To Hope: from despair

All tell me not to despair, yet
I’m worn and flat as a tire.

Yet my mind recollects the
times we spent in the park.
Strolling and talking, discussing
old and current events, as well
as the number one book
on the bestseller's list.

And a narrative of happy times to
leave behind to be read in spare times.
About love poems that color our hearts red,
about a ton of kisses you planted on my forehead
about your strong right arm being comforting cane.

Drawing back the curtain of moments of birth:
Look! the stained blue dress tucked away in memory’s trunk;
Look! those gentle tummy pinches or waves and tucks;
Look! your knowing smile and catchy eyes were your line and hook.
Listen! I hear your baritone voice calming my trembling heart!

Hope, I know you can’t forever hide behind fear,
in as much, as the sun behind the clouds.
But absent despair, I stand alone.
Dear family and friends let me cringe, cry,
and dance with despair tonight and
partner with hope tomorrow.


By
Almedia Knight-Oliver

September 24th, the eve of the birth of my 2nd son and one week into a positive change in my husband’s illness…two beginnings with past and present births.

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My Despair Comes And Goes

My Despair comes and goes
It is not the ultimate despair,
The despair of those who have forever lost hope
The despair of those who have lost what they never will regain
The despair of those for whom there is no way out
No way to begin again
No hope in any way forever

My Despair comes and goes
It is a small Despair compared to many others
When I am in it of course
I believe it like theirs Hopeless forever hopeless

But then a new day begins,
Or a friendly voice says a friendly word
Or something good and positive happens
Or the weather changes
Or some hurt goes away
Some sign comes
And slowly slowly
I am not there anymore.

My Despair comes and goes
It is not the worst Despair
Not yet-

Yesterday I was in Despair
Today I am almost already not

I pray my writing this
Will help some despairing reader feel
They too will hope again.

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Summer's Love Soon Forgotten

Her eyes match the color,
Of a bright summer sky,
when our love was born,
In the grass,
And in the park,
That day

Memory filled weeks,
Turned into despair,
the love built so tall,
Began to fall so fast,
trying to stretch,
Through all the miles between us,

I came back
Time and time again
Waiting for that dream of love
Remembered at summers eve
That one day summers long past
Will come again
And the love almost forgotten
Will return full and strong

So that love no longer tears,
like a thorn through my heart,
but gives me hope for reason of such despair,
because he who does not hope
does not hope to love

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But Don't Despair

Despair, if you must –
But how's it going to pull you through?
Despair, when you trust
Naught since then there's naught to do.
Despair, should you thrust
Aside your pride, your self-esteem.
And so despair, if it's dust,
The only substance that you deem.
Despair, when a gust
Of slightly breeze can break your stance.
And do despair, when lust
Is your interpretation of romance.

But don't despair, if you can care
About the plight of any other being.
And you can focus on the help,
Support, and altruistic further actions
For the seeing. Be believing,
As despair will start receding
All around – simply since you found
A way to steer you clear
From this: the very cause of your despair!

So give to others; give them all a helping lift:
Despair, you'll find will disappear –
And that has got to be a well-deserved
And saintly gift!


Copyright © Mark R Slaughter 2009



Rain of despair

despair despair despair despair despair despair despair
despair despair despair despair despair despair despair
despair despair despair despair despair despair despair
despair despair despair despair despair despair despair
despair despair despair despair despair despair despair
despair despair despair despair despair despair despair
despair despair despair despair despair despair despair

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Time Tells Time' 2 of 2 of the original

Your mirror is telling you that you’re a beautiful…
Listen to it, not like me, who tried not to hear
It reflects a face as fresh as a recently cut rose

Do not look for wrinkles
Admire the shining stars
Do ponder past moons, then
Anticipate all moons ahead


My dear, distance before is not far back…
So near you can smell sweet- cut summer grass,
Laugh at your children ringing around roses,
and help fill their pockets with poses

Fall trees in back yard stand barren
Just you stand tall to bear all
Just keep in mind the golden rule
Your golden years will happen

Dear daughter, waste not time on bygones
Just make right that you think went wrong


(Dedicated to my daughter Heather L. Knight:
A juxtaposition of the original: Times Tells Time)


Almedia S Knight (ASK)
September 22,2009

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A Victim Of Love

Not knowing where it began or ends.
Times filled with tears
Times in your arms
Times I climb walls, even
fell in love with your
truths and lies.
I hurt, No kisses
To lessen pains

Is love a pleasant indulgence, or
A natural unlearned emotion?
Ovid, why you see love an art
When these years we know it’s not.
No teacher of love for women
We are just victims of your art
Romantic to the core thy art.
Seems loneliness and
frustration are our lot

So wounded by cupid’s dart
Drip, drop... my blood
Tear-filled nights I shiver.
Low burns fire in ripe age.Yet
my ladle is filled with love.
Thrist no more my aried mouth.
Me and Love...
stay where you belong
let not loss love
be the price of war

September 20,2009
Almedia S Knight

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Hope’s Words

It seemed a day very pleasant
So fine in weather, beautiful in shades
Nothing seemed wrong
Except for the pain in my heart

Longing for a smile,
I cried to my bitter heart’s content
I drowned in my own tears,
With no hard hearts melted

It seemed that it didn’t matter
If I was alive or dead
Circumstances pointed dead
Despair shook me inside out

But the soft, celestial voice,
Yes, hope’s voice told me sweetly
‘Fear not, child, no matter what
You see or hear. I’ll see you through.’

I knew not before
That a thought could change
One forever for good
Yet, hope’s words did and
Thankful for them

They saved my heart from despair
And did save my life from
The very mouth of eternal damnation.

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The Proposal (Act Two)

The proposal,
just gentle words
on paper with pen,
softly spoken
swept away with the wind
A moment in time
my heart, rhyming,
expressing it's desire
for you to be mine
Has that time passed
gone as if a fading dream
was the reality of a family
much more than it seamed
Questions that echo
replied by the answer of tears
never knowing, love,
will soon drown me, I fear
So I pass my time
on the edge of a memory
back to a not so distant we,
where times weren't always perfect, but
I knew you loved me
Now...
Grasping to hope
though I'm gripped by despair
I'm searching for a part of your heart
for me, that still cares
Always and forever
till there is no time
we will be together
if only in mind
but
with or without you
I'll get on with my life
but I'm begging God to bless me
please be my wife

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Sonnet XXVI: I Ever Love

To Despair

I ever love where never hope appears,
Yet hope draws on my never-hoping care,
And my life's hope would die, but for despair;
My never-certain joy breeds ever-certain fears;
Uncertain dread gives wings unto my hope,
Yet my hope's wings are laden so with fear
As they cannot ascend to my hope's sphere;
Though fear gives them more than a heav'nly scope,
Yet this large room is bounded with despair;
So my love is still fetter'd with vain hope,
And liberty deprives him of his scope,
And thus am I imprison'd in the air.
Then, sweet despair, awhile hold up thy head,
Or all my hope for sorrow will be dead.

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Despair Is Darkness

DESPAIR IS DARKNESS

Despair is darkness-
Despair is death inside and death in the world and death in one’s own sad soul-
Despair is no way out -
Despair is the place where one is forever stuck -
Despair is the realization that one has done what one could – and one is not going anywhere else-
Despair is the admission of failure-
Despair is no sign of help anywhere around-
Despair is so much lost-
Despair is one‘s life is over-
Despair is regret-
Despair is the sense that one will never have the time to have another chance -
Despair is ‘it’s finished’-
Despair is no way out-
Despair is going down and more down and more dark and more afraid all the time -
Despair is the scream which hurts and does not stop the hurting -
Despair is the understanding that even Death will not save one -
Despair is that the pain will never end-not even with death.
Despair is no way out again and again and again- without end.

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Life with hope

The emptiness is closing, creeping, crushing all hope I have to keep on living.
When I have nothing left to believe in and I think I can go no more. Hope is enough to keep me alive.
Giving me strength I didn't know I had.
But we can live on hope and dreams cause with hope I can endure, for it is the perfect cure.
The heart is a womb were hope is born it is conceived in the mind. Hope is a quest to be free an open door or a key.
It will keep you strong in times of despair and just when you think you're all alone in the end hope will be there.

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Despair Of The Early Morning

DESPAIR OF THE EARLY MORNING

Despair of the early morning
Despair of the darkness
Despair of the Despair
Despair of Old Age
Despair of the road closed
Despair of nothing to do
Despair of nowhere to go
Despair of endless errands
Despair of money running out
Despair of the message of Despair
One transmits to those one loves.

Despair that has to be resisted
Despair that the light of the day
Will help me overcome
Despair I will pray my way out of
Despair I will in the course of the day
Sometime overcome.

Not the great Despair
The unending Despair
The final Despair.

The small Despair of who I am and where I am now.
The Despair that still can be resisted,
By the writing of a few awkward lines
Early in the morning.

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Love In The Rearview Mirror of The Car

Sitting in the back seat, I could
See his eyes glancing from
Right to left, as we drove along-
Side the grassy hills and plains.

His dancing eyes held me
So close that, I felt like a
Trembling heart of a captive
Bird held under his command.

I thought I saw the moon rise
In his eyes and his pupils
Light up the dark highway
And endless heavens

I peered into his tender heart, saw
the essence of the purest love
permeating the space beyond

Times your eyes lay on mine,
Feeling your lips on mine and
Your heart beatingg on mine
At last! I know our is love heavenly.


Almedia S. Knight

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Gen Despair

Despair -
When hope is snuffed out like a guttering candle.

Despair -
When hope is sadistically excised with surgical precision.

Despair -
When hope is torn from a half-living body in huge gobbets
By rapacious beaks and ravening teeth.

Despair -
When hope is annihilated.

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My Special Birthday Card to You

No words could be found that could
tell you how delighted I am spending
this special day telling you how lucky
and privileged I am to be sharing this
day with you, my husband!

I could find no words in the store that said, “you’re
My friend in good times, my rock in
times of sorrow-my reason for all the
wonderful yesterdays, and my promise for tomorrows!

Too, I found no words that said to you: “honey
I feel the same love for you today, your birthday,
that I felt for you the many days before-even
before becoming your wife, and promise to make
this year, and every year the best in your life!

I couldn’t even find final words to tell you: that this year’s
betters and worst, pains and sorrows, we stayed by each
other’s side sharing the laughter and tears through
those uncertain hours and days. Still not knowing
what the future has in store for you and me,
but this I know, without a doubt, the best is yet to come.

Happy birthday, my dear sorry I didn’t have a birthday card
Lying on your pillow when you awaken-but sometimes, we must “have our say”
Here, wishing you a Happy Birthday! We’ll celebrate this weekend!
Perhaps, it wasn’t such a great idea getting married on your birthday. LOL


By
Almedia Knight-Oliver

November 7,2011

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Potnas (Interlude)

This here is a record I wrote
About friendship
The kind that X and Jaleel were talking about
When they wrote
Friends
How many of us have them
I'm talking about
Friends
Ones we can depend on
I'm talking about a
Friend to the end
If I lose or I win
If my lou getting thin (Jazzy Jeff: whats up)
You still my friend (JJ: hell yeah)
Down forever (uh ha)
Tougher than leather (uh ha)
Like Run and D you and me together forever (that's right)
Lets say we balling (uh ha)
Somebody calling (uh ha)
Me out my name (whats up)
We gonna be brawling (hell yeah)
Lets say we out (uh ha)
Somethin go down (uh ha)
Five o around (uh oh)
You still around (true dat)
Ever since I was younger (uh ha)
Kind a always had a hunger (uh ha)
For a fairy tale friend (that's right)
Kind a like a brother (uh ha)
Everytime I go out (uh ha)
Everytime I turn around (uh ha)
Ain't gotta wonder about (uh uh)
What the brother doing now (uh ha)
You been my friend from the beginning to end
We flowing to where we going cause Lord know we done been through the storm before the calm
Life could drop a bomb
Cause Jazzy we got a bond
Like we was in Vietnam Truss it (word up)

Everybody need a partner to stand right by their side
Not only down through the good times
But also down through the bad times

Everybody need a partner to stand right by their side
Not only down through the good times
But also down through the bad times

Are you my lady? (Jada: uh ha)
Are you my baby? (uh ha)
No ifs or maybes? (uh uh)
Till pushing daisies (that's right)
You on my arm (uh ha)
Keep you from harm (uh ha)
Won't break that bond (uh uh)
Word to my mum (no doubt)
Tell me you love me (I love you)
Tell me you swear (I swear)
And if I need you (just call)
You gonna be there (right here)
Death do us part (uh ha)
Through thick and thin (uh ha)
You got my heart (back at cha)
Girl when the nights cold I'm warm holding the fact
That I got you holding my back
With my feelings stealing the blue of the sky leaving them grey
Girl you the sun to brighten up my day
When it seem like the hill to steep and my vision getting blurry
Call on you my dove be there in a hurry
When all is gone wrong and I can't go on you my angel immortalised in song baby forever

Everybody need a partner to stand right by their side
Not only down through the good times
But also down through the bad times

Everybody need a partner to stand right by their side
Not only down through the good times
But also down through the bad times

A-ight what we about to do right now
We about to take the partners oath
So wherever you at put your right hand in the air
We gonna pledge allegiance to our partners right now

Y'all my peoples (uh ha)
Y'all my dogs (uh ha)
In the sun (uh ha)
Through the fog (uh ha)
If I'm wrong (uh ha)
Tell me the truth (uh ha)
But if they wrong (uh ha)
We blow the roof (ooh yeah)
Share smiles (uh ha)
Share tears (uh ha)
Lean on you (uh ha)
Ease my fears (uh ha)
To the end (uh ha)
From the start (uh ha)
Minus the cream (oh yeah)
Cross ya heart (oh yeah)
Me for you (no doubt)
You for me (no doubt)
That's the way (no doubt)
Its gonna be (no doubt)
Inseparable (no doubt)
Never sever (no doubt)
Us forever (no doubt)
We's together (wooh)
However far (uh ha)
We be apart (uh ha)
One vision (uh ha)
One heart (uh ha)
To my friends (uh ha)
To my dove (uh ha)
To my fam (uh ha)
One love (wooh)

Everybody need a partner to stand right by their side
Not only down for the good times
But also down through the bad times

Everybody need a partner to stand right by their side
Not only down through the good times
But also down through the bad times

Everybody need a partner to stand right by their side
Not only down through the good times
But also down through the bad times

Everybody need a partner to stand right by their side
Not only down through the good times
But also down through the bad times

Interlude

So dad

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Body Snatcher

In season of red and gold leaves exchanging lush green
with the amber leaves dancing by the music of the wind
on their
descent to the ground to make a fresh start in spring.

Not to feel like a dependent child, he snatched the clip
board from my hand as if it were his body, then commence
taking his
eyes
ears
and voice back...
'Dearest wife,
I want [my] me back! '

I'll take 'Me' with tubes dangling from
[my] love handles and my drowning tears.
Even the heart that beats like a captive bird's.
All the fears crowding out hope. I'll
take all those cries that sound like
moaning wind.
I'll even take the hidden malignancy that's
yellowing my body throughout, but
I'll leave you my sweet heart!

Awakening from my ill, I commence
hovering over my own body like a
helicopter over a landing field.
Yet in great pain, I gathered up
left over parts.
'Nothing can ever take
you from me nor
I from you! '


By
Almedia Knight-Oliver
August 19,2011

My dear husband, realizing that you were not snatching the clip board
-from me-that held the application that elicits history about your health. I wrote this poem honoring the courage you've shown in the fight to destroy the disease attacking your body. You knew you had to snatch your 'body'(I was holding unto for dear life) from me, so that, together with love of family and friends we can defeat the disease!

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Hope within a Flicker Hope of Light

Darkness overrides the midnight moon
a wind of gusty
night blowing;
the despair over
the mid-life of
a rolling emotion.

Future cycles behind
those mountains past -
when a freshness of
hope crawls in.

A query of the mind:
where is that hope of
longing that flows
along with the watery starlit
eyes? when
only darkness
covers the pit of despair in
fields and fields
of red poppy seeds.

A holding of the past
posts leaves of words
to despair -
the hope of singling
is far too great...
bring and guide the trail
of hope towards
darkness that exceedingly
keeps leaves of words
locked in a past...
all the meanwhile
hope is such a bright
and elegant word world...

...when future rolls
in behind those mountains -
gathering of courage will allow
tear stained leaves of words
to be guided
to a light of true inner hope.

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Dance, Dance Everywhere!

Dance, Dance Dance
everywhere,
When I look at the sky,
I see the clouds dance
Into steps of winds
My heart dance when I watch clouds dance!
How it can make me dance?

Without any tune or beats,
Its own beats me my heart dance.
Some strange tune it sings in silence and dance!

When I see at shore of ocean waves that dance,
Some birds in sky fly and dance,
On the waves boats that to the tune of waves, dance,

My mind sing lyricless
music to which it dance!

When I walk along the beach,
The headless crown of palm trees with wide open hands dance,
Watching them dance trees start their dance!

When I on countryside, green paddy fields dance,
Looking at them, the bird on the branch dance!

When walk along, trees with fruits dance,
And to its own rustling music, leaves dance!

When I walk in the park,
Plants with flowers dance!
Looking at the graceful dance flowerless dance,

When I move on street, hope and hap dance,
Seeing at them even hopeless an hapless to dance!
Smile on faces with hope dance,
Wrinkles on the forehead of hapless dance!

When I look at people in them mind dance,
In some happiness dance,
In some sorrowfulness dance,

Some I found with desperation dance
In some their laziness dance,
In some saintliness dance,
Most of the time wickedness dance,
And in some other dreams that dance!

Success that dance with some,
Distress that in unsuccessful dance,

In some hearts mercy that dance
Together with love and kindness dance!

Some where cookedness dance,
And some where innocence dance,

In every nation either hunger dance,
Or in people's mind anger that dance,

Either corruption in corrupt mind dance,
Or those systems on the heart of people dance!

Dance, dance, dance everywhere,
It is time for my soulful dance,
If you see somewhere some other type of dance
Just sing it dance
and let no other see the pain in your heart dance
Hide it with that unfailable lips on which smile may dance
Dance, Dance, dance,
Tune your steps with eternal dance!

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Let's Just Breathe...

I know that every life cease living.
Surely as we sit remembering our other before,
you and me must know that
one day we must breathe alone
so, stay with me
and let's just breathe…


by
Almedia Knight -Oliver

November 25,2012

In memory of the birthday of Milton L. Knight, my first husband, coupled with the day we were married way back then…

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Happiness...Despair

While happiness is the twin sibling of
despair, it is despair that is
the stronger of the two.

In life. happiness are but fleeting moments.
Despair lurks forever in the shadows
of our mind and our hearts...until the
final darkness.


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