My dog can bark like a congressman, fetch like an aide, beg like a press secretary and play dead like a receptionist when the phone rings.
quote by Gerald B. H. Solomon
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Related quotes
Temporary Secretary
Mister Marks Can You Find For Me
Someone Strong And Sweet Fitting On My Knee
She Can Keep Her Job If She Gets It Wrong
Ah, But Mister Marks I Won't Need Her Long
All I Need Is Help For A Little While
We Can Take Dictation And Learn To Smile
And A Temporary Secretary Is What I Need For To Do The Job
I Need A
Temporary Secretary, Temporary Secretary
Temporary Secretary, Temporary Secretary
Mister Marks Could You Send Her Quick
'Cause My Regular Has Been Getting Sick
I Need A
Temporary Secretary, Temporary Secretary
Mister Marks I Can Pay Her Well
If She Comes Along And Can Stay A Spell
I Will Promise Now That I'll Treat Her Right
And Will Rarely Keep Her 'Til Late At Night
I Need A ..
She Can Be A Belly Dancer
I Don't Need A Need Romancer
She Can Be A Diplomat
But I Don't Need A Girl Like That
She Can Be A Neurosurgeon
If She's Doin' Nothing' Urgent
What I Need's A Temporary, Temporary Secretary
I Need A, I Need A
Temporary Secretary. Temporary Secretary
Temporary Secretary, Temporary Secretary
Temporary Secretary, Temporary Secretary
Now Mister Marks When I Send Her Back
Will You Please Make Sure She Stays On The Right Track
Spoken: Well I Know How Hard It Is For Young Girls These Days In The Face Of Everything To Stay On
The Right Track
What I Need's A Temporary, Temporary Secretary
Temporary Secretary I Need A
Temporary Secretary, Temporary Secretary,
Temporary Secretary I Need A
Temporary Secretary. Temporary Secretary,
Temporary Secretary.
song performed by by Paul McCartney
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Formerly a public man needed a private secretary for a barrier between himself and the public. Nowadays he has a press secretary to keep him properly in the public eye.
quote by Daniel J. Boorstin
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The 'Poem A Day' Project - Day 16
I’ve lost my mobile phone
I’m feeling all alone
I can’t connect with my friends out there
I’ve lost my mobile phone
I’ve lost my mobile phone
I miss its ringing tone
I’ve searched for it everywhere
I’ve lost my mobile phone
I’ve lost my mobile phone
And now I cannot roam
I must stay near in case it rings
I’ve lost my mobile phone
I’ve lost my mobile phone
I do not wish to moan
It has numbers, dates and all kinds of things
I’ve lost my mobile phone
I’ve lost my mobile phone
And now I guess I’m prone
To wander like a lost zombie
I’ve lost my mobile phone
I’ve lost my mobile phone
I’ve no mind of my own
Without it there to organise me
I’ve lost my mobile phone
poem by Flying Lemming
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Armistice Day
Words & music by paul simon
On armistice day
The philharmonic will play
But the songs that we sing
Will be sad
Shufflin brown tunes
Hanging around, ahoo
M-m-m-m-m-m-m
No long drawn blown out excuses
Were made
When I needed a friend she was there
Just like an easy chair
Oo, oo-o
M-m-m-m-m-m-m
Armistice day
Armistice day
Thats all I really wanted to say
Oh Im weary from waiting
In washington d.c.
Im coming to see my congressman
But hes avoiding me
Weary from waiting down in washington d.c.
Oh congresswoman
Wont you tell that congressman
Ive waited such a long time
Ive about waited all I can
Oh congresswoman, wont you tell that congressman
song performed by by Paul Simon
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7, it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone.
quote by Woody Allen
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I was introduced to Congressman Lyndon B. Johnson. The young Congressman was very friendly.
quote by Erich Leinsdorf
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Standing On Ceremony
Remember your manners
Will you please take your hat off
Your mother is dying
Listen to her cough
We were always standing on ceremony
We were always standing on ceremony
Cant you show some respect please
Although you didnt in real life
Your mother is dying
And I God damn well hope youre satisfied
We were always standing on ceremony
We were always standing on ceremony
So please play another song on that juke box
Please play another pretty sad song for me
And if that phone rings, tell them that you havent seen me
If that last phone rings
Tell them that you havent seen me for weeks
And this one heres on me
Standing on ceremony, standing on ceremony
Standing on ceremony, standing on ceremony
Standing on ceremony, you were always standing on ceremony
(standing, on ceremony)
(standing, on ceremony)
(standing, on ceremony)
(standing, on ceremony)
(standing, on ceremony)
(standing, on ceremony)
...
song performed by by Lou Reed
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Famous Polka
The famous person wears the same size water skis as me
Shes got three cars, as many years Ive lived in this city
Her hair is blond and mine is brown, they both start with a b
But when the phone inside her rib cage rings its not for me
But when the phone inside her rib cage rings its not for me
Hey
song performed by by They Might Be Giants
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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You know that I am living proof that the American Dream is real. Growing up, our congressman cut through government bureaucratic red tape to help my mom buy our first house. That's the kind of congressman I'll be.
quote by Geoff Davis
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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One congressman asked 'I just want to know if you've accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior. The minister looked stunned, and he said 'no.' The whole table almost fell on the floor. The congressman was quite serious. That was his litmus test.
quote by Jim Sasser
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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My dogs
bark at the neighbors,
bark at the UPS man,
bark at cars
and kids on bicycles.
they bark at the television,
the radio
and the stereo.
they bark at
the vacuum cleaner,
the dust mop
and the broom.
they bark at
anyone
who enters the house
uninvited.
and
when they’re not barking,
they’re sitting there
waiting
for something
to bark at.
good dogs.
poem by John Yamrus
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Once You Accept Who's In Charge
Roll over.
Play dead.
Jump through this hoop.
Jump over that hurdle.
Bark on command.
Now...
Fetch!
You're suppose to bring it back.
'How will I teach my dog to do that? '
Trust me...
If I am able to teach you to do it,
You will be able to teach your dog.
Now...
Bring that stick back.
It gets easier once you accept who's in charge.
'Whew.
This is tough.
You said...
I'm suppose to bring the stick back!
Right? '
Exactly.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The day I became press secretary to the President of the United States, I was in an entirely different world from the one I'd been in the day before.
quote by Pierre Salinger
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Also for me it was different because I play a lot of villains and in this one I play a dad and I play a good guy, basically. He's the Secretary of the Treasury. I never had a job like that.
quote by Christopher Walken
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Phone Sex
(phone dials and rings)
Girl- hello? tweety-hahaha
Girl- hello? tweety- guess what baby?
Girl-what tweety- I can make you moan on the phone baby.
Girl- oh yeah? tweety- I can make you moan on the phone.
Girl- hahaha tweety- I can make ya moan on the phone baby.
Girl- ok tweety- I can make you moan on the phone
Girl- Im ready. phone sex. (yeah baby.)
Hows about a little phone sex? (Im gonna make it good for you tonight)
Hows about a little phone sex? (Im good with the long distance thing, I like it)
Hows about a little phone sex.(I just wanna make you moan just like you do when Im with
You)
Yo t-low. line 1. take the phone.
T-low- Im sorry baby, I cant be there with you but I got a freaky idea
Cause girl Im in a freaky mood. (oh yeah baby)
So follow directions closely, its gonna be da bomb
And before I let you go darling, Im gonna make you come.
Chorus-hows about a little phone sex? baby girl, if its all right.
Hows about a little phone sex? since we cant hook up tonight.
Hows about a little phone sex? cause you know itll feel so nice.
Hows about a little phone sex? lay back and enjoy the ride.
The real, line 2, nows time to get those fingers wet.
R.l.- touch it baby, you gotta open up.
Just imagine that its me inside, cant you feel real love?
I want you to ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? . scream as loud as you want.
Im chasin you while Im away from you, cant wait till I get home.
Chorus let the real make love to your mind. hows about a little phone sex?
Cmon, its at&t and you and me. hows about a little phone sex?
Baby Im gonna get so nasty. hows about a little phone sex?
Girl all ya gotta do is lose those pants.
Hows about a little phone sex? (time to get real nasty)
When you play with it, use the phone so I can hear it.
Hows about a little phone sex?
Cmon girl. cmon now.
Hows about a little phone sex? yeah, yeah.
Hows about a little phone sex? here it comes baby.
Ohhhhhhhh ohhhhhhhhhhhhh ohhhhhhh.
Im ? ? baby on the phone. ha, yeah.
Oh I can feel it. baby oh, oh, yeah. I dont wanna hurt you.
Baby you like the way it feels when you come so why dont you entertain yourself.
Oh, I know you like it. an oragasm without the back spasm.
song performed by by Next
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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T Baggin' Skit
[Dial Tone]
[Numbers being pressed]
Hello, Thank you for calling Disturbing Tha Peace.
To help expodate your call, please listen carefully to the following options.
If you're calling to solicit to a demo tape, press 1.
If you're calling regarding a job, press 2.
If you're calling to borrow money, press 3.
If you're calling to find the nearest weed spot in your area, press 4.
If you're out of alcohol on Sunday, press 5.
If you need a ho for the evening, press 6.
If you woke up with a hang over, and a pair of hairy balls on your forehead, press 7
7.
[Number gets pressed]
You've just pressed 7.
You've been victimized and introduced to a moral crime known as t baggin'.
We suggest you probably hang up the phone,
Beat the ass of any white guys you hung out with last night
and find and destroy all photos before they appear on the internet.
Thank you for calling.
Good luck.
Goodbye
[Dial Tone]
song performed by by Ludacris
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Being a press secretary is like learning to type: You're hunting and pecking for a while and then you find yourself doing the touch system and don't realize it. You're speaking for the president without ever having to go to him.
quote by Larry Speakes
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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CP- To Mader
So one night it was dark and I couldn’t see,
I picked up my phone no one to disagree.
I was in possession of a beautiful phone,
Even though the phone was of a girlie tone.
I started checking my message to find out,
That maybe this isn’t my phone – hmm doubt.
But could this be the phone of my eye candy,
Maybe she could be unmarried and change her name to Sandy.
Hmm the possibilities of the owner of the stolen phone,
Oh goodness maybe I should watch my tone.
I return the untouchable phone back to her,
“I thought it was my phone” I said in transfer.
Oh the purple phone that was like mine,
Oh purple phone oh purple phone I let out a sigh….
poem by Coreena Dejesus
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I didn't run off with the secretary. It made it seem like I had committed adultery and then ran off with a secretary, neither of which happened.
quote by Randall Terry
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I think any man in business would be foolish to fool around with his secretary. If it's somebody else's secretary, fine.
quote by Barry Goldwater
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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