Early Works - She’s Gone

The sound of silence
hangs over every room
she has left without reason
has gone I know not where.
I tried my best to keep her
but my best wasn’t good enough.
Though she’s gone her essence lingers
near the shadows of the room,
her perfume freqrants the air
and it feels as if she’s still here.
I’ve tried to think of what to do
with the emptiness in my life,
but no answer comes to me.
All I can think about
is the way things used to be.
If she came back today,
I’d welcome her without hesitation.
I wouldn’t question her leaving
I’d accept any explanation,
but she’s not coming back
today or ever.
Now I’ll have to pick up the threads
of what life there is left in me.


2-3 October 1984

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One Night Stand

Let me tell you.....
Jennys getting her stuff in my room
Puts on her skirt and shes looking good
Six am and shes leaving soon
Says what a crazy night I had
A real good time
But her kiss tells me its goodbye
Just like nothing happened last night
But if I had one chance
Id do it all over again
One night stand I dont think shes coming back for more
She was only looking for a one night stand
I dont think shes coming back for more
No no
Now Im left up in my lonely room
She left her underwear and her perfume
I never thought that it could be this good
And I still feel a little on my fingertips
Im trying hard not to feel rejected
Maybe the phone lines disconnected
But if I had one chance
Id do it all over again
I know it
One night stand I dont think shes coming back for more
She was only looking for a one night stand I dont think shes coming back for more
She was only looking
One night stand but Id do it all again for sure
Oh yeah
Baby like a blind man I rushed in
Now do I have the right to ask you,
Will you be coming back again?
One night stand I dont think shes coming back
One night stand I dont think shes coming back
One night stand I dont think shes coming back
One night stand I dont think shes coming back for more
She was only looking
One night stand I dont think shes coming back for more
She was only looking for a one night stand I dont think shes coming back for more
She was only looking for a one night stand I dont think shes coming back for more
She was only looking
One night stand but Id do it all again for sure
I guess it was a one night stand
One night stand
I guess it was a one night stand
One night stand
I guess it was a one night stand
One night stand
I guess it was a one night stand
One night stand
I know it, yeah

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Shes Not Coming Back

Writers: alan tarney & leo sayer
Monday morning nine a.m.
I missed my bus I mustve overslept again
phoned up work told em I cant go on
Since she left this house is not a home I know
Shes not coming back
Shes not coming back
Shes not coming back
Shes not coming back
All my friends they keep coming around
Well they can ress me up but I wont paint the town
No one elsell do the things shed do
All my fun is up because I know this time for sure
Shes not coming back
-- she didnt have a reason
-- she wanted to be free
-- she told me she was leaving
Monday evenings used to be so easy rollin
Staying home with her
Now this room is like a prison
I cant go nowhere Im nothing without her
Shes not coming back -- no more
Tuesday morning and its not that bad
Well Im smiling now thinking of all the fun we had
And if I see her this is what I will say
Well thanks for asking but as you see Im okay
Shes not coming back
-- she didnt have a reason
-- she wanted to be free
-- she told me she was leaving
She was leaving me

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Feels Like Today

Woke up this morning
With this feeling inside me that I can't explain
Like a weight that I've carried
Has been carried away, away
But I know something is coming
I don't know what it is
But I know it's amazing, you save me
My time is coming
And I'll find my way out of this longest drought
It feels like today I know it feels like today I'm sure
Its the one thing that's missin'
The one thing I'm wishin'
Life's sacred blessin'
It feels like today
Feels like today
You treat life like a picture
But its not a moment thats frozen in time
It's not gonna wait
Til you make up your mind, at all
So while this storm is breaking
While there's light at the end of the tunnel
Keep running towards it
Releasing the pressure, that's my heartache
Soon this dam will break
And it feels like today
I know, it feels like today, I'm sure
Its the one thing that's missin'
The one thing you're wishin'
Life's sacred blessin'
It feels like today
Feels like today
And it feels like today
I know, it feels like today, I'm sure
Its the one thing that's missin'
The one thing you're wishin'
Life's sacred blessin'
It feels like today
Feels like, feels like your life changes
Feels like feels like your life changes
Its the one thing that's missin'
The one thing you're wishin'
Life's sacred blessin'
Feels like today
Feels like Feels like your life changes
Feels like Feels like your life changes

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Who Am I to Deny It Promise?

If I am not living my life today...
With the fulness that I should,
To be left feeling betrayed.
Then everyday I have lived my life,
Has been invalidated.

If I can say,
I am not living my life today.
I am dreamless without hope.
I give empty reasons to mope!
I am a vacant shell...
Existing in a hell I've created.
If I am not living my life today!

Where did I store those memories?
When did any happiness come to leave?
Why am I not pleased...
With anything that comes my way?
If I can say,
I am not living my life today!
And I breathe just to witness my breath...
Fade away into a nothingness.

If I am not living my life today...
What is this,
That IS!
And 'who' am I,
To deny 'it' promise?
Like a gift one receives...
Selfishly to leave unwrapped.
Can I honestly believe,
I am not worthy to do that?

If I am not living my life today...
Perhaps I should.
And unpack...
From sorrows deeply stacked.
Trapping my sight in darkness,
Without daylight I alone hold back.

If I am not living my life today...
With the fulness that I should,
To be left feeling betrayed.
Then everyday I have lived my life,
Has been invalidated.

And I know there is 'something' I value,
I can give!
To say 'that' is the reason,
I am here to live!
If I can remove myself...
To cast shadows,
Instead of finding an escape within them.
To live and let my life,
Be the one I have and learn to like!
Unfrightened.

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I Wished Upon My Life Today

I wished upon my life today
I wean upon my life today
I bet upon my life today
I borrowed upon my life today
I feasted upon my life today
I fell upon my life today
I paid upon my life today
I plead upon my life today
I frowned upon my life today
I flew upon my life today
I smoked upon my life today
I shitted upon my life today
I pissed upon my life today
I pass upon my life today
I sneezed upon my life today
I sneaked upon my life today
I asked upon my life today
I ate upon my life today
I wept upon my life today
I won upon my life today.
I prayed upon my life today.

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Dreamt!

i dreamt of snowfall,
silence wrapped around silence...

or maybe it was just what's left of you,
kissing what's left of me....

or maybe it's the only reply
that i have for God...

or maybe just my lifetime,
staring back at me...

or maybe it's the answer
to the question i cant speak....

or maybe it's just death,
coming around like an old friend!

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Catch The Shadow

I crawl through the back door
Catch the shadows
Wake up from my depression to hear the gamelan sounds
Flute, drum, ending,
Saw the puppets shadows
Which able to open the spirit traveling
Behind the suffering of meal
From the historical stage of man

When I went home, my father were angry
And my father ask why I saw the puppet shadows
Through the back door
Like a thief
I shut my mouth, no answer
When I answer this question, am not polite and get angrier
I recognize, it is dangerous to left the door
Left the door unlocked
But the God could came like the thief
Through the back door which unlocked
Or the locked in front of the door

At that time, I really did not know
Why my father always looking me
When I saw the puppets shadows
Although I crawled into the mass
My father always found me
In addition, ask me to go home
In the middle of the show
And then to live over my worry
Leave some question, what kind of the end of the story
To echo in my ear and to pound on
In my hearth wall
Then flow and crawled in my blood
To the whole my body
Became my life story
And leave the big question who always
Remainder me

Every step in my life
Always remained me to the sound
Of gamelan music where
Fluid, drum and xylophone like
Sturdy
Become dreams
In my slept

Until my life regarding
To pursue the shadows

Prasetya Utama
Bogor, Friday, January 13,2006

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Affirmations(2002-2004)

Today, I will get up before my alarm
Today, I won't close my eyes until dusk
Today, I will not get a speeding ticket
Today, I will count this day as a first
Today, I will enjoy the life that has been left to me
Today, I won't frown over the may-have-beens
Today, I won't cry over the should-have-beens
Today, I won't wonder about the could-have-beens

Today, I'll smile.......Today, I'll Laugh.... Today, I'll relax

Today, I won't feel alone because I don't see you
Today, I'll find something new that wasn't true of you
Today, I won't be afraid to look upon a new face
Today, I'll step up and take my place
Today, I won't think about what I've lost
Today, I'll look forward instead of behind
Today, I'll find some piece of mind

Today, I'll hope.... Today, I'll pray... Today, I'll believe

Today, I'll dream as if I always did
Today, I'll wish on a star the way I used to
Today, I'll reach for the heavens and sigh
Today, My heart will start to heal
Today, the biggest miracle is ME.
Today, Yesterday's problems ceased to be
Today, the rain has stopped and the sun has returned
Today, the breath of kindness is found in words

Today, I wonder.... Today, I am a child.

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Today...

Today, the leaves were greener
Today, the sky wasn’t grey
Today, the sun was brighter
Yes, it changed today

Today, people transformed
Today, they weren’t rude
Today, I felt loved
All just today, it’s true

Today, I lived for today
Today, was not for the future
Today, was a great day
Not menial, tiring, brutal

Today, I laughed in silence
Today didn’t make me cry
Today, everything became clearer
But, today, I couldn’t figure out why

And today, if everything changed
And today, if it wasn’t a dream
I don’t know what happened
But today will become everyday, it seems.

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Please No More Sad Songs

Yes shes leaving on the train
Never coming back again
The lines go far ahead
Got a job fixed in the city
Wants to be a star shes pretty
And I dont get a part
So please no more sad songs
Ive heard enough today
Isnt it nice holding you tight, remember?
Left a note here on the floor
Where she used to knock the door
I found when I got home
Said youre gonna be a singer
Be a star and real swinger
I hope its very nice
So please no more sad songs
Ive heard enough today
Isnt i t nice holding you tight, remember?
Thought she was joking when I looked around
Went to her room and saw her things had gone
She must have flown, ahhh
Yes shes left upon the train
Never coming back again
The lines went far away
Got her job in the big city
She became a star so pretty
Now I dont know her name
So please no more sad songs
Ive heard enough today
Isnt it nice holding you tight, remember?
(repeat)
Isnt it nice holding you tight, remember?

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Love Is The Way

Deep in the heart of the infinite darkness
A tiny blue marble is spinning through space
Born in the splendor of gods holy vision
And sliding away like a tear down his face
Closer you see the whole wide holy wonder
Of oceans and mountains and rivers and trees
And the strangest creation of many, the human
A creature of laughter and freedom and dreams
Now the warriors are waving their old rusty sabres
The preachers are preaching the gospel of hate
By their behaviour determined to teach us
A lesson were soon to be learning to late.
Look closer my brother, were killing each other
And wed better stop and get started today
Because life is the question and life is the answer
And God is the reason and love is the way.
Because life is the question and life is the answer
And God is the reason and love is the way.
Because life is the question and life is the answer
And God is the reason and love is the way.
Yes, life is the question and life is the answer
And God is the reason and love is the way.

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Panic

Today is going to be easy
Today 'cause you're not around
I'll leave off my makeup
I'll sleep in my bed
To pass all the time by
Today 'cause you're not around
Today you won't be around
I concentrate on empty spaces
A passive pondering of blackness
Sit down shut up controled obsessions
Your absence, it exhausts me
Oh I always panic when I'm left
Oh I always panic when I'm left
Today I feel destructive
Today who cares about myself
I'll live in denial
And I'll beat up my head
And I'll eat all the chocolate
Today 'cause you're not around
Today you won't be around
I can't control my feelings
I sip on dreams and choke on real things
Detatch myself of preservation
I struggle to to not want you
Oh and it's panic when I'm left
Oh is it healthy that we met
The fears start coming when I forget
I always panic
Today is gonna be simple
Today 'cause you're not around
My heart will go lazy
No one to impress
No smile is required
Today 'cause you're not around
Today you won't be around

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Who I am today that I wasn’t yesterday

Many today’s have passed
I am left here standing
standing at the side of the road
the road of time.
I watch tomorrow coming
Today passes by with a great wuush
and fades into yesterday
many yesterdays ago I was something
I was trained and hard a killer eyes sharp
my mind was a machine for malice
Oh I long to go back for one reason
I knew who I was I knew what I was
Now so many today’s and tomorrows
from that long distance yesterday.
who am I today that I wasn't yesterday

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Faith and Jesus

Jesus came back into my life.
But I had to get myself ready...
This time to make things right.

Jesus came back into my life.
But I had to get myself ready...
This time without a struggle.
Prepared to pick a fight!

Misgivings?
I had to leave.
Deceiving...
People,
Who left my heart to bleed!

Receiving?
More love to give!
Leaving behind me...
All the things negative!

Jesus came back into my life.
But I had to get myself ready...
This time without struggle or fight.

Jesus came back into my life.
But I had to get myself ready...
This time to make things right.

Receiving?
More love to give!
Leaving behind me...
All the things negative!

And believing,
I had to see!
I held misery inside,
That grieved and troubled me!

Yes...
Jesus came back into my life.
But I had to get myself ready...
This time to make things right.

Said...
Jesus came back into my life.
But I had to get myself ready...
This time without struggle!
Prepared to pick fight.

Misgivings?
I had to leave.
Deceiving...
People,
Who left my heart to bleed!

I'm living,
Stronger each day.
I've got what it takes..
To make sure what I've got,
Stays that way!

Hey...
Jesus came back into my life.
But I had to get myself ready,
This time to make things right.

I had to get myself ready,
This time to make things right!

Pettiness is fading steady...
With faith and Jesus on my side!

Jesus came back into my life.
But I had to get myself ready...
This time to make things right.

I had to get myself ready...
Without a struggle!
Or a search to fight.

This time I'm more than ready,
Knowing what it takes to feed...
My growing appetite!

'Don't lock it up...
Let it out and rock it!
Collect the good that's offered you,
And share it from your pocket! '

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Katy Brought My Guitar Back Today

Katy brought my guitar back today.
I left it there to play, when I'd stay over.
And I remember all those nights
Sitting in the fireplace light,
And how she loved to hear me play;
Katy brought my guitar back today.
Katy brought my guitar back today.
I've seen it make her cry, over and over.
She told me when I wasn't there,
And she would wake up feelin' scared,
She'd hold it in her arms and be okay;
Katy brought my guitar back today.
We had our stormy times like anybody else;
Oh, more than once I broke her heart.
And when I couldn't tell her I was sorry by myself;
I could tell her with an old guitar.
But, I'm afraid this time things have gone too far.
Katy brought my guitar back today.
I guess that means this time it's really over.
And as I sit and play it now,
The songs all seem so sad, somehow,
I wish that I'd of left it in the case
Katy brought my guitar back today.
And I remember all those nights
Sitting in the fireplace light,
And how she loved to hear me play;
Katy brought my guitar back today...

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Today! !

Today the sun was shine less
Today the moon was mood less
Today the birds were wing less
Today as the sun rose, they told me
Today as I woke
They told me
Last night I’ve lost my voice they echoed me

Today the mountains are height less
Today the clock was time less
Today the sky was wind less
Today my hands were workless
Today as the sun boiled, they told me
Today as I spoiled
They told me
Last morning I’ve lost my hands they assured me

Today the world was sightless
Today the room was lightless
Today the voices were figureless
Today my eyes were imageless
Today as the night dived, they told me
Today as I defined
They told me
Last afternoon I’ve lost my eyes they cursed me

Today the era was soundless
Today the room was noise less
Today the things were strike less
Today my ears were voice less
Today as the dawn fell, they told me
Today as I felt
They told me
Last evening I’ve lost my ears they pitted me

Last night I was voiceless
Last night I was hand less
Last night I was eyes less
Last night I was ears less
And now today I feel
That they’ll tell me
That I’ve lost, they’ll yell me
Lost a heartbeat
And now is grave less
Left in open far godless
Unmentioned they say expressionless.

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Letting Go Today

today i am letting go of all the pain
today i am letting go of everything
and after today i will leave here knowing that you did love me
and i believe that things will change

all the things that were left unsaid
all the things we never did
i am letting go today

mom i am letting you go today

i understand that i have made some mistakes
some which i am still paying for today
but i am ready for change. it takes two to fight
and i refuse to fight anymore after today

dad i am letting go today

you gave me the best seven months of ma life
you showed me that everyone is not the same
and have different ways with dealing with things
i hurt you but i am letting all that go today
all the lies and the tears in ma eyes

tory i am letting go today

i was confused
had noone in the world to tell me what to do
i have so much pain and hate but im letting all that go today
i am humen and i dont always have the answer for everthing
i am tryen but i need to try harder.

so i am letting maself go today

all the hurt all the pain
i promise you i am letting it all go today

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Still Friends

The stillness in the air today
Reminds of the day
You passed away
Not a sound could be heard
As your went on your way
This not death I'm talking about
But the day you left my life
Without a single sound
No words of goodbye
No answers of even why
We just parted ways
One day I look back and say
Maybe that was the best way
For we are still friends today

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Thinking of the Past

If you could go back into the past
what would you do differently?
knowing it wouldn't last.

You would have to take, the good with the bad,
you couldn't just re-live the good,
of the things you have lived, also the sad.

Thinking of the past brings depression,
you think of it to often,
it'll only bring you obession.

The past wasn't all good,
today, will be the past tommorw
are things good now? Have you understood?

Think about the past
but understand this.
it does not last.

Make the best for today,
then in the future,
you will enjoy that day.

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Flower naturally to boom

I had always wished flowers to boom
With nice place, space and very good room
Where they can come out from their hiding
See the world themselves and chiding

We know it is for short duration
So is the life too in question!
Why do we stop them from booming?
When danger is already large looming?

Let children too invade this holy land
No restriction for their coming to befriend
Lovely air and nature for very good refuge
Large and tall trees with mountains so huge

We want their arrival restricted
Cruelty and other sorts inflicted
Yet they come despite out precaution
We just need to think it with only caution

We need to leave certain things to our creator
He is whole and sole and real mentor
What we are on earth today?
Just helpless animal pushed away

We do the things never called for
We defy the rules and kill the persons in war
We recklessly aim at complete annihilation
How can we go in for such devastation?

Let us do the complete rethinking
Take steps before ship is sinking
Not a blade of grass may grow
If we continuously pollute the river flow

We can destroy the land several times today
Still some weapons will be left to throw away
We can mange to destroy but not to revive
Yet time is left to think over and survive

What will be left on earth to enjoy?
If we employ the methods to destroy
Why flowers, children, and trees alone?
Only beautiful earth will left behind with stones

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