When in doubt, go for the dick joke.
quote by Robin Williams
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Related quotes
Incognito
My name is Dick.
I've had that name since the day I was born.
OK - it's Richard, but those who call me that
have a clipboard in their hand.
Then in my 20's I changed my name to Rick.
Please keep in mind - that was in `72.
At least I didn't choose Song Of Dog,
or Ben 2 Awe Sun.
Now some just call me Rick,
and some still call me Dick.
Some say Richard, then there's some
who aren't too sure of what to say.
Dick:
as a noun - What a dick!
an adjective - Hey dick head!
a verb: - Don't dick around!
an expletive - Dick! My hair is on fire!
Unless, of course, your name is Dick.
poem by Rick Stokes
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Now I'm Following You, Part 2
Let's dance, you can do a little two-step
I'll go anywhere that you step to, 'cause I'm following you.
My feet might be falling out of rhythm,
Don't know what I'm doing with them, but I know I'm following you.
Unlikely as it is to me, on the floor with two left feet
Let's boogie woogie till our hearts skip a beat, but who's counting?
Encore, once again around the dance floor
Romance is in the picture too, now I'm following you.
(Spoken:) Take it away, boys.
On the run.
Be the one.
On the run.
Spoken:
Yeah.
[Calling Dick Tracy, calling Dick Tracy]
[Come here Tracy, this is Sam, what are you doing up there?]
I'll tell ya.
[Calling Dick Tracy, calling Dick Tracy]
[Do you read me, Tracy?]
[To tell you the truth Tracy, I don't know.]
Find out.
An unexamined life is not worth living.
(Spoken:) Come over here!
Let's dance, you can do a little two-step
I'll go anywhere that you step to, 'cause I'm following you.
Encore, once again around the dance floor
Romance is in the picture too, now I'm following you.
But who's counting?
Spoken:
[Ten million, twenty million, thirty million]
What about Dick Tracy?
[Forty million]
Dick, that's an interesting name.
[Fifty million]
Dick Dick [Sixty million] Dick
Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick, [Seventy million], Dick,
Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick [Eighty million], Dick Dick Dick
Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick
[Ninety million.]
Dick.
(Spoken:) My bottom hurts just thinking about it.
Unlikely as it is to me, on the floor with two left feet
Let's boogie woogie till our hearts skip a beat, but who's counting?
Encore, once again around the dance floor
Romance is in the picture too, now I'm following you.
(Spoken:) Would you knock it off please? Thank you
song performed by by Madonna
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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69
Dick meets jane and a fire starts
Jane leaves dick and it breaks his heart
Dick asked jane, whyd you leave me?
Cause youre not dangerous, rough or sleazy
Now dicks dangerous
Now dicks rough
Now dicks sleazy
Nice guy dick dont live here anymore
Dick bought a swanky love pad down by the shore
Chorus
Hes going prime time
Online
69
All the girls come around to get dick
They all adore him now cause he acts like a prick
Each one tries to tie dick down
Dick never falls in love, on the girls start coming round
Dick dont fall for their sweetness
He knows their weakness
Dick knows a secret
Secret is dick leased himself a nice car
Girls like car
Girls like dick
Dick scores
Chorus
Solo
Suddenly jane wants back in dicks life
cause jane hears dicks a popular guy
Jane looks good, dick takes her home
Dick kicks hers out after he gets his bone
Now jane wants him
Now jane needs him
Now jane loves him
Jane loves dick now that she got the heave ho
Jane got what she wanted
Dick aint a nice guy no more
Chorus
Spoken by woman: but I want dick!
Solo
song performed by by Poison
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
quote by Dick Clark
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law
quote by Dick Clark
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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No Doubt
You should know
No doubt, no doubt, no doubt, no doubt
You should know
No doubt, no doubt, no doubt, no doubt... no doubt
You should know
No doubt, no doubt, no doubt, no doubt
You should know
No doubt, no doubt
You should know by now that I really like when youre around
Its so irreplaceable, what we have with you and i
And you should know by now that we belong on each others team
One of the greatest things that came to be is you and me, you and me
I hope by now you recognize no matter what Im here for life
You aint getting rid of me, that is just the bottom line
I think you understand by now we can always work it out
No matter what, Im down, Im down
There aint no doubt that I still love you
No doubt I love you babe, really really love you babe
There aint no doubt that I still want you
No doubt I want you babe, really really want you babe
Shouldnt be no doubt that Im here for you
No doubt Im here for you, really really here for you
I have no doubt about being with you
Its me for you
Thinking back on what I did to cause you so much pain
It was such a silly thing I did to our relationship
But heres something from the heart, I really do apologize
Dont cut me off cause I really love ya
I love ya babe, love ya babe
And I want ya, I want ya babe, want ya babe
Said Im here for ya, for ya babe, for ya babe
Forever Im with you, Im with you
Baby cant you see you belong with me
Ill be here for you so Im telling you
There aint no doubt that I still love you
No doubt I love you babe, really really love you babe
There aint no doubt that I still want you
No doubt I want you babe, really really want you babe
Shouldnt be no doubt that Im here for you
No doubt Im here for you, really really here for you
I have no doubt about being with you
Its me for you
[spoken]
Look baby, I want you to know I love you
And I always will.. dont worry, cause you know...
There aint no doubt that I still love you
No doubt I love you babe, really really love you babe
There aint no doubt that I still want you
No doubt I want you babe, really really want you babe
Shouldnt be no doubt that Im here for you
No doubt Im here for you, really really here for you
I have no doubt about being with you
Its me for you
You should know
No doubt, no doubt, no doubt, no doubt
You should know
No doubt, no doubt, no doubt, no doubt... no doubt
You should know
No doubt, no doubt, no doubt, no doubt
You should know
No doubt, no doubt
song performed by by Nivea
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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It Is A Joke
it is a joke
and it will always be
a joke
that how it is,
it is a joke, my own joke, and i laugh
when i remember it,
i send it to you and you send it back
like a ping-pong ball
it bounces and i see it coming
back to me
it hits me right in my eyes
got double vision, cross-eyed
i am hurt. It is not a joke anymore.
it is here beside
a tear, a bruise, stained and scarred.
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Lies
Baby
What do I do
Playing my tune for you
Just to get you in the mood
Everybodys going to hollywood
Youre driving me mad
But Im smiling to the crowd instead
A lot of money is at stake, this is a hit and thats a fake
This is what you mean to me
This is what they all should see
Make a make up in a foolish style
Telling the truth by making a big lie
When I come, I come but nothings at ease
Breaking up the whole is a modern disease
Maybe you think tomorrows just a joke
Its a joke after joke after joke after joke
My love
Everythings an interview
And nothings really new
And everybodys looking for clues and you know what to do with a clue
My love
Get ready for the show
Theyre waiting and they will never go
This night is just a go
And its only for show
Dig that deal and be a millionaire
Drinking cocktails in the stratosphere
Getting jetlagged with my business friends in these supersonic wonderlands
Theres a flicker on the graphic display, first hes smiling then hes fading away
Maybe he thinks tomorrows just a joke
Its a joke after joke after joke after joke
Gold/1984
song performed by by Alphaville
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Dick Cheney (won’t you please go home)
Won't you go home, Dick Cheney, won't you go home
Don’t talk the whole term long
You started with a surplus, but now its spent
Leave poor Barrack alone
Remember that water boarding
That you approved- saying torture isn’t wrong
Now our country’s in the tank and it’s you we have to thank
Dick Cheney, won't you please go home
Won't you go home, Dick Cheney, won't you go home
Don’t talk the whole term long
You started with a surplus, but now it’s spent
On your “forever” wars
Remember that last Election
We turned you out -and made you take the idiot back home
You were good for Halliburton but the rest of us are hurting
Dick Cheney won’t you please go home
When your own daughter don’t like Dick
That must make a man heartsick
Dick Cheney, won't you please go home
poem by John F. McCullagh
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Dick
Dont say a word
Your love is like a symphony
Brave as you dare
Its nothing but your game
Ill take off your shoes
To pull you up in extasy
Hide and to lose
Thats why Ill force you to
Move back a step (step)
Go back a step
Comon you shout
(3x)
Move back a step (step)
Move your head like that
Dick!!!!!!!!! oh dick!!!!!!!
Gotta go
Dick!!!!!!!!! yeah yeah come!
Now its time to live your fantasies
(yeah yeah)
And you know we have a new concept
To turn the kind of lust in penalty
Just look what I do
Move back a step (step)
Go back a step
Comon you shout
(3x)
Move back a step (step)
Move your head like that
Dick!!!!!!!!! oh dick!!!!!!!
Gotta go
Dick!!!!!!!!! yeah yeah come!
song performed by by Guano Apes
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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IM DELUSIONAL FOR YOU BABE...by talile ali
IM DELUSIONAL FOR YOU BABE
IM DELUSIONAL FOR YOU BABE
IM INTO EVERYTHING YOU DO
IM DELUSIONAL WOMAN
I WANNA GROPE ALL OVER YOU
IF I COULD ONLY JUST TELL YOU
IT BE A HIT, NO MISS WITH YOU
YOU MAKE MY DICK HARD, LADY
I LIKE THE WAY YOU MAKE IT MOVE
YOU MAKE MY DICK HARD HONEY
I WANNA SLIP INTO YOUR GROOVES
DIVINE IS THE DELUSION
CAUSE BABE YOU KNOW I'M REAL FOR YOU
LETS TAKE A SHOWER HONEY
LET ME WATCH THE WATER FLOW
DOWN OVER YOUR SWEET MELON
AND ALL INSIDE YOUR JELLY ROLL
AS I SQUEEZE THOSE FAT ASS CHEEKS
IM SO DELUSIONED, DON'T YOU KNOW
IF THIS WASNT A DREAM
ID BE HAVIN ME A STROKE
CAUGHT IN THE SOFT IN BETWEENS
OF THOSE DEEP HARD UBBER YOKES
THE SEXED BE SO GOOD
WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO WALK, NO JOKE
poem by Talile Ali
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Superfly Slick
... Big Boy Showing Of All Around The City...... Still The Same For Such A
Suite...... Thinking You're So Bad...... Hustlin' Girls, Handy Phone, Acting Like Your
Busy...... Baby Let Me Tell You, You're The Worst I Ever Had...
[Robot Voice:]
... Superfly Superfly...
... Superfly Slick Dick...
... Superfly Superfly...
... Superfly Slick Dick...
[Robot Voice:]
... Superfly Superfly...
... Superfly Slick Dick...
... Superfly Superfly...
... Superfly Slick Dick...
... Highbrow Attitude, Really Don't Impress Me...
... I Know Where You're Coming From...
... See Right Through Your Game...
... Luxury Overdose Won't Make You Possess Me...
... Baby Let Me Tell You, In The End It's All The Same...
... Don't Think I'm Crying And Trying To Get
You Out Of My Heart...
... No Need Denying That You Have Been Lying
Right From The Start...
... I Thought This Love Would Take Us To The
Heights Of Sensuality...
... But Now I Know That You're Not Even Half
The Man You Said You'd Be...
... Don't Think I'm Crying And Trying To Get
You Out Of My Heart...
... No Need Denying That You Have Been Lying
Right From The Start...
... I Thought This Love Would Take Us To The
Heights Of Sensuality...
... But Now I Know That You're Not Even Half
The Man You Said You'd Be...
[Robot Voice:]
... Superfly Superfly...
... Superfly Slick Dick...
... Superfly Superfly...
... Superfly Slick Dick...
[Robot Voice:]
... Superfly Superfly...
... Superfly Slick Dick...
... Superfly Superfly...
... Superfly Slick Dick...
[Thanks to [email protected] for these lyrics]
song performed by by Vengaboys
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Superfly Slick Dick
Kim:
Big Boy Showing Of All Around The City
Still The Same For Such A Suite
Thinking You're So Bad
Hustlin' Girls, Handy Phone, Acting Like Your Busy
Baby Let Me Tell You, You're The Worst I Ever Had
Robot Voice:
Superfly Superfly
Superfly Slick Dick
Superfly Superfly
Superfly Slick Dick
Robot Voice:
Superfly Superfly
Superfly Slick Dick
Superfly Superfly
Superfly Slick Dick
Kim:
Highbrow Attitude, Really Don't Impress Me
I Know Where You're Coming From
See Right Through Your Game
Luxury Overdose Won't Make You Possess Me
Baby Let Me Tell You, In The End It's All The Same
Kim:
Don't Think I'm Crying
And Trying To Get You Out Of My Heart
No Need Denying That You Have Been Lying
Right From The Start
I Thought This Love
Would Take Us To The Heights Of Sensuality
But Now I Know
That You're Not Even Half The Man You Said You'd
Be
Kim:
Don't Think I'm Crying And Trying
To Get You Out Of My Heart
No Need Denying That You Have Been Lying
Right From The Start
I Thought This Love Would Take Us
To The Heights Of Sensuality
But Now I Know That
You're Not Even Half The Man You Said You'd
Be
Robot Voice:
Superfly Superfly
Superfly Slick Dick
Superfly Superfly
Superfly Slick Dick
Robot Voice:
Superfly Superfly
Superfly Slick Dick
Superfly Superfly
Superfly Slick Dick...
song performed by by Vengaboys
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Senator from Massachusetts has given us ample grounds to doubt the judgment and the attitude he brings to bear on vital issues of national security.
quote by Dick Cheney
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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911 Is A Joke
Now I dialed nine one one a long time ago
Dont you see how late theyre reactin
They only come, and they come when they wanna
So get the morgue truck em back the goner
They dont care cause they stay paid anyway
They treat you like an ace that cant be betrayed
I know you stumble with no use people
If your life is on the line, then youre dead today
Late comings with the late comin stretcher -
Thats a body bag in disguise - yall Ill betcha
I call em body snatchers
Quick they come to fetch you -
With an autopsy ambulance just to dissect ya
They are the kings cos they swing amputation
Lose your arms your legs the famous compilation
I can prove it to you watch the rotation
It all adds up to a funky situation
Get up, get get down
911 is a joke in yo town
Get up, get get down
Late 911 wears the late crown
(chorus)
(ow)
911 is a joke , 911 is a joke
Everyday they dont never come correct
You can ask my man right here with the broken neck
Hes a witness to the job never bein done
He wouldve been in full effect , 911
Is a joke because their always jokin
They the token to your life when its croakin
They need to be in a pawn shop on a 911 -
Is a joke we dont want em
I call a cab cause a cab will come quicker
The doctors huddle up and call a flea flicker
The reason that I say that cause they
Flick you off like fleas
They be laughin at ya while youre crawlin on our knees
And to the strength, so go the length
Thinkin you are first when you really are tenth
You better wake up and smell the real flavor
Cause 911 is a fake life saver
(chorus) (chorus)
Ow, ow 911 is a joke
911 is a joke,
911 is a joke,
911 is a joke, 911 is a joke.
(get up, get get down)
911 is a joke, 911 is a joke, 911 is a joke
(get up, get get down)
911 is a joke, 911 is a joke, 911 is a joke
(get up, get get down)
Ooooh, yeahh
song performed by by Duran Duran
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Nobody Spoke (for Karen)
Nobody spoke to Lucy,
nobody spoke at all,
ain't no joke
nobody spoke.
nobody spoke
for five long years
ain't no joke
nobody spoke.
Lucy withdrew
without a clue
why nobody spoke,
nobody spoke
for five long years,
nobody spoke
Ain't no joke
nobody spoke!
Lucy went mad
she went crazy!
She screamed
she cried, she sobbed,
but nobody spoke,
for five long years
Ain't no joke
nobody spoke.
Many years later
she saw them,
those people she wanted
to be her friends.
but ain't no joke
nobody spoke,
nobody spoke
for five long years.
Ain't no joke
nobody spoke.
Lucy left a note
in daddy's drawer,
put on her very best dress.
Did her hair in a very fine way
and walked into the hall as a guest.
She walked up to the folk
that never spoke,
said hello in an ordinary way,
then she pulled out a gun
and opened fire.
Yes she shot all those folk
on that day.
Now they were silent
now they were still,
cos ain't no joke
that nobody spoke
and now
they never will.
poem by Ruth Walters
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Convicts Love Canaries
Dick's dead! It was the Polack guard
Put powdered glass into his cage
When I was tramping round the yard,--
I could have killed him in my rage.
I slugged him with that wrench I stole:
That's why I'm rotting in the Hole.
Dick's dead! Sure I wish I was too.
His honey breast, his lacy claws
I kissed and cried, for well I knew
They murdered him. I cursed because
He was my only chum on earth . . .
Oh how he cheered me with his mirth!
Dick's dead! I know he cared for me.
Being I'm Irish I love song,
And there was heaven in his glee;
I'd bless his heart the dour day long.
I'd let him flutter round the cell;
He'd light upon my hand . . . Oh hell!
Dick's dead! They've thrown me in the Hole.
To break our spirits how they try!
My bed a plank, blind as a mole,
Sure I'll be nuts before I die . . .
Here in the night, dark as the Pit
I'm seeing sunny wings aflit.
Here in the silence, hark his song!
--Poor Dick! Oh Christ, how long, how long!
poem by Robert William Service
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Sentence of All
Hunt a sentence this day to the next,
One can not find a finer one
Than the very joke I have reasoned with.
What is this joke? What is that joke?
I can not see anyone with flowers,
But I see everyone with words
And they differ: ever so much.
A sentence such as this is enough
And what is this humorous one?
It is the very subject and predicate of our souls -
“Sentences are written not said.”
poem by Naveed Akram
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Goodbye Dick
Goodbye dick, goodbye dick.
But I saw you walkin the white house lawn.
Goodbye dick, goodbye dick.
Goodbye rosemary, goodbye rosemary.
I saw you take your typewriter out of the white house door
No one wants you to type here anymore
Goodbye rosemary, goodbye rosemary.
song performed by by Neil Young
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Dying Soldier
Yes! raise me on your arm, Dick Dale,
My comrade old and true.
And let me of the glad earth take
One last and lingering view.
When yet a few brief moments more
Of this flittering hour have fled,
You’ll shed an old friend's tear, Dick Dale,
Above your comrade's head.
We fought together, side by side,
In many a bloody fray,
From Malvern Hill's dark hour of strife,
To fierce Antietam's day.
And when again the 'long roll' calls,
For battle to prepare,
You will not fail the flag, Dick Dale,
But I shall not be there.
You will not soon forget me, Dick!
I know it by that sigh;
I know it by those tears that shine
In your half averted eye.
But my dear old comrade's heart will swell,
I know with honest pride,
When he thinks that for the grand old flag,
His old companion died.
Cut off this light brown lock, Dick Dale,
For the girl that waits at home.
Yes! Hoping waits her soldier love,
Who never more can come.
'Twill soothe perhaps her bleeding heart
To know that watched by you,
The boy she loved, at least has died,
With one who loved him too.
You'll visit all the quaint old nooks
We sought when we were boys,
And thoughts of me will come, Dick Dale,
With thoughts of childhood's joys;
And when you reach the old playground
Where once you used to play,
You’ll not forget your friend, Dick Dale,
In his lone grave far away.
poem by Anonymous Americas
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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