Related quotes: I am the c-in-c you...

I Am The C-in-C

I am the c-in-c you see
a role that perfectly fits me
my name is bush - now no more jokes
i cannot stand all you smart folks
c's for commander don't you know!
not for a woman's down below!

poem by David Keig
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Smart Woman

Smart woman (in a real short skirt)
By: jimmy buffett, marshall chapman
1988
This song is about being in my 40's in the 80's. it seems i'm learing more than i'm forgetting.
-- spoken:
"so i told her, ooh you got money of your own? well, that gives me the urge to merge."
Bimbo limbo is where i've been
I know you know that it's wearing me thin
The times are changing, and it's about time
I'm rearrangin' all the guilt in my mind
Chorus:
I'm looking for a smart woman in a real short skirt
Smart woman who knows how to flirt
Smart woman got a mind of her own
Smart woman that'll take me home
Take me home
I'm not your macho kind of guy
But i can be so when i'm feeling shy
Hey, baby, where'd you get your good looks
Ooh, babe, i want to carry your books
Chorus:
I'm looking for a smart woman in a real short skirt
Smart woman who knows how to flirt
Smart woman got a mind of her own
Smart woman that'll take me home
Take me home
Beauty and brains (beauty and brains)
Best of both worlds (best of both worlds)
Think i can change (think i can change)
If you'll be my, be my, be my girl
Chorus:
I'm looking for a smart woman in a real short skirt
Smart woman who knows how to flirt
Smart woman got a mind of her own
Smart woman that'll take me home
Take me home
Chorus:
I'm looking for a smart woman in a real short skirt
Smart woman who knows how to flirt
Smart woman got a mind of her own
Smart woman better take me home
Take me home

song performed by by Jimmy Buffett
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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All the Jokes

All the jokes have already been told
And so instead, we tell jokes about how
All the jokes have already been told
But these new jokes aren't very funny
In fact, they're actually kind of sad

So instead we tell jokes about how
All the new jokes aren't very funny
In fact, they're actually kind of sad
Because they remind us about how
All the jokes have already been told

But these jokes get old very quickly
So we make up new jokes about how
The jokes about the new jokes about how
All the jokes that have already been told
Are starting to get quite old

But after a while, once these jokes
Have gotten quite old themselves
We sit and listen to the silence
And wonder about the past, and how
All the jokes have already been told

Then suddenly, out of nowhere
Somebody comes up with a joke
That had been forgotten long ago
But is so funny we can't even breathe
So we roll on the floor, gasping for air

poem by Derek Ouyang
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Smart Woman (In A Real Short Skirt)

Smart Woman (in a real short skirt)
-----------------------------------
by Jimmy Buffett and Marshall Chapman
Bimbo limbo is where I been.
I know you know it's been wearin' me thin.
Times are changing, and I think it's time.
I'm rearranging all the guilt in my mind.
Chorus:
I'm looking for a smart woman in a real short skirt,
A smart woman who knows how to flirt,
A smart woman, got a mind of her own,
A smart woman who'll take me home,
Take me home.
I'm not your macho kind of guy,
But I can be so when I'm feeling shy.
Hey, baby, where'd you get your good looks?
Ooh, babe, I want to carry your books.
(CHORUS)
Beauty and brains (beauty and brains),
The best of both worlds (best of both worlds)
I think I could change (think I could change)
If you'd be my, be my, be my girl.
(CHORUS twice

song performed by by Jimmy Buffett
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I Am Not A Woman...

I am not a woman that loves with a heart
I am not a woman that's silly and smart
I am not a woman with open wounds
I am not a woman that's more attuned
I am not a woman that you hold dear
I am not a woman that has no fear
I am not a woman that's loved or lost
I am not a woman that doesn't know the cost
I am not a woman that's hurting inside
I am not a woman that has no foolish pride
I am not a woman that can't look you in the eye
I am not a woman alone that cries
I am not a woman that's imprisoned with chains
I am not a woman that holds her will in vain
I am not a woman, or mother, or friend
or wife, or daughter, or one to depend
I am not a woman of all and more
Because I gave it away to the one I adore
what's left is all you see
Just a woman that truly believes

poem by JoJo Bean
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To Hide What She Does

To hide what she does
In the dark from my eyes
She hides me from her friends
And her deeds from my friends
That is almost smart
Almost perfectly smart

poem by Benjamin Paa Willie
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Elegant style

Women are assertive when they talk
With elegant style and walk
If you really dream of ideal woman
You can hardly believe them as strong as man

Yes they have come in to being
Neither as powerful queen of king
Nor as female performer in circus ring
But dedicated female character being

We have confined her role in customary way
She has left it far behind with decisive say
Where are they not seen today?
Almost everywhere for attention to pay

She fits every where in dominating position
In home she has formidable composition
No one can do away without her presence
Home will be reduced to rubble in her absence

In sky they have ruled and on land too
On technology and other fields they have pierced through,
In some of the best economy of world
Many areas have come under their fold

Despite all this, her role has never diminished
The influence is day by day increased but not finished
Even though they may lie low in all the spheres
They have found the way to excel everywhere

Let us make room for them to shine
They can not be neglected or put on side line
They have come into being for playing role
They are capable of responding to any call

poem by Hasmukh Amathalal
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Idiot Son Of An Asshole

He's not smart, a C student
And that's after buying his way into school
Beady eyes, and he's kinda dyslexic
Can he read? No one's really quite sure
He signs stuff and he executes people
Maybe that's why, he doesn't have any friends
Cocaine and a little drunk driving
Doesn't matter, when you're the Commander in Chief.
Idiot son of an asshole
He's the idiot son of an asshole
Idiot son of an asshole
He's the idiot son of an asshole
Put on some make-up, turn on the 8-Track,
I'm putting a week back on the shelf,
Suddenly I'm the President, of the United States,
But then I woke up, and realized I'm still me.
He's too dumb, to eat pretzels, apparently smart enough to fix an election.
Moved boldly into the White House,
but most people voted against him.
He likes naps, He really likes naptime, A couple of naps and then a nap and then he's ready for bed,
He may be from Bush decent, but he's always gonna be the unpresident.
Idiot son of an asshole
He's the idiot son of an asshole
Idiot son of an asshole
He's the idiot son of an asshole
Idiot son of an asshole
He's the idiot son of an asshole
He's our president!

song performed by by NOFX
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Her Desire for 40G

Now back when I was 28,
I met and loved a 38 –
DD!

Hmm…I never really saw her eyes…
Perhaps I never needed to –
‘Twas all about her size.

Come on, be honest,
You really show surprise?

Oh yes, the storyline:

One sunny day she said to me,
‘I need to make you happy, see,
By undergoing surgery
So you can have my guarantee
That when you see my 40G,
You’ll hit new heights of ecstasy! ’

‘Phew! ’ I drew a breath.

‘Well thank you dear, you’re very kind,
But won’t you risk me going blind?
If one of those should catch my eye,
I’m sure to wave them both goodbye;

And after all, you’re rather tall –
With extra weight you’ll likely fall;
Forwards, I should clarify.
Hmm…we’re back again to my poor eye.’

‘It’s all about your precious sight! ’
She screamed at me with all her might,
‘I only want to make you proud
And me to stand out in the crowd.’

‘You do already stand right out!
Any more, then there’s no doubt
You might as well just poke me blind,
So in the streets I’ll tag behind,

Unaware of all the fuss,
Especially when on the bus –
Assuming you could squeeze on board…
Hmm…at least I know I’ll be ignored…

Okay – go get them done.’

woman woman woman woman woman woman
woman woman woman woman woman woman
woman woman woman woman woman woman
woman woman woman woman woman woman
woman woman woman woman woman woman
woman woman woman woman

poem by Mark R Slaughter
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Both Versatile In Relationships

Man is so versatile in conjugal love
That he fits woman younger by any age.
Woman is so versatile in marital love
That she fits man older by any age.

poem by Rm. Shanmugam Chettiar
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God Nose!

God help me lern from my misstakes
I no Ive mate a few
Yet my heart fur perfectshun aches
Id like ter be like You
So this is like my little prayer
Take me under Your wings!
Teech me ter be beyond compare
(God nose so menny things!)

When I woz young I trite my best
But I woz jussed a kid
I hoped that folks wood be imprest
I reely, reely did
Exams were hard, I coodent swat
Too menny books ter reed!
Thats why I dident pass a lot
Cos faxs I coodent heed

But You cood help me as a friend
The sort ter sort me out
The kind whose kind so at the end
Thered be no kind of doubt
Then folks wood treet me ass they shood
They woodent laugh at me
(God nose my English aint that good
Im not quiet error free)

Ive heard that You like helping folks!
I challunge You today!
Pleas make me smart and end the jokes
And pranks that peeple play
They giggle, smerk and tornt me, Lord!
Thats not how we shood live!
Yet if Your blessings are outpord
Their giggles Ill furgive

poem by Denis Martindale
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Idiot Son Of An Asshole

NoFX - Idiot Son Of An Asshole lyrics
He's not smart, a C student
And that's after buying his way into school
Beady eyes, and he's kinda dyslexic
Can he read? No one's really quite sure
He signs stuff and he executes people
Maybe that's why, he doesn't have any friends
Cocaine and a little drunk driving
Doesn't matter, when you're the Commander in Chief.
Idiot son of an asshole
He's the idiot son of an asshole
Idiot son of an asshole
He's the idiot son of an asshole
(***not in the video version on The War On Errorism****
Put on some make-up, turn on the 8-Track,
I'm putting a week back on the shelf,
Suddenly I'm the President, of the United States,
But they I woke up, and realized I'm still me. )
He's too dumb, to eat pretzels, apparently smart enough to fix an election.
Moved boldly into the White House,
though most people voted against him.
He likes naps, He's good at naptime, A couple of naps and then a nap and then he's ready for
bed,
He may be from Bush decent, He's always gonna, gonna be the un-precedent
Idiot son of an asshole
He's the idiot son of an asshole
Idiot son of an asshole
He's the idiot son of an asshole
Idiot son of an asshole
He's the idiot son of an asshole
He's our president!

song performed by by NOFX
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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My role isn't to be politically smart. My role is to do what's right under the constitution. And if that's politically unpopular, so be it.

quote by Rose E. Bird
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Dedicated To Laughter!

Dedicated to laughter! Yes!
It gives your brain a tickle!
It brings a lotto happiness,
You've gotto have a giggle!
Don't hold it back! Let it be free!
Roll on the floor as well!
Then other folks will laugh with glee -
And think it's wonderfell...
Children are known to laugh the most -
They've learnt to tell jokes, too...
With limericks from coast-to-coast
To get the message through!
Yes, laughter lifts the lungs like songs...
Thus tensions melt away...
That's why all comics should get gongs
When honours are given in May...
If I get knighted, as it were,
The day I leave The Mall,
Be kind enough to call me, SIR!
Not Mister, mate or pal!
All wise-cracks pour from lightning brains
That see life's ironies,
Sifting out truths from lies like grains
With food for thought to please!
I'd like to think that humour spreads
Like smiles as joy imparts.
Some jokes are like fine thoroughbreds -
They're trained to thrill our hearts!
Blessed is the soul that's learnt to laugh
Yet cares for other folks -
It proves a noble epitaph
That one was known for jokes!
A precious pun's not always cute!
But sometimes it's OK...
So do your best to be astute!
You'll make somebody's day!

poem by Denis Martindale
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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God Help Me!

God help me lern from my misstakes,
I no Ive mate a few.
Yet my heart fur perfectshun aches,
Id like ter be like You...
So this is like my little prayer -
Take me under Your wings!
Teech me ter be beyond compare...
You no so menny things!

When I woz young I trite my best,
But I woz jussed a kid...
I hoped that folks wood be imprest,
I reely, reely did...
Exams were hard, I coodent swat,
Too menny books ter reed!
Thats why I dident pass a lot...
Cos faxs I coodent heed.

But You cood help me as a friend,
The sort ter sort me out,
The kind whose kind so at the end
Thered be no kind of doubt...
Then folks wood treet me ass they shood,
They woodent laugh at me...
I no my English aint that good,
Im not quiet error free...

Ive heard that You like helping folks!
I challunge You today!
Pleas make me smart and end the jokes
And pranks that peeple play...
They giggle, smerk and tornt me, Lord!
Thats not how we shood live!
Yet if Your blessings are outpord,
Their giggles Ill furgive...

Denis Martindale, copyright, September 2011.

poem by Denis Martindale
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Scent Of A Woman

Now woman...scent of a woman
a man don't add up to much, next to a woman
a man can't ever forget the taste of a woman
a man is half the test, a man is half the best
a man can't understand the reasons why
a man's just a day in the life of a woman
just a few mintues a night to a woman
see what a woman can do
to the man inside of you
it's more than the sum of the sun and the moon
well a man is a man is a hell of a man
a man ain't a man in a one night stand
a man just don't stack up next to a woman
a man can't see what a woman can do
a man is no man hiding next to you
a man don't add up to much next to a woman
oohhh...the scent of a woman
the world would never be, except for a woman
it's hard for a man to see what makes a woman
even harder to impress, cause she expects the best
she never makes it easy to pass the test
well a man is a man is a hell of a man
a man ain't a man in a one night stand
a man just won't stack up next to a woman
a man can't do what a woman can do
a man is not a man lying next to you
and man will just give up next to a woman
oh yeah....here she comes now (here she comes now, she comes now, here she comes now)
here she comes now (here she comes now, she comes now, here she comes now)
well a man is a man is a hell of a man
a man ain't a man in a one night stand
a man just won't stack up next to a woman
a man can't do what a woman can do
a man is a man if he can get to you
all a man wants to do is get to a woman, yeah
yeah yeah x 16
yeah...the scent of a woman

song performed by by Cheap Trick
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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It's perfectly okay if you don't understand every single one of them. For one thing, I make a lot of corny jokes, and you have to be 40 years old to get some of them.

quote by Brian P. Cleary
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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