One of my favorite things is mayonnaise and I have to tell you that. I love mayonnaise, but I don't eat it any more. If I do I put light mayonnaise on it, which I know is still not good but it's a lot better than the other one and I don't eat it that much.
quote by Mike Ditka
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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When this girl at the museum asked me who I liked better, Monet or Manet, I said, 'I like mayonnaise.' She just stared at me, so I said it again, louder. Then she left. I guess she went to try to find some mayonnaise for me.
Jack Handey in Deep Thoughts
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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That Sandwich
as you take that sandwich
i remember 1971
the ham, and mayonnaise
the purple sliced onions
and cucumber
that you slip between
a big sandwich which you
say is too delicious
that is not how i saw it in the 70's
you were too young then
to know the connotation of the word
or the metaphor of being sandwiched
between two warring forces
who wanted to win by killing each other
they were all civilians mind you
sandwiched between the armed and dangerous government
and the armed and more dangerous rebels
the ham, and mayonnaise
the purple sliced onions
and cucumber
that you slip between
a big sandwich which you
say is too delicious
in the 70's they were not delicious at all
they were maimed, and bloody, killed on the streets
and public plazas bombed and brains scattered
on the hot cemented pavements
people kept in hog wires and secret
detention places
brothers all but so insensitive to the
the roots of humanity
Cains and Abels
the ham, and mayonnaise
the purple sliced onions
and cucumber
that you slip between
a big sandwich which you
say is too delicious
when all i need is simply a bitter tasting coffee
without the sugar and cream
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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Europe's the mayonnaise, but America supplies the good old lobster.
quote by David Herbert Lawrence
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Love is like mayonnaise: when cut, should be thrown away and start a new one.
quote by Enrique Jardiel Poncela
Submitted by Dan Costinaş
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Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason.
quote by Robin Williams
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
quote by Ambrose Bierce
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Eating Sandwich
she handed me
a sandwich
with tomato
and mayonnaise
filling
she sits beside me
we have hot coffee
and a view of the
sea
a fading sun
some seagulls
homing
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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Something Wonderful
picking
strawberries from
the garden
choosing the
plump ones
dipping each
on mayonnaise
letting each
stay inside your mouth
sometime
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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Emma Squeekmire
A childhood friend named Emma Squeekmire
Was a mean little girl who liked playing with fire
One day Emma set our Grade School ablaze
With gasoline, a match and a jar of mayonnaise
It was clear her brain had gone severely haywire
(ROTMS)
poem by Ray Lucero
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Midnight.....
somewhere
between two half slices
of a bread
a man slips in
with a mayonnaise
in his soul
the two slices close
him in
perfectly to make him
feel
that this is a world
of the burger
comforted
he waits for the other
to take the
best bite
all in his life
he simply
wants to be consumed
by hunger.
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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Recipe For A Hippopotamus Sandwich
A hippo sandwich is easy to make.
All you do is simply take
One slice of bread,
One slice of cake,
Some mayonnaise
One onion ring,
One hippopotamus
One piece of string,
A dash of pepper -
That ought to do it.
And now comes the problem…
Biting into it!
poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
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What's Good
Life's like a mayonnaise soda
And life's like space without room
And life's like bacon and ice cream
That's what life's like without you
Life's like forever becoming
But life's forever dealing in hurt
Now life's like death without living
That's what life's like without you
Life's like Sanskrit read to a pony
I see you in my mind's eye strangling on your tongue
What's good is knowing such devotion
I've been around - I know what makes things run
What good is seeing eye chocolate
What good's a computerized nose
And what good was cancer in April
Why no good - no good at all
What good's a war without killing
What good is rain that falls up
What good's a disease that won't hurt you
Why no good, I guess, no good at all
What good are these thoughts that I'm thinking
It must be better not to be thinking at all
A styrofoam lover with emotions of concrete
No not much, not much at all
What's good is life without living
What good's this lion that barks
You loved a life others throw away nightly
It's not fair, not fair at all
What's good ?
Life's good -
But not fair at all
song performed by by Lou Reed
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Writing In A Way
writing in a way is like
taking a spoon of mayonnaise
and you brush it on one side
of a sandwich
and you take another
clean sandwich and you
join them together
into one edible sandwich
to fill your empty stomach
and then you
regret having done such
a meaningless routine
when you could have
talked instead to a friend
waiting for you at the
porch of your house
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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Lorenzo De Lardy
DALILAH DE DARDY adored
The very correctest of cards,
LORENZO DE LARDY, a lord -
He was one of Her Majesty's Guards.
DALILAH DE DARDY was fat,
DALILAH DE DARDY was old -
(No doubt in the world about that)
But DALILAH DE DARDY had gold.
LORENZO DE LARDY was tall,
The flower of maidenly pets,
Young ladies would love at his call,
But LORENZO DE LARDY had debts.
His money-position was queer,
And one of his favourite freaks
Was to hide himself three times a year,
In Paris, for several weeks.
Many days didn't pass him before
He fanned himself into a flame,
For a beautiful "DAM DU COMPTWORE,"
And this was her singular name:
ALICE EULALIE CORALINE
EUPHROSINE COLOMBINA THERESE
JULIETTE STEPHANIE CELESTINE
CHARLOTTE RUSSE DE LA SAUCE MAYONNAISE.
She booked all the orders and tin,
Accoutred in showy fal-lal,
At a two-fifty Restaurant, in
The glittering Palais Royal.
He'd gaze in her orbit of blue,
Her hand he would tenderly squeeze,
But the words of her tongue that he knew
Were limited strictly to these:
"CORALINE CELESTINE EULALIE,
Houp le! Je vous aime, oui, mossoo,
Combien donnez moi aujourd'hui
Bonjour, Mademoiselle, parlez voo."
MADEMOISELLE DE LA SAUCE MAYONNAISE
Was a witty and beautiful miss,
Extremely correct in her ways,
But her English consisted of this:
"Oh my! pretty man, if you please,
Blom boodin, biftek, currie lamb,
Bouldogue, two franc half, quite ze cheese,
Rosbif, me spik Angleesh, godam."
A waiter, for seasons before,
Had basked in her beautiful gaze,
And burnt to dismember MILOR,
HE LOVED DE LA SAUCE MAYONNAISE.
He said to her, "Mechante THERESE,
Avec desespoir tu m'accables.
Penses-tu, DE LA SAUCE MAYONNAISE,
Ses intentions sont honorables?
"Flirtez toujours, ma belle, si tu oses -
Je me vengerai ainsi, ma chere,
JE LUI DIRAI DE QUOI L'ON COMPOSE
VOL AU VENT E LA FINANCIERE!"
LORD LARDY knew nothing of this -
The waiter's devotion ignored,
But he gazed on the beautiful miss,
And never seemed weary or bored.
The waiter would screw up his nerve,
His fingers he'd snap and he'd dance -
And LORD LARDY would smile and observe,
"How strange are the customs of France!"
Well, after delaying a space,
His tradesmen no longer would wait:
Returning to England apace,
He yielded himself to his fate.
LORD LARDY espoused, with a groan,
MISS DARDY'S developing charms,
And agreed to tag on to his own,
Her name and her newly-found arms.
The waiter he knelt at the toes
Of an ugly and thin coryphee,
Who danced in the hindermost rows
At the Theatre des Varietes.
MADEMOISELLE DE LA SAUCE MAYONNAISE
Didn't yield to a gnawing despair
But married a soldier, and plays
As a pretty and pert Vivandiere.
poem by William Schwenck Gilbert
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Whats Good - The Thesis
Lifes like a mayonnaise soda
And lifes like space without room
And lifes like bacon and ice cream
Thats what lifes like without you
Lifes like forever becoming
But lifes forever dealing in hurt
Now lifes like death without living
Thats what lifes like without you
Lifes like sanskrit read to a pony
I see you in my minds eye strangling on your tongue
Whats good is knowing such devotion
Ive been around - I know what makes things run
What good is seeing eye chocolate
What goods a computerized nose
And what good was cancer in april
Why no good - no good at all
What goods a war without killing
What good is rain that falls up
What goods a disease that wont hurt you
Why no good, I guess, no good at all
What good are these thoughts that Im thinking
It must be better not to be thinking at all
A styrofoam lover with emotions of concrete
No not much, not much at all
Whats good is life without living
What goods this lion that barks
You loved a life others throw away nightly
Its not fair, not fair at all
Whats good?
Oh, baby, whats good?
Whats good?
Whats good? not much at all
Hey, baby, whats good? (whats good? )
Whats good? (whats good? )
Whats good? (whats good? ) not much at all
Whats good? (whats good? )
Whats good? (lifes good)
Lifes good (lifes good)
Whats good? (lifes good) but not fair at all
song performed by by Lou Reed
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Salad Poetry
neruda's chicken
nuggets
whitman's elbow
macaroni
william's mayonnaise
dickinson's olive oil
a little of elliot's salt
and robert's
frost, brautigan's
catfish, lowell's skunk,
sea canes of walcott,
bishop's broccoli
with armadillo meat
yeat's yeast bread
an afternoon of friends
in a party with
robinson
spring ice storm on
mountain road in the poconos,
as mayer says the grace.
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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Am At Work
won't you believe it
i am in the middle of my work
and in between
i type some words,
which i may call
a poem, like this one
those that see me
do not realize this
poetry is in between
our dull moments
poetry is an insertion
of our routine
poetry is not bread
it is the cheese
the ham
the mayonnaise
the pickle or the
lettuce in between
the slices of
sandwich
poetry is what goes
in the middle of meaningless
endeavors
poetry is unprofessionalism
defrauding the employer
with his paid hours
this it. The fool has not
notice.
this fool.
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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Selective Dieting
Yes, I admit...
I live where some,
Could not quietly sit...
Without having themselves medicated.
And I love the ambiance,
Of what had been once called a ghetto.
Where people like me,
Feel quite comfortable and free to be...
With a socializing done with neighbors I know.
While those 'existing' in sprawling suburban divisions,
Pretend with their mounting debt...
They enjoy living lives they do not regret!
And I enjoy making a sandwich materialized,
Out of thin air!
That's my response to the few I have visited there!
How they manage to do it?
By means of selective dieting!
Hey...
That's what I'm told.
So I go with what I know!
Although...
I want the taste of real mayonnaise and tomato,
On any whole wheat sandwich I make!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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The First Anniversary Sonnet
We stood and proclaimed 'I do' wedding wows
and the organ grinded
The Taco Bell Canon in D Major
and Chopin's Polonaise Mayonnaise in Egg Flat.
We dashed into the Sausalito Hotel
into the Queen Victoria room
sipping gold champagne, clicking crystals,
shedding our fig leaves...and multiplying.
Let's celebrate our Paper Anniversary at the Gypsy Cellar.
The candlelight steak dinner comes with a violinist
who will serenade us
to Leon Russell's ballad 'Song for You'.
Edna St. Vincent Millay sums up my glee:
'I only know that summer sings in me.'
poem by Bob Genevro
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It Is What It Is
“It is what it is”
-Such a popular phrase!
And folks spread it around
Like Fast Food Mayonnaise.
It’s been used to describe
Economic foment,
The state of the arts and
The high cost of rent.
A phrase often spoken
When you wish to seem wise-
In the loop, in the know,
But it’s all just a guise.
It’s a symptom of sorts
Of our current malaise
You did not hear it much
in our halcyon days.
In that past, half remembered,
where house prices rose.
Where portfolios doubled,
and we all wore new clothes.
We were kings of the world
And we partied till three.
Now we live on fixed income
And we struggle to pee.
“It is what it is”
Is no optimist’s line
It’s a dull sounding phrase
Half resigned to hard times.
It implies things are bad
and inclined to get worse.
“It is what it is”
To me it’s a curse.
poem by John F. McCullagh
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