I was sued by a woman who claimed that she became pregnant because she watched me on television and I bent her contraceptive coil.
quote by Uri Geller
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
Related quotes
It Takes Two
This is the woman that i married:
She always distance herself from me and,
Expected to become pregnant.
This is the woman that you married:
She always distance herself from you and,
Expected to become pregnant.
But how can she become pregnant without the sperms?
She needs to be closer always than ever,
She needs to meke love for her to become pregnant,
For it takes two to plant the seed and water the seed.
poem by Edward Kofi Louis
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
Close To Greatness
at one stage in my life
I met a man who claimed to have
visited Pound at St. Elizabeths.
then I met a woman who not only
claimed to have visited
E.P.
but also to have made love
to him—she even showed
me
certain sections in the
Cantos
where Ezra was supposed to have
mentioned
her.
so there was this man and
this woman
and the woman told me
that Pound had never
mentioned a visit from this
man
and the man claimed that the
lady had had nothing to do
with the
master
that she was a
charlatan
and since I wasn't a
Poundian scholar
I didn't know who to
believe
but one thing I do
know: when a man is
living
many claim relationships
that are hardly
so
and after he dies, well,
then it's everybody's
party.
my guess is that Pound
knew neither the lady or the
gentleman
or if he knew
one
or if he knew
both
it was a shameful waste of
madhouse
time.
poem by Charles Bukowski
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
A Comedy of Error
A couple went to the family doctor
Husband to get his usual insulin dose
And wife takes her contraceptive injection.
There is a new doctor in the absence of the Physician.
The new doctor is really an absent minded mediocre
Who does illegal abortions?
It seems by mistake the syringes being changed
And the husband got the contraceptive and wife the insulin.
Then after sometimes she conceived for the fifth occasion.
poem by Nimal Dunuhinga
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
A pregnant woman is not afraid if you threaten her with what you made her pregnant with.
There was something to me that was really compelling about that woman, already knowing she couldn't get pregnant. When I made that movie I was maybe 24, and to be 24 and already know you can't get pregnant, that was really interesting to me.
quote by Maggie Gyllenhaal
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
TV Guide
i was a television hosting a cartoon,
on early saturday mornings, to take away your blues,
i was your comedian on those rainy afternoons,
giving you a smile in a soothing room,
you were so young with your painted dreams,
an idealistic boy, you wanted to keep them,
i watched you grow and thought 'perhaps',
you'd be the sower with the perfect hem,
i was a television hosting an empty screen,
'cause you grew older and lost time for me,
i was your comedian without a jokes,
for you to hear under you counseling yoke,
you were so young with your textbooks,
stitching useless knowledge in place of your dreams,
i watched you learn and thought 'someday',
you'd have the time to finish sowing,
i was a television hosting a commercial,
while you slept to regain energy,
i was your comedian to help you,
have a laugh and become healthy,
you were so young curled up with your dreams,
in a remedy of blankets you fell asleep,
i watched you dream of a peace that was dead,
but you reconnected it with your needle and red thread,
i was a television hosting the 10 o'clock,
when you were wise and watched the newscaster,
no comedian could entice a smile,
on that evening when they televised the disaster,
you were so young, i saw it drip from your eyes,
sympathy spilled as you calmed your wife,
i watched you pack and thought 'of course',
you'd sacrifice a loom for a country at war,
i was a television hosting a cartoon,
to take away your grandchildren's blues,
i was the comedian on that rainy afternoon,
and enjoyed your smile in that old soothing room,
you looked so young dressed in wrinkles and gray hair,
everyone else grew up, but they wished....
i watched you age backwards, and thought 'you never did',
yeah, you still dream, yeah, your still that kid,
your still that kid.
poem by Jordan Crider
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
Anything holy?
I thought it noble to rear cows.
I’ve been sued by the grass
In the court of God.
I thought it noble to grow crops.
I’ve been sued by the weeds
In the court of God.
I entered into fish farming.
I’ve been sued by the worms
In the court of God.
Could you do anything noble
In the world, sustainable
In the court of God?
18.04.2005
poem by Rm. Shanmugam Chettiar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
Woman
i look into your eyes
and i still see.... the most
beautiful woman that ever lived.
i still see... fire and rain,
the soft touch of a hand,
the laughing pajama dance...
i still see... the mama who watched
with passionate dedication...
the woman who made love
in the dirt...
the smell, the touch, the feel....
listening to dylan and tom petty,
taking in stray cats.... walking the dogs...
the woman who gets mad, can be
tender and sentimental... who
cooked for her dad and me....
and put up with us while we watched
john wayne yet again....
the girl i walked off with
to find a tomorrow....
the woman i believe in...
the woman i still love....
poem by Eric Cockrell
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
Internet dating: Found Poem 7
'She claimed to be
37
but was really
47,
asked to borrow
30 dollars,
spent the evening
smoking spliffs
and told me
she could see
her therapist's office
from the club
we were in.
Then she said
she was already
in love with
someone else.
And also
pregnant.'
poem by Michael Shepherd
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
Sometimes I Can Hear the Confusion and Sorrow
The television buzzes and pops
and the dishes loom in their piles
while the dog looks up from
her empty water dish,
the laundry is folded in sorted piles
yet to be claimed by the household,
and the internet is on
so nobody calls,
and under the three remaining bulbs
a yellow light is cast,
thrown among crusty plates,
and the papers are spread out
in categorized piles to show
if we can afford to just throw away
the spaghetti hardening in the pot,
while the cat yowls at the doorknob,
but nobody hears
over the sound of things falling apart
while the television drones on
about tornadoes.
poem by Ayn Timmerman
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
Big Other. Alternate Version
My television wouldn't work.
I went and bought Big Other.
I watched the triumph of The Crows
In splendid vivid colour.
I watched a hired DVD:
Matt Dillon in his prime.
I then put on The West Wing-
No picture showed this time.
I took it all back to the shop
Where soon we would take succour:
The fault lay not in new Big Other
But in my player, Mother......!
poem by Douglas Scotney
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
You know, women have a history of just being - we've been told all our lives not to say - in the fifties you couldn't say birth or even be pregnant hardly on television - and then gradually things have changed.
quote by Cybill Shepherd
Submitted by Veronica Serbanoiu
Vote! | Copy!
I am being watched..
Wherever I go, I am watched,
even to the loo, I am watched,
While driving the car,
crossing the signals,
Walking in the malls,
Talking in the halls,
I am watched.
When the smoking alarms go on,
I am watched.
When the traffic tickets issued,
I am watched.
When the bills are not paid,
I am watched.
When the bills are over due,
I am warned.
When my accounts are watched,
when my status is watched,
when my orientation is watched,
What freedom do I talk about?
When my finger prints are stored,
When my eyes are photographed,
When photographs are safe kept,
What freedom do I have?
poem by Veeraiyah Subbulakshmi
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
Big Other
My television wouldn't work.
I went and bought Big Other.
I watched the triumph of The Crows,
In splendid, vivid colour.
I watched a hired DVD:
Matt Dillon in his prime.
I then put on 'The West Wing':
Sound, no picture showed this time.
I take it all back to the shop
Where quite soon we can take succour:
It's my player on the blink;
Big Other simply much too big
For my old mother......
poem by Douglas Scotney
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
Hell Bent For Leather
Seek him here, seek him on the highway
Never knowing when hell appear
All await, engines ticking over
Hear the roar as they sense the fear
Wheels! a glint of steel and a flash of light!
Screams! from a streak of fire as he strikes!
Hell bent, hell bent for leather
Hell bent, hell bent for leather
Black as night, faster than a shadowcrimson flare from a raging sun
An exhibition, of sheer precision
Yet no one knows from where he comes
Fools! self destruct cannot take that crown
Dreams! crash one by one to the ground
Hell bent, hell bent for leather
Hell bent, hell bent for leather
Theres many who tried to prove that theyre faster
But they didnt last and they died as they tried
Theres many who tried to prove that theyre faster
But they didnt last and they died as they tried
Hell bent, hell bent for leather
Hell bent, hell bent for leather
Hell bent, hell bent for leather
Hell bent, hell bent for leather
song performed by by Judas Priest
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
You've Been Watched
You've been watched.
No matter what you think you have,
Or haven't got.
You've been watched a lot.
You've been watched.
No matter what you think you have,
Or haven't got.
You've been watched a lot.
Whenever you misbehave,
You've been watched a lot.
Whatever it is you say,
You've been watched a lot.
It would behoove if you,
Turned it up a notched.
You've been watched.
No matter what you think you have,
Or haven't got.
You've been watched a lot.
You've been watched.
No matter what you might have,
Or might have not.
You've been watched a lot.
There are snoopers dedicated.
You've been watched a lot.
No matter how careful you make it.
You've been watched a lot.
Even simple things you do...
They may say you do that too!
You've been watched.
No matter what you think you have,
Or haven't got.
You've been watched a lot.
You've been watched.
No matter what you think you have,
Or haven't got.
You are being watched nonstop.
There are snoopers dedicated.
You've been watched a lot.
No matter how careful you make it.
You've been watched a lot.
Even simple things you do...
They may say you do that too!
People are so fascinated,
They fantasize you being naked.
You've been watched,
Around the clock.
You are being watched...
Nonstop.
You've been watched,
Around the clock.
You are being watched...
Nonstop.
You've been watched,
Around the clock.
You are being watched...
Nonstop.
Nonstop.
You've been watched!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
Chauvinist
I’d never really comprehended such a mighty range of
Shapes and sizes down behind, it’s really rather strange:
The buttock muscle in a woman, overlaid with fat
Is actually such a focal point for men to want to pat
Or squeeze, and then to tease her if it’s eminently stout,
Or even risk a stay in clink to sting it with a clout!
After all, we men are tuned to be that way inclined –
And tho’ our needs are varied, girls, they’re all perverse of mind!
Best of all, our sacred dream: to see her shed her gown
When gliding to the shower for the ritual sponging down.
But then alas! With body lathered, oops! she drops the soap;
‘Please! ’ we beg her, ‘bend and bare! ’ But we can only hope!
I’m sure by now you get the picture – like a rule of thumb –
That men like me obsess all day about the fairer bum.
Copyright © Mark R Slaughter 2010
My dreams are of a
woman woman woman woman woman woman woman
woman woman woman woman woman woman woman
woman woman woman woman woman woman woman
woman woman woman woman woman woman woman
woman woman woman woman woman woman woman
woman woman woman woman woman woman woman
woman woman woman woman woman woman woman
woman woman woman woman woman woman woman
woman woman woman woman woman woman woman
poem by Mark R Slaughter
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
Men wholly bent on wordly treasures were the dupes of their own passions, rather than deceived by the writings or pretenses of those who claimed to be Alchemists.
quote by Ethan A. Hitchcock
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
Education of both men and women is a wonderful contraceptive.
quote by Henry W. Kendall
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
The best contraceptive is the word no - repeated frequently.
quote by Margaret Smith
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!