I'm doing 5000 seat theaters and audiences are going nuts, it's fantastic and it makes me very happy. I'm dirty, but not like this; I just do comedy that I find funny. I'm working on a new tv show for cable and it's not set up yet.
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Fantastic Day
Well theres a great amount of strain
About getting on that train
Every day and every night
The only thing that makes it good
Is seeing my favourite sight
Prance and flutter stride down that green escalator yeah
When Im getting off my train
And my love is on my brain
Every day and every night
The only thing that makes it right
Is seeing my favourite sight
Crying in the night with the summer in her eyes tonight
Fantastic day today
Fantastic day
Well I can find a funny feeling
Funny as a smile
When your mouth is all dry
Why?
Fantastic day today
Fantastic day
Well its a fantastic day today
Well its a fantastic day
I know Ive lost myself again
True love has past me by
I tried to shave myself
Be a happier guy
Night and day
I can see it in your eyes
Now the summer never smiles
On a happy honey day
Am I being in the way?
When Im so in love with you
I cant sit down and I cry in pain
With night and day
Fantastic day today
Fantastic day
Well its a fantastic day today
Well its a fantastic day
song performed by by Haircut 100
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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"5000"
huh uh better hurry up cos in the year 5000 im gonna b old so let all ya chicks
over ya 2 see wat i got but we can be so fine no matter u do to me rememeber in
the yr 5000 you'll be with me
chorus: 5000 5000 5000 5000 is the year when u come up 2 me and see wat i got
so 5000 5000 5000 5000 better come better come ok and c wat i got so come and c
huh uh u think that i might bak down but u dont think that i might have doubts
but i dont yes i will year 5000
repeat chorus
uh huh cos when u look at me tell me what u see this is wat u get is the way i
am when i look at u i wanna be some1 close to heaven with the man so come with
me in the year 5000
chorus repeated 3 imes (faded)
song performed by by Nelly
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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You always draw on your experiences with live audiences to know how to do comedy on films. You're working for a laugh that may or may not come six months later, but you're working in a vacuum at the time you are doing it.
quote by Theodore Bikel
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Cable Tv
I used to think my life was so empty
I used to think life was passin me by
Well, I was just about ready
To curl up and die
But then one day I got a visit
From the cable company
Well, they hooked me up and plugged me right in
And now I got cable tv
And now I get to watch the stock report in korean
Midget wrestling on channel three
It costs me fifty bucks a month just to see em
Yeah, but thats all right with me
I got cable tv (cable tv)
Cable tv (cable tv)
Oh, eighty-three channels of ecstasy
I love my cable tv, yeah
I love my cable tv
I got the siamese faith healers network
The news and weather from peru
I got celebrity hockey
The racketball channel too
Bugs bunny direct from atlanta
Mr. wizard is on at five
I got a satellite dish on the trunk of my car
So I can watch mtv while I drive
Im talkin bout real quality programs
The kind you just cant get for free
Now I never wanna leave my apartment
cause theres just so much for me to see
On my cable tv (cable tv)
Cable tv(cable tv)
Well, if you need to find me
You know where Ill be
Watchin my cable tv, yeah
Watchin my cable tv
cause I love my cable tv, yeah
I love my cable tv
My friends are gettin kinda worried
They think Im turning into some kinda freak
Oh, but theyre just jealous cause Ive seen porkys
Twenty-seven times this week
On my cable tv (cable tv)
Cable tv (cable tv)
Yeah, the greatest thing thats ever happened to me
I love my cable tv, yeah
I love my cable tv
Well, I got to have cable tv, yeah
I need my cable tv
Well, I love, I love my cable tv (tv)
Got to have cable tv (tv)
Well, I got to have my cable tv, yeah (tv)
Cant live without my cable tv
Well, I said, got to have some cable tv (tv)
Ive got to have my cable tv
I said cable tv, yeah (tv)
Got to have cable tv
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Maybe You Should Do More With That Rabbit
Out of all tricks I've seen you perform,
The one I love best...
Is the one you do,
That makes me want to believe...
I can be attracted to you.
And it is funny too.
You should keep that as part of your act.
'It's not meant to be funny.
I am attracted to you.
Maybe I should develop the intent.'
Oh.
OH!
Well...
Maybe you should do more with that rabbit.
And cut out the comedy!
Or maybe not do magic at all.
And stay with the comedy.
Since it is apparent,
A lot of magic in your routine is lacking.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I just think that it's such a good show and timeless and still very funny, and that just makes me happy to have that whole first season in one concentrated space for people to enjoy so that it's not hit and miss trying to find it in syndication always.
quote by Jenna Elfman
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I think we're the only jokeless show on television. I mean really, we have no setups and no punch lines. It's not a joke show. There are funny lines and funny moments but again the comedy is born of the human experience and awkward pauses are a great part of what it is to be human.
quote by Rainn Wilson
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Let's put it this way: art house theaters are vanishing. They have almost disappeared completely, and that means there's a shift in what audiences want to see. And they have to be aware of that and be realistic. It's as simple as that.
quote by Werner Herzog
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Cable penetrates 70 percent of American audiences now.
quote by Tom Brokaw
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Consideration (Thought)
Its funny how people always tend to trip over there own feet.
Its funny how they can run into a sign, while walking down a street.
Its funny how putting mentos in your friends cola makes it foam.
Its funny how on Halloween you can go and T.P. someone's home.
Its funny how people jump when someone yells 'SURPRISE! '.
Its funny how many truths are backed upon lies.
There are a lot of 'funny' things people can do, but i bet they aren't as funny when people do them to you.
Care about others.
Think before you do.
And you will find out life,
will be much more fun, and enjoyable for you.
poem by Poet of the River
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But those audiences in Spain, they were just so stoned. I don't like playing to audiences like that because they just don't do anything. I'm up here with my band and we're working really hard and they are just stoned.
quote by Graham Coxon
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Nothing is ever wrong
It's funny that you lie to me
It's funny that you want to change who I will be
It's funny that I go along with it
Even though it makes me feel like shit
It's funny how you're perfect
and how I thought you were worth it
It's funny how you said that I am suicidal
But look at you, you're no idol
It's funny how its always your way
It's funny that I never get a say
And its really funny that I called you friend
But where were you at the end?
poem by Unknown Error
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Funny Money
Some poems may be funny,
But mine is not so funny,
A shocking reality,
That involves money.
The funny thing about money,
It makes the world go round,
The real and funny money,
Banks make the world go around,
By loaning and keeping money,
A dirty secret found,
They even do the laundry,
We all are so confound!
We love the smell of money,
But don't smell the funny money,
The banks are in big trouble,
They found one, now it's double.
And that's not so funny,
Coz it's one too many.
Dirty White Boy
Hey, baby, if youre feelin down
I know whats good for you all day
Are you worried what your friends see
Will it ruin your reputation lovin me
cause Im a dirty white boy
Yeah a dirty white boy
A dirty white boy
Dont drive no big black car
Dont like no hollywood movie star
You want me to be true to you
You dont give a damn what I do to you
Im just a dirty white boy
Dirty white boy, dirty white boy
Dirty white boy, dirty white boy
Dirty white boy
Well, Im a dirty white boy
Dirty white boy, dirty white boy
Dirty white boy, yeah, dirty white boy
A dirty white boy
Ive been in trouble since I dont know when
Im in trouble now and I now somehow Ill find trouble again
Im a loner, but Im never alone
Every night I get one step closer to the danger zone
cause Im a dirty white boy
Dirty white boy, yeah, dirty white boy
Dirty white boy, Im a dirty white boy
Dirty white boy
Cmon, cmon boy
Dirty white boy, white boy
Dirty white boy, Im a dirty white boy
Dirty white boy
Hey, Im a dirty white boy
Dirty white boy, yeah, Im a dirty white boy
Dirty white boy, dirty white boy, yeah
song performed by by Foreigner
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Oh Yes, I'm So Happy!
oh yes, i'm so happy
cause i get to hear your lies
i'm so happy
surprise!
oh yes, i'm so happy
cause you tell lies on me
i'm so happy
see?
oh yes, i'm so happy
cause you call me names
i'm so happy
i'v fame!
oh yes, i'm so happy
cause you break your promises
i'm so happy
i'm joyous!
oh yes, i'm so happy
cause you gave me some attention
i'm so happy
i'm in heaven!
oh yes, i'm so happy
cause i get to be used
i'm so happy
i'm amused!
oh yes, i'm so happy
cause you spare me a few minutes
i'm so happy
i must be nuts!
oh yes, i'm so happy
cause you let me love you
i'm so happy
i'm through with you!
oh yes, if i was so happy
cause of you
i'll be happier
now without you!
poem by Sandy Nobody
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To me, the musical is best when it's a musical comedy. So if you have a very, very funny show, and very good, funny songs, that's what the musical does best.
Funny Things that Happen.
Funny things that happen quite often to me,
Like going shopping for slippers, and come home without;
Or go out in a tshirt, but find it's back to front I see,
Am I going crazy, what's happening should I shout?
Funny things that happen when you go to ring on the phone,
Then sure it's the right number, but a man says I've been here a year;
So you end up finding the man is your neighbor in his home,
So you gasp for an excuse, to get off the line, realizing he's so near.
Funny things that's happened to my dad one day,
He couldn't find his glasses, that were on his nose;
Where did you two put them now, is what he did say,
Even when we tried to show him, he was still full of woes.
Funny things had happened to me a while ago,
When I was engaged, a doctor thought I was a wife;
He had not read the history, if he had it would show,
But we just laughed, another funny story to my life.
poem by Margaret Haig
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I found out a long time ago that if I didn't have a good story for a song, I could just make one up! Now it seems over half the stories in my show are made up. The funny thing is, those seem to be the ones that resonate the most with the audiences.
Tired
You've been talking for an hour,
and I swear to God that I can't hear a word you say
So would you come to me, come to me
I get caught up and the waves of conversation they wash over me
And they cover me, they cover me
Should I just pack my things and leave
Would I be a bigger man if I built a wall around your heart
and dared you to come in
I could lie to you and say I didn't mean it
But hurts a funny thing and it makes you stronger
[chorus:]
All is nothing in moderation
It's a dirty feeling and it makes you stronger
Well I believe I'm just plain tired
There's a funny way your lip shakes when I know that you've been lying,
and it touches me
It comforts me, it comforts me
I guess I should be satisfied, did you say you love me half the time
Well let's settle there, we can build from there, build from there
Would you be happier if I was only half the man I am
You could shadow me and dare me to come in
I could lie to you and say I didn't mean it
But it really doesn't matter when you stop to think about it
[CHORUS]
The end is coming she don't even feel it
It's a strange sensation, I'm almost happy
Well I believe I'm just plain tired, I'm tired (oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Should I just pack my things and leave
Would I be a bigger man if I built a wall around your heart
and dared you to come in
I can lie to you, say I didn't mean it
But hurts a funny thing, hurts a funny thing
[CHORUS]
The end is coming she don't even feel it
It's a strange sensation, I'm almost happy
Well I believe I'm just plain tired, tired
Well all is nothing in moderation
Dirty feeling, strange sensation
I believe, I believe
Believe I'm tired
song performed by by Matchbox Twenty
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Is it spoken word? Kinda, but that's a weird area. Is it comedy? Well, it's funny but no, it's not comedy.
quote by Bruce McCulloch
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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