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My Colonoscopy......And Life (Mine) ......[Medical; Humor; Personal]

Seven years have passed since my first colonoscopy. I had it in New York State.
That doctor said 'wait ten years', but my new wife and new doctor sealed my fate.
My 'new' fate made second colonoscopy come only seven years since my first,
and today most of what I drank I drank not to quench my thirst.

Tomorrow is the 'big day' and I look forward to its end, …… so
laxatives I'll no longer into my aging body have to send.
No 'solid' food I've had today, though on 'solid' food my mind might dwell.
To have some fruit, ice cream, or cereal...now sure would be swell.

The instructions say 'clear' liquids 'only', on this day before,
but, to me, the instructions need more details to truly make clear the score.
What does 'clear' in 'clear liquid' mean? ; they allow coffee, 'black'.
And it seems red grape juice is OK, but don't on 'red Jello' snack!

I've chosen no sedation if the doctor and I can do without.
I'd like to view and hear, as well as I can, each round of the bout.
But my wife will be on call if I am sedated and need a ride back home.
I'd rather be free after the procedure to through San Carlos roam.

I know I'm on a touchy subject....for those who love me most,
but, if possible, I'll be the one to decide when to 'give up the ghost'.
I actually like medical stuff, and I did promise to do this this year for my wife,
but I'm not sure I'll go for a third 'search for problems'; I don't relish a really long life.

The diarrhea's not so bad......as long as the bathroom is 'free'.
After all, once the doctor goes in, he should see all there is to see.
And I know he really doesn't want to see shit, ... nor smell it I suppose,
when he dons a pair of gloves, and up my rear end shoves the hose.

(7-17-11)

poem by Bri Edwards
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Doctor, Doctor

Doctor, theres something wrong with me
My health is not all that it used to be
My heart is out of beat, I got chokers on my feet
My eyesights getting dimmer, I cant see
Doctor thanks for seeing me today, Im glad,
Ive got every sickness there is to be had
I had whooping cough last month
And today Ive got the mumps
And tomorrow Ill catch chicken pox as well.
Doctor doctor doctor make me well
Ive not got long to go now I can tell
Doctor doctor doctor make me well
Ive not got long to go I can tell
Ive not got long to go I can tell
Those pills I took have no effect at all
Just the other day I had a nasty fall
And I think I broke my jaw when it hit the kitchen floor
And Im shrinking last week I was five foot four
Ive been getting shivers lately, is it flu?
I know the bug is going round, what can I do?
Its about to pick on me, Ive still got the other three
Do you think I caught smallpox Id get flu?
[chorus]
Do you think its time that I made out my will?
Ill leave everything to you to pay my bill
Just how long is there to go
Please tell me I want to know
But on second thoughts dont tell me, Im too ill.

song performed by by Who
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Hand That Feeds

Doctor, doctor, doctor
Please, doctor, doctor, please
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Feel like an old diseace
Get your sweet ass off the floor
Doctor, doctor, doctor
I cant refuse any loose harted lady anymore
I scream your name into the crowd
You feel the flame, but yo aint proud
Mabye your attitude aint right
So all thats left for me to do is bite
The hand that feeds me
Feeds me
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Doctor, doctor, please
All things you put me through
What the hell you want me to
Do all the things that uncle john needs
I aint the dog that bites the hand that feeds me
In the middle of, with a spittle of
Et tu like birds of a feather
When another day, love another way
Push, shove, make love, play
Never never, never ever
Never ever, never ever
Na, na...
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Please do a-what you can
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Would you please give my life a hand
All the things you put me trough
What the hell you want me to
Do all the things that uncle john needs
I aint the dog that bites the hand that feeds me, yeah
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Doctor, doctor, please
(repeat)

song performed by by Aerosmith
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Doctor Said

The stroke was bad, and arriving at the hospital
we expected hushed, grim words
from the preoccupied doctor.
The doctor said it was brain-stem, hopeless;
the coma was total; his mind, the doctor said,
was at the bottom of a deep well.

So we entered his room and
saw the machinery of life-support,
reassuring noises, glowing red displays,
tubes and wires tethering his shattered mind to the bed.

The doctor said that Ed would not come back,
and we should cut off the milky food
flowing down a clear tube to his still living gut,
and give him a gentle death by starvation;
it would not be painful, the doctor knowingly said.

But his coma was so restless and active,
his eyes were wide and darting,
his mouth opened, as though to speak,
and his legs rose and fell,
like he was walking to Sunday Mass.

He looked alive, so we refused
and directed the nurses
to keep hope flowing,
at least for now.

When it was my turn to sit with him,
I said, “Hey Ed! You know,
I’ve been drinking all your beer at home, ” and he smiled
and looked at me with humor and said, “ohhh? ”

But the doctor said it was automatic reflex,
and smiled indulgently at me.

The next morning the doctor,
(expecting no response) said,
“Hello Ed. How are we feeling today? ”
but stopped, nothing to say at last,
when Ed replied, “Lousy! ”

Ed lived for the next three years
as grandchildren were born,
baptisms were witnessed,
and first communions were celebrated,

and ready at last, he died
one bright, peaceful
April morning,
with nothing more
to be said.

poem by Steven Federle
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A Doctor’s Mistake

As towns flourish and teem with life
Of all colours and creeds
In one of them lived with his wife
A doctor, with certain needs

Life and practice were more than good
He’d friends on every side
Yet took to drugs so oft he could
Which soon would turn the tide

One day a bad mistake was made
A fault he tried to hide
With pills a man in bed was laid
Who very nearly died

His medicine was wrong of course
The doctor was so high
The dose he gave could kill a horse
A man would surely die

For many years the doctor’s wife
Had prayed both night and day
For God to change her husband’s life
And take the drugs away

Her prayers were heard God saw how sad
His daughter lived with tears
Although her husband’s deeds were bad
God freed them of their fears

The doctor’s heart began to melt
He joined his wife in prayer
“Oh Lord my God what guilt I’ve felt
Since knowing You are there”

Salvation came because a wife
Had knelt in fervent prayer
Not only had her husband life
But now! Life’s Truth they share.

poem by Michael P. Johnson
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Dr. Detroit

Don't you stop
Don't you wonder why
Life itself pops in
And takes you by surprise
Don't you try to run
It gets you from behind
Like a common cold
It takes you for a ride
Now is the time
To call me doctor
This is a serious case
There's not much time
Now call me doctor
They love to watch him operate
It comes and goes
So call me doctor
They need a special technique
It grows and grows
Now call me doctor
Calling doctor, doctor detroit
Call me doctor (repeat)
No need to look
He's not in the book
The doctor's not an m.d.
What he does this time he does for free
Now is the time
To call me doctor
This is a serious case
There's not much time
Now call me doctor
They love to watch him operate
It comes and goes
So call me doctor
They need a special technique
It grows and grows
Now call me doctor
Calling doctor, doctor detroit

song performed by by Devo
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Rock n Roll Doctor

Well Im sick and tired of hearing bout the world and its hang ups
Gonna get myself together,
Take a ride downtown
Gotta see my rocknroll doctor *3
Gotta see him,see him today. hes gonna blow me away
He makes me happy when Im feeling down
Take away my worry takes away my frown
Gotta see my rocknroll doctor *3
Gotta see him,see him today
He gonna blow me away
If you wanna feel groovy
Give the doctor a call
Doctor rock will help you anytime at all
Gotta see my rocknroll doctor *3
Gotta see him,see him today
He gonna blow me away

song performed by by Black Sabbath
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Reunion: A Letter To Classmates.....[Personal; High School Friends]

Reunions are cool.....though maybe not so much in the summer.
That this year I'll miss my first one ever is a bit of a bummer.
It's at least interesting to see you all.....even you aging macho guys,
and to give or get answers to all the 'who? 'S, 'what? 'S, and 'why? 'S.

I've seen classmates since last reunion.....at least a dozen,
including a 'no-show' Genevan, .....Connie, my dear my cousin. Visiting Kit (and wife) in Rocky Mountains, for me, was a treat.
In Ohio, John fixed my wife and me, at his home, something yummy to eat.
We've had two meals at Bob & Martha's in their hilltop home (quite high) ,
and dinner out in Bangkok with Karl and wife; Urai speaks both English and Thai.

At last reunion I was retired, living back in our hometown;
now my life has changed (again) .....since then a lot has 'gone down'.
I learned to use internet which helped me find my new mate.
I got my first cellphone; with 'tech things' I'm quite late.
I've settled in wife's San Carlos home, not far from S.F. Bay and ocean.
My child's become a doctor, and gotten her medical career in motion.
I don't do Facebook or Twitter but I did join Classmates.com,
on which I put my long 'story'; in size it is a bomb.

I hope my absence won't wreck reunion for anyone this year.
One or two, in my absence, might even, to reunion, more readily steer!
Therefore I plan to send this, if I can, to my classmates' email,
but in five year's time I do plan to attend; I hope my plan doesn't fail.
Of course that's assuming there is one, and I'm still 'around',
and enough reunion committee members are in a few years found.

To all of you I send my greetings and my sincere best wishes.
I'm sorry I won't be there to help, with all the dirty dishes.

And 'thank you' to Sandy and all other reunion workers, present and past.
Good health to all my high school classmates as middle age creeps up fast!
☮

poem by Bri Edwards
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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1985 Food Medley - 02 - Doctor

[parody of doctor! doctor! by the thompson twins]
Woah, cause hes my doctor, doctor,
And his name is bernie, bernie.
Oh, doctor, doctor,
Im feelin pretty dismal.
Doctor, doctor,
And his name is bernie, bernie.
Oh, doctor, doctor,
Wheres my pepto bismol?

song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Soul Doctor

Well I woke up this morning
Took your advice
I dialed the number
And I let it ring twice
Then I hung up
Now I tried to do
Everything I could
To save our love
And make it feel good again
I cant fight it, theres nobody home
Hard hearted and all alone
I give you love, you aint giving it back
I cant take it
I need to see the soul doctor
Before the fever begins
You know Im searching for the soul doctor
When love is wearing thin
Doctor soul is in
Ive been kicked in the corner
Im down in the dirt
I cant feel a thing
But I know it ought to hurt
Now your shaking my spirit
Im breaking my back
Im too blind to hear it
So I over react to satisfaction
If I could get me some
I aint talking, theres nothing to say
Misunderstandin, your walking away
Maybe baby, its gonna take time, time, time
I need to see the soul doctor
Before the fever begins
You know Im searching for the soul doctor
When love is wearing thin
Doctor soul is in
I need to see the soul doctor
You know things are looking grim
I keep searching for the soul doctor
Doctor soul is in
The doctors soul intention
Let it be understood
Cant pull the strings of my heart
I aint made out of wood
Now I take what I get
To get what it takes
Need a little bit a love
Got a whole lotta heartaches
I cant fight it, theres nobody home
Hard hearted and all alone
Maybe baby, its gonna take time, time, time
I need to see the soul doctor
Before the fever begins
You know Im searching for the soul doctor
When love is wearing thin
Doctor soul is in
I need to see the soul doctor
You know things are looking grim
I keep searching for the soul doctor
Doctor soul is in
Hey, a little bit of soul, oh yeah
Doctor soul is in
Heart and soul doctor
I need to see the soul doctor, soul doctor
Doctor soul is in
Doctor, doctor, doctor, doctor save my soul
Doctor soul is in
Ooh

song performed by by Foreigner
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Lady & The Doctor

The lady keeps the doctor in a place inside her pocket
The circle made her circle like a wheel
The doctor gives a strange love, but the lady she dont knock it
Shes glad to get a piece of anything
Because the lady needs the medicine ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
Doctor needs the lady to see
The doctor keeps the lady in a page in a book
On the history of communicable diseases
The ladys been to school, she lets the doctor play it cool.
He writes the script, she follows his lead.
cause the doctor writes love story so fine
The ladys learned to read between the lines
Sometime
The doctor, he takes housecalls where he visits the animals
In their stalls, shoots them full of juice and then goes home.
The lady hits the supermarket where she rides the aisles in a shopping cart
till she feels shes played enough of the part to set by ooh,
The lady feels its enough to just be good.
But the doctor has his need to be understood.
The doctor feels hes so abused and the lady feels shes so unused
And demands the doctor tends her daily parts.
Ooh, but the doctor just cant do it because so long ago the lady
Blew it, theyre too old now to make another start.
The lady feels the doctors made of stone.
The doctor heart, it just aint fond of ? home?

song performed by by Bruce Springsteen
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Doctor My Eyes

Doctor, my eyes have seen the years
And the slow parade of fears without crying
Now I want to understand
I have done all that I could
To see the evil and the good without hiding
You must help me if you can
Doctor, my eyes
Tell me what is wrong
Was I unwise to leave them open for so long
'Cause I have wandered through this world
And as each moment has unfurled
I've been waiting to awaken from these dreams
People go just where they will
I never noticed them until I got this feeling
That it's later than it seems
Doctor, my eyes
Tell me what you see
I hear their cries
Just say if it's too late for me
Is it too late
Is it too late for me
Tell me doctor
Doctor, my eyes
Cannot see the sky
Is this the price for having learned how not to cry

song performed by by Wilson Phillips
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Doctor Robert

Ring my friend, i said you call doctor robert
Day or night he'll be there any time at all, doctor robert
Doctor robert, you're a new and better man,
He helps you to understand
He does everything he can, doctor robert
If you're down he'll pick you up, doctor robert
Take a drink from his special cup, doctor robert
Doctor robert, he's a man you must believe,
Helping everyone in need
No one can succeed like doctor robert
Well, well, well, you're feeling fine
Well, well, well, he'll make you ... doctor robert
My friend works for the national health, doctor robert
Don't pay money just to see yourself with doctor robert
Doctor robert, you're a new and better man,
He helps you to understand
He does everything he can, doctor robert
Well, well, well, you're feeling fine
Well, well, well, he'll make you ... doctor robert

song performed by by Beatles
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Doctor Is Calling

The doctor is calling
Somethings gone wrong
Nowhere do I belong
I listen to the voices in the dark room
Somethings going down
But I cant make a sound
Looking past the bars of my mind
The coat of arms falling
I hear the doctor calling
The family crest is falling
I hear the doctor calling
Always sharing trips
Remove me from your lips
Sight and mind still and never go away
One too many tantrums
Deviated symptoms
Better lock the phantom away
The coat of arms falling
I hear the doctor calling
The family crest is falling
I hear the doctor calling
I see the chalkline crawling
I hear the doctor calling me away
This place is my home
My mind still runs free
The doctors prescription
Less for you and more for me
The coat of arms falling
I hear the doctor calling
The family crest is falling
I hear the doctor calling
I see the chalkline crawling
I hear the doctor calling me away
A merciful embalming
I hear the doctor calling me away

song performed by by Megadeth
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Doctor’s Day,2010

Doctor, doctor, carer of sick!
Doctor, doctor, healer on earth;
Doctor, doctor, noble is thine field;
Doctor, doctor, serve thine brethren well!

Doctor, labor all the more;
Clean and dress the chronic sore;
Let no person taint thine name;
Never forget thine great aim.

Doctor, let not wealth allure;
Doctor, lead a life all pure;
Doctor, try to always cure;
God will bless thee on earth, sure.

Dear Dr.B, K, Padmavathi M.D.,
‘Happy Doctor’s Day,2010! ’
From the Dean and staff of IRT, PMC

Copyright by Dr John Celes 7-1-2010

poem by John Celes
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Closer To Fine

Im trying to tell you something about my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
The best thing you ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously
Its only life afterall
Well darkness has a hunger thats insatiable
And lightness has a call thats hard to hear
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it
Im crawling on your shore
I went to the doctor
I went to the mountains
I looked to the children
I drank from the fountains
Theres more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine
I went to see the doctor of philosophy
With a poster of rasputin and a beard down to his knee
He never did marry or see a b-grade movie
He graded my performance
He said he could see through me
I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind
Got my paper and I was free
I went to the doctor
I went to the mountains
I looked to the children
I drank from the fountains
Theres more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine
I stopped by the bar at 3 a.m.
To seek solace in a bottle or possibly a friend
I woke up with a headache like my head against a board
Twice as cloudy as Id been the night before
And I went in seeking clarity.
I went to the doctor
I went to the mountains
I looked to the children
I drank from the fountains
We go to the doctor
We go to the mountains
We look to the children
We drink from the fountains
Yeah, we go to the bible
We go through the workout
We read up on revival
And we stand up for the lookout
Theres more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine

song performed by by Jewel
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Poison Whiskey

Daddy was a cajun, raised on southern land
And so my kinfolks tell me, was a street-fightin man.
Well, they rushed him down to see the doctor
hey doctor, wont you check his head?
The only thing that was wrong with him
Was johnny walkers red
He drank ole poison whiskey
til it killed him dead.
It happened back in the bayou many years ago
Satan came to take him and he did it real slow
Well, they rushed him back to see the doctor
The doctor just shook his head,
twenty years of rotgut whiskey
Done killed the poor man dead.
He drank ole poison whiskey
til it killed him dead.
Take a tip from me, people... brothers cant you see
Aint no future in ole poison whiskey.
Theyre gonna rush you down to see the doctor,
The doctors gonna shake his head.
The only thing hes gonna tell ya
stop drinkin johnny walkers red
Dont drink poison whiskey, dont you drink it boy.

song performed by by Lynyrd Skynyrd
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Poison Whisky

(ed king - ronnie vanzant)
Daddy was a cajun, raised on southern land
And so my kinfolks tell me, was a street-fightin man.
Well, they rushed him down to see the doctor
Hey doctor, wont you check his head?
The only thing that was wrong with him
Was johnny walkers red
He drank ole poison whisky
til it killed him dead.
It happened back in the bayou many years ago
Satan came to take him and he did it real slow
Well, they rushed him back to see the doctor
The doctor just shook his head,
Twenty years of rotgut whisky
Done killed the poor man dead.
He drank ole poison whisky
til it killed him dead.
Take a tip from me, people... brothers cant you see
Aint no future in ole poison whisky.
Theyre gonna rush you down to see the doctor,
The doctors gonna shake his head.
The only thing hes gonna tell ya
Stop drinkin johnny walkers red
Dont drink poison whisky, dont you drink it boy.

song performed by by Lynyrd Skynyrd
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A Very Strange Medley (V.S.M.)

there's barkin' at the kitchen
yellin' in the hall
ringin' at the door bell
poundin' on the wall
kids out a sight
and kids in the way
no time to cook on this hectic day
come on,come on,come on
get a bucket of chicken
finger lickin' good
have a barrel of fun
goodbye ho-hum
say hello to your family
come on everyone
at Kuntukey Fried Chicken
have a barrel of fun
when ever you're driving
and where ever you're bound
like a good neighbor
State Farm is there
State Farm is there
State Farm is there
give your face somethin' to smile about
give your face somethin' to smile about
with stridex
doot, doo, doo
doo, doo, doo, doo,doo, doo
with stridex
I am stuck on a Band Aid
and a Band Aid's stuck on me
I am stuck on a Band Aid
and a Band Aid's stuck on me
I've got the bathroom bowl blues
I been meanin' to start cleanin' the bathroom
bowl
well, it's the lowdownest, bluest job in town
but tough green bowlene beats the bathroom
bowl blues
It's not a Cola
there's Colas by the score
so drink Doctor Pepper
the joy of ev'ry boy and girl
It's the most original soft drink ever in the
whole wide world
Doctor Pepper
Doctor Pepper
Doctor Pepper
Doctor Pepper
Join the Pepsi people
feelin' free,feelin' free
Join the Pepsi people
feelin' free,feelin' free
all across the nation
it's the Pepsi generation
here today
here to stay
feelin' free
So much life to be lived
so much reason to try
And when you feel it, You'll get
a certain feeling inside-aca

song performed by by Barry Manilow
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Doctor Rabelais

Once -- it was many years ago.
In early wedded life,
Ere yet my loved one had become
A very knowing wife,
She came to me and said: 'My dear,
I think (and do not you?)
That we should have about the house
A doctor's book or two.

'Our little ones have sundry ills
Which I should understand
And cure myself, if I but had
A doctor's book at hand.
Why not economize, my dear,
In point of doctor's biils
By purchasing the means to treat
Our litt;e household ills?'

Dear, honest, patient little wife!
She did not even guess
She offered me the very prize
I hankered to possess.
'You argus, wisely, wife,' quoth I,
'Proceed without delay
To find and comprehend the works
Of Doctor Rabelais.'

I wrote the title out for her
(She'd never heard the name),
And presently she bought those books,
And home she lugged the same;
I clearly read this taunting boast
On her triumphant brow:
'Aha, ye venal doctors all,
Ye are outwitted now!'

Those volumes stood upon the shelf
A month or two unread,
Save as such times by night I conned
Their precious wit in bed;
But once -- it was a wintry time --
I heard my loved one say:
'This child is croupy; I'll consult
My doctor, Rabelais!'

Soon from her delusive dream
My beauteous bride awoke.
Too soon she grasped the fulness of
My bibliomaniac joke.
There came a sudden, shocking change,
As you may well suppose,
And with her reprehensive voice
The temperature arose.

But that was many years ago,
In early wedded life,
And that dear lady has become
A very knowing wife;
For she hath learned from Rabelais
What elsewhere is agreed:
The plague of bibliomania is
A cureless ill indeed.

And still at night, when all the rest
Are hushed in sweet repose,
O'er those two interdicted tomes
I laugh and nod and doze.
From worldly ills and business cares
My weary mind is lured,
And by that doctor's magic art
My ailments all are cured.

So my dear, knowing little wife
Is glad that it is so,
And with a smile recalls the trick
I played her years ago;
And whensoe'er dyspeptic pangs
Compel me to their sway,
The saucy girl bids me consult
My Doctor Rabelais!

poem by Eugene Field
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Doctor My Eyes

Doctor, my eyes have seen the years
And the slow parade of fears without crying
Now I want to understand
I have done all that I could
To see the evil and the good without hiding
You must help me if you can
Doctor, my eyes
Tell me what is wrong
Was I unwise to leave them open for so long
cause I have wandered through this world
And as each moment has unfurled
Ive been waiting to awaken from these dreams
People go just where there will
I never noticed them until I got this feeling
That its later than it seems
Doctor, my eyes
Tell me what you see
I hear their cries
Just say if its too late for me
Doctor, my eyes
Cannot see the sky
Is this the prize for having learned how not to cry

song performed by by Jackson Browne
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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