My friend had a funny remark; he told me everybody has something - some people have a big butt, some people are insecure and at least you know what it is, even if it's a lump on your head. I know I have a lump on my head.
quote by Karen Duffy
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Related quotes
One of life's best coping mechanisms is to know the difference between an inconvenience and a problem. Life is inconvenient. Life is lumpy. A lump in the oatmeal, a lump in the throat and a lump in the breast are not the same kind of lump. One needs to learn the difference.
quote by Robert Fulghum
Submitted by Veronica Serbanoiu
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Ricky & G-child
Ricky: say man, how many lumps do you want?
- whatchou mean how many lumps i want?
G-child: say man, i'm gonna lump you right upside your funk. man!
Ricky: you lump me, i'ma lump yo ass right back.
- man, well you better do yo thing then, cause i'm bringin' the real.
song performed by by Warren G
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Ricky G-child
Ricky: say man, how many lumps do you want?
- whatchou mean how many lumps I want?
G-child: say man, Im gonna lump you right upside your funk. man!
Ricky: you lump me, ima lump yo ass right back.
- man, well you better do yo thing then, cause Im bringin the real.
song performed by by Warren G
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Lament For Tall People (Fun Poem 11)
The world is filled with short people,
who forget there are tall people like me.
For when they build a door of six foot,
they forget all about the poor old persons,
who are only a short six foot three.
To get in and out I have to duck,
or get a lump on my forehead,
seeing stars in the process,
while I am picking myself off the floor.
It is either that or its down on my hands and knees,
to crawl in and out the door.
Oh, now that may sound funny I agree.
However, it is not so funny if you are a short tall person like me.
So to all those short builder out there,
remember when you measure seven foot,
that your tape measure is not a foot off the floor.
I went to a fortune teller,
to have the bumps on my head read.
She said, “Avoid low doors,
as there are too many bumps there to be read.”
So all you short builders take note of what I said.
Raise the top of the door,
so I can stop bumping my head.
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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On Two Ministers of State
Lump says that Caliban's of gutter breed,
And Caliban says Lump's a fool indeed,
And Caliban and Lump and I are all agreed.
poem by Hilaire Belloc
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I Could Arrest You For Disturbing The Peace
What's going on?
What is this all about?
And why is that guy standing,
With his hands above his head
Butt naked?
And why are there two groups of people,
Arguing with one another?
'Officer.
I want these people out of my store.
They are ruining my business.'
Has anyone stolen anything?
'No.
That guy naked,
Came into my store.
And said he had 'had' it.
He wanted me to call the police.
I told him he committed no crime.
Then I said
Sir,
Even if you stripped butt naked
With your hands above your head,
That would be indecent exposure.
I could have you arrested for that!
Well.
I called 911.
While I was explaining what was going on.
Those people standing over there,
Thought he was not indecent.
That other group over there behind you.
Decided that he was
And then he started screaming,
~What difference does it make if I am circumcized or not?
I am the one requesting to be arrested.
So.
What is it you want me to do?
'GET THESE PEOPLE OUT OF MY STORE! '
I can't.
Aren't those people still in the middle of their debate?
When did debating become a crime?
Now I do admit,
This situation is most unusual.
But calm down.
And I 'hope' you have a permit for that gun.
I could arrest you for disturbing the peace,
And threatening your customers.
I'll have to call for backup.
Are you the owner?
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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A Bouquet Of Flower
A bouquet of flower
lying under the feet,
I saw one day, on the
the Romantic street.
A little girl was crying,
it was perhaps her.
it fell from her hand,
and smashed under the car!
I asked what she cried for-
told she bought, for mom's grave.
But, the bouquet was spoiled,
and she couldn't manage to save.
The red roses and fern,
made the heaven once
turned to suddenly to
a lump of red flesh by chance!
My eyes filled with
tear, as I perceived,
my own melted heart,
is lump being perished!
poem by Nilakshi Das
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Gump
Gump sat alone on a bench in the park
my name is forrest, hed casually remark
Waitin for the bus with his hands in his pockets
He just kept sayin life is like a box of chocolates
Hes gump, hes gump
Whats in his head?
Hes gump, hes gump, hes gump
Is he inbred?
Gump was a big celebrity
He told jfk that he really had to pee
He never feels too dumb because
His mom always told him stupid is as stupid does
Hes gump, hes gump
Hes kinda square
Hes gump, hes gump, hes gump
Whats with that hair?
Run... run... run, run, now forrest
Run... run... run like the wind now
Run... run... run, run, now forrest
Run... stop!
His buddy bubba was a shrimp-lovin man
His friend with no legs he called lieutenant dan
His girlfriend jenny was kind of a slut
He went to the white house, showed lbj his butt
Hes gump, hes gump
Hes not too bright
Hes gump, hes gump, hes gump
But hes all right
Is this gump out of his head?
I think so
Is this gump really brain dead?
I think so
Did this gump make lots of bread?
I think so
And thats all I have to say about that
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Yinged and Yanged
If I never ever see you,
You'd be fine!
And I'd be too!
If you never see the 'me' I am,
I still will not deserve
To be kicked to the curb and slammed.
'Cause I believe I've yinged and yanged my needs.
Doing yoga to get over.
Making my life much more easier for me.
And I do it to get over the hump!
I do it to get over the hump.
Yes I do it to get over the hump.
Taking every lump and crushing it to dump!
I do it to get over the hump!
I do it to get over the hump.
Yes I do it to get over the hump.
Taking every lump and crushing it to dump!
If I never ever see you,
You'd be fine!
And I'd be too!
'Cause I believe I've yinged and yanged my needs.
Doing yoga to get over.
Making my life much more easier me.
And I do it to get over the hump!
I do it to get over the hump.
Yes I do it to get over the hump.
And taking every lump and crushing it to dump!
I do it to get over the hump!
I do it to get over the hump.
Yes I do it to get over the hump.
And taking every lump and crushing it to dump!
'Cause I do yoga.
And I ain't bi-polar.
I don't drink soda.
To stir my motor.
As I grow older,
I don't cry on shoulders.
I get right up!
And I strut my stuff,
With a strength that's tough.
And I...
Do it to get over the hump!
I do it to get over the hump.
Yes I do it to get over the hump.
And taking every lump and crushing it to dump!
Do it to get over the hump.
Yes I do it to get over the hump.
I will do it to get over the hump.
And taking every lump and crushing it to dump!
Yinged and yanged,
Over the hump.
I've yinged and yanged,
Over the hump.
Yinged and yanged,
Over the hump.
I've yinged and yanged,
Over the hump.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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A statesman: then and now
He stands on the podium
with his hat
in his hand
pressed against his chest
on the border with Angola
in his country
(as he still rules
over South West Africa)
and his bare head shines
under the bright Africa sun
where he himself was born
and Ratel armoured cars,
tanks, rocket launchers
and artillery drive past in convoys
back from Angola
to get a salute from him.
He stands like a giant
alone against dark Africa
will nuclear devices
waiting ready in bombs
and missiles
for ballistic purposes
are being manufactured.
Later lump after lump
of sand
falls down in his grave
while a lost journalist
runs for photos around it
and he doesn’t any more know
what is happening
in his own country
and about thunderbolts
that falls from everywhere
on his people
and rumble ominous
above his grave,
not even about water flowing
above him in a rain stream
and every sunrise
that without equal
unfolds above him
and worms gnawing
patiently on his body
since every thing
fades for him to nothing.
poem by Gert Strydom
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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It's Funny How
It's funny how hello is always accompanied with goodbye
It's funny how remembering good memories can make you cry
It's funny how forever never seems to really last
It's funny how much you'd lose if youforgot youre past
It's funny how friends can just leave when you're down
It's funny how when you need someone the're never around
It's funny how people can change and think the're so much better
It's funny how many lies can be packed into one love letter
It's funny how people can forgive even tho they cant forget
It's funny how one night can catain of so much regret
It's funny how crazy and ironic life turns out to be but the funniest part of all is that non of that seeems funny to me.
I got this poem from a friend i dont know who writ it or where it came from.
poem by Amelia Gardiner
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The only place we were really told to tone it down - where other people would use the word censorship, but I wouldn't - was when we did MTV right after the Beavis and Butt-head thing.
quote by Penn Jillette
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Manipulation
Oh, my head! my head! my head!
Lack! for my poor unfortunate head!
Mister de Ville
Has been to feel,
And what do you think he said?
He felt it up, and he felt it down,
Behind the ears, and across the crown,
Sinciput, occiput, great and small,
Bumps and organs, he tickled 'em all;
And he shook his own, as he gravely said,
'Sir, you really have got a most singular head!
'Why here's a bump,
Only feel what a lump;
Why the organ of "Sound" is an absolute hump;
And only feel here,
Why, behind each ear,
There's a bump for a butcher or a bombardier;
Such organs of slaughter
Would spill blood like water;
Such "lopping and topping" of heads and of tails,
Why, you'll cut up a jackass with Alderman S--.'
[Caetera desunt.]
poem by Richard Harris Barham
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Consideration (Thought)
Its funny how people always tend to trip over there own feet.
Its funny how they can run into a sign, while walking down a street.
Its funny how putting mentos in your friends cola makes it foam.
Its funny how on Halloween you can go and T.P. someone's home.
Its funny how people jump when someone yells 'SURPRISE! '.
Its funny how many truths are backed upon lies.
There are a lot of 'funny' things people can do, but i bet they aren't as funny when people do them to you.
Care about others.
Think before you do.
And you will find out life,
will be much more fun, and enjoyable for you.
poem by Poet of the River
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Just A Day
doo doodoo doo...
Waking up at twelve in my clothes again
Feel my head explode from a night of gin
Another night out late
I don't want to drink, don't want to be a clown
I got to get my feet back on the ground
Before it pulls me in
How come it ended up like this
And who's gonna catch me when I'm coming down to hit the ground
again
All by myself(waking up at twelve in my clothes again)
Cause I don't want to drag you down hold you down
Cause you're a friend, I blame myself(feel my head explode from a night of gin)
I guess you think it's funny now, funny now
On the underground with the freaks and frowns
Looking at the world through silver clouds
But then it all came down
I've got to rise above the emotional flood
I've got to cut these ropes around my hands
Pull myself around
How come it ended up like this
And who's gonna be there when I've lost control I'm heading to crashland
All by myself(waking up at twelve in m clothes again)
Cause I don't want to drag you down hold you down
Cause you're a friend, I blame myself(feel my head explode from a night of gin)
I guess you think it's funny now, funny now
All by myself, cause I don't want to drag you down,
Hold you down cause you're a friend. I blame myself
I guess you think it's funny now, funny now, it's such a shame
All by myself(waking up at twelve in my clothes again)
Cause I don't want to drag you down hold you down
Cause you're a friend, I blame myself(feel my head explode from a night of gin)
I guess you think it's funny now, funny now, it's such a sin
All by myself(waking up at twelve in my clothes again)
Cause I don't want to drag you down hold you down
Cause you're a friend, I blame myself(feel my head explode in a night of gin)
I guess you think it's funny now, funny now
doo doodoo doo(x7)
song performed by by Feeder
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Contact
Ive got a lump in my throat about the note you wrote
Id come on over but I havent got a raincoat
Have we got contact
You and me?
Have we got touchdown
Cant we be?
Ive got contacts in my book and in my eyes
My good connection on the telephone never lies
Have we got contact
You and me?
Have we got touchdown
Cant we be?
Ive got a list of the people I have known
Im never alone on the end of a phone
Have we got contact
You and me?
Have we got touchdown
Cant we be?
Ive got a lump in my throat about the note you wrote
Id come on over but I havent got a raincoat
Id come on over but I havent got a raincoat
song performed by by Police
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Frank's Lump
Our Frank's got a lump on his head,
He says it's his brains coming out;
Which I don't believe for a moment,
It's a rumour he's putting about.
He'd have us believe he's a genius'
He really believes it I think;
I know he's no fool, but come on now,
He must think we're green and not pink.
Just because he went on to a grammar school,
And his O levels reach to the roof,
It could have been mostly good luck, 'cos
Let's face it no system's foolproof.
And anyway what's good about welding?
(His trade for a number of years)
He tells us he made fine machinery,
But it could have been railings or spears!
Then the worst thing of all it did happen:
They upped and they made him a boss;
Good news for the board of directors,
For the welders, a grief and a loss.
Now he strolls round the room giving orders
With his whip, and I bet he can crack it;
With his white-collar duds and accessories,
With his lump, and his flippin' white jacket!
(Written 7th Sept 1994)
poem by John Carter Brown
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Isn't It Funny?
t's funny how hello is always accompanied with goodbye
It's funny how good memories can start to make you cry
It's funny how forever never seems to really last
It's funny how much you'd loose if you forgot about your past
It's funny how friends can just leave you when you're down
It's funny how when you need someone they're never around
It's funny how people can change and think they're so much better
It's funny how many lies can be packed in one ''love letter''
It's funny how people can forgive even though they can't forget
It's funny how one night can contain so much regret
It's funny how ironic life turns out to be,
But the funniest part,
Is that none of it is funny...
To me.
poem by Gina Durst
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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No, No, No,
Last night woke in bed
In a cold cold sweat so sweaty so funky
Dreamin' of bad things to be or not to be
Haunting things like homelessness all the lonely people
Without a job car or food to eat
Leaves you a little bit paranoid well well
Can you spare a dime
But it reminds me how easily
We let our fears affect who we are
No no no can't come back
No bad feelings no no no
No sad feelings no no no
No jealous feelings no no no
No insecure feelings
No no no can't come back
No ill feelings no no no
No jealous feelings no no no
No ego trippin' no no no
No insecure feelings
No no no can't come back
Had a friend in desperate need
Of a little attention compassion you see
Did i mention that friend was me nope
Who'd just broken up from a love affair well well well well
I must admit i was truly hurt
And i couldn't change the facts and that's a fact
He loves her more than he loves me
And it's truly just as simple as that
No no no can't come back
No bad feelings no no no
No sad feelings no no no
No jealous feelings no no no
No insecure feelings
No no no can't come back
No ill feelings no no no
No jealous feelings no no no
No ego trippin' no no no
No insecure feelings
No no no can't come back
Don't care what other people say
Don't listen to them anyway
Can't let the evil get it's way
Don't let bad feelings make you pay
Don't care what other people say
Don't listen to them anyway
Can't let the evil get it's way
Don't let bad feelings make you pay
No bad feelings no no no
No sad feelings no no no
No jealous feelings no no no
No insecure feelings
No no no can't come back
No ill feelings no no no
No jealous feelings no no no
No ego trippin' no no no
No insecure feelings
No no no can't come back
song performed by by En Vogue
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A lump of old metal
It was a lump of old metal,
a car with no heart
cocooning him, purring
through back lanes,
down dark, cold streets,
warming him through
and he felt safe inside,
so that when, in December,
the car 'died' his body
shook with tears,
bitter, unrestrained tears
and I ached, to see him like that
on our last ride, so sad.
My sweet little boy
with his shirt hanging out
and his eyes, red and swollen
for a lump of old metal
that was our chariot of gold.
poem by Ruth Walters
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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