Punch Drunk
We got to the pub, and were served our food;
Everyone, it seemed, was in a good mood.
Then, in walked a man who was really drunk;
He was refused service, so he threw a punch.
Thankfully, the barman ducked out of the way,
But he pushed the panic button straightaway.
The man was angry, and he started swearing;
At him, the customers were, very soon, staring.
From swearing, he was politely asked to refrain;
To which he answered ‘I've got a villa in Spain! ' (?)
Both customer and barman were beginning to seethe.
The Duty Manager asked the antagonist to leave.
The door of the pub, the man was shown;
Now, in every local pub, he is well-known.
From all pubs in the city, he is now banned;
I guess his day didn't turn out quite as planned!
poem by Angela Wybrow
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
Related quotes
The Old Man
An aged man came into the bar from out of the cold,
he was wearing a monk’s habit as in the days of old.
‘Like death warmed up’ my mother used to say,
as he sat by the open fire on this winters day.
He never spoke, ordered a drink, or even showed his face,
he hardly moved at all and everyone gave him space.
The barman said, “You can’t sit there without buying a drink, ”
a stare of stone was the response, “okay, I’ll give you time to think.”
The place went deathly quiet as whispers could only be heard,
“Where did this monk person come from, doesn’t he look absurd? ”
The whispering stopped as the man turned and looked directly at me,
he pointed with his long skeletal finger and croaked, “You will be he.”
I gulped, and nervously asked, “What are you talking about? ”
“You’ll be leaving here with me, so let’s make our way out.”
“I’m not going anywhere, ” I said, “until I’ve finished my beer.”
“That’s fine by me, ” he said, “I’ll be waiting here.”
To humour the old man I asked where he thought we were going.
“Haven’t you figured it out yet, and by the way I’ll be doing the rowing? ”
“I’m sorry old man I’m not going anywhere, it’s much too cold outside.”
“You haven’t got it yet have you; we’re taking your last boat-ride? ”
“There are no boat-rides until spring the river’s been frozen for a week, ”
said the barman with a grin on his face that went from cheek to cheek.
“It’s not a literal boat-ride you fool it’s a journey everyone must take
and my job is to escort the travellers across the lake.”
“What is this old man on about, there are no lake’s around here,
come on everybody sup up, it’s time for another beer.”
“You are getting on my nerves barman give your mouth a rest,
or I’ll take someone with a mouth the size of his chest.”
The barman looked quite unsettled and threatened to throw him out
unless he ordered a drink, but he refused and called him a lout.
“That’s it, ” the barman said, “I’ve heard enough let’s have you outside.”
“That’s good enough for me, ” said the old man, “you’ll be taking the ride.”
At that precise moment the barman collapsed clutching his heart,
an ambulance was called and within minutes they had made a start.
The paramedics tried in vain to revive him: alas they could do no more,
but see the barman’s spirit and the old man walk through the door.
poem by Orlando Belo
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
That's a very critical phase in customer service because you can start to really understand what part of customer service has value to customers and what part is bothering customers.
quote by Sanjay Kumar
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
What'll It Be?
The human soul
Is but the drink
Of the broken man
At the bar, sinking
in his golden therapy.
The half empty
Flask goes flat
As he grumbles
About his lack
of love and luck.
But he drinks it off
Through his spirits,
And though he
May not appear it
he's like all of us.
For when the barman asked,
'What'll it be? '
He could've asked
For anything
but here he is...
...Again
Enjoying his routine
Drowning his sorrow
With apathy
and, despite all his strife,
Makes one of yet another hundred
thousand toasts to life.
Look Out Johnny
(sylvester / clarke / hicks)
Johnny was a pusher on the east side
Pushing anything to be pushed
Laid something on a guy who didn't get high
Didn't know the guy was a hood
Wheeling-dealing johnny got frightened
Thought the best place was out of town
Packed up his bags and threw them in the back
Packed up his bags and threw them in the back
Of his chevy put his foot flat down
Look out johnny there's a monkey on your back
You better beware there johnny
'cause the monkey's packin' a gat
Drivin' over red lights speeding down the freeway
Johnny johnny get away
You better beware there johnny
There's a monkey on your back
Johnny thought he'd do something clever
Turning south on the old coast road
Pushing 94 swerving leaning on the door
Trying to shake off his heavy load
Crossed the state line feeling safer
Drinking in the corner of a bar
In walked a guy looked the barman in the eye
Said "hey is johnny in here"
Chorus
You better beware there johnny
There's a monkey on your back
Be good
You better beware there johnny
There's a monkey on your back
Look out johnny 'cos the monkey's packin' a gat
Drivin' over red lights speeding down the freeway
Johnny johnny get away
You better beware there johnny
There's a monkey on your back
Look out johnny there's a monkey on your back
(repeat)
song performed by by Hollies
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
Change
The other day I walked accross the street
i couldnt believe what I appeared to see...
as I looked at a poor boy who came to me
I asked him his name and he didnt know
he just asked me for change.
I asked where is your mum?
he just asked me for change
I asked where is your dad?
he just asked me for change
I asked will someone come?
he just asked me for change
I asked why are you sad?
with no response to my question there was a pause...
but then once again he asked me for change
see, as i watched him dissapear with his pain
I realised that he actualy asked me...
for a change.
poem by Daniel McCann
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
Games we Play...
At a party,
She walked in late
Paused at the gate,
Casually draped
In a diaphanous
Wine coloured
Georgette sari,
Her attitude
Only accessorie…
She couldn’t care
Who stared…
Male of the species,
Instantly distracted
Dropped their animated
Conversation
On the state of the economy,
Fascinated
Studying the anatomy…
Women watched
In indignation,
A wee bit envious,
A lot outraged,
By the devious game,
swearing must go
gymming....
While men, pretending
To be oblivious,
walked bellgerantly
belly pulled in,
asked for whiskey
On the rocks,
While she, for effect
Carelessly
Pushed behind
Her locks…
poem by Mamta Agarwal
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
There are times over different projects when I've asked the writers why people are swearing for no good reason. I tell them that it would be funnier if there weren't these swear words.
quote by John Ratzenberger
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
Doomed love
Across the cemetery sat the worst of schools
A school that contained only fools
Where the rate of graduation was close to nil
And the worst always chose the poison pill
At the edge of the screen, at the very back
Stood a girl with her hair jet black
While up at the front at the edge of the gate
Sat the man she had wanted to date
Her name was Jane and his was John
It sounded like two people from a love song
If she had him her life was done
But all he ever did to her was shun
It didn’t matter how hard she tried
Or even how much she pried
If she didn’t have him by the end of the day
Then he would most surely pay
While the day that was, came and went
The day in watching was spent
But ignoring her was all he did
So she decided of him to be rid
She thought and she thought all day long
And came up with a plan she didn’t think was wrong
Packing the supplies she needed that day
She walked out the door in the suns dim rays
She waited at the school for what seemed like an hour
She ate same grapes that she thought tasted sour
Then she saw him coming through the gate
And started with the clever bait
She wrote a letter to snare him near
To the place where at first she did hear
Of the guy she would want till death
To her very last breath
She loved him but she would not pull out
And started to leave by the nearest route
She went to the place she had asked him to go
And saw him there moving to and fro’
What happened next no one could tell
At the ringing of the lonesome church bell
The detectives decided with mournful dismay
That this is what happened every day
They questioned the witnesses until there pens ran out
And the bothered teachers started to shout
They concluded that the kid died by poisoned food
And departed, not wanting to be rude
At the cemetery across the school
Everyone, together, started to pool
At the center of the throng a choir did sing
As the gloomy bells started to ring
At the beginning of the service the mother declared
That her daughter was never timid or scared
But before the service was done
Everyone would know of John
poem by Darnell Wetzel
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
Pulling Life On The Mercy Of Others
The smoky restaurant on the roadside
Was waiting for its first customer
Ready with local South Indian menu
The owner was turning impatient
Pulling out and pushing in
His cash box
Hotel waiters standing close
To their areas of service
I was watching all of them
Positioning myself outside the premises
I was too keen to see their first customer
This hotel serves you the best
Among all the such outlets
In this part of the city
It may be business strategy, I do not know
The quality of the food initially served
Turns less acceptable to me as time passes
That is why, I come very early in the morning
So that I get the good stuff
I took off my eyes from the staff
And looked left and right on the road
For a prospective first eater
No one has to come yet
My hunger kept growing
And mouth started watering
As I lost in my plight
I saw a customer to my delight
Stepping up the restaurant and to my pleasure
He took a seat and he ordered too for a regular menu
I know I have to give time for him to eat
And then only my time to eat comes
I do not require keeping a look at him
I go by an audio signal which marks his finishing eating
I started watching the vehicles crossing fast in front of me
The people who go for a morning walk
The vegetable vendors and the milkmen
A paper boy almost rode his bicycle on me
I was smart in negotiating his rashness by jumping to safety
I heard the sound I was waiting for
The fall of the banana leaf with a thud into the dust bin
This leaf served as an eating plate for the first comer
My job now is to jump into the bin
And to eat the left over on the leaf
Some small slices of food items
And the left over spicy side dishes are enough
To take care of my hunger
At times it happens that I stay for more leaves to fall
One good thing is that this shop is newly opened
I do not face competition from other friends of my tribe
Though I bear the look of a Pomeranian
I am only a street dog pulling life on the mercy of others
poem by Bashyam Narayanan
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
The Rain that Came to Stay
‘How much longer this drought, ' he said,
‘The creeks are running dry,
There's not a lot in the reservoir
And not a cloud in the sky,
The farmers, shooting the cattle that
Have nothing out there to drink,
How much longer this drought, ' he cried
In the pub at Innaminck!
The soil had turned to a fine bulldust,
The drought had cracked the clay,
There wasn't a green shoot anywhere
To be seen by the light of day,
The crops had failed, were ploughed back in
In hopes that the rain would come,
But the skies were clear for the rest of the year
From there to Jerusalem!
A tinker called in a beat-up car
And staggered in with his bag,
‘I'm Mickey Malone from County Down
With a thirst that could choke a shag! '
The barman served him a schooner, with
One gulp, he put it away,
But emptied his empty pockets when
The barman asked him to pay.
The tinker started his blarney then,
‘I'll sharpen your knives for free!
Just give me another schooner, chum
And we'll see what we will see!
I'll cut your keys, and I'll wash a dish,
Or I'll give you a hundred pegs.'
The barman reached and he grabbed his throat,
And lifted him off his legs!
‘You'll have to do better than that, my man,
Don't drink my beer for free!
I'm taking the wheels of your beat-up car
‘Til you play it straight with me! '
‘Hang on, hang on, just what do you want,
Whatever will pay my due! '
‘We could do with a shower of rain, my man,
But that's all I'd want from you! '
The tinker nodded, ‘No sooner said!
I'll make it tomorrow noon,
You'll have to give me a room to rent
And I'll whip it up in the gloom.'
The barman sneered, ‘You're having me on,
No way can you make it rain! '
‘You'll see, tomorrow, ' the tinker said,
‘Though you might think I'm insane! '
The barman locked him and his bag in a room,
And took a wheel off his car,
He knew if the tinker tried to escape
He wouldn't be going far,
But come the dawn, was a distant cloud
Spread out, and up from the south,
It tumbled and turned in the atmosphere
And looked like a dragon's mouth.
At noon the cloud was over their heads,
All black, and threatening rain,
A whirly blew up a dust storm there
And swirled at each window pane,
They locked the door of the pub up tight
And waited, tense as a rag,
The rain came down, ‘Aha, ' he said,
And the tinker patted his bag!
The patter of rain was heard on the roof,
The gutters began to fill,
The windows washed of their dust and silt
Right down to the window-sill,
The dust was settled, the ground was wet,
The cattle lowed in the field,
And everyone danced in the yard out there
The tide of their fortunes sealed.
The rain grew heavier by the hour,
The creeks had started to flow,
And even the reservoir burst its banks,
With nowhere else to go,
The water flooded across the plain
They waded up to their knees,
‘Enough, enough! ' But Malone replied:
‘Begorra, you're hard to please! '
It rained all night, and the following day,
It rained and rained for a week,
The pub was flooded from wall to wall
The water burst from the creek,
‘You've got to stop it, ' the barman cried,
But the tinker stood and frowned,
‘If the water rises much higher than this,
I think that we'll all be drowned! '
‘You said you wanted the rain, all right,
I gave it, now for my pay,
I can't go on in these tattered clothes
And my car's a give-away.
I'll need the van that you've parked out front
And a hundred cans of beer,
Not much to ask for your water, chum,
At the drought time of the year! '
The barman collared and kicked him out
With his bag and all beside,
The tinker lay in the water there,
His bag had sunk in the tide,
‘Will you stop it now, ' the barman said,
‘Or you'll wish you'd never been born! '
I can't! ' The tinker sat and he cried,
‘You've drowned my Leprechaun! '
It rains and rains at Innaminck,
It rains both day and night,
The pub sank under the water there
In a lake that's ten miles wide,
The farmers had to desert the land
To leave their sunken homes,
But put out a ‘Wanted', Nation wide
For a tinker, called Malone!
David Lewis Paget
poem by David Lewis Paget
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
Each To His Or To Her Own
I only came into the pub for to have a quiet beer
But talk of football all I hear I ask what brought me here
And I thought there was more to life than talking of football
But with that at the Local Pub few would agree at all.
One fellow said my team doing well with stress on the word my
Methought he thinks he owns the team or so he seems to imply
And then he sang a line from the anthem of his club 'When the Saints go marching in'
His voice was booming loud and clear above the bar room din.
Suppose it beats talking of war or politics maybe
Though football a boring subject or so 'twould seem to me
But each to his or her own as they say and those words seem so true
And to them I seemed a boring man one of the unenlightened few.
One asked me what team do you barrack for mate, I said who win or lose
Won't matter much to you or I it won't pay for our booze
At which he only laughed aloud saying you must have a team
Or in your present company you are out of place 'twould seem.
Indeed I said how right you are on this we can agree
For you are you and I are I we see things differently
He shouted to the barman give the man a beer he's not a bad old boy
Though on a few important things we do not see eye to eye.
I bought him a beer before I left, thank you old boy he said
And he started to sing 'Good Old Collingwood' the booze had gone to his head
And as I walked out in the night the moon shone in the sky
And a boobook owl called on a gum in the Parkland nearby.
poem by Francis Duggan
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
My Hollywood journey.
While staring through a local magazine the other day
I saw an ad for actors with the skill of stamina and stable mental state.
the word was new to me, but they promised a dream pay -
I wrote the number on my palm and figured this was my luck and fate.
At home I rang the number, it was answered by a bloke,
I told him I had talent and stamina, he replied that's really good,
he said I have an appointment tomorrow, and don't bring any cameras.
I went to bed a happy man, and dreamed of Hollywood.
I left my camera phone at my home,
then drove to the address I had,3km south.
an underground house with a tattered quote: “Desi Blue world” above the door,
I combed my hair and cleared my throat, promising a success without a doubt
I knocked but nobody seemed to hear, I pushed the door and went inside,
a blonde sat at a typewriter, she looked so hot and cute,
I stood there like a statue, and my eyes were shining blue –
the blonde was rather pretty, and was in her party suit!
She told me not to worry, this was her normal dress.
whenever they were shooting, all the workers went nude all day,
she stood and walked around the desk, and things got rather warm,
but when she bent to get a file I fainted away!
I woke up in few hours, someone asked if I was right,
I kept my eyes shut tight until the dizziness had gone,
I couldn’t see much anyway, so brilliant was the light,
the only thing I knew was I had next to nothing on!
I, ashamed and shy, started hiding my erect antenna
a camera crew was watching, every one of them was nude,
I looked at all the nakedness, and my hear beat raced
I had to keep my cool, or I would have got screwed
A guy then yelled out “Action! ” and I heard a camera whirr,
two sexy girls came in, and neither one had on a stitch,
one started playing with my knee, and kissed my back.
the other asked me if I’d be a doll and poke her itch!
My hands were shaking as I put my arm around her waist,
I tried to get into the scene, I couldn’t simply watch,
she pushed my head into her lap and said: “Here – have a taste! ”
the other finished with my knee and headed for my crotch!
I jumped up to my feet so fast Michael Jackson hit the floor,
the camera man applauded, and the two girls aahed and oohed,
I didn’t wait to hear it, but went racing for the door,
I opened the door and faded away nude.
I ran shivering in the winter daylight
I ran naked in the streets of wild dogs.
they chased me all over my marathon,
I had to hide myself from them in the wintery fog
I sighed relief escaping a painful dog bite
Then I saw something that added another spice to the day
I was approached by someone people on duty.
A group of policemen approached and arrested me right away
Today, as I come out of the jail,
I think about the crime for which I was stood,
people who were my mates inside had raped, murdered and kidnapped.
I was the only one arrested for dreaming about Hollywood
poem by Nikhil Chandwani
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
We asked ourselves what we wanted this company to stand for. We didn't want to just sell shoes. I wasn't even into shoes - but I was passionate about customer service.
quote by Tony Hsieh
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
Something Better Beginning
They said this was the last dance
The lights went dim as I looked round the floor
Then I saw you standing there
Then I walked up to you and I asked for this dance
The band had started to play
I held you hand and I sighed
Is this the start of another heart breaker
Or something better beginning
Something better beginning
Something better beginning
I never thought Id love like this until I met you
I found something I thought Id never had
The only time I feel all right is when Im with you
I wonder how long it will last
I walked you home in the night
The moon shone bright as we walked hand in hand
Ive known this joy once before
But it came to an end just as it had began
Each step that I took with you
Brought one thing closer to my mind
Is this the start of another heart breaker
Or something better beginning
Something better beginning
Something better beginning
song performed by by Kinks
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
In Contact With An Angel
Still asleep in beautiful repose
A knock I heard on my door
Guess the intruder was to the door very close
Cos at my inquiry his voice, though pale became as bold as ore
I, opening my door looked at the little God-created creature
As he stood helplessly like a log of wood
Please sire, he asked in a well-mannered nature
Can you, if you don't mind offer me some food?
God! , he was clad in a garment, so poor
And he looked so cold as snow
How could I now deny him of what he asked for?
Though yonder he came from I don't know
Please, the little stranger asked again
I know you know not me
But please help quench this hunger, this pang of pain
And I ever shall be grateful to thee
As I lay before him a luscious dinner
He looked at the delicacies turn by turn
A smile creased over his cheek like that of a winner
And before long he devoured it all one by one
And suddenly, the little boy in transfiguration turned white
Thank you for helping an angel says he to me
And in a deep bow ascended with the speed of light
And as I stood awe-struck I beheld what I had seen
Wow, I had helped a blessed creature
What a blessed creature I am, I said to myself.14: 59: 31.15/11/10
poem by Olajide Ajibola
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
Sonia and You and The Promise
Sonia closed
the door
behind her
and leaned
against it
you go out
with me?
she asked
her Polish/English
grated on your ears
look I can't
I have other
things to do
you said
running a hand
to smooth
Mr Dubbin's bed
she looked around
the room
and said
what if someone
come in
and see you
here with me?
what if they think
you been having me?
but it wouldn't
be true
you said
standing up
and moving away
from the bed
you know that
and I know it
but others
they do not
she said
her voice
crisp and cool
what if I undo
my uniform
and show my breasts
and say you did it?
you blushed
at the thought
look
just leave me be
you said
she stood firm
against the door
her hands
on the lapels
of her uniform
you could say yes
she said
you could take me
out to cinema
and then
it would be good
huh?
you watched
as she undid
one button
at a time
you watched
her fingers undo
each button
with deliberate
slowness
if I say yes
you'll stop this folly?
you asked
if you mean it
I will walk
from the door
and we can leave
and I do up
the buttons
before others see
she stared at you
her pale blue eyes
on you
her lips parted
just so
you could see
her small white teeth
where do you want to go?
you asked
cinema is good
she said
in the dark
we can kiss yes?
the buttons
were undone
to reveal
her compacted tits
ok ok
you said
the cinema
it is promise?
she said coolly
you make promise
and keep?
yes I make promise
and keep
you repeated
she began to do up
the buttons
her eyes
looking at you
and she smiled
and said
good boy
we have fun no?
you breathed out
the held in breath
sweat dampened
the back
of your shirt
and trouser legs
but if
you do not
show up
she said
brushing her uniform
I'll say you make love
to me on this
Mr Dubbin's bed
and I make bed
look all untidy
and they believe
me yes?
I'll be there
trust me
you said
just let me go
I need to get
the other beds
made before lunch
she moved aside
and opened the door
her perfume
filtering your nose
off you go
she said
and be good
you went off
to make the beds
and show up
that night
as she knew
you would.
poem by Terry Collett
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
Gyana asked
Gyana asked and I answered
What he asked he could not know
What I answered I could not know.
I know road I know building
I know upstair and Gyana
Want to fly and there is no sky.
I have sky I have loved
I have surrendered
Gyana asked and I answered.
poem by Gajanan Mishra
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
People ask 'do you make a conscious effort not to swear?' - if you're doing silly stuff you're not tempted to put swearing in. All the comics from my childhood, who were funny without swearing, were the people that influenced me. What I do is quite traditional anyway.
A Name And A Face
and so we made love for an infinite moment,
when my hand brushed against your shoulder....
when i answered the question you forgot to ask,
when you brought me my coffee without a word.
while i watched you sleep (you seemed so tiny) ,
when moonlight stroked your hair (you seemed so vast) !
when you asked if i was all right,
as i sat staring into the darkness.
when i whispered something and you laughed,
when you swept the kitchen, and didnt know i was there...
when i brought you your supper, and woke you,
when i watered your plants (you forgot) .
when we walked the dogs in the brisk morning air,
when sunset said farewell to the day.
when beginning became ending became beginning,
when hunger chose a name and a face!
poem by Eric Cockrell
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
On A Sunny Sunday
On a Sunny Day, You can See Forever.
The u-boat that cast anchor on the silky beach of Albufeira
the crew was dressed in German world war two uniforms,
bathers thought they were actors in a movie.
The captain came ashore he wanted to call Lisbon, to his
embassy, only the number didn’t exist anymore. He wanted
to surrender, his crew hungry and tired.
A kind barman gave the captain a cold beer, he drank it
greedily and asked what year this was.2011.
“My god” he exclaimed we have landed in a wrong century.
He walked back to his u-boat, a neat man every bit a hero.
The submarine, rusty, looking as it had been at the bottom of
the sea for ages, hoisted anchor, sailed into the blue yonder.
poem by Oskar Hansen
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!