Everywhere I Go
Today is quiet except for the sounds of my footsteps,
Cardinals singing and wild geese calling from the sky above-
Trees are my foremost companions and
Roses and azaleas blossoming would
Open their petals within a gust of wind-
It seems as if for the moment they are
Looking into my eyes and was almost as if they are laughing, and
Their laughter is ringing in the humid late spring air-echoing throughout
The fortress of my mind… Everywhere that I go
Nature seems to be calling and
The trees, flowers, rabbits, deer and squirrels
Are my sole companions and I am feeling free as
I can imagine, as I am the last person alive upon the face of the earth-
Animals and plants in the wild are my friends and
People have been none but intruders,
Following every step that I take but today
I can call myself the queen of the woods and
I call myself the one who rules and controls-
I am the one who can dream and inside the
World of my dreams I can fly and inside the
World of my fantasies I can run with the deer-
Often I have wondered if I were not truly human as
Humans have always been a threat to my existence,
Lacking empathy, true love and congeniality?
I have heard and read about dreams coming true and
Fantasies becoming reality- in books I read as a child and
Fairy tales my mother read me many years ago?
Today is quiet except for the sounds of my footsteps and
I believe I hear the wild geese calling as they fly across the sky above-
As the late spring's breeze blows I lift my own imaginary wings and fly-
I know it is all within a reverie from which I hope I shall never awaken- and if I do,
I shall only run forward, not backward, never looking behind at
The past where people have hurt, slighted and scorned me?
I see treetops scraping the sky and as I watch the sun set I totally lose myself in a trance-
Past this horizon is the place I long to live where animals and plants
Find their homes, free from hatred, pain and cruelty and
I remember reading in a storybook as a very young child, "close your eyes and after you
Fall asleep, one day you shall awaken and all of your dreams shall come true-"and
I believe I have been set free, as I walk towards the horizon in every step that I take-
poem by Claudia Krizay
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My Fondest Dream
It has always been my desire,
To be alone amongst hundreds of trees, deer and
In solitude beneath the sun as it would shine through the trees in the woodlands,
Casting shadows upon the creek that meanders throughout-
I remember a story my mother used to read to me
When I was none but a child of three years old,
A story about living alone in a little cabin in the woods-
And to this day I believe that that story was written for me-
I can almost envision that cabin built from branches of fallen trees,
Where I would make my home,
Far from the millions of people in this world,
But not far at all from the deer, birds and all of nature-
It is my belief that there are different ways of being lonely.
Alone, far from threatening people who dwell amid this planet, as
When I am amongst these people, I am truly lonely and misunderstood,
While inside the place of my dreams I have escaped these billions of people,
Made a home in the cabin from my storybook, and
Am living amongst the wonders of nature and the world of my own thoughts-
Never alone, never lonely until I awaken and find myself
Rudely thrown back to reality-
Now I know that if I want to escape
What is true loneliness to me, all I have to do is to close my eyes and
To lose myself inside the world of my fondest dreams.
Standing beneath the shadows cast by the tallest trees,
Watching the deer running freely- and listening to the wild geese calling-
Looking upward toward the sky here at nightfall, I wish upon a star,
That my dream will someday come true- because
What I dream shall never harm me- and in my thoughts,
Being misapprehended by a multitude of strangers is
What loneliness truly can be? Being alone with my familiar thoughts,
Amongst the magic of nature is peace, happiness and never being lost-
And being the star of my childhood storybook-living in that cabin in the woods,
Perhaps alone there, but never lonely…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Escape
As I lose myself inside of a world of my own-
Perhaps a shadow would pass me by,
Or maybe a fawn would wade in the creek
Along side of the path I walk-
I fear other people, this world’s intruders.
I would break away from reality if only
There was a point of no return and escape towards
A place where I can look down
Upon this path I have walked before-
Far away from all of the people who slight, follow and wish me harm-
Evergreens and maple trees-
Wild rabbits, squirrels and wild geese roam about-
These are the ones I call my true friends-
I would dance in the sky if I could-
Lost inside of a world behind the clouds, as
The sun behind me is casting shadows
Upon the path that I am now walking
Shadows that shall transform to dreams-
Dreams of an eternal life inside this world of my own-
Listen- can you hear the calling of the wild?
Listen- can you hear the gentle breeze rustling the leaves within
The litheness of nature surrounding me?
Listen- can you hear the sound of my heart beating amorously as
My own shadow disappears behind myriads of towering oak trees?
Rain could begin to fall and
A storm could approach and now I can say in all honesty it would not matter-
My mind has finally locked the door to reality and I have tossed the key
To the rapids rushing up the creek beside me-I have finally escaped.
If thousands of people were to approach and cross the path upon which I make my way-
I have lost touch with all that is real and in flight of the imagination
There is no turning back- even if it is only with in a dream;
Nobody needs war, cacophony and disaster,
If one can be in union with nature and fantasy that can be found in
One’s own back yard and a gust of wind can carry away that key to the door of
Pain and misfortune. Follow the shadows cast by the sun, and
Never look back, as this world inside of your dreams could last for an eternity…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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The SUn is Calling
The sun is
Calling me- I do not hear- though
Only the flapping of the wings of the
Canadian wild geese and the
Far away footsteps of
The intruders who follow me-
I can faintly hear the
Rays of the sun in the distance screaming their doleful cries,
Masked by the motion of the branches of the wild oak and cedar trees
As they shiver in the early morning’s draft-
Water rushes down the creek that adorns the trail
Beside which I walk-
Robins and cardinals chant their early morning litany-
Deer stand stalwart close to the path ahead of me-
I hear footsteps behind me as I turn my head although
All I can see is the sky-
Inside of my mind I have built a sanctuary, and
A small cabin in which to hide-
As I walk deeper into the thicket,
I begin to lose myself into another place in time-
Thee sun is calling me- I do not hear-
I have closed my eyes to the world around me and
Have lost myself inside of the world of my dreams
This world where I am omnipotent and no one is
Allowed to enter-
Somehow I find I cannot escape the grip that
This planet has made upon me-
The grip of ill fate and of mistrust-
It is the intruders who follow me
That clash with the beauty of the sun,
The loveliness of the song of the wild, and
With the mystery of the woodlands-
I would fly close to the sun with the
Canadian wild geese if I only had the wings to
Lift me off of the ground and
Carry myself to some other universe where
I could in reality be omnipotent and not afraid to sing-
To carry the tunes that keep my spirit alive as I abandon
The fear that has so deeply injured my soul-
The rays of the sun are screaming and a lone nightingale
Sings its soprano solo-
I break into a run carrying with me inside the safe haven of my thoughts,
The refuge of my delusions- and my flagging grasp on reality-
The sun is calling me-
This time I hear, as I feel the strength of my character evolving-
I look upward and see more than the sky, but
That could-be heaven and the faces of angels, as
They look down upon me in awe and admiration- I realize that
I have nothing to fear-
As nobody can rob me of my thoughts or of my imaginings and
I have come to the realization that I have found that other universe, if only in
The sanctuary of my dreams…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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One Day at a Time
Yesterday the sky was clear and the sun
Was visible behind the barren trees-
In the early morning the snow was falling and
The path upon which I walked led me to nowhere-
In this life I have no destination, Yesterday wild geese were calling
High in the sky, I followed their lead-
I do not know what my future holds-
My family, being amongst the departed-
As snow falls lightly upon my horizon,
My future is clouded.
I live one day at a time,
Yesterday the sky was clear and today-
Overcast, clouded and dismal- although
I can still see the wild geese flying above and
I believe I saw a young deer
Lying amongst the trees, near where I am walking-
I have no destination and my future is
Darkened by clouds of uncertainty- although
Wild geese, deer and a lone cardinal-
Have become my best friends today as I walk and as I
Continue my journey-In all suddenness it hardly matters- in actuality-
That I do not know what my future holds or
That I do not know my destination in this life-
Today I own the forest, and the mystery of it all
Has given me strength to persevere-
Living one day at a time has removed the clouds as would an eraser to a chalkboard-
Enveloping inside of my mind the glory of my surroundings as
The voices inside of my mind accompany me-
I shall let the magnificence of these woodlands very well be my destiny-
I believe I see a ray of light shining through the bleakness of the sky,
Though phantasmal, it is still there to guide me for this moment-
Yesterday the sky was clear but my life was an empty cage-
Today I have become the queen of the woodlands,
I live one day at a time and as I hear the wild geese calling and
In their own way beckoning me- as a herd of deer gallop by- I realize
I shall never be alone as I hear voices speaking to me
That only I can hear-the deer, the wild geese are close by and
I see the beauty of the snow blanketing the trail as I walk-
Living one day at a time, I need not think of tomorrow
Because today has just become too beautiful-
Claudia Krizay
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Flamingo
Proud and brawny you stand-
Alone but never lonely, as the sun appears on the horizon-
Your wings- magenta hued and
Your legs, long, stately and strong-
Leaves on the trees are feather-like and blossoming, though ever so slightly-
Spring is arriving early this year.
Being none but a Flamingo, The pond in which you stand,
Your shadow glancing at the sky,
Cobalt blue in its hue and cloudless-
You have not a care in the world.
I have been often told of my strength and courage,
Though not always proud-
Being human, I can foresee my destiny and
Fear more than storms, and other animals in the wild
That could harm me.
I was born under a different star than
Other people have been-
I live inside a world of my delusions,
So many have told me, although I do not care to believe-
The sun is rising above the mountains.
My dream would be to lift my wings-
If I owned them, and fly away from all that I fear,
But I have no place to go-
If only I could get inside of your mind and
Be alone to appreciate none but the waters I stand in,
The mountains behind me and the splendor of the rising and
Setting of the sun?
I have been compared to a bird with broken wings that cannot fly, or
A lion trapped within a cage- with no way to escape my doubts-
As I watch the sun disappear beyond the horizon at midnight
I fall asleep and begin to dream- in my dream I fly above the world so vast,
Without a care in the world and lost inside the world of my fantasies-
My dream is never to awaken- spring is arriving early this year and
To my dismay, the sun shall rise early tomorrow and alas, I shall awaken to
A world that has not been kind to me, as I open my eyes to a new day once more….
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Paradise Found
I am lost inside
A world of my own,
A world that I painted inside of my thoughts
Within a figment of my imagination-
I have taken myself on a journey to a place
I call paradise-
Inside this place I call paradise
I am lost,
Inside this place I call paradise,
I am alone-
Surrounded by trees and mountains,
Violet in hue – wildflowers would grow and
Grass grows high, caressing my ankles
In an almost loving way-
Inside the world of my thoughts
I step inside this paradise I have found and as I
Lose myself within a dream,
In less than a moment’s time,
My imagination has succumbed
To this magical land of my delusions-
Towards this place where I shall forever remain-
I am lost, I am alone but here in this place I call paradise,
Surrounded by trees and mountains,
Violet in hue and where wildflowers grow and
Grass grows high-
In a strange sort of way, I am not really alone-
I have my thoughts, my dreams and my fantasies and
The voices only I can hear are my constant companions-
Birds, trees and forget-me- knots are truly my friends-
In all actuality, I am no longer lost as
I was in that world outside of my dreams
Within that world into which I was born-
In that world where people have always hurt, betrayed and lied to me-
It was inside that world I was truly lost and alone-
I shall never return to that world.
I have lost myself within a dream and in truth,
I have finally found who I truly am and as I listen to the singing
Of the nightingale, the water rushing in the creek below,
A gentle breeze rustling the leaves upon the trees and
As I watch the sun ascend over the mountains,
The deer running freely and
I begin to sing a song of freedom and peace of mind-
Now I know the true meaning of loss and loneliness-
That is being trapped inside a world laden with myriads of people
Who have and shall always hurt and betray one another, as
Every moment in time rapidly advances too fast to control-
As I glance upward towards this sky of azure-blue,
I lock that phantasmal door that separates fantasy from reality-
Delighted to say that this fantasy has become my new reality and
I have found myself within the world of my dreams,
Surrounded by trees and mountains, violet in hue and
Where wildflowers grow plentifully and
When the sun descends behind the mountains and darkness overcomes
Here in my paradise- I can begin to count the stars and
Dance with the moon on the horizon- to the tune of
The singing of the nightingale-alive in my very own heaven and paradise,
Not lost but found and never again alone-
Here inside the world of my fantasies,
Where I have been reborn, within this magical land of my dreams,
Where I shall always sing a song of freedom as I joyfully wish upon a star-
poem by Claudia Krizay
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The Place Of My Dreams
Nobody ever walked this path before
-before trees grew here nearly touching the sky,
I am alone safely inside a world of my own-
A world where only deer roam and birds fly about-
Cardinals, robins and sometimes
I believed I saw angels-
Angels singing in harmony with bird songs-
The wind would rustle the leaves upon the trees and
In the early summertime, cicadas would sing incessantly-
Incessantly and melodiously-
Only one day I heard a different sound-
The sounds of footsteps and children screaming,
Following closely behind me-
I would hide behind a tall oak tree and I would almost weep as
My solitude has been interrupted and
I am no longer safe as my private world had been invaded-
Nobody ever walked this path before until this day and
My dream has been transformed to a nightmare-
I am not safe in a world destroyed by the presence of strangers-
Cardinals, robins and cicadas are my friends and
Other people are my enemies whom I do not trust-
Following in my footsteps and trying to make eye contact,
To read the verses of the songs my mind composes?
I know I have seen angels and heard them singing, and
Birds chanting along with the gentle winds
Rustling the leaves upon the trees-
But now other people have discovered the path,
upon which I have walked alone,
And my secure space has become a public tenement-
I once believed nobody ever walked this path before,
This path to which I could escape reality and lose myself inside
The magnificent world of my delusions-now they have come to take me away and
To lock me inside this prison which I cannot escape?
I cannot hear the angels singing here and birds are seemingly far away-
Here I have lost myself inside my own world,
one so different and so frightening?
There are people here, so close to me, yet I feel so alone-
Although alone in a dangerous way- I am singing my own song,
Hoping that the angels can hear me and one day I shall be back in unison with nature,
Far away from intruders and singing in harmony with nightingales –
And once again, alone safely,
as I shall have abandoned the nightmare of reality,
Touching the sky in my dreams, dancing with angels as I listen to the cicadas chanting
Happily as they are lost inside the world of their fantasies, just as I wish to be…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Locked Inside
I have often marveled at the glory of the sun,
When it rises above the trees in full bloom in the summertime-
Innocently gazing over the magnitude of its mysteriousness-
I could capture each moment within my cupped hands-
Each moment that its rays pirouette, casting its shadows
Upon the grass that is nearly laughing as it sparkles,
While it reflects in its dew each ray at the dawning of every new day-
I am alone every morning when I awaken to welcome
The miracle of each new day-I am alone as I hope and wish that
Someday I can be a part of this gift nature has bestowed upon this world-
Being in motion with the gentle breeze that rustles
The leaves on the oak and maple trees which I can see
For miles and miles until they reach the mountains on the horizon,
Then meeting with the sky-
The sky, cobalt blue in its hue and there, not a cloud to be seen-
I see the trees, the mountains and the splendor of the sun at daybreak-
I can see the dew upon the grass capturing the sunlight, as
Each ray reaches out as would a cherub with her arms outstretched-
I can feel the gentle summertime breeze lightly touching my arms
In an almost sentimental way-
But locked inside the dwelling of my own small world and inside of the
Tenement of what could be none but delusions-
This splendor before me- I can only perceive-
And today I believe I can also see a rainbow coloring the horizon outside-
Robins, cardinals, wild geese and finches flying about as if they have not a care,
If rain were falling, my tears would not be known to any others only because,
They are so copious they would hit the ground with the rhythm of the rain as it falls.
I believe that there are two worlds that exist- one God created and that is the
Magnificence of nature, and the other, being the dark would of my dreams.
I have often surmised that there exists a lock that keeps me barred from all that is real-
While to this lock, I have yet to find a key to unlock and open-
I fantasize that one day I will break free from the inner dwelling of my madness.
I would climb a mountain and touch the sun above the horizon if I could.
I have painted a mural inside of my mind of the vastness and loveliness of this planet-
So many times I have believed I have found that special key that
Unlocks the phantasmal gate that separates me from all that is real, but
It is all within a dream and I t has been said that dreams often don’t come true,
But there are those alive who don’t even have dreams to wish upon, and therefore-
I shall be a wild bird flying above this land, beholding nature’s beauty, until
I reach the sky and even if only in my dreams-
I know I have a soul and won’t give up hope-
And we all know that souls shall never die…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Purple Sun
I would often imagine the sun was purple and there existed another solar system
In some far off distance in this never ending universe-
If the sun did not shine upon our horizon and the moon was always nearby?
Clouds could be none but smoke emanating from our planet earth,
Having been caught on fire-
Fire from the hell beneath our feet,
Flames rising from this hell we have never seen?
I have been asked "Do you believe in heaven and
Is there a god who radiates goodness and answers all of our prayers?
Then I would ask "What made the sun turn purple? "
I hear a voice saying ‘The sun has never been purple-
Your delusions have cast shadows upon the horizon and
You are lost inside of a trance-
A trance where the world is burning and the moon is fading behind the clouds-"
I would wonder if I could only awaken from this frightening reverie and
I hear a siren loudening as a vehicle approaches me -all I can do is to glance upward-
I hear voices saying "We are coming to take you away-"
I feel metal clasping about my wrists as I look up into the sky-
Rain is falling now but will not quench the flames and I ask "Why? "
I hear a voice respond "Because you have escaped reality-"
Voices are calling me, voices are threatening and which are real and which are not
I cannot distinguish- What is truly burning are the tears falling from my eyes and I find
My spirit escaping to that other solar system in this never ending universe-
In this never ending universe, inside of the world of my fondest dreams,
In this place where the sun is purple and the moon is always nearby,
Rising above golden mountaintops, where there is no hell beneath my feet-
I hear the slamming of metal doors as sirens louden-
But all fear has abandoned me because in a moment I can lose my spirit inside
The world of my fantasies-
My spirit becomes a bird that can fly away to that place where
The sun shall be forever purple- never burning- perhaps my body shall burn in hell, but
My spirit shall dance amongst the clouds, singing songs of joy and freedom,
Because I believe in heaven and perhaps there is a god radiating goodness,
Answering my prayers and pouring rain down to quench those flames from hell-so
Perhaps that is why everybody is laughing, -
I am laughing and that laughter has set me and everybody free,
The moon and the clouds disappear behind the mountaintops and as another day begins,
The purple sun of my dreams appears on the horizon…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Bird of Paradise
Today everything is tranquil and clouds cover the sky
But the sun still shows its face as it
Rises above the treetops-in this moment, I walk alone.
I walk alone, I feel like dying-
It is an effort to look up towards the sky-
The sky is gray and on this day,
Voices inside my mind are my closest companions-
The closest and only -
Except for the moment when I behold you,
Extraordinary bird that is flying above, adorned in many colors-
That magnificent bird of paradise-
I walk alone and you fly alone-
Today you are my unique and trustworthy companion-
To me you are a queen and maybe even a goddess-,
Towering freely against the maudlin sky
On this dreary, humid day in the early summer,
You brighten up my surroundings as you flutter your vibrant wings about,
It is you and I, we own the woodlands together today-
Bird of paradise, please carry my spirit away from
The pain I feel that tortures me inside and
Can you sing a melody so tuneful and sweet that it
Obliterates the voices that only I can hear,
These voices that in this instant are threatening to harm me?
The clouds are moving slowly, as the sun shines through the leaves on the trees,
I begin to hear music playing as I open my eyes and find myself
Alone in a different place? Trees have disappeared and all I can see
Are four beige walls that surround me-?
Everything is still and I realize that losing myself in the course of nature
Was none but a dream? I close my eyes and pray for your return,
Striking bird of paradise, the one who has given me reason to persevere?
As I drift off into some other cosmos, I converse with the voices that
Only I can hear, my closest companions who are with me in my dreams and
Who are with me at every waking moment- in my fantasies I also can
Become a bird, lift my wings and fly with you toward
Some place where we both shall someday find freedom from pain-
My phantasmal savior, my magnificent bird of paradise
Who has given me a reason to exist, whether in wakefulness or in my dreams-
You carry my spirit to another realm…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Outside My Picture Window
It has been said that there is a world outside my picture window and
Beyond the trees I see everyday and the sky, sometimes overcast and
Other days, when the sun rises early- I can see the sky and have often wondered if
There exists another world within our universe- I know that
There exists a world inside of my mind and
My pupils are the windows into which
People would look if I were to venture outward?
Beyond the sky, and beyond the sun-
Beyond that world inside my mind,
I would never know where there exists a place for me-
Last night outside of my window
I could see the stars- stars mean different things to different people as
Does the sun, the trees and this whole world outside-
The world inside my mind revolves about
The sun that shines upon my own horizon and
As for this world outside, all I can do is look- and to
See a tree, perhaps a single cloud and the grass that grows-
I have shut my mind to the people who live beyond
The trees, clouds and the grass that I can see-
That window opens to the world inside of my thoughts-
I have just shut and pulled the curtain to discourage all intruders-
I am lying by my window in total darkness now as I place my hand over my eyes,
Shutting out reality and now I can see mountains, flowering trees and
A creek flowing in which I can see my reflection and
I am running upon the grass that grows beneath my feet-
I believe I heard music playing inside the fortress of my mind-
It has been said there is a world outside and I have pulled the curtain
To the window once opened to veracity-
Darkness has never looked as beautiful as I am safe here in my solitude-
Even when the stars are shining and the sky is such a magnificent sight to see-
No place is as exquisite as the creek that runs through my inner space and
The sun inside the world of my thoughts that shines upon my horizon?
The stars are far away and all that is real, though just outside my picture window
I perceive as too far away for me to reach- I would touch the stars and I could be a dove
That can lift my wings and fly away from all that threatens, but only inside my dreams-
Children sing songs and read fairy tales and they believe and I believe that
The sun shines light upon their worlds and
Someday their dreams shall blossom as has mine and shall become their homes-
Home is the safe place inside a person's mind, not within the madding crowd that
Exists outside my picture window- even if the stars are always there- and
That unique and special sun shall just keep on shining upon the world of my dreams….
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Gone With the Sky
Upon this day it is as if the sun is raining
Dry tears of anguish, as the clouds have disappeared-
Blue skies have meant to some, happiness, but today I have walked for minutes that have
Transformed to hours and it is as if everyone and everything is mocking me-
Skies are seemingly laughing and the sun cannot be there to guide me, but
Only present to heave invisible drops of water- perhaps dry tears of frustration-
People are following me from and in every which direction-
The colors of their eyes turning in hue as they watch my every move-
Anguish, fear, dread, sadness, hopelessness and perhaps a scant feeling of loneliness-
Are these feelings that plague me in essence none but a myriad of hellions who wish to persecute me?
With every step I take, I feel an upsurge of heat overpowering -
Those dry tears the sun exudes exist as if
Torrents of rain were falling onto the shadows of time-
Initially, moment by moment, then transforming to seconds and splicing to nanoseconds-
I am lost in these woodlands, once quite a familiar place, but now
I call myself none but a lost soul who foresees no destiny-
All I hear are the spattering of dry raindrops splashing onto every chamber of my
Empty heart that is beating out of despair and misery?
Deer are running freely and robins and cardinals have their homes
Amidst the trees above- I just have walked past a creek and I see my reflection within-
Though it doesn’t look like the me I thought I knew, but just the likeness of
A frightened child without a purpose in life- who am I, I ask myself-
What am I and to where am I running? If I could touch the sun, or at least reach the sky-
I would stop these phony dry tears disguised as rain from falling and
Become a saint, a goddess or an angel and sing-
I could sing tunes about nature, love, and everything that is beautiful-
Ethereal beings don’t need a purpose or destiny-
They just hover about the sky and are carefree and happy to be living eternally-
They never die or feel the pain of fear and apprehension?
I look up towards the sky right now and lose myself
Inside the world of my dreams- the skies are laughing still, but now
Laughing with me not at me- the only way I can survive today, as
Any sense of true reality has disappeared before my very eyes-
So now I find myself reborn inside a different world and have some peace of mind,
I have lost my sanity and I don’t care- everybody knows that
To the insane-whatever world they live in is what is the true reality and besides-
Nothing anyone can say shall awake us from our dreams- in these places
Where we can run freely and no one falls and gets hurt because
There is nothing to fear or to run away from, no tears falling from a sky that is
Forever blue and the sun in our world is true, and has guided us to a peaceful homestead?
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Early Spring
Spring seems to have come early this year- I have always welcomed blossoming flowers,
Longer days and the fresh warm air outdoors,
Perhaps the early timing exacerbated the fear, and is reminiscent of the
Time when my life took a turn towards terror and misery-
I saw a daffodil yesterday in full bloom- yet in the first week of February,
On that day, as in extreme frequency, my thinking was out of touch.
Today my heart is screaming, desperate for some peace and comfort,
While birds are singing outside as a gentle breeze blows as in a whisper,
Even trees are budding while everyone is laughing, although
My spirit is weeping as rage sears my gut, terrified of the world surrounding-
The pain of falling upon the hard ground this morning does not hurt me as much as
The agony I feel that emanates from all of the people that wish me harm-
Inside the world of my thoughts, everyone who is laughing is laughing at me- and
I would kill them all if I were not so afraid.
I am always shouting, though in silence at the cruel people that surround me,
No one can understand the severe pain of feeling persecuted every time that
I step outside and the inner irate confusion of
Not knowing what is real from what is not.
My heart and soul bleed anger and tears apart the person I am inside and
Even the gentle spring like breeze will not dry the tears I weep inside or outside,
I hardly know who I am anymore- the people in this world have threatened me and
As beautiful as all that surrounds me today- there is no place for me to hide.
The lone daffodil I see evokes a smile upon my face for the moment.
I would pick it and take it home with me but if I did,
It would wither and perish as has I believe my inner spirit has done,
Spring has always been my favorite time of year, although
Its arrival may be somewhat too soon, just as
I fear the death of my soul might have been premature-
I see myself as a lone flower that has blossomed in mid winter and
Is confused to be outside amongst shorter days, and barren trees,
If spring’s rain begins to fall my hope is that is shall wash away my tears and
Quench the flame that burns inside of me, then amidst longer days and that gentle breeze,
I can be as a bird, singing amongst other birds happy to be free of the rage that once
Separated me from the rest of the world as I lift my wings and fly high above the trees,
Looking down upon a world so exquisite which is no longer a threat to my existence?
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Life's Purpose
I can hear people singing- beautiful melodies,
Upbeat and tuneful- I sing along-
I sing alone except for the company of
The comrades who live inside
The fortress of my mind.
I can hear raindrops splashing
Rhythmically onto the pavement outside, as
A cool breeze creeps through
An open crack in my bedroom window- I realize that
This is the autumn I have been waiting for.
Foliage on the trees changing color,
Skies are darkening- although it is only 6 PM-
I walked in the woods this morning amongst
Deer, squirrels and mallard ducks- as
The sun was just rising
I believed I was the queen of the forest.
However, right now my heart has become an empty cage,
Darkness will rule in less than an hour, and
Darkness succumbs early within the next six months,
Taking over the sky, as a black cloud
Has just taken over my mind, suddenly as
A gust of wind would do before a storm arrives.
I ask myself- 'What is life's purpose? '
I was born into a desolate world of
A mother who always had a severe death wish and
Was never there for me, and of a father who
Never understood, and tried to ignore
The demons who had taken over my mind at an age so young, and
The voices that plagued my mind as far back as I could remember,
Who still haunt me, although nobody else could hear them calling, and
Nobody else could witness their threats.
I often ask myself 'what do I have to live for? '
Born of parents who abused and misunderstood me, and
I have always been the laughing stock amongst others, if not just feared.
Seemingly in a gust of wind,
My mother and father departed this world some years back,
Leaving me to pick up the pieces of their shattered dreams.
The leaves upon the trees are golden, magenta and orange- some brown-
The air is crisp, cool and refreshing-autumn has always been my favorite season-
I have been left with dreams of my own only I can fulfill,
Although some of these dreams have been lost along the way,
I can see my own sun shining through the clouds and through the early morning's fog.
I feel my strength rising and filling the empty cage that once captured my heart.
My life has been a hurricane of sorts, and I have survived- if there is a god,
I believe I must be one of his chosen.
Beautiful melodies are playing inside of my mind and as I sing along
I am in awe of the magnificence of this wilderness-
I see that this world is a miraculous place and I can also see that in many ways,
The dreams that I have left are being fulfilled- and although in reality
I can never be queen of a forest, inside the world of these dreams I can be, and
As I am alive to be part of this special and extraordinary place,
I can now see that life does have meaning as does each and every moment in time.
poem by Claudia Krizay
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The River
Last Sunday
I spent a whole day
with a beautiful river
trying to feel close
to each being, each thing,
even to become one with everything
that surrounded me.
In some way,
I learned from the natural
flow of water
what it means not to look back.
I should remember that river
every time I need to forget the past.
And it helps me to not mind much the now...
Why? Well don't you see how
"Now" is going into the Past fast?
So, the river taught me to aim forward.
It may last.
I tried to follow it
with my eyes towards the horizon.
And maybe there is where
River called my soul.
I believe I had the feeling
of sweet water loving me
more than anybody else
(as if I'd ever be loved much, lol.
So I have learned never to ask for love.
For my soul, that may be
as shameful as begging for money) .
But I have thanked the river
with my entire heart
for letting me in,
for washing my soul clean
and I gave it all the love
I could gather,
the river loved me back,
so much that "it"
(calling so because
of my indecision
of calling a he or a she)
almost let me to become one with.
I felt no more sadness
nor earthly pain
or hunger for eyes
to watch me dearly,
for arms to hug me kindly,
for smiles as gifts for me.
My selfishness stopped…
I had everything flowing,
I was melted into
zillion of water drops running
with the river, gliding
into the horizon…
For a moment
I believed that's it!
The horizon!
If you ever feel unloved
go to a river,
discharge your pains
and watch how it becomes
The horizon
... Feel you are one
with the river
and your going forward
no matter what.
To a place
where everything
is equally loved
and cared for.
I can only suppose now,
human could touch the horizon,
I know I can be the horizon,
are we the horizon?
Or maybe only a river
touching the horizon...
A river of love...
could I ever hope to be it?
For each creature,
each form of life
to drink me,
so I could be part of them,
and then them,
to be part of me
totally free
to walk or swim
with all rivers
into the sea
our Mother.
Mother to sing us lullabies
to hold from
small spark of stars...
Then scattered away
for another moment
of connection...
Full awareness.
poem by Elena Sandu
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Dreaming Inside
Last night I lay awake,
Last night people were screaming- People threatening to kill me-
I was alone in my room, lying amongst dark shadows-
Looking about- nobody else was there- I thought I must be dreaming,
The whole world was threatening me, as
I was chasing away the dark shadows on the walls,
I heard voices say ‘Dream on, dream on'
But I knew I wasn't dreaming.
It was after midnight- I was not sleeping-
All I could do was cast my eyes about the
Sallow colored walls- of this room- chasing away those shadows-
While I believed they were speaking to me-
Voices saying 'dream on, dream on'-
Were laughing and mocking me, so I believed-
These voices only I could hear- I could only pray I was dreaming inside-
I couldn't shut my eyes in these moments of wakefulness,
Because these shadows were robbing me of my sanity-
I could hear screaming voices and threatening intonations-
I was a lone being lost in a room amongst my own shadows-
When I realized these voices were coming from inside?
'Dream on, dream on'- I told myself in total desperation-
Knowing, however, I cannot dream within these moments of wakefulness-
I wanted to believe these shadows were alive,
So I wouldn't be alone in the midst of these loud and angry voices-
These voices only I could hear- commanding me to take my life.
'Dream on, dream on, ' I whispered hoarsely through my tears-
Be good to me, my shadows and rock me to sleep-
Carry me away to a trance where trees grow and flourish and
Where deer are running wild, locusts are singing and
I am alone amongst these melodious sounds of the summer.
It seems wherever I go and in whatever direction- these angry voices follow-
Tonight I shall lose myself amongst my shadows and close my eyes-
I shall close my eyes and pray although I am not certain if a God is listening-
I shall close my eyes and sleep-like a herd of deer chase away those who wish me harm-
And finally, with every effort- lose myself inside the world of my dreams
Where everything is quiet, without menacing voices so terrifying present and
I shall dream on, dream on, regaining my sanity-
Losing myself inside a world of eternal reverie for always...
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Shadow of my Spirit
Shadows appear and disappear-
Faces behind trees are looking and I never knew,
I never believed in closeness being safe and
Eyes opened towards the sky were said to
Perhaps be taking in the beauty of the cherry blossoms or
Following the pathway of the wild geese in flight-
That is what they say and I would never ask because
Eyes opened to the sky are only open momentarily until
They are cast downward, downward ogling the pathway of my footsteps?
Shadows appear and disappear and faces I don't know
Are none but a threat as the pathway of their eyes
Follow the direction that I walk and I never knew, and
I never believed in closeness being safe-
My eyes are opened towards the sky
Only taking in the spirit of my soul
Dancing someplace in the heavens hoping
That this pathway I walk is a safe place to be?
Shadows appear and disappear and
Even when shadows disappear-
I still believe that all eyes are upon me-
Wild geese in flight and blossoming flowers
Can be beautiful to see but they have no souls-
My soul, my spirit lives deep inside my inner core and
It never felt safe and still to this day
Feels like a raging animal locked inside of a cage
Unable to escape? Unable to escape a body on the run-
On the run from a world that only wishes me harm-
My dream has always been to set my spirit free and to
Become a bird and lift my wings to fly high above
In the sky, journeying through the clouds and to touch the sun,
Then find a safe place where no one could take my thoughts away-but
As a bird I find myself with broken wings, and my own shadow is cast upon the ground
Pilfered by evil people who capture my thoughts within their sinister grasps and
This world is not my home-shadows appear and disappear- my own included-
I can see it upon the gravel pathway lying still- I wait until it disappears and
I find myself alone-alone and safe- a bird with broken wings who has lost her shadow but
I am safe in my solitude and when all shadows disappear, I finally have nothing to fear-
My eyes are opened to the sky watching the wild geese in flight-
They have nothing to fear, soaring high up in the sky and they can escape reality as
Their wings are not broken and blossoming flowers may be beautiful and they remain safe because God did not give them spirits to feel the fear?
poem by Claudia Krizay
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If I Could Fly
Last night I had a dream that I could fly-
To fly above this untrustworthy and cruel world
Would be my utmost desire-
Every place I walk I see threat in people's eyes-
From the day I was born I have always been misunderstood-
And not accepted as the person I was truly meant to be-
Not by my mother, neither by my father, and in all actuality
Not by any of the people who exist around me.
Walking alone on a trail throughout this magical kingdom,
Where branches of trees reach upward to touch the sky-
I see deer running freely through the forest and I see cardinals and robins
Flying about without a care-they don't know the pain in being human or
Certainly not the pain of never having been accepted-
To fly above this world is my fondest desire- even when I am not dreaming-
The sun would be my Mandela- magically so, and never burning me-
As the moon would be my candle guiding me throughout
This magnificent universe at nightfall-
I am a believer that fantasy can become reality.
I am a believer that somewhere in this universe, another world exists
Where I can be myself and I would be respected.-
Somehow my arms have become wings which have been painted gold as are the stars,
I would lift my golden wings and fly
As they take me on an exiting and rewarding adventure
Inside the world of my dreams which has become my only veracity-
The light of the moon reflects in my golden wings that are carrying me away-
Away from, threatening intruders and those who have misapprehended me-
Perhaps I could remain in this world if I could become a bird,
Able to fly so freely about the woodlands and never be slighted or ridiculed-
Nobody would have any expectations of me and my golden wings would take me
Wherever I wished to go and I would be joyful for once in my lifetime-
Never seeing threat in anyone's eyes, neither misfortune or mistrust-and
To perch myself upon a branch of some gorgeous oak tree on a hill,
Without a care in this world- just content to have escaped humanity and
Happy to be alive, singing songs of peace, and never knowing what pain is all about?
poem by Claudia Krizay
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In This Moment
Light is dim
Although in this moment
Light is not a welcome entity-
My mind wants to hide itself
Within the darkness of
This very early summer morning-
In this moment, I foresee no serenity and
I hear voices screaming while
In the fortress of this room
I know I am the only one present.
If only my bed, here where I lay, were a ship, I would journey years backward
To the place I lived in at all times many decades ago-
Now I know that land was non existent, even though
At the time it was my only reality.
In this moment, my only reality is within this room
Where the light is dim and
Outside this window, where the shades are pulled halfway down,
A world surrounds me-a world I cannot call my home.
Here within the place of my thoughts,
There exists a sea cobalt blue in its hue
A sea of tranquility, although it seems as if
All tranquility has just been shattered-
Even though the voices I hear screaming are terrifying and unreal-
The voice of reality is dimmer.
Threatening voices and this bed in which I lie is a boat
Now in the midst of a storm at sea, and although
I can foresee no destiny-here where I lie resting,
All is familiar to me while the real world outside is foreign, and
A threat to my existence.
So here in this moment, I close my eyes to all that I fear and I know that momentarily
I shall drift off to sleep and dream of the past-
Where I lived inside my own world of bliss and harmony-
Here In this very moment where the light of reality is dim,
My eyes are closed and I am sailing upon my magical ship,
Back to the time where fantasy brought me only peace of mind
Unaware of the day I would awaken alive in a planet they call "Earth"
Where my imaginary ship would overturn and I would find myself
Drowning in a sea of madness where there exists no recourse to fear,
In this moment where light has never been dimmer…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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On a Sunlit Night
Tonight I walk outside alone,
Hoping for autonomy from the world's intruders-
The sky appears as dark as night can be but
Tonight the moon is hiding and I believe I see pink and purple clouds
Tip-toeing out from the darkness, as the stars are disappearing,
Are fading behind these clouds,
I believe I see the sun- as its rays are fighting their way
Through the clouds, and pushing the darkness aside-
It is only an hour past midnight and
The trees are tall and golden, some are touching the sky.
I hear wild geese calling and I can feel the gentle late spring breeze, as it
Rustles the silken blue-green leaves upon the trees-
While I rejoice being safe in my solitude.
I am alone on a sunlit night, on a trail leading toward
That phantasmal land of my utmost dreams-
Branches upon the trees, golden or copper shaded
Are sparkling with dew as would be polished diamonds-
I sing songs of peace with the cicadas- releasing my fears to the wind.
As I behold the splendor of the sun against magenta-pink clouds, as it
Rises above the mountains, purple in their hue, I can see
A rainbow on the horizon, and the creek nearby sparkling and reflecting the light.
I am wondering if I have lost touch with all that is real, for
I have never seen pink clouds, purple mountains or a rainbow,
While the sun shines upon this world in the dead of night-
I am enraptured with the magnificence of this sunlit night, and
I have found freedom from the war my thoughts continually carry on,
The voices inside of mind are presently not cruelly commanding, but
Carrying on miraculously beautiful tunes from far away places-
I may have escaped reality or perhaps I am only dreaming, although
I feel as if I have abandoned my plight, and whatever the reason for
This amazing journey I am on, whether real or imagined -the reason hardly matters as
I have found all of the pleasure, placidity and freedom from pain and anguish.
Even if I were to awaken from this reverie, the fond memory shall always remain,
I shall close my eyes and will be able to relive
My phenomenal journey beneath pink and purple clouds of fortune, and
That special rainbow on the horizon illuminating the sky on that astonishing sunlit night.
poem by Claudia Krizay
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