Something tells me that the first mousetrap wasn't designed to catch mice at all, but to protect little cheese 'gems' from burglars.
Jack Handey in Deep Thoughts
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Related quotes
If you build a better mousetrap, you will catch better mice.
quote by George Gobel
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Protect Me From What I Want
Its that desease of the age
Its that desease that we crave
Alone at the end of the race
We catch the last bus home
Corporate america wakes
Coffee republic in case
We open the latch on the gate
Of the hole that we call our home
Protect me from what I want...
Protect me protect me
Maybe were victims of fate
Remember when wed celebrate
Wed drink and get high until late
And now were all alone
Wedding bells aint gonna chime
With both of us guilty of crime
And both of us sentenced to time
And now were all alone
Protect me from what I want...
Protect me protect me
Protect me from what I want...
Protect me protect me
Protect me from what I want...
Protect me protect me
Protect me from what I want...
Protect me protect me
song performed by by Placebo
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Sugar And Spice And Fourteen Blind Mice
Sugar and Spice and fourteen blind mice
sat in a room way up in the barn.
the name of the cat was Sugar and Spice
fourteen blind mice, they were spinning a yarn.
As you can picture, the odds were unfair,
though none of the mice had been overly wise
a mad starving hunter to sit there and stare
planning the strategy of a surprise.
How can a cat catch so many at once?
Only with claws and a growling old gut
cats do not utilise swords, spears and guns
this one just sat on her soft furry butt.
The night was soon over and all things were the same
all the mice had been snoozing, unaware of the foe
in the cold of the morning now the cat sought to aim
its formidable powers like a young feline pro.
But a god now took mercy and he told all the mice
that united you stand and divided you fall,
so they jumped on the cat, and they squeezed like a vise
and the end of the frenzy wasn't pretty at all.
poem by Herbert Nehrlich
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In baiting a mousetrap with cheese, always leave room for the mouse.
Wouldn't it be better to have a watertight law designed to catch the guilty, rather than a press release law designed to catch the headlines?
quote by William Hague
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A Strange Disease
You make me dream of ghostly fleas
And bring policemen to their knees -
I have to say, because of this,
That loving you's a stange disease.
Sometimes you make me want to sneeze
Because I've smelt some mouldy cheese,
And then afar on distant seas
I hear your laughter on the breeze
I've seen a mousetrap in your eyes
And lots of mice, and more besides,
And yet you make me dream of fleas
By feeding me on bits of cheese.
Can you explain why you do this
And won't allow a single kiss
When loving you's a strange disease
That brings policemen to their knees?
Or do you think you're very wise
By trapping me inside your eyes?
One day I'll snap and start to scream
To break out from this awful dream!
I must insist you hug me too
Because I love you through and through,
You'll realise this love is true
When I stick to you like Superglue! !
The simple fact is plain to see
That you and I make history,
My burning love has made me drool
And in return you've acted cruel,
But will this poem ever end
Like the bitter parting from a friend?
Please stick to me like Superglue.
Whatever you do, I'll do too! !
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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Ode To Cheese
☺ .
Ode To Cheese,
Which Makes Us Smile,
When Camera's go Clack.
Ode To Cheese,
Which make us taste,
The greatest of flavors, the wackiest of whack.
Ode To Cheese,
Blue, Gorgonzola,
American and Cheddar.
Ode To Cheese,
Beja and Feta,
In all types of weather.
Ode To Cheese,
For those on a diet,
or trying to get fatter.
Ode To Cheese,
with crackers and wine,
with grapes can flatter.
Ode To Cheese,
when you're sad and happy,
Cheese just fits.
Ode To Cheese,
Mountains and Mountains,
or bits and bits.
Ode to the Cheese,
To appreciate,
eat,
and take pictures.
Many What If’s And More
What if Cinderella wasn’t a princess
But the advertiser of a new flavored jellybean
What if Snow White wasn’t pretty
But the ugliest hag ever seen
What if soccer wasn’t a game
But a new kind of disease
What if an oven isn’t used for warming food
But to make them freeze
What if tom wasn’t a cartoon
But a new mechanical device
That help cats in catching mice
Get very quick and wise
What if Jerry wasn’t a mouse
But another name for cherry
What if a mountain wasn’t mountain
But a new kind of berry
What if shoes weren’t used on feet
But to help us see
What if I wasn’t myself
I wonder who’d write this instead of me!
poem by Risha Ahmed
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The talking animal's
As I become, a fictitious narrative.
Creating a fable story, about a dog, cat and a mice.
The dog name Bog, the cat name Spat, and the mice is Spice.
Bog said to Spat, why are you chasing Spice?
Spat said, because, I want some of that rodent slice's.
So, you want to cut him into piece's.
I am hungry, Bog! Spice come to me, I protect you?
Okay Bog, I hope you really, going to protect me.
Spat get back, please! I don't want to hurt you?
So you think im a cat; I can't beat you?
We going to find out, Spat the big alley cat.
Bog the little mutt; you a bluff Bog.
Spat, end up, chasing the both of them.
poem by Derrick Clark
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Stinky, Moldy Cheese
In my house there is a slice...
Of stinky cheese
In my house there is some chedder
Though staying far from it might be better
In my house there's a piece
Of stinky, moldy mozzarela cheese
In my house there are many things
But nothing can top stinky, moldy cheese
There is a whisperer who tells me many things
'Hey miss...'
'Don't go near the swiss! '
You're so lucky this cheese...
Isn't yours
poem by Kristy Wisser
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Maria's Lullaby
An extract from a poem written for my grandchildren to Brahms Lullaby
Sleep; little mice sleep
Mother will watch over you
Shut your eyes and don't peek
Tomorrow the skies will be blue
Sleep; little mice sleep.
Sleep; little mice sleep
No harm will come whilst I am here
The sun has gone down by the peak
When the day dawns it will appear
Sleep; little mice sleep.
Sleep; little mice sleep
Your father is watching the house
That no owl or cat dares to seek
Harm to creatures or mouse
Sleep; little mice sleep.
Sleep; little mice sleep
Tomorrow you run and play
Now is not time to speak
When you awake a new day
Sleep; little mice sleep.
Sleep; little mice sleep
Rest now for your own sake
Shut your eyes now be asleep
I will be here when you awake
Sleep; little mice sleep.
poem by Thomas Golding
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Why Are You Gloating?
Why are you gloating?
You look as if you were a mouse,
Who was just awarded...
A lifetime supply of cheese.
'That's almost funny.
No.
But...
Say I 'was' that mouse.'
Okay...
Mouse.
'And that mouse was suspected of stealing cheese.
And those who made the cheese...
Did all they could to find the mouse guilty of the crime.'
Go ahead,
I'm listening.
'And...
The mouse,
Kept telling the makers of cheese...
They actually befriended rats!
And those rats were the culprits of the theft all along.'
I don't get it.
What has that got to do with you?
'You see...
The folks had their eyes focused on the mouse closely.
Under microscope.
Not realizing they socialized and entertained disguised rats.
Masquerading as wholesome folks with undeniable integrity.'
What became the outcome?
'Well...
Not only was the mouse awarded that lifetime of cheese you mentioned.
But efforts long dismissed achieved notoriety for that same mouse.'
Soooo,
'Why' are 'you' gloating?
'Forget it.
Just forget it.'
Hey,
Wait a minute.
Don't get angry with me.
You were the one to bring up the mice and rats in disguise,
Working inside a cheese factory.
Yeah...
That's right.
Walk away.
You need to lay that head down and get some rest.
No wonder I see him smiling all the time.
The dude is nuts!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Here! Here...You Take The Cheese
Mice like rats and slick napping cats,
Only appear to do as they please...
When it is believed the coast is clear,
To re-energize their determined activities.
Only when they are unmistakably trapped,
Do mice and rats feel the penetrating claws...
Of those one eye opening awakening cats,
With a squealing of their innocence.
'Here! Here...
You take the cheese.
I'm on a diet anyway.
I was only in your neighborhood,
Seeking a way to cement new friendships.'
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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This Is All That They Value
An enforced need to continue fear and grief,
To uphold beliefs of a fading greatness...
Lifted by a costly campaign of propaganda.
Has achieved one thing.
A system with an economy falling to bits!
As racial divisions are ignited to incite.
While foreigners increase...
Their ownership with investments.
Do mice thrown cheese care who supplies it?
Does a people born feeling they have entitlements...
Recognize their selfishness.
Or have mindsets to deny their self centeredness?
How can they?
When all that they've known...
Are conflicts to pick to protect their interests.
And this is all that they value,
From a way of life that began for them.
And these standards for them have always been shown!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Cheese Cake
I met a babe in a backseat drive-in
Back in the saddle shed sit
Pulled on the reins just to keep me risin
She loved to chomp at the bit
Daddy do it, oh, just do it
Daddy do it, please let me see
Do it, please just do it daddy
Do it, do it, drivin me crazy
She walks away with her eyes
Down on her bootlace
She lives to give it away
She dont believe in the right or the wrong case
Shes always liable to say
Daddy do it, oh, just do it
Daddy do it, please let me see
Do it, please just do it daddy
Do it, do it, drivin me crazy
(cheese cake), looser than her sister
(cheese cake), her sugar gets me high
She knows I cant resist her (cheese cake)
Got my fingers in her pie (cheese cake)
(cheese cake), sneakin out the back door
(cheese cake), rollin down the lawn
Everybody kissed her (cheese cake)
At the crack of dawn (cheese cake)
Daddy do it, oh, just do it
Daddy do it, please let me see
Daddy do it, please just do it daddy
Do it, do it, do it, drivin me crazy
(cheese cake), looser than her sister
(cheese cake), her sugar gets me high
She knows I cant resist her (cheese cake)
Got my fingers in her pie (cheese cake)
Repeat (cheese cake)
song performed by by Aerosmith
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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zy A Mousetrap (a Fable ~ Author Unknown)
A country mouse heard a rustling noise and looked through a crack in the wall to see what might be going on. He saw the farmer and his wife opening a box. To the mouse’s great dismay the box contained a mousetrap. Alarmed the mouse rushed out to the farmyard to spread a warning. “There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house! ”
The chicken, who had been clucking and scratching the earth, raised her head and said: “Mr. Mouse I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. So I shall not allow myself to be bothered by it.”
The mouse turned to the pig and told him: “There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house! The pig sympathized, but said; “I am so very sorry Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it. Be assured however, that you will be in my prayers”.
Next the mouse went to the cow and repeated his alarm: “There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house! ”. The cow looked at him and said: “Gee Mr. Mouse that’s is to bad for you, but it’s no skin off my nose”.
Mr. Mouse returned to the farmhouse head down and dejected. Left to face the mousetrap alone. That very night the loud snap of a mousetrap snapping shut was heard throughout the farmhouse.
The farmers wife got up from bed and rushed out to see what had been caught in the trap. In the darkness she did not see that it was a venomous snake which had gotten its tail caught in the trap. As she stepped near the trap the snake struck out and bit her on her foot. The farmer rushed her to the hospital where the doctors gave the only treatment available but could not guarantee a full recovery. The farmer’s wife asked to be allowed to return to the farmhouse to recuperate.
Once home the farmer’s wife continued to feel ill. She developed a fever so the farmer, hoping to make her feel well, went out to the farmyard and killed the chicken to make his wife some soup. But her sickness continued and many friends and neighbors stopped by to wish her well and offer assistance. Grateful for their concern the farmer went out to the farmyard and slaughtered the pig so that he could feed the well-wishers.
Alas the farmer’s wife continued to decline in health and after some days she passed away. Knowing that many friends and relatives would arrive for the funeral the farmer had the cow butchered so that he would have meat to feed these mourners.
The mouse could only watch from his little crack in the wall. Saddened at the loss of his farmyard friends, but knowing that he had done all he could to warn them of the danger posed by the mousetrap.
The next time you hear someone is facing a problem and shares their concern with you, Remember the story of the Mr. Mouse and the mousetrap. We are all connected in life in what may seem mysterious ways, so when one of us is threatened we are all at risk.
Author Unknown
poem by Mary Havran
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The Griefs of Ancient Gosh
I happened in Gosh on an ancient day,
In the land of Glugs far, far away
Where the skies are green and the grass is pink
And the citizens rarely troubl'd to think.
Each had a vote; they were proud of that;
But they left all else to the Bureaucrat.
Still, of course, such folly never could be
In a civilised land this year A.D.
A junior clerk in Department A
Sent a requisition in one day
For a mousetrap to Department B.
This came to the ears of Department C,
Whose head said, 'Just a moment please.
You control the traps, but we the cheese.'
Then Department D chipped in in a trice
And cried, 'Checkmate! We control the mice.'
Then Departments E, F, G, H, I
Became involved, and the talk ran high,
Till the Livestock Branch got dragged in, too,
And the Vermin Board, and I don't know who
Besides, till the mousetrap matter grew
From a mild dispute 'mid a trifling few
To a Public Question so immense
That a tax was levied to meet expense.
Well, time rolled on, as it ever has rolled
And the junior clerk, now bald and old,
Received a pink form one fine day
Which said, 'One trap, mouse. Passed O.K.'
But he answered, this impatient chap,
Grown peevish, too, 'Keep your blinkin' trap!
For a trap I made from an old jam tin
Long since; and I caught my mouse therein.'
So an issue rose of a different sort,
And they sued the clerk in the State High Court
Which sat so long and talked such bosh
That a fierce Dictator loomed in Gosh;
And he took one long, deep, shuddering breath
And condemned that junior clerk to death
And then, when they sought the man, they found
He had been some twelve years underground.
Such is the tale. But, understand
It happened in Gosh - a backward land
Inhabited then by a race called Glugs,
Free-born, with a vote, but mostly mugs
For, of course, such nonsense never could be
In a modern, model Democracy
Like ours. Things never could happen so.
Absurd!... Or could they? ...Oh, I don't know.
poem by Clarence Michael James Stanislaus Dennis
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Catch Me Now Im Falling
I remember, when you were down
And you needed a helping hand
I came to feed you
But now that I need you
You wont give me a second glance
Now Im calling all citizens from all over the world
This is captain america calling
I bailed you out when you were down on your knees
So will you catch me now Im falling
Help me now Im calling you
Catch me now Im falling
Im in your hands, its up to you
Catch me now Im falling
I remember when you were down
You would always come running to me
I never denied you and I would guide you
Through all of your difficulties
Now Im calling all citizens from all over the world
This is captain america calling
I bailed you out when you were down on your knees
So will you catch me now Im falling
Help me now Im calling you
Catch me now Im falling
Im in your hands, its up to you
Catch me now Im falling
When you were broke you would come to me
And I would always pull you round
Now I call your office on the telephone
And your secretary tells me that shes sorry,
But, youve gone out of town.
This is captain america calling
This is captain america calling
Help me now Im calling you
Catch me now Im falling
Im in your hands, its up to you
Catch me now Im falling
Catch me now Im falling
Catch me now Im falling
Catch me now Im falling
Catch me now Im falling
I stood by you through all of your depressions
And I lifted you when you were down
Now its your chance to do the same for me
I call your office and your secretary tells me
That youve gone out of town
This is captain america calling
This is captain america calling
Catch me now Im falling
Catch me now Im falling
I was the one who always bailed you out
Of your depressions and your difficulties
I never thought that you would let me down
But the next time youre in trouble
Better not come running to me
Now Im calling all citizens from all over the world
This is captain america calling
I bailed you out when you were down on your knees
So will you catch me now Im falling
Catch me now Im falling
Catch me now Im falling
Catch me now Im falling
Catch me now Im falling
Catch me now Im falling
song performed by by Kinks
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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We Have Mice
We have mice in the bedroom,
the living room, kitchen and the loo.
I have even found one in the bathroom sink.
They come in all sorts of colours
red, green, purple, blue and pink.
They all belong to our cat family,
Arthur, Barney, Charlie and Daisy.
They leave them all over the house,
even hide them in our shoes and under the mats.
Sometimes they take them to bed
when they are lying on ours.
We have mice, mice and more mice,
ain’t life grand when your kitty winks have fun
and you suffer at their paws.
However, we would not be without them,
as all cat lovers know.
11 January 2011
poem by David Harris
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