I shave without using shaving cream.
quote by Jerry Stiller
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
quote by Mitch Hedberg
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Navy Bean
A navy bean is bigger than it seems put it on and don't ask what it means
Parade around
Cellophane is thicker than it seems put it on and don't ask what it means
Parade around
Shaving cream is thicker than it seems shave 'em off and don't ask what it means
Parade around
An angel wing is caught up in the tree if you know what's best get the hell away from me!
Parade around
Oh you little navy bean oh you're caught up in the tree
Navy bean
song performed by by Tracy Bonham from The Burdens Of Being Upright
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Shaving cream
Shaving Cream
On the day that yet another car bomb exploded
in Baghdad, I forgot to buy shaving cream and
had to go back to the shop, there is weariness
about bad news from Iraq. I also forgot to buy
a litre of milk and a goat cheese.
Four thousand US troops killed, which, after
five years of war, as an amazing small number;
but then, this is a war where civilians get to do
the dying.Six hundred thousand or near a million
dead, no one knows or cares, but it might end up
as being as great a crime as the holocaust:
Was it five or six million Jews who perished?
This is a number that concerns deniers greatly,
who are of the opinion that only about 2oo Jews
died, regrettably of typhus, on a train journey
between Poland and Russia.
What we do know, is that the holocaust was
worst criminal act known to man; it is therefore
an eternal shame that Israel uses this tragedy to
silence us when they continue to unlawfully take
more of Palestinian land
It is much easier to take up Tibet’s cause, isn’t
strange that the riots it happens know as
the Olympic in Beijing looms? Forget Iraq and
the Gaza strip, where our hands are bloodied;
this new cause will make us feel morally superior
poem by Jan Oskar Hansen
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Uncle's Shave.
Uncle’s Shave.
You used to watch Uncle
shave in front of the small mirror
propped on the edge
of the kitchen sink,
his face lathered
in white soap,
his cutthroat razor
held just a short distance
from his skin
by his right hand,
as the other hand
held the skin taut
in preparation
of the razor’s slide.
You stood behind
fascinated,
your young eyes
searching the mirror’s world
of Uncle’s face
and the performers start.
Uncle watched you
in the mirror,
his lips breaking
into a small smile,
the razor held
just above his ear,
his eyes staring above
the shaving foam,
taking in
your fascinated gaze,
the open mouth,
your hands copying
Uncle’s motion
in pretend shave.
Uncle drew the razor down
his cheek in slow motion,
the face becoming visible
as the soap gave way,
the hand dipping
the razor in water
to rid of foam,
to begin again,
more soap removed,
more skin revealed.
You copied Uncle,
but not so skilled.
poem by Terry Collett
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If you don't mind smelling like peanut butter for two or three days, peanut butter is darn good shaving cream.
quote by Barry Goldwater
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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If a person shave you with a razor, do not shave him with broken glass.
The beard is here because I got tired of shaving and Grissom, subsequently, got tired of shaving. Grissom, like any other 50-year-old man, is going through a series of mid-life changes. Who knows, he may start drinking.
quote by William Petersen
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Cream
This is it
Its time for u to go to the wire
U will hit
Cuz u got the burnin desire
Its your time (time)
U got the horn so why dont u blow it
U are fine (fine)
Ure filthy cute and baby u know it
Cream
Get on top
Cream
U will cop
Cream
Dont u stop
Cream
Sh-boogie bop
Ure so good
Baby there aint nobody better (aint nobody better)
So u should
Never, ever go by the letter (never ever)
Ure so cool (cool)
Everything u do is success
Make the rules (rules)
Then break them all cuz u are the best
Yes u are
Cream
Get on top
Cream
U will cop
Cream
Dont u stop
Cream
Sh-boogie bop
Look up in the air, its your guitar
Do your dance
Why should u wait any longer?
Take a chance
It could only make u stronger
Its your time (its your time)
U got the horn so why dont u blow it (go on and blow it)
Ure so fine (ure so fine)
Ure filthy cute and baby u know it (u know it)
Come on
Cream
Get on top
Cream
U will cop
Cream
Dont u ever stop
Cream
Sh-boogie bop
Cream
Cream
Cream
Sh-boogie bop
Cream
Cream
Right there
Cream
Dont u stop
Cream
Sh-boogie bop
Boogie
song performed by by Prince
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Miss A La Cream
Waiting is worth the while
Miss A La cream, a la cream
The lady of magnificent style
The woman of many a mans dream
A natural born striker
Every man in turn likes her
The queue up in flashy little cars
It doesn’t get them really any far
Miss A La cream, a la cream
The lady of posh self-esteem
At day, she’s in the sauna wrapped in towels
At day she’s at the hairdressers draped in jewels
At night, she can be found at many a brothel
But don’t you ever ask, what is a vowel?
But don’t you ever attempt to make her to spell
Natural yellow, gold and blonde
With an exquisite scent from beyond
A La cream, a la cream
She can pander a whole football team
Up in the mountains or down by the streams
When she walks the street with her heels
Mouths open, hearts relentlessly dream
Notwithstanding her heart is stronger than steel
That’s why she is Miss A la cream, A la cream
poem by Sylvia Chidi
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Ice Cream Hair
My mom's hair is made of Chocolate Ice Cream.
My dad's hair is made of Mint Ice Cream.
My sister's hair is made of Vanilla Ice Cream.
My halve sister's hair is made of Strawberry Ice Cream.
My brother's hair is made of Coconut Ice Cream.
My halve brother's hair is made of Blue Berry Ice Cream.
My baby sister's hair is made of Banana Split Ice Cream.
What is my hair made out of?
All of the above,
and a hint of sprinkles; -) .
poem by Jasmine Aira
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Basically, they had asked me if I would shave my head or wear a bald cap. I said look, if you are doing a series for five years I would want to shave my hair because I would go bald with all the gum and glue from the bald cap.
quote by Persis Khambatta
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Self-centered....
the blond
has a hand that carries a cone of
vanilla ice cream
it is summer
he looks at the sea
and lets his ice cream melt
not licking it yet
the sea is so blue
a woman looks at his
well chiseled body his
butterfly back
his abs and
strong arms
the ice cream melts
the man looks at the sand
and estimates the size
of his shadow
the sand is so white
the woman with her long black hair
in a two piece
the main attraction of this poem
backs out
and buys her own cone of
vanilla ice cream
and she licks it until the ice cream
is consumed
the man goes to the sea and makes
his needed dive
indeed the sea is so blue
and it is a sad summer....
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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Mr. Morning
Dawn's personage sheds its nightcap
in sleepy slow motion,
like a child too tired to rise out of his bed
when cold air sneaks in
under the covers.
But,
the sun's warm woolen slippers
nudge the way toward
a brand new day,
and after shaving clean with winter cream,
he rouses fully to
select the clothes he'll wear…
that blue plaid shirt that fades to grey
with yesterday's
yellow workpants
showing off his flamboyance.
Picking up his landscape lunchbox,
he heads out the door
singing a song that is as serene
as the ocean is vast.
poem by Sara Fielder
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Dog Faced Boy
Eels - dog faced boy
-----------------------
Coming home from the school today
Crying all along the way
Aint no way for a boy to be
Begging ma to shave me please
You little punks think you own this town
Well someday someones gonna bring you down
Life aint pretty for a dog faced boy
Life aint pretty for a dog faced boy
You, take back what you said now
Thats the last time I cry
You tell me what it is to be a friend, now
till I walk beside you on the street now
Ma wont shave me
Jesus cant save me
Dog faced boy
Life aint pretty for a dog faced boy
Life aint pretty for a dog faced boy
Life aint pretty for a dog faced boy
Life aint pretty for a dog faced boy
Going back to the school tomorrow
Hang my hairy head in sorrow
Aint no way for a boy to be
Aint no way to set me free, now
Ma wont shave me
Jesus cant save me
Dog faced boy
Ma wont shave me
Jesus cant save me
Dog faced boy
song performed by by Eels
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Custard Creams
There's always time for a custard cream,
Taken at any point of the day;
With milk or tea,
There's always time for a custard cream,
Advice taken, or given,
Take a moment,
To share the delights
With coffee, or juice.
There's always time for a custard cream;
Share it,
Break it,
Dunk it!
There's always one more time
For that
Last custard cream.
© 2012
poem by Nick Strong
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Reverse
Cherry, whipped cream
Chocolate sauce, ice cream
I can't enjoy it, I wish I could
But my body rejects the food
Fingers on my lips
Slim down my hips
I eat until I'm full
Show everyone I'm normal
Head bent over the bowl
No longer full
Back up in reverse
Wanting more, makes it worse
Ice cream, chocolate sauce
Whipped cream, cherry, food loss
poem by Brynn Fier
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Wayne's World
Shave a sheep and save my love,
For the products from Germany are all around you;
But when the night becomes day,
The mouse comes out to play.
Wayne's world,
Shave a sheep and save my love;
For when the day becomes night,
The cat goes out for a catch.
poem by Edward Kofi Louis
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A Man With A Plan
I have heard it said
a man who shaves
can really go places...
whatever that means?
It amazes
some observant
neighbours
that Nick the alcoholic
has a shave
before going to the pub
seven days a week...
Even on a Sunday afternoon.
My God Nick's got a plan.
He's going to wait
until twenty past
then have a shave
then go to the pub.
Now that's a man with a plan.
Yes Nick is really going places.
He's a man with a plan.
poem by Terence George Craddock
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Underneath The Cream
Wait a minute...
Turn the, turn the phones up
Yeah...cool
Lookin' out the window of a big black limousine
Thinkin' bout your thighs
Wishin' I was somewhere in between
In one single motion
Deep inside your ocean
I just wanna be
Underneath the cream
Can't stop thinkin' about ya'...thighs
Somewhere in between
That's where I wanna be, that's where I wanna be
Underneath the cream
You and I
Somewhere in between
Your thighs
Cell phone, passport
All your inhibitions
Spread out on the floor
(Deep inside)
Deep inside your life-givin' ocean, sugarpop
Rests my consciousness just a little more
Is what I wanna do, babe
So talk to me
Don't get me started
Come into this wet dream-eternal
Pretend I am you and teach me without shame
Take my hand, put it in the place
That turned you out the most last time you came
Useless deliberation, the beast of frustration
Trust me, I know
Somewhere in between seven days and nights
That's how far, baby
You wanna go?
Underneath the cream
Can't stop thinkin about ya'...thighs
Somewhere in between
That's where I wanna be, that's where I wanna be
Underneath the cream
You and I
Somewhere in between
Your thighs, your thighs
Somewhere in between this wet dream, it seems
I never shoulda let you go
Now that you've returned I yearn to learn
All the feelings you never dared to show
Come into this wet dream eternal
Pretend I am you and let's, Oh
Somewhere in between, I dream/Underneath the cream
Tell me, tell me, tell me
Whatcha waitin' on baby, tell me
We can do this thing, yeah
Underneath the cream
We need to get right down
Cuz I got something
Groovy groovy groovy...
(Groovy underneath the cream)
It's groovy underneath the cream
Underneath the cream
song performed by by Prince
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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