Short; Silly: Ode To A Commode...Or....A Poem About Toilets
modern 'toilets' are large flushable porcelain bowls
which catch waste from both your and my exit holes.
i'm used to white ones with large flush-water tank.
a hidden pipe carries off stuff that often does smell rank.
some in japan were quite different……with no way to sit!
i'm glad i found 'my style' when t'was time to shit.
and if from toilet-paper usage you're leaning,
some toilets have the choice of an in-bowl shower, for cleaning.
toilet seats are sometimes colored, or cushioned, or even heated;
for me, more important (at times) is JUST to be SEATED!
toilets have changed since they were just holes in the ground.
i hope, when i 'need' a toilet, one's always around!
(4-4-2010)
poem by Bri Edwards
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Related quotes
Surprise in Japan - Drain as toilet
first world country
oh these quaint toilets where
you have to do it into a drain
I was terribly surprised that in some parts of Tokyo a toilet meant
you do your business right into a drain. You wear a pair of clogs into the toilet which is nothing more than a deep drain. I am still trying to find out where the shit would flow to till this day.
poem by John Tiong Chunghoo
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It’s No Fun Going To The Toilet
it’s no fun, dearest friends,
going to the toilet
with your entrails full
and at zero hour
and rushing to the toilet
and finding every cubicle shut in your face
and you run to the next
and there are grunting pigs
behind closed doors
and you are truly full,
and you know you are in big trouble
and there is not even a discreet bush corner
in the god-forsaken damned city;
and you are walking up and down outside the doors
like an irate Principal at a school assembly;
it’s really no fun
putting yourself through such agony
to put yourself on such public display
going to public toilets
when you could have cleared all
and achieved dignity
with proper timing
and good though boring habits
it’s no fun, really -
dearest friends,
hastening to the toilet
when your pipe is nearly at bursting point
and you rush in to the toilet
and though lucky enough
to find an enclosure
it’s really no fun, is it? -
all that hurry and urgency
at near bursting point
as you pow-wow before the toilet bowl
and your buckle is stubborn
and you plead to your private self:
O no, no…don’t burst…not yet…
and your damned zip gets stuck just then
and you continue your war dance
and you plead to your intimate self:
O no, no…don’t burst…not yet…not yet, please;
please don’t do this to me-self –
and just then the zip comes asunder
and you pull it down like thunder
and oh, what a relief, no doubt –
but it certainly was no fun
going there to the toilet at near-breaking point;
and how are you going to face the world
with your zip burst
and your buckle broken and hanging over now?
oh, so, dearest friends,
trust me
(no wisecracks here, please)
oh all you children of the earth
all infants and old
and the genteel and the virile
and the incontinent
and the humble and those with golden toilet bowls –
it’s never fun to rush in to the toilet
at near breaking or bursting point;
and though good routine
and roughage may never be fun either
it’s safer than trusting in City Councils that
do not plan for citizens at bursting point…
poem by Raj Arumugam
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Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money.
quote by Joey Bishop
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Smelling For Decades
Don't you find it ironic,
That those who laughed...
At the efforts made by others,
Are today those very same people...
Who have flushed themselves down toilets.
And now complain and place the blame,
On the ones cleaning up the mess...
Those who laughed but now in tears,
Have created.
'I don't find that to be ironic.
I find that to be a wish! '
A wish?
'Yes.
Think about it.
If the only thing you knew and was taught,
Is to flush yourself down the toilet...
Wouldn't you be suspicious,
Of someone committed as if devoted...
To a cleaning up behind you?
And with a doing done to ignore your laughter?
Looking at it from their perspective...
I would think those choosing to do that as fools too! '
I hadn't thought of it like that!
'You should.
This atmosphere has been smelling for decades.
And those accustomed to it...
Well,
That stench is all they have known.'
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Plexiglass Toilet
Don't sit on the Plexiglas toilet
Said the momma to her son
Wipe the butt clean with the paper
Make it nice for everyone
But don't sit down on the Plexiglas toilet yeah
A boy of 5 stands close to the toilet
Holds the lid up with one hand
Won't let go the lid for fear that
On his banana it will land
Don't sit down on the Plexiglas toilet yeah
Boy goes up he eats the enchilada
With the sauce that burns the heart
Family comes to visit family
Momma says don't belch and fart
Don't sit on the Plexiglas toilet
Said the momma to her son
Wipe the butt clean with the paper
Make it nice for everyone
But don't sit down on the Plexiglas toilet yeah
Everybody Sing!
Don't sit on the Plexiglas toilet
Said the momma to her son
Wipe the butt clean with the paper
Make it nice for everyone
But don't sit down on the Plexiglas toilet yeah
Don't sit on the Plexiglas toilet
Said the momma to her son
Wipe the butt clean with the paper
Make it nice for everyone
But don't sit down on the Plexiglas toilet yeah
song performed by by Styx, music by John Curulewski
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A Royal Flush!
The ‘Assuies’ are levying a tax on water output, so called the ‘flushing tax’,
Some are not flushing as much do reduce their water bill,
Some are going “outside” in their outback, if you will,
In this world wide economic slow down you can’t be lax.
Some businesses are getting to point of developing ‘waterless toilets’,
The composting toilets are great for saving water and money,
They come in a variety of styles and you have much to gain,
With the average household flushing up to 35,000 litres of potable water down the drain each year,
Ecoflo waterless toilets will save you from flushing water and money down the drain.
This is about as good as it gets,
I hope that this will not lead banning of the term flushing,
Because where will the USTA US Open be played?
In Compost Meadows?
That doesn’t sound right.
(2-21-09)
poem by Joe Rosochacki
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Two funney
Young funney
Boy...
go
The toilet...
Pass urine...
Not clean
The toilet
With water...
why...?
The boy was
funney...!
The toilet was
funney...?
poem by Otteri Selvakumar
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Toilet Seats
While I am emulating Keats
My brother fabrics toilet seats,
The which, they say, are works of art,
Aesthetic features of the mart;
So exquisitely are they made
With plastic of a pastel shade,
Of topaz, ivory or rose,
Inviting to serene repose.
Rajahs I'm told have seats of gold,--
(They must, I fear, be very cold).
But Tom's have thermostatic heat,
With sympathy your grace to greet.
Like silver they are neon lit,
Making a halo as you sit:
Then lo! they play with dulset tone
A melody by Mendelssohn.
Oh were I lyrical as Yeats
I would not sing of toilet seats,
But rather serenade a star,--
Yet I must take things as they are.
For even kings must coyly own
Them as essential as a throne:
So as I tug the Muse's teats
I envy Tom his toilet seats.
poem by Robert William Service
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Toilet
Every one
use
The toilet
Clean
Take water
And clean...
Clean is
Importent
her clean
Is not
Impress other's...
It is helpfull for
Healthy good
Life...
For clean
Toilet...
All ways
With your use...!
Some
human are
Use
The toilet
At animals...
You...?
poem by Otteri Selvakumar
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Read Me Now
read me now
read me 500 years after i am not around
after that flush me down the toilet
that is if you are still using flush toilet
poem by John Tiong Chunghoo
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Lily Licked the Toilet
Lily licked the toilet,
And then she licked the floor.
You can bet I'll never
Kiss Lily anymore!
Lily licked the toilet,
And then she licked the sink.
She's full of germs and worms,
At least that's what I think.
Lily licked the toilet,
And then she licked the tub.
It's safe to say her tongue
Could use a real good scrub!
She was the cutest pooch! (To Smooch)
Why'd she have to spoil it?
Nothing's been the same since…
Lily licked the toilet!
poem by ToddMichael St. Pierre
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Loo-ney Time.!
Is it a tourist attraction,?
Loads of action.!
Easy to forget,
Its only a public toilet.
Is everyone dying for a pee?
The entire village wanting a wee.!
Maybe they've nothing to do,
Do they all think, 'Oh I'll pop out to the loo.'!
They're maybe nicking bog rolls! ! ,
Pretending to go for strolls!
Are all of them'spending a penny'?
Saving water in they're own lavtory!
Seemingly from miles around they flock,
The blooding road they'll block.
Are there no toilets where they live.?
Something has to give.
The bloody sewers will collapse,
A solution is needed perhaps.
Pose as an attendant,
Charge them for a'penny spent.'
Say a couple of pound.
Make them think! Before calling around..
'Out of order'sign on the door,
Burst pipe, flooded floor.
Petition, get it knocked down,
Good idea, it does sound,
Just want a quiet street,,
Whilst on my computer seat,
From my window payne,
Don't want to complain.! ! !
poem by Guy Lipmore
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Eccentric Or Pathetic
Eccentric or pathetic,
it is hard to distinguish them at times.
I once knew a woman, who every morning
when she went to work,
would get down on her hands and knees
and sniff the carpet for any offending smells.
Recently I have heard of a man
who goes around the toilets with a magnifying glass
lifting up the toilets seats to see underneath
if he could find a minute spec of dust.
He then gets out is disinfectant wet wipes
and rubs ferociously until the offending minute spec of dust is gone. Are these people eccentric or pathetic,
it is hard to distinguish them.
So all I can ask of you
is to make up your own mind.
29 January 2009
poem by David Harris
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I'd find it demeaning to be cleaning toilets.
quote by Jack Kevorkian
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I'm cleaning toilets for $30 a day, because I needed that $30, and people are pointing at me, saying, Look at the big movie star. Look where he is now. I just said, I'm where God put me.
quote by Willie Aames
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Surprise in Japan - Our teachers wash our toilets
after the lessons
our japanese teacher washes
the toilets we use
I was rather surprised when our japanese teacher in the school we went to in Ichikawa told us teachers take turn to wash the school toilets.
I suppose the school wanted to cut cost and the teachers did not mind since they loved teaching and the school.
poem by John Tiong Chunghoo
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Standards I Value
How can I recognize times have changed,
And so have I?
I had been the kind of person that thought,
Being of service to my fellowmen...
Was a duty and a deed I was here on Earth to do.
I would have cleaned some people's toilets,
If I was asked to.
I make clear now those choices,
From which I choose.
Today,
If some of those same people...
Were to invite me to a dinner party as their main guest,
To sit at the head of the table.
I would not accept.
Not because I didn't care for them as people,
Which just might be the case.
I wouldn't accept because of the menu.
OR if I did not personally know the chef.
Since I have acquired my own satisfying taste.
How can I recognize times have changed,
And so have I?
I had been the kind of person that thought,
Being of service to my fellowmen...
Was a duty and a deed I was here on Earth to do.
I would have cleaned some people's toilets,
If I was asked to.
And I 'still' might consider such a task.
Depending upon who it is that may ask.
But,
As my own preference would have it...
I'd rather take a city bus.
Than to be chauffeured around in a limousine.
And...
So glad I am,
To have remained to keep my own standards I value...
Available and within my grasp.
And not think myself out of touch or reach,
From the people I most adore and respect.
Or think I am above those lessons I learn to keep.
And from them whom to me I receive realities...
I do not have to solicit,
Since they frequently on a daily basis teach.
And for FREE?
I can not beat that.
These are standards I value.
To keep me focused and my mind intact.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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The Gardener XI: Come As You Are
Come as you are; do not loiter over
your toilet.
If your braided hair has loosened if
the parting of your hair be not straight,
if the ribbons of your bodice be not
fastened, do not mind.
Come as you are; do not loiter over
your toilet.
Come, with quick steps over the
grass.
If the raddle come from your feet
because of the dew, of the rings of bells
upon your feet slacken, if pearls drop
out of your chain, do not mind.
Come, with quick steps over the
grass.
Do you see the clouds wrapping the
sky?
Flocks of cranes fly up from the
further river-bank and fitful gusts of
wind rush over the heath.
The anxious cattle run to their stalls
in the village.
Do you see the clouds wrapping the
sky?
In vain you light your toilet lamp
--it flickers and goes out in the
wind.
Who can know that your eyelids
have not been touched with lamp-
black? For your eyes are darker
than rain-clouds.
In vain you light your toilet lamp--
it goes out.
Come as you are; do not loiter over
your toilet.
If the wreath is not woven, who
cares; if the wrist-chain had not been
linked, let it be.
The sky is overcast with clouds--it
is late.
Come as you are; do not loiter over
your toilet.
poem by Rabindranath Tagore
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To the Pay Toilet
You strop my anger, especially
when I find you in restaurant or bar
and pay for the same liquid, coming and going.
In bus depots and airports and turnpike plazas
some woman is dragging in with three kids hung off her
shrieking their simple urgency like gulls.
She's supposed to pay for each of them
and the privilege of not dirtying the corporate floor.
Sometimes a woman in a uniform's on duty
black or whatever the prevailing bottom is
getting thirty cents an hour to make sure
no woman sneaks her full bladder under a door.
Most blatantly you shout that waste of resources
for the greatest good of the smallest number
where twenty pay toilets line up glinty clean
and at the end of the row one free toilet
oozes from under its crooked door,
while a row of weary women carrying packages and babies
wait and wait and wait to do
what only the dead find unnecessary.
poem by Marge Piercy
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Sanitized Toilets
They are doing the best they can,
To ensure he is not re-elected.
And with their blinded efforts,
They want to prove to all...
How they can effectively,
Flush everyone with a doing done...
Including themselves,
Down scented and sanitized toilets.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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