It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something.
Jack Handey in Deep Thoughts
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Related quotes
The little things that make my teeth clean
Of course, the champion is the toothpick
Always the wooden, bamboo toothpick
Or could be the fine dental floss
But I always need a mirror to use that
And eventually I find it more expensive
And time consuming
And then I can have a little twig
Of guava,
I like the odor and I have the
Last chew and
Oh my
I can chew the same and swallow
But without the toothpick or the floss
And when I am in a bus and there is
No guava tree
I simply have my tongue and the
Nail helping it to get rid
Of
You know what.
Life is like that.
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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As you read these lines
As you read these lines
Another toothpick
Is chewed by my teeth
Something is wrong
With my tongue and
Teeth, how they compete
For recognition, the teeth
Claiming it chewed the
Words the tongue claiming
It approved the taste,
I am listening how they
Argued and quarreled,
And in the chaos I bit the
Toothpick chewed it
And spit it out,
How choppy have I
Become, how some
Of my parts have been
So disjoined, and how
Have I become
So disengaged, divided,
Like the tongue &
Teeth, in their bickering.
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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He Has His Own Way
as i enter this cheap
restaurant he also sits
on the other side
of the table on one
of those dusty
rattan chairs
i take my bite
he puts his
toothpick between
his lips and leave
them there
for a while
his hands are
on the table
holding an
orange as
though it is
a cotton bud
that his fingers
play with
he looks at me
and i look at
him. I know what
he wants
any simpleton
will know what
the tongue
has been doing
on the toothpick
between his lips
i look down the
floor and then
i decide to
leave. It is not
the usual rush
hour in this
hot city far
from my
rural home
where the mountains
protrude to touch
a bulging blue cloud.
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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How To Make You Funny?
How to make you funny?
And you are always funny,
You hide it and
It is still funny,
And that makes me laugh.
How to make you serious?
And you can not be serious,
Funny is funny,
And being seriously funny is not that funny,
And you laugh.
How to tell you a joke?
And you are the funniest joke
That makes you more funny and serious
While you are drinking and thinking
At the risk
Of spilling the juice of your lips
At my laugh.
poem by Atef Ayadi
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Another Day
having the low down blues and going
into a restraunt to eat.
you sit at a table.
the waitress smiles at you.
she's dumpy. her ass is too big.
she radiates kindess and symphaty.
live with her 3 months and a man would no real agony.
o.k., you'll tip her 15 percent.
you order a turkey sandwich and a
beer.
the man at the table across from you
has watery blue eyes and
a head like an elephant.
at a table further down are 3 men
with very tiny heads
and long necks
like ostiches.
they talk loudly of land development.
why, you think, did I ever come
in here when I have the low-down
blues?
then the the waitress comes back eith the sandwich
and she asks you if there will be anything
else?
snd you tell her, no no, this will be
fine.
then somebody behind you laughs.
it's a cork laugh filled with sand and
broken glass.
you begin eating the sandwhich.
it's something.
it's a minor, difficult,
sensible action
like composing a popular song
to make a 14-year old
weep.
you order another beer.
jesus,look at that guy
his hands hang down almost to his knees and he's
whistling.
well, time to get out.
pivk up the bill.
tip.
go to the register.
pay.
pick up a toothpick.
go out the door.
your car is still there.
and there are 3 men with heads
and necks
like ostriches all getting into one
car.
they each have a toothpick and now
they are talking about women.
they drive away first
they drive away fast.
they're best i guess.
it's an unberably hot day.
there's a first-stage smog alert.
all the birds and plants are dead
or dying.
you start the engine.
Anonymous submission.
poem by Charles Bukowski
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Even when he has not eaten, a samurai wields his toothpick.
Even when a samurai has not eaten, he holds his toothpick high.
Funny Dude
Funny dude
I love seeing you smile but I hate the way you treat me as if I were your personal clown. I treat you like a queen in which my heart she ruled but you treat like your royal fool. Tell a joke get a laugh ask a question no reply. I wish laughter was currency because your heart I would buy. I still try to keep you happy even if its my worst day but other days I feel like your attention isn't pay as if you were stealing my time to entertain your mind. Ha he is so funny and kinda cute but from looking at his personality he's not the one for you. Its all fun until someone falls in love. I tell a joke everybody laugh and once that's over I go back to being sad. Its easy for me to fall in love with you but its hard for anybody to love that Funny dude...
poem by LaDarius Washington
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A Sense Of Humor
listen to a joke
just listen and then don't mind the face of the teller
just listen and then something clicks
and you catch something funny
and you laugh
keep the joke and dissect it
let is stay
retell it to yourself or even to your friend
retell it how many times to him
and let him write it
you see there is no click anymore
something funny was lost
because you want to keep it
because you want to let it stay in you
one thing with a joke is that it must
always be something new
one that you have not heard before
i tell you, it is just like a poem
thereis this switch, a clicking
and then something happens
how can you tell it? you can't
tell it and then it is gone
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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It Is A Joke
it is a joke
and it will always be
a joke
that how it is,
it is a joke, my own joke, and i laugh
when i remember it,
i send it to you and you send it back
like a ping-pong ball
it bounces and i see it coming
back to me
it hits me right in my eyes
got double vision, cross-eyed
i am hurt. It is not a joke anymore.
it is here beside
a tear, a bruise, stained and scarred.
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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Spit It Out
If theres rage inside you so you cannot think
Spit it out
If you get so angry that you cannot speak
Spit it out
Talk to him or her or it
And tell them where they can put it
Spit it out, spit it out
You got to talk to him or her or it
And take aim with your mouth and spit
Spit it out, spit it out
If you get worked over at your job
Spit it out
If a taxi almost runs you down
Spit it out
You got to take aim with your mouth and speak
And give it to them right between the teeth
Spit it out, spit it out
Talk to him or her or it
And take aim with your mouth and spit
Spit it out, spit it out
Spit it out
Hey, hey, hey
If youre patient and you have the time
Spit it out
Wait till theyre on the decline
Spit it out
The chinese say you meet the hard with the soft
The yin with the yang, the down with the up, oh
Spit it out, spit it out
You got to grab that dumb he, she or it
And give it to them right between the teeth
Spit it out, spit it out
Spit it out, babe, spit it out
Hey
song performed by by Lou Reed
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Not Funny
It's not funny when
you laugh and call
me names
I don't smile when
you push me down
and laugh
I don't find it very funny
when you dis me and
say it was just a joke
I'm not the one who laughs
when you call my name but
turn away
Your jokes are not funny
and never will be so stop
saying them
poem by Mariana Zita
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My Daddy's So Funny
My daddy’s so funny; always making me laugh
But, he’s the best daddy anybody could have
Every time he comes around he has something funny to say
On days when I feel down daddy can always makes my day
My daddy’s so funny even when he’s not trying to be
He has a way with words and gestures that always tickles me
He makes funny expressions, and he’s so witty too
He’s so funny he’ll make you forget you were feeling blue
My daddy’s so funny, but he is also sweet
He will do anything to help someone else; even get them off the street
You can find him givin’ change, or just standing up talkin’
To a person that most people would look at and just keep on walkin’
My daddy’s so funny, but he is such a good provider
He would do anything to take care of his family, even use the car like a taxi driver
I’ll never forget the time he got up at 5: 00 in the mornin’
He walked me all the way to my train stop, even though it was stormin’
My daddy’s so funny, but helped raise us girls so well
When my mama told us “no, ” we couldn’t run to him and tell
He taught us to be dainty and to act like ladies
He was always involved in our lives from the time that we were babies
My daddy’s so funny, but he takes good care of my mother
No matter how tough times would get, he always stood by her
He has been with her for more than 50 years
With her he has shared much marital bliss and many tears
My daddy’s so funny, but there is something you should know
He might laugh and joke a lot, but he takes life seriously though
His personality and the things he does are not for him to be seen
He just is who he is, and really loves people; from that we can all glean
My daddy’s so funny, when you ask him what he has to give
He’ll tell you in a minute, “I got mo’ cold cash than you got days to live! ”
My daddy is so funny, when I just think about him I laugh
I thank God for my daddy, one of the greatest gifts any girl could have.
poem by Deidre Blair
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It's Kind of Funny
It's kind of funny how those who want life get it taken away,
while those who loathe it wander around.
Almost as if a waste.
It's kind of funny how those who try to do right get it spit back in their face.
The bad walk among us as if to be common people.
They, they get your respect.
It's kind of funny the people you love, they're usually the fall of you.
They say they're there for you but always somehow make you feel worthless.
It's kind of funny how everything can end so fast.
Everything can just disappear.
It's kind of funny how I wish I never met you.
I wish I could tell you.
I wish we could be.
And I wish that everything wasn't so funny and that everything could be what it is.
It's kind of funny how me and you,
we don't matter.
What I say and do will always be funny to you.
It's no longer funny.
poem by Elina Fields
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Thats Not Really Funny
Did you think that I would laugh when you said I was small
Did you think that that would pass as if nothing at all
You say a lot of funny things, my little bunny
And I almost always laugh, but thats not really funny
You play the little bells and tell a good story
You bake delicious pie and thats enough for me
But I dont think that Im your man, and youre my little honey
And I like what you have to say, but thats not really funny
You must not continue to wear my ? ? like me
The neighbour children threw the window to the sea
The little boy will wipe his nose bacause its runny
Then point at me and laugh, but thats not really funny
song performed by by Eels
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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It's funny
It's funny
how you're the one who is scared
its funny
how I am the only one who cared.
It's funny
how you are running around, evading me, trying and hoping that all this would be the best for me.
It's funny
how none of this is funny.
We've been friends for mad long, since when could you never tell when something is wrong.
'Bros before hoes' isn't that what they say.
No chick should get in the way.
since when does my words me nothing to you.
Don't you remember the shit we've been through.
It's my gender, that's what makes it different.
Because I am a girl, and you are a guy.
Cause I feel for you, I still don't know why.
This bull is all because of this.
I want you to look at me in the eye,
talk true to me to my face
look at me when I cry.
this is your punishment
you have to look at me at a lower place.
what you did was weak. Lying to me, not even to my face.
don't get mad because I am mad.
cause you are you and I am me, yet who is this that I see.
The guy I am looking at is a joke.
Because it isn't cute when you look at me and you make me believe
that I could trust you and you could trust me,
yet it is obvious now that that can not be.
It's funny
how you're the one who is scared
its funny
how I am the only one who cared.
It's funny
how you are running around, evading me, trying and hoping that all this would be the best for me.
It's funny
how none of this is funny.
poem by Jennifer Gordon
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I remember growing up always loving the guitar. I used to love to watch the people play on the Country Western shows on TV. My folks told me that when I was just a toddler, I used to pretend I was playing a guitar on a toothpick.
quote by Carl Wilson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I always laugh the hardest at the stuff you see in day-to-day life. It's great when somebody can tell a joke that really makes you laugh hard, but to see some kind of personal interaction that no one could write is so good. Those are always the things that make me laugh.
quote by Luke Wilson
Submitted by Veronica Serbanoiu
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I Loved the Way You Did It
Hey...
I am the joke.
And you are the teller of them.
Remember?
I do.
I will always remember your laughter.
No!
I do not accept your apology.
I like things just the way they are.
With you believing me to be a joke.
And the laughter those jokes at my expense,
Would bring...
I do not wish it any other way.
You have no idea,
Just how inspiring you have been.
Hey...
I am the joke.
And you are the teller of them.
Remember?
I do.
I will always remember your laughter.
By all means...
Continue.
I loved the way you would laugh at me,
In the presence of others.
Can you still do that?
I loved the way you did it.
No.
Please.
You are spoiling my fun.
Don't apologize.
Laugh at me.
Laugh at me.
I loved the way you did it
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Fundamental of Liar Chapter XXII: Laugh
there's laugh, forced laugh
laugh, gentle rejection without word
laugh, looking sympathy with laugh
laugh but actually doesn't laugh
hiding anger, hiding pain
cheerful laugh but alone inside
why you try hard to impress people?
tired and wounded more
laughing your foolish joke
and crying life in the dark room
laugh for yourself
laugh with your heart
and you'll never regret to try an honest laugh
poem by Maria Sudibyo
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