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I am a trial lawyer. ... Matilda says that at dinner on a good day I sound like an affidavit.

quote by Mario Cuomo
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I am a trial lawyer. Matilda says that at dinner on a good day I sound like an affidavit.

quote by Mario Cuomo
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I view myself primarily as a trial lawyer who happens to be writing, as opposed to a writer who happens to be a trial lawyer, so the audience is like a jury to me.

quote by Vincent Bugliosi
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Bessie's Song To Her Doll

Matilda Jane, you never look
At any toy or picture-book.
I show you pretty things in vain
You must be blind, Matilda Jane!

I ask you riddles, tell you tales,
But all our conversation fails.
You never answer me again
I fear you're dumb, Matilda Jane!

Matilda darling, when I call,
You never seem to hear at all.
I shout with all my might and main
But you're so deaf, Matilda Jane!

Matilda Jane, you needn't mind,
For, though you're deaf and dumb and blind,
There's some one loves you, it is plain
And that is me, Matilda Jane!

poem by Lewis Carroll
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Tom Traubert's Blues

(Tom Waits)
Wasted and wounded
And it ain't what the moon did
I got what I paid for now
See you tomorrow
Hey Frank can I borrow
A couple of bucks from you
To go waltzing Matilda waltzing Matilda
You'll go waltzing Matilda with me
I'm an innocent victim
of a blinded alley
And I'm tired of all these soldiers here
No-one speaks English
And everything's broken
And my strength is soaking away
To go waltzing Matilda, waltzing Matilda
You'll go a waltzing Malitda with me
Now the dogs they are barking
and the taxi cab's parking
A lot they can do for me
I begged you to stab me
You tore my shirt open
And I'm down on my knees tonight
Old bushmills I staggered
You buried the dagger
Your silhouette window light
To go waltzing Matilda, waltzing Matilda
You'll go a waltzing Matilda with me
Now I've lost my St. Christopher
Now that I kissed her
And the one-arm bandit knows
And the maverick Chinaman
with the cold-blooded sigh
And the girls down by the striptease shows go
Waltzing Matilda, waltzing Matilda
You'll go a waltzing Matilda with me
No I don't want your sympathy
Fugitives say
that the streets aren't for dreaming now
Manslaughter dragnet
and the ghost that sells memories
Want a piece of the action anyhow
Go waltzing Matilda, waltzing Matilda
You'll go waltzing Matilda with me
And you can ask any sailor
And the keys from the jailor
And the old men in wheelchairs know
That Matilda's the defendant
She killed about a hundred
And she follows wherever you may go
Waltzing Matilda, waltzing Matilda
You'll go waltzing Matilda with me
And it's a battered old suitcase
in a hotel someplace
And a wound that would never heal
No prima donnas the perfume is on
and old shirt that is stained with blood and whiskey
And goodnight to the street-sweepers,
The night watchmen flame-keepers
And goodnight Matilda too
Goodnight Matilda too.

song performed by by Rod Stewart
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Waltzing Matilda

Words and music: m. cowan
Roy sang this song whilst on an australian tour
It was taped by a fan and circulated.....
Once a jolly swagman, campd by a billabong,
Under the shade of a coolibah tree,
And he sang as he watchd and waited till his billy boiled,
Youll come a waltzing matilda with me.
Waltzing matilda, waltzing matilda,
Youll come a waltzing matilda with me,
And he sang as he sat and waited till his billy boiled,
Youll come a waltzing matilda with me.
Down came a jumbuck to drink at that billabong,
Up jumped the swagman and grabbed him with glee,
And he sang as he shaoved that jumbuck in his tucker bag,
Youll come a waltzing matilda with me.
Waltzing matilda, waltzing matilda,
Youll come a waltzing matilda with me,
And he sang as he shaoved that jumbuck in his tucker bag,
Youll come a waltzing matilda with me.
Up rode the squatter mounted on his thoroughbred,
Down come the troopers, one, two, three,
Whose that jolly jumbuck youve got in your tucker bag?
Youll come a waltzing matilda with me.
Waltzing matilda, waltzing matilda,
Youll come a waltzing matilda with me,
Whose that jolly jumbuck youve got in your tucker bag?
Youll come a waltzing matilda with me.
Up jumped the swagman, sprang into the billabong,
Drowning himself by the coolibah tree,
And his ghost may be heard as you pass by that billabong,
Youll come a waltzing matilda with me.
Waltzing matilda, waltzing matilda,
Youll come a waltzing matilda with me,
And his ghost may be heard as you pass by that billabong,
Youll come a waltzing matilda with me.

song performed by by Roy Orbison
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A sweet memory

Her name is Matilda and she got a very huge bust.
She was nick named by Dairy Queen in the class.
Her family migrated to Great Britain for good
And before she leaves gave her autograph to sign among friends.
Still I remember a friend of mine wrote;
'Matilda this is certain and be careful if you get an opportunity to embrace the Queen, definitely the Buckingham Palace would be collapsed.'
He too lives in U.K and sent me a letter recently that he met Matilda by chance.

poem by Nimal Dunuhinga
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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What Matilda Said

Matilda closed the door. Matilda
Saw Millie by the window. Her maid’s
Uniform looked tight at the rear. She
Wanted to place her arms around her
Waist, kiss her neck. Millie turned and
Said, He’s out there with Mrs Dimmable.
Matilda walked to the window and stared.
She sensed Millie beside her; heard her
Breathing, the brush of her sleeve against
Her arm. Looks happy enough, Matilda said
Of Mrs. Dimmable. You didn’t sleep too well
Last night, Millie said, turning, going to the
Bed. She pulled back the covers, smoothed
Out the sheet. Matilda went around the other
Side of the bed and looked at Millie. You were
Tossing and turning, Millie said looking up.
Matilda helped make the bed and said, Sorry
About that. Millie stared at Matilda and said
You murmured words. Did I? Matilda replied.
Yes, Millie said, looking at her hands. What did
I say? Matilda asked. You muttered my name.
Millie stood back from the bed, gazed at Matilda.
You said things. What things? Said you loved me.
Millie blushed at the words. Matilda patted the
Pillow but said nothing. She brushed her hands
Over the covers, pushed away creases. She paused.
Looked at the window. Smelt the flowers in a vase.
Do you? Millie asked. Love me? Matilda stared
Out at Mrs Dimmable and the new gardener.
Her lips wanted to move but nothing came.
Her eyes watered. The world was awash. Millie
Walked to the window, put her arms around Matilda’s
Waist, her fingers formed a knot on Matilda’s stomach.
Matilda placed her hands over Millie’s.
They do look in love and contented don’t they?
Millie said over Matilda’s shoulder. Matilda’s sensed
The warm breath. Yes, she said, they do. Do you?
Millie’s breath uttered softly into her ear, yes.

poem by Terry Collett
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Waltzing Matilda

OH! there once was a swagman camped in the Billabong,
Under the shade of a Coolabah tree;
And he sang as he looked at his old billy boiling,
“Who’ll come a-waltzing Matilda with me.”

Who’ll come a-waltzing Matilda, my darling,
Who’ll come a-waltzing Matilda with me?
Waltzing Matilda and leading a water-bag—
Who’ll come a-waltzing Matilda with me?
Down came a jumbuck to drink at the water-hole,
Up jumped the swagman and grabbed him in glee;
And he sang as he put him away in his tucker-bag,
“You’ll come a-waltzing Matilda with me!”

Down came the Squatter a-riding his thorough-bred;
Down came Policemen—one, two, and three.
”Whose is the jumbuck you’ve got in the tucker-bag?
You’ll come a-waltzing Matilda with me.”

But the swagman, he up and he jumped in the water-hole,
Drowning himself by the Coolabah tree;
And his ghost may be heard as it sings in the Billabong,
“Who’ll come a-waltzing Matilda with me?”

Andrew Barton ‘Banjo’ Paterson

poem by Andrew Barton Paterson
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Sailor Boy to His Lass

I go away this blessed day,
To sail across the sea, MATILDA!
My vessel starts for various parts
At twenty after three, MATILDA.
I hardly know where we may go,
Or if it's near or far, MATILDA,
For CAPTAIN HYDE does not confide
In any 'fore-mast tar, MATILDA!

Beneath my ban that mystic man
Shall suffer, COUTE QUI COUTE, MATILDA!
What right has he to keep from me
The Admiralty route, MATILDA?
Because, forsooth! I am a youth
Of common sailors' lot, MATILDA!
Am I a man on human plan
Designed, or am I not, MATILDA?

But there, my lass, we'll let that pass!
With anxious love I burn, MATILDA.
I want to know if we shall go
To church when I return, MATILDA?
Your eyes are red, you bow your head;
It's pretty clear you thirst, MATILDA,
To name the day - What's that you say?
- "You'll see me further first," MATILDA?

I can't mistake the signs you make,
Although you barely speak, MATILDA;
Though pure and young, you thrust your tongue
Right in your pretty cheek, MATILDA!
My dear, I fear I hear you sneer -
I do - I'm sure I do, MATILDA!
With simple grace you make a face,
Ejaculating, "Ugh!" MATILDA.

Oh, pause to think before you drink
The dregs of Lethe's cup, MATILDA!
Remember, do, what I've gone through,
Before you give me up, MATILDA!
Recall again the mental pain
Of what I've had to do, MATILDA!
And be assured that I've endured
It, all along of you, MATILDA!

Do you forget, my blithesome pet,
How once with jealous rage, MATILDA,
I watched you walk and gaily talk
With some one thrice your age, MATILDA?
You squatted free upon his knee,
A sight that made me sad, MATILDA!
You pinched his cheek with friendly tweak,
Which almost drove me mad, MATILDA!

I knew him not, but hoped to spot
Some man you thought to wed, MATILDA!
I took a gun, my darling one,
And shot him through the head, MATILDA!
I'm made of stuff that's rough and gruff
Enough, I own; but, ah, MATILDA!
It DID annoy your sailor boy
To find it was your pa, MATILDA!

I've passed a life of toil and strife,
And disappointments deep, MATILDA;
I've lain awake with dental ache
Until I fell asleep, MATILDA!
At times again I've missed a train,
Or p'rhaps run short of tin, MATILDA,
And worn a boot on corns that shoot,
Or, shaving, cut my chin, MATILDA.

But, oh! no trains - no dental pains -
Believe me when I say, MATILDA,
No corns that shoot - no pinching boot
Upon a summer day, MATILDA -
It's my belief, could cause such grief
As that I've suffered for, MATILDA,
My having shot in vital spot
Your old progenitor, MATILDA.

Bethink you how I've kept the vow
I made one winter day, MATILDA -
That, come what could, I never would
Remain too long away, MATILDA.
And, oh! the crimes with which, at times,
I've charged my gentle mind, MATILDA,
To keep the vow I made - and now
You treat me so unkind, MATILDA!

For when at sea, off Caribbee,
I felt my passion burn, MATILDA,
By passion egged, I went and begged
The captain to return, MATILDA.
And when, my pet, I couldn't get
That captain to agree, MATILDA,
Right through a sort of open port
I pitched him in the sea, MATILDA!

Remember, too, how all the crew
With indignation blind, MATILDA,
Distinctly swore they ne'er before
Had thought me so unkind, MATILDA.
And how they'd shun me one by one -
An unforgiving group, MATILDA -
I stopped their howls and sulky scowls
By pizening their soup, MATILDA!

So pause to think, before you drink
The dregs of Lethe's cup, MATILDA;
Remember, do, what I've gone through,
Before you give me up, MATILDA.
Recall again the mental pain
Of what I've had to do, MATILDA,
And be assured that I've endured
It, all along of you, MATILDA!

poem by William Schwenck Gilbert
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Duet

Milestone:

All my troubles disappear,
When the dinner-bell I hear,
Over woodland, dale, and fell,
Swinging slow with solemn swell,---
The dinner-bell! the dinner-bell!

Hippy:

What can bid my heart-ache fly?
What can bid my heart-ache die?
What can all the ills dispel,
In my morbid frame that dwell?
The dinner-bell! the dinner-bell!

Both:

Hark!---along the tangled ground,
Loudly floats the pleasing sound!
Sportive Fauns to Dryads tell,
'Tis the cheerful dinner-bell!
The dinner-bell! the dinner-bell!

poem by Thomas Love Peacock
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Dinner Bell

Ive been leaving on my things
So in the morning when the morning bird sings
Theres still dinner on my dinner jacket
til the dinner bell rings
Experimental dog*
Salivating dog
Good dog
Waiting for the dinner bell to do the bell thing (waiting for the dinner bell)
Dinner bell dinner bell ring
Ive been leaving on my things
So in the morning when the morning bird sings
Theres still dinner on my dinner jacket
til the dinner bell rings
I dont want a pizza, I dont want a piece of (experimental dog)
Peanut brittle, I dont want a pear.
I dont want a bagel I dont want a bean I wouldnt like (salivating dog)
A bag of beef or a beer or a
Cup of chowder, corn, cake, or creamed cauliflower cause Im (good dog)
Waiting for the dinner bell to do the bell thing (waiting for the dinner bell)
Dinner bell dinner bell ring
Shoulder, bicep, elbow, arm
Forearm, thumb, wrist, knuckle, palm
Middle, pinky, index, ring
Dinner bell dinner bell ding
I dont know whether Id rather be having a bottle of vinegar (experimental dog)
I dont know whether Id rather be having an egg.
I dont know whether Id rather be having an order of bacon (salivating dog)
Or whether Id rather be having a basket of garlic bread.
I dont know whether Id rather be having some pie or (good dog)
Saving my appetite cause im
Waiting for the dinner bell to do the bell thing (waiting for the dinner bell)
Dinner bell dinner bell ring
Ive been leaving on my things (Ive been leaving on)
So in the morning when the morning bird sings (the morning)
Theres still dinner on my dinner jacket (on my)
til the dinner bell does the bell thing
Dinner bell dinner bell do the bell thing
Im waiting for the dinner bell to do the bell thing (waiting for the ding)
Dinner bell dinner bell ding ding ding
Waiting for the dinner bell to do the bell thing (waiting for the ding)
Dinner bell dinner bell ding ding ding
Waiting for the dinner bell to do the bell thing (waiting for the ding)
Dinner bell dinner bell ding

song performed by by They Might Be Giants
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I was a trial lawyer when I was elected to Congress.

quote by Geraldine Ferraro
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Tomas

Unjust trial,
His name is Tomas and my name is Thomas;
They sound the same but spelt out differently,
But plump and round is the muse of this trial.

poem by Edward Kofi Louis
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Dinner

i see how loneliness opens its mouth
and swallows you whole
there is this dinner
and you are
what is served to its hunger
and thirst and you do not even make a sound
when you are gone
into the deepest throat
of emptiness

there is no sound
there is only the willingness to be lost
and to be forgotten

loneliness ate you for dinner
and i will be its breakfast tomorrow morning

poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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Sue Me, Sue You Blues

You serve me
And Ill serve you
Swing your partners, all get screwed
Bring your lawyer
And Ill bring mine
Get together, and we could have
A bad time
Its affidavit swearing time
Sign it on the dotted line
Hold your Bible in your hand
Now all thats left is to
Find yourself a new band . . .
Were gonna play the sue me, sue
You blues
Were gonna play the sue me, sue
You blues
Hold the block on money flow
Move it into joint escrow
Court receiver, laughs, and thrills
But in the end we just pay those
Lawyers theit bills
When you serve me
And I serve you
Swing your partners, all get screwed
Bring your lawyer
And Ill bring mine
Get together, and we could have
A bad time
Were gonna play the sue me, sue
You blues
Im tired of playing the
Sue me, sue you blues

song performed by by George Harrison
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I seriously doubt I would ever have written the first story had I not been a lawyer. I never dreamed of being a writer. I wrote only after witnessing a trial.

quote by John Grisham
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Going to trial with a lawyer who considers your whole life-style a Crime in Progress is not a happy prospect.

quote by Hunter S. Thompson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The second trial was a fair trial. I do not call it a second trial. I call it a fair trial, as opposed to the first trial, which was an unfair trial, a Roman holiday.

quote by Sam Sheppard
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Matilda Who told Lies, and was Burned to Death

Matilda told such Dreadful Lies,
It made one Gasp and Stretch one's Eyes;
Her Aunt, who, from her Earliest Youth,
Had kept a Strict Regard for Truth,
Attempted to Believe Matilda:
The effort very nearly killed her,
And would have done so, had not She
Discovered this Infirmity.
For once, towards the Close of Day,
Matilda, growing tired of play,
And finding she was left alone,
Went tiptoe to the Telephone
And summoned the Immediate Aid
Of London's Noble Fire-Brigade.
Within an hour the Gallant Band
Were pouring in on every hand,
From Putney, Hackney Downs, and Bow.
With Courage high and Hearts a-glow,
They galloped, roaring through the Town,
'Matilda's House is Burning Down!'
Inspired by British Cheers and Loud
Proceeding from the Frenzied Crowd,
They ran their ladders through a score
Of windows on the Ball Room Floor;
And took Peculiar Pains to Souse
The Pictures up and down the House,
Until Matilda's Aunt succeeded
In showing them they were not needed;
And even then she had to pay
To get the Men to go away,
It happened that a few Weeks later
Her Aunt was off to the Theatre
To see that Interesting Play
The Second Mrs. Tanqueray.
She had refused to take her Niece
To hear this Entertaining Piece:
A Deprivation Just and Wise
To Punish her for Telling Lies.
That Night a Fire did break out--
You should have heard Matilda Shout!
You should have heard her Scream and Bawl,
And throw the window up and call
To People passing in the Street--
(The rapidly increasing Heat
Encouraging her to obtain
Their confidnce) -- but all in vain!
For every time she shouted 'Fire!'
They only answered 'Little Liar!'
And therefore when her Aunt returned,
Matilda, and the House, were Burned.

poem by Hilaire Belloc
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California Sex Lawyer

I'm going coast to coast
I'm going nation-wide
I've got my hand on the trigger
Got my girl by my side
I've got the looks that kill
I've got a license to love
I've got a german shepard
And his name is Doug
I'm heading for the sun
I'm gunna become
A California sex lawyer, oh yeah
A California sex lawyer, oh yeah
A California sex lawyer, oh yeah
Well it's not fair, but baby I dont care
I've got big ideas
I've got back up plans
I've got the cha-cha-charisma
Got the slight of hand
I'm gunna do some damage
Gunna bust some heads
I'm gunna go the distance
Then I'm going to bed
I'm heading for the sun
I'm gunna become
A California sex lawyer, oh yeah
A California sex lawyer, oh yeah
A California sex lawyer, oh yeah
Well it's not fair, but baby I dont care
I'm heading for the sun
I'm gunna become
A California sex lawyer, oh yeah
A California sex lawyer, oh yeah
A California sex lawyer, oh yeah
Well It's not fair
It's not fair

song performed by by Fountains Of Wayne
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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