To escape jury duty in England, wear a bowler hat and carry a copy of the Daily telegraph.
quote by John Mortimer
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Coconut Telegraph
By: jimmy buffett
1980
For the gang at the fish house
Tuesday on the island
Not much goin on
The parties are all over
They ended just past dawn
The jungle drums are beating
With the tales from late last night
cause stories bear repeating
For everyones delight
Chorus:
You can hear em on the coconut telegraph (telegraph)
Cant keep nothin under their hat
You can hear em on the coconut telegraph (telegraph)
Sayin who did dis and dat
Dis and dat, dis and dat
Now Im not one to deal in gossip
But was he that big a fool
To do a belly-buster high dive
And miss the entire pool
And what became of sweet melissa
And the boy nobody knew
Did ricardo ever find her
I swear its just between me and you
Chorus:
But you can hear it on the coconut telegraph (telegraph)
By now everybody knows
You can hear it on the coconut telegraph (telegraph)
Just who comes and goes
Comes and goes, comes and goes
La, la la la, la la la
La, la la la, la la la
La, la la la, (la la la la la la la)
La, la la la, (la la la la la la oooooh)
Ah!
Its hump day on the island
The lines have all gone dead
All the juicy news is history
I guess everythings been said
But when the eagle flies on friday
And the boys break out the rum
And the joint begins to jumpin
And youll hear those hot lines hum
Chorus:
Ah, put it on the coconut telegraph (telegraph)
All the celebration and the stress
Baby put it on the coconut telegraph (telegraph)
In twenty-five words or less
I want to hear it on the coconut telgraph (telegraph)
All the celebration and the stress
Baby put it on the coconut telegraph (telegraph)
In twenty-five words or less
Dis and dat, comes and goes
Dis and dat, comes and goes
song performed by by Jimmy Buffett
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Telegraph
Chorus:
Ive got a telegraph in my hand.
Words on paper, written in sand.
Weve got telegraph, right across this land.
It doesnt mean a damn thing.
We dont understand.
But who needs telegraph anyway?
Repeat chorus
Weve got telegraph, right across this land.
It doesnt mean a damn thing.
We dont understand, we never understand!
Gods got a telegraph nn his side.
It makes him powerful, gives him pride.
Even in america, God bless america!
They understand the value of the telegraph.
Hand in hand, hand in hand...
song performed by by Omd
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Hut Me...?
i am notty
you are beauty....
you and my hart's is fighty...
daily love is my duty...
what is your duty...?
he me is your duty...!
poem by Otteri Selvakumar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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How Different Feelers Are!
A difficult catch was floored,
In which the batsman felt relieved,
The fielder felt having done his best
And the bowler felt disappointed.
An easy catch was slipped,
In which the batsman felt happy,
The fielder felt ashamed
And the bowler became annoyed.
A difficult catch was taken,
In which the batsman felt crestfallen,
The fielder became proud
And the bowler grew joyous.
An easy catch was taken,
In which the batsman felt guilty,
The fielder felt fortunate
And the bowler got his pride.
How different the feelers are
In a given situation!
poem by Rm. Shanmugam Chettiar
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Electric Guitar
Electric guitar gets run over by a car on the highway
This is a crime against the state
This is the meaning of life.
To tune this electric guitar
An electric guitar is brought in to a court of law
The judge and the jury (twelve members of the jury)
All listening to records
This is a crime against the state
This is the verdict they reach:
Never listen to electric guitar
Electric guitar is copies, the copy sounds better
Call this the law of justice, call this freedom and liberty
I thought I perjure myself, right infront of the jury!
Is this a crime against the state? no!
This is the verdict they reach:
Someone controls electric guitar.
song performed by by Talking Heads
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Anvil
England's on the anvil--hear the hammers ring--
Clanging from the Severn to the Tyne!
Never was a blacksmith like our Norman King--
England's being hammered, hammered, hammered into line!
England's on the anvil! Heavy are the blows!
(But the work will be a marvel when it's done.)
Little bits of Kingdoms cannot stand against their foes.
England's being hammered hammered, hammered into one!
There shall be one people--it shall serve one Lord--
(Neither Prist nor Baron shall escape!)
It shall have one speech and law, soul and strength and sword.
England's being hammered, hammered, hammered into
shape!
poem by Rudyard Kipling
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The wirless telegraph is not difficult to understand. The ordinary telegraph is like a very long cat. You pull the tail in New York, and it meows in Los Angeles. The wireless is the same, only without the cat.
quote by Albert Einstein
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Escape
Escape
Escape
That one word resonates in my mind
I need an escape a reprieve from
All this energy surrounding me
Escape
Escape
I want to be let out for awhile
To be free and alone
To do what I want without interference
Escape
Escape
I don't wanna hear arguing
Or little petty problems
I want to not have to do anything
Escape
Escape
I want to Escape
poem by Autumn Winds
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I got put on jury duty, which is where I learned how to write.
quote by David O. Russell
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
quote by Dan Castellaneta
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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England Expects
England expects..
England expects..that every player will do his duty
This is a tournament, not just a bit of footy
Low esteem? Their hearts not in it
They'll have to pull their socks up in order to win it.
poem by Brian Roy Skyers
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Well I was on the jury duty on the Deauville Film Festival, a few years ago.
quote by Liam Neeson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Barrytown
Im not one to look behind I know that times must change
But over there in barrytown they do things very strange
And though youre not my enemy
I like things like they used to be
And though youd like some company
Im standing by myself
Go play with someone else
I can see by what you carry that you come from barrytown
Dont believe Im taken in by stories I have heard
I just read the daily news and swear by every word
And dont think that Im out of line
For speaking out for what is mine
Id like to see you do just fine
But look at what you wear
And the way you cut your hair
I can see by what you carry that you come from barrytown
In the beginning we recall that the word was hurled
Barrytown people got to be from another world
Leave me or Ill be just like the others you will meet
They wont act as kindly if they see you on the street
And dont you scream or make a shout
Its nothing you can do about
It was there where you came out
Its a special lack of grace
I can see it in your face
I can see by what you carry that you come from barrytown
song performed by by Steely Dan
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Carry On (remix)
(Eric Beall)
Carry on
When the valley's deep
I'll be strong
With a mighty love to
Carry on
Never sleep til' the new day dawns
There's a new breeze blowin' tonight
Clear away the past
Honey, free at last
Yes, I've paid for the choices I've made
No apologies from me
You know I'll never, no
Never lose my will
Never, never standin' still
I'll carry on
When the valley's deep I'll be strong
With a mighty love to carry on
Never sleep til' the new day dawns
I carry on
I stand alone in the eye of the storm
Pressures all around
Tryin' to wear me down
But it's all right
I won't give up the fight
I said, "Lord, lift me up!"
Let me rise above
I'll never
Nobody's gonna take my pride
I won't stop
I will not be denied
Carry on
When the valley's deep I'll be strong
With a mighty love to carry on, carry on
I'll never sleep till the new day dawns
I carry on
I won't let, I won't let nothing hold me
No, no I won't let
Won't let nothing hold me back
I won't stop now
Carry on, I'll carry on
Yes, I'll carry
I'll carry on, yeah
Yes I'll carry
Carry on, I'm gonna carry on
Yes, I'll carry
Carry on
Don't carry on without me
I said I'll never
Nobody's gonna take my pride
I won't stop I will not be denied
Carry on
When the valley's deep
I'll be strong with the mighty love to
Carry on, carry on
I'll never sleep till the new day dawns
When the valley's deep
Just carry on
I'll carry on
When the mountain's too high
You gotta carry on
I'll carry on
With the mighty love
I'll never sleep
I'll carry on till the new day dawns
song performed by by Diana Ross
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Judge Not, That Ye Be Not Judged
Long Wig up on his High Chair
stares at Long hair standing there
below him in the dock.
'I cannot deviate from the Law, '
he says, glancing at the clock.
'This is my decision.
Six months without remission.
Oh, and yes, with hard labour.'
'Decision' 'Remission' 'Hard Labour'
rang the echoes round the court
as each man turned to scrutinise his neighbour.
The Judge retired.
To dinners with people of the better sort.
To bottles of wine and vintage port.
To a Knighthood and, well, to cut it short,
to the Daily Telegraph.
On a day when, to his great surprise,
he saw his own obituary spread before his eyes.
'Someone, ' he said, 'has done this for a laugh! '
intending to berate the Daily Telegraph.
The phone he found he could not lift.
Arms and legs he could not shift.
Eyes stayed fixed within their sockets.
Hands were clenched within his pockets.
The world went spinning through empty space
as Long wig sank to a dark, dark place.
Yama, enormous, long-haired and grim
turned his all-seeing eye on him.
'I cannot deviate from the Law.
This is my decision.
Six hundred years without remission.
Oh, and yes, with hard labour.'
poem by Brian Taylor
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The Englishman
St George he was for England,
And before he killed the dragon
He drank a pint of English ale
Out of an English flagon.
For though he fast right readily
In hair-shirt or in mail,
It isn't safe to give him cakes
Unless you give him ale.
St George he was for England,
And right gallantly set free
The lady left for dragon's meat
And tied up to a tree;
But since he stood for England
And knew what England means,
Unless you give him bacon
You mustn't give him beans.
St George he is for England,
And shall wear the shield he wore
When we go out in armour
With battle-cross before.
But though he is jolly company
And very pleased to dine,
It isn't safe to give him nuts
Unless you give him wine.
poem by G.K. Chesterton
Submitted by Veronica Serbanoiu
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Can't Escape The Getting Any
I think about you daily, baby.
And appreciate those days,
I can't escape the way I'm feeling...
More of you.
Yes I do.
More of you.
I think about you daily, baby.
And appreciate those days,
I can't escape the way I'm feeling...
More of you.
It's true.
Yes I do.
More of you...
I need.
And feed.
Bah...dah dah bahdah dah dah bahdah dah dah bahdah...bah.
Doo oooh boo. Doo oooh boo. Doo oooh boo. Doo oooh boo.
Bah...dah dah bahdah dah dah bahdah dah dah bahdah...bah.
Doo oooh boo. Doo oooh boo. Doo oooh boo. Doo oooh boo.
I can't escape the way I'm feeling...
More of you.
I can't escape the way I'm feeling...
More of you.
Yes I do.
More of you.
I can't escape the way I'm feeling...
More of you.
I can't escape the way I'm feeling...
More of you.
Yes I do.
More of you.
I can't escape the way I'm feeling...
Wahhh-wahhh-wahhh-wahhh-WAHHH.
I can't escape the way I'm feeling...
Or the hold that has me pinned.
Wahhh-wahhh-wahhh-wahhh-WAHHH.
I can't escape the way I'm feeling...
Or the hold that has me pinned.
Wahhh-wahhh-wahhh-wahhh-WAHHH.
I can't escape the way I'm feeling...
Can't escape the getting any,
Wahhh-wahhh-wahhh-wahhh-WAHHH.
I can't escape the way I'm feeling...
Can't escape the getting any,
Wahhh-wahhh-wahhh-wahhh-WAHHH.
Can't escape the getting any.
Can't escape the getting any.
Wahhh-wahhh-wahhh-wahhh-WAHHH.
Can 't escape the getting any.
Can't escape the getting any.
Wahhh-wahhh-wahhh-wahhh-WAHHH.
Can 't escape the getting any.
Can't escape the getting any.
Wahhh-wahhh-wahhh-wahhh-WAHHH.
I can not get away,
From the never getting any when I know I'm getting plenty!
'Would you knock it out with that noise! '
Can't escape the getting any when I know I'm getting plenty!
'Would you knock it out with that noise! '
Can't escape the getting any when I know I'm getting plenty!
Can't escape the getting any.
Can't escape the getting any.
'Would you knock it out with that noise! '
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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The great thing about our system of democracy is when they call you for jury duty, you have to come... It's an honor and a privilege. I was called and I've got to be here.
quote by Antonio Villaraigosa
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
quote by Norm Crosby
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Englishman
St George he was for England,
And before he killed the dragon
He drank a pint of English ale
Out of an English flagon.
For though he fast right readily
In hair-shirt or in mail,
It isn't safe to give him cakes
Unless you give him ale.
St George he was for England,
And right gallantly set free
The lady left for dragon's meat
And tied up to a tree;
But since he stood for England
And knew what England means,
Unless you give him bacon
You mustn't give him beans.
St George he is for England,
And shall wear the shield he wore
When we go out in armour
With battle-cross before.
But though he is jolly company
And very pleased to dine,
It isn't safe to give him nuts
Unless you give him wine.
poem by Gilbert Keith Chesterton
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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