you
And I want you
And I want you
You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
(whispering)
You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
You are the perfect drug, the drug, the perfect drug
Take me, with you
Take me, with you
Take me, with you
(continues in backround)
Without you, without you everything falls apart
Without you, its not as much fun to pick up the pieces
Without you, without you everything falls apart
Without you, its not as much fun to pick up the pieces
Its not as much fun to pick up the pieces
Its not as much fun to pick up the pieces
Without you, without you everything falls apart
Without you, its not as much fun to pick up the pieces

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Perfect Drug (Aphrodite Remix)

the perfect drug
i got my head but my head is unravelling
cant keep control can't keep track of where it's travelling
i got my heart but my heart's no good
you're the only one that's understood
i come along but i dont know where you're taking me
i shouldn't go but you're wrenching dragging shaking me
turn off the sun pull the stars from the sky
the more i give to you the more i die
and i want you
you are the perfect drug
the perfect drug
the perfect drug
the perfect drug
you make me hard when i'm all soft inside
i see the truth when i'm all stupid-eyed
the arrow goes straight through my heart
without you everything just falls apart
my blood just wants to say hello to you
my fears want to get inside of you
my soul is so afraid to realize
how very little good is left of me
and i want you
you are the perfect drug
the perfect drug
the perfect drug
the perfect drug
take me with you
without you everything just falls apart
it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces

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Histrionic Personality Disorder 2

I'd read of the plight of poor Sandusky. What rot!
Puritanism strikes again: where will it end?
I'd even googled the disorder. Took my sun-glasses off and read:
Defense today depending less on motive than diagnosis;
But I seemed to have all the symptoms: naivete, gullibility, low frust-
ration, strong dependency. The whole ball of wax.
After reading about it I did, anyway. And these were just the good things.
But how could I know for sure? Don't most have these traits? Somewise?
As for the causes, these were foregone:
turbulent both oral AND genital phases, in my case.
So the search for certainty'd brought me to this office.
As the expert, she was really supposed to know, no?
All I wanted was certainty. 'And, if it doesn't exist...? ',
I asked the translater, still staring at the floor
paved with lovely green travertine that felt good underfoot.
In reply, she just shrugged: these people are good at body language.
'Dunque, non'. That much I understood. She rose,
looked out the window, remarked, I think, about the good weather.
As she studied the sky I was impressed by her expertise.
'Would you like to have lunch? ' she asked, turning, in perfect English.
Flattered and intrigued, I stammered 'si',
wondering just how many euros it would cost me.
'What are you hearing at the opera? ', she asked.
'Ernani', I answered, ingenuously. 'Ah, an early one!
'You'll love it, I saw it, its wonderful', she said.
Together we took the elevator down, walked through an immense door,
and out into the broad, Italian sunshine.

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I Understood

If i ever asked for strength,
God must have given me difficulties,
They made me stronger instead.
Then I understood;
Sometimes He allow illness
So we care for ourselves.

If I ever begged for wisdom,
God must have granted me problems,
I think I hadst to solve.
Then I understood;
Our hearts 're broken,
So we be strong.

When asked for prosperity,
God gave me brain,
I had to think and think o' work.
Then I understood;
We fail other times,
For us to be humble.

In place of Courage,
I was given storms of danger,
Mine was to overcome.
Then I understood;
God might break our spirits,
In time to save our souls.

I called forth for favours,
Instead God made opportunities,
Up my way.
Then I understood;
Our paths 're made longer,
So we won't hit Walls.

I then asked for love,
But God gave me trouble stricken,
People. To help.
Then I understood;
Sometimes God snatch our best,
To make us live longer.

I
Then I understood something,
Happening sometime,
For some seasoned reason...,

II
I remember one time,
I broke my leg.
Now I understand;
God wanted,
Me not to fall in hole.

III
I recall another time,
My short younger brother,
Lost everything from the ground.
Now I understand;
He was to find them on shelves,

IV
When I received nothing I wanted,
God gave me everything I needed,
And that's His perfect work

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I Knew You

I knew you before you knew
Who you wanted to be
Now I see the new you
She's a perfect stranger to me
Loves unkind, for I find
If only saw, the best of you
But my mind, not so blind
Showed my heart the rest of you
Scheming lies and alibis
That butter wouldn't melt disguise
With happy ever after eyes
That made a fool of me
I knew you before you knew
Who you wanted to be
Now I see the new you
She's a perfect stranger to me
She's a perfect stranger to me
Love is cruel It makes a fool
Of one who thought we had it all
All bridges burned, the lesson learned
You never really loved at all
Now you're gone, I'm on my own
Don't come around, don't even phone
Please leave a happy man alone
And we can both be free
I knew you before you knew
Who you wanted to be
Now I see the new you
She's a perfect stranger to me
She's a perfect stranger to me

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I don't know that I ever wanted greatness, on its own. It seems rather like wanting to be an engineer, rather than wanting to design something--or wanting to be a writer, rather than wanting to write. It should be a by-product, not a thing in itself. Otherwise, it's just an ego trip.

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Grand-Père

And so when he reached my bed
The General made a stand:
"My brave young fellow," he said,
"I would shake your hand."

So I lifted my arm, the right,
With never a hand at all;
Only a stump, a sight
Fit to appal.

"Well, well. Now that's too bad!
That's sorrowful luck," he said;
"But there! You give me, my lad,
The left instead."

So from under the blanket's rim
I raised and showed him the other,
A snag as ugly and grim
As its ugly brother.

He looked at each jagged wrist;
He looked, but he did not speak;
And then he bent down and kissed
Me on either cheek.

You wonder now I don't mind
I hadn't a hand to offer. . . .
They tell me (you know I'm blind)
'Twas Grand-Père Joffre.

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Simple Mind

There’s simple girl
With simple mind
She wants perfect love
But she finds it’s hard
To get a perfect guy
With a perfect job
Has a perfect house
Keeps a perfect dog
In a perfect time
And a perfect place
For a perfect happily ever after

So she change little
Of her simple mind
She still wants perfect love
She knows it’s hard
To get a perfect guy
With a perfect job
Has a perfect house
Keeps a perfect dog
In a perfect time
And a perfect place
For a perfect happily ever after

But at least she quite satisfied
With her simple mind
She doesn’t have perfect love
But she finds it’s hard to leave him
That has a good smile
Gets a desirable job
Builds a little home
Keeps a cheering dog
In unexpected moment
And unforgettable place
For hopefully happily ever after

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Good Lovin' Is Hard To Find

(Gary Rossington, Johnny Van Zant, Ed King, Robert White Johnson)
Every woman's out there lookin' for a rich man
And every man's out there looking for a perfect ten
Can't always get what you want sometimes
So your better off just takin' what you can
Money won't make you happy baby
And a perfect woman son's gonna make you sad
If you think that's where it's at, then I'm telling you, your wrong
Cause you can have it all one day and then it's gone
You can search all of your life, and still not find
What you want, ain't what you've got
Good lovin' so hard to find
Could this be the right place, at the right time
Good lovin', feels so fine
I just can't get enough
Cause good lovin's hard to find,so hard to find
We all need good lovin'
Ain't talkin' about no one night stand
Some have the touch, and others just a hand
But when you find the right one then you'll understand
Can't always get what you want sometimes
So you're better off just takin' what you can
You can search all of your life, and still not find
What you want ain't what you've got
Good lovin' so hard to find
Could this be the right place at the right time
Good lovin' feels so fine
I just can't get enough, I just can't get enough
Some of that good good love
Some of that good good love
Some of that good, good love
Good lovin'
So hard to find
Good lovin'
Make you loose your mind
Good lovin'
Good good love
Good lovin'
Some of that lovin' baby

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Perfect Part 2

I don’t need perfect cloth
I don’t need perfect hair
What I need is a confidence

I don’t need perfect score
I don’t need perfect job
What I need is a support

I don’t need perfect word
I don’t need perfect dream
What I need is a chance

I don’t need perfect agreement
I don’t need perfect control
What I need is a solution

I don’t need perfect holiday
I don’t need perfect memories
What I need is a peace of mind

I don’t need perfect home
I don’t need perfect family
What I need is a comfort

I don’t need perfect love
I don’t need perfect life
What I need is an understanding

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The Evil I See In Others

The evil I see in others in my own self I see
And the so called evil people are no less evil than me
'Tis not my place to judge others leave the Law take it's course
Than us mere living mortals there is some far greater force.

Look at the power of Nature no greater force than she
She claims all living creatures yet of guilt she is free
None ever say she's evil what's evil anyway?
The words of good and evil just words that people say

About those they see as good or evil others we like to pigeon hole
Have I right to condemn others when there's darkness in my soul
I'm only good and evil come tell me what are you
Since you tell me that you have a God but to your own self are you true?

For a callous act of one individual we condemn an entire race
And people are judged by their postal address and the colour of their face
We talk of love and harmony whilst war we do embrace
By making yourself a better person you'll make the World to live in a better place.

The evil I see in others in my own self I see
But you there Mr Perfect of all sin are you free?
You say that one is evil leave that person alone
You are not one that's free of taint so you should not cast the stone.

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All She Wanted

She was a good girl
Been true to herself
Never swayed by the notions of somebody else
Shed had it rough, maybe most of the time
With only one thing on her mind
All she wanted was a lovin man
All she wanted was a lovin man
Who was tryin to do the best that he can
All she wanted was a lovin, lovin man
There could be blue skies in her heart
She was waitin for the good times to start
She never wanted diamonds
She never wanted gold
She was holdin out for someone to hold
All she wanted was a lovin man
All she wanted was a lovin man
Who was tryin to do the best that he can
All she wanted was a lovin, lovin man
A loving man
All she wanted was a lovin man
All she wanted was a lovin man
All she wanted was a lovin man
Who was tryin to do the best that he can
All she wanted was a lovin, lovin man
Loving man
All she wanted was a lovin man
All she wanted was a lovin man
All she wanted was a lovin man
All she wanted was a lovin man

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Aurobindo 97 Savitri Book 7

An appreciation on Savitri-
Book Seven: The Book of Yoga
Canto Two: The Parable of the Search for the Soul
Words within inverted commas are Aurobindo's

'Then Savitri by her doomed husband sat, '
'Impassive mid the movement and the cry,
Witness of the thoughts of mind, the moods of life,
She looked into herself and sought for her soul.'
A dream disclosed to her the cosmic past,
The shadowy beginnings of world-fate:
A lamp of symbol lighting hidden truth
Imaged to her the world's significance.'

'A consciousness looked at the inconscient Vast
And pleasure and pain stirred in the insensible Void.
All was the deed of a blind World-Energy:
Unconscious of her own exploits she worked,
Shaping a universe out of the Inane.
In fragmentary beings she grew aware: '
'In fragmentary beings' like Savitri
Wish even we grow aware...

'A conscious soul in the Inconscient's world,
'Hidden behind our thoughts and hopes and dreams,
An indifferent Master signing Nature's acts
Leaves the vicegerent mind a seeming king.'
This is the little surface of man's life.
He is this and he is all the universe; '
'But all is there, even God's opposites; '
'A thinking outline of a cryptic Force.'

'Inferno surges into the human air
And touches all with a perverting breath.'
'He is bound and forced, a victim of the play,
Or, allured, joys in the mad and mighty din.
'Once quelled or wearing specious names and vests
Infernal elements, demon powers are there.'.......

............My consciousness this moment,
O'Guru, I'm in awe....in invincible heights
Ineffable Thee embellishing poetic creation
My inquisitive apprehension, erring Thee may opine
May thereso, let Savitri in my self arise
Aroused thereso be knowledge and fortune

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Perfect Harmony

Perfect harmony, lets put it all together.
Every piece fits right.
But do we have the time.
Never enough, always wanted more.
Its Pandora's door.
Once its open i can never be closed.
So exposed.

Perfect harmony, the dominoes have be lined up.
One flick of the finger and watch them all fall,
all the hopes and dreams stolen by a perfect harmony.
Why does it have to be routine.
Why not a little chaos in the order.
That way when that person tries to destroy it.
It ends in failure.
You cant sink a ship that's already sinking.
Time to jump ship once again.

Perfect harmony creates a melody of tragedy.
Still we search for it.
Knowing we will lose it all again.
Cause soon or later you got lose.
In the end the house always wins.
Get out while the getting is good.
I really think you should.
Perfect harmony indefinitely.
Is there even such a reality.
Has the wind been forever knocked out of me.
I think not cause chaos is my order.

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You Look At Me As If You Are in Disbelief

Don't be ridiculous.
Of course I missed you.
I wasn't trying to avoid you.

For 'your' information.
I was hoping you would run after me,
Calling my name repeatedly.
Until you caught up with me.

One moment.
I have to catch my breath.
Whew.
Here we are.
Let's sit on this bench to chat.
Wave to the policeman.
Let him know we're okay.

WHY are you staring at me like that?
You are making me feel quite uncomfortable.
You've aged a bit.
But those track legs?
You've still got 'em.

See?
Just think of it.
If you hadn't kept in good shape,
We would not have met at all.

And stop looking at me like that.
IF I had wanted to ignore you,
Don't you think I would have found a better way,
To do it?
Geeesssshhh.
Don't be so suspicious.
I've been wanting to see you for years.

You look at me as if you are in disbelief?
It's me.
How've you been?

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If Hadn't Got You

If I hadn't got you
If I hadn't got you
Whose friend would I be
If I lied all the time
If you never trusted my word
The love that we make
when feelings run high
Is all that makes sense in the world
And I can never go back, oh no
For a moment of sweet solitude
If I ever go back
I'd be looking for you
If I hadn't got you
Whose friend wouId I be
If I hadn't got you
I would die in solitary
If I hadn't got you
God only knows what I'd do
God only knows
Who's friend would I be if
I can't take a joke
If I can't pull a smile from a tear
The love that I feel
whenever you're close
Makes yesterday's hurt disappear
And I can never go back, oh no
For a moment of sweet solitude
With my head in my hands
I've been waiting for you
If I hadn't got you
Whose friend would I be
If I hadn't got you
I would die in solitary
If I hadn't got you
Whose air would I breathe
If I hadn't got you
God only knows what I'd do
God only knows
So don't turn away
Never go back
Hold onto love
Cos love is all we have
Maybe you'll be lost in this world
Without me
If I hadn't got you
Whose friend would I be
If I hadn't got you
I would die in misery
If I hadn't got you
Whose air would I breathe
If I hadn't got you, yeah
If I hadn't got you
God only knows what I'd do
God only knows

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Life

(words & music by milete)
Somewhere out in empty space,
Long before the human race,
Something stirred,
A vast and timeless source began,
Intelligence was born and then,
There was the world,
Powers filled the universe,
Matter formed and broke the curse,
Of nothingness,
Love became an ageless soul,
Nature reached her highest goal,
And breathed the breath of life,
Everlasting life.
Well creatures come from out of sight,
Daylight came from in the night,
And all was good,
Life became a masterplan,
Love produced the perfect man,
That understood,
The image of the makers word,
Worshipped him with all he had,
But then one day,
From in the depths an evil seed,
Grew and manufactured greed,
That changed the way of life,
Everlasting life,
Oh the loving power looked and saw,
Inside the heart of man a flaw,
Began to grow,
Well, the fires of hell began to burn,
And so he sent his chosen son,
To let us know,
That love had surely made us all,
And hate would surely make us fall,
So from the cross,
Well he showed the world that dreadful day,
That love could be the only way,
Or all is lost of life,
Everlasting life,
For life is love,
And love is life.

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