I didn't mean to hit the umpire with the dirt, but I did mean to hit that bastard in the stands.
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Sounds From The Baseball Field
Batter in the home place,
That was nobly done;
Try and get the first base-
Run!
Run
! RUN!
Ah, there, short stop, will you miss?
Hear the people cheer and hiss,
Hear them yell and shout.
Twinkling legs and flying feet-
(Oh, I wonder who will beat!)
Faster, faster, out!
Umpire, umpire, go along;
That was wrong, sir, that was wrong.
Pitcher pitches, four balls,
'Take your base, my man.'
Toward the second now he crawls-
'Steal it if you can.'
Oh, the ball has gone so high,
Can they catch it on the fly?
Ah, there is no doubt,
He will get his third, I vow-
Pshaw! the ball has got there now,
'Two men out!'
Umpire, umpire, that was wrong;
Go along, sir, go along.
One man on the first base,
Not a single run.
Boys are warming to the race-
Now look out for fun.
Pitcher's arm maybe is tired;
Batter sudden seems inspired,
Grounds the ball to win.
Run there, run there, run your best,
I am screaming with the rest
'Two men in!'
Umpire, umpire, go away;
Dead wrong, dead wrong, sir, I say.
What's the matter now, pray?
Taking breath, that's all;
But the restless people say
'Play ball, play ball.'
One ball, two strikes, two balls-'Foul.'
Umpire calls, and people howl:
'What is he about?'
Run, run, run, run, Run,
Run
, RUN!
Half the inning now is done,
'Three men out!'
Umpire, umpire, go along;
You are always, always wrong.
poem by Ella Wheeler Wilcox
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Bastard
Out go the lights
In goes my knife
Pull out his life
Consider that bastard dead
Get on your knees
Please beg me, please
Youre the king of sleaze
Dont you try to rape me
(chorus)
Bastard
Consider that bastard dead
Bastard
Wont get screwed again
Whoa! whoa!
Bastard
Make it quick, blow off his head
Got your neck in the noose
I got nothing to loose
Were really gonna screw you
Consider that bastard dead
Quick as a shark
Beast has its mark
You cant beat the dark
Dont you try to rape me
(chorus)(solo)(chorus)
song performed by by Motley Crue
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Justifiable Hate
I want to hurt that bastard!
He’s caused me so much pain.
I hate that bastard so much,
my blood boils in my veins.
He thinks he has escaped me
by dying and moving on,
but I’ll still get that bastard
when my days are done.
poem by Tex T Sarnie
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The Umpire
An umpire demands
No praises or bribes
And no love either.
God is the umpire.
poem by Rm. Shanmugam Chettiar
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Bastard Wants To Hit Me
He says he knows me
But I don't know that guy
He's waving at me
But he looks kind of mad
Some crazy bastard wants to hit me
He's waving me over so he can hit me
But I don't know that guy
But I'm not going over there
Some crazy bastard wants to hit me
How have we come to this pass?
How can I get to my car?
Climb in, turn the ignition
Pull onto the highway
Where I am free
Some crazy bastard wants to hit me
He's waving me over so he can hit me
And who the hell is he?
I can't believe this is happening
That crazy bastard wants to hit me
song performed by by They Might Be Giants
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Most plays that are missed by the umpire are caused by the umpire not reading those cues early enough and making the proper adjustments.
The error was erred
A batsman was given out.
The umpire felt his error.
The next one was not given out
Though he was to be so.
The umpire knowingly did so.
He had made two errors
But his conscience became clear.
08.09.2007
poem by Rm. Shanmugam Chettiar
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Bastard
(ian hunter)
Vestal virginia - aint got a bad thought in ya - youre a bastard
Mean as a killer - instinct thats within ya - youre a bastard.
Laughs like a drain and it messes up my brain
Cos you know I like the pain of never knowing
Space cow Ill chew the bad blood running through ya
Kiss you as you hit the floor cos you dont even know that youre a bastard
Theres a crisis in the kitchen
But that dont stop you bitchin - youre a bastard
You got that yellowjacket touch,
With the stings that hurt so much - youre such a bastard
Flirting in the shadows, aiming all those little arrows,
Youre as shallow as the gallows you got me in to. (yeah)
Voodoo dolls gonna line the room, handcuffs glinting in the gloom,
One day youll find that hidden door, inside everyone screams that youre a bastard.
(youre such a)
You twist me til Im lame, then you spin the coin again - youre such a bastard
Youre so naturally perverse, you aint even gotta rehearse -youre such a bastard
Fly like a witch, without running in some pitch
Why dont you break the switch that takes me over
My prison is your brain, your prisoners insane
Forgot all the keys, you can break the chains
But you dont even take the blame you bastard.
(bastard, bastard) Im enjoying that lately, you know just the beginnings
(bastard)
The agony and the ecstacy meeting at the middle of my mouth
The agony and the ecstacy cant spit it out.
Sometimes on a rainy day I draw you.
Hope for....love.
song performed by by Ian Hunter
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Anyone interested in becoming a professional umpire and becoming eligible to work in the minor leagues must attend one of the two umpire schools sanctioned by Major League Baseball.
This Moody Bastard
Little friend of mine
Can you still recall
Our salad days
Between the ivy walls?
Beneath the autumn sun?
When all is said and done
We were a good combination
We were good clean fun
Still my thoughts roll back
Every now and then
Think about you
Remembering
I start in smiling and
I just cant stop
You on the bottom
Me on top
These days its like a tomb
Amid in the stacks of gloom
Looking out the window
In the downstairs room
And the time goes by
And the time goes by
Sometimes it goes so slowly
You know a man could cry
Till the day goes down
In deep disgrace
With empty pockets
And a dirty face
And then the day boils over
And theres nothing there
But a roomful of smoke and a lot of hot air
This moody bastard remembers
You were some kind of friend even then
Once in a great while
He needs one...
This moody bastard
This moody bastard
He needs one
He needs some kind of friend now and again
Once in blue moon
Could use one
This moody bastard
Little friend of mine
You dont even know
When the wind starts blowing
How far a man could go
Little friend of mine
Are you even there
Did you disappear
Back into thin air
If you re still here with me
If you got this far
I hope youre smiling
In fact I know you are
This moody bastard remembers
You were some kind of friend even then
Once in a great while
He needs one...
This moody bastard
This moody bastard
He needs one
He needs some kind of friend now and again
Once in blue moon
Could use one
This moody bastard
This moody bastard
song performed by by Steely Dan
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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His Red Dirt Life
So many red dirt roads he’s traveled
Along his long red dirt life
Children born and raised with
His charming red dirt wife
A home was built and furnished
Upon his red dirt land
He’s done the very best he could
Always taking a red dirt stand
Red dirt roads that lead up to
A bridge to the other side
He tries to go right with the flow
Along life’s red dirt ride
And during that ride it seems
There are some pot holes in the road
But he just keep pluggin’ along you see
Just carrying his red dirt load
The streams and valleys continue
Until the end of his red dirt time
And when the sun beats down on him
He loves to see that red dirt shine!
poem by Marilyn Lott
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Red Dirt Moments
So many red dirt moments
Are in my every day
A wonderful part of my life
It’s where I will always stay
Hollowed out in red dirt
Might be a refreshing pond
Surrounded by swishing trees
It’s a place where I’m so fond
I see a farmhouse nestled
Amongst the red dirt land
Wheat fields ripe and ready
So proud of the way it stands
A Mail Pouch barn is unique
Takes us back in time
Another Red Dirt Moment
Such precious ones I find
Summer roses pure and true
The colors so soft and sweet
I press one to my nose
Breathe in a luscious treat
So you see my life is perfect
I have nothing else I need
So many Red Dirt Moments
Am I lucky? Oh yes, indeed!
poem by Marilyn Lott
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In the olden days, the umpire didn't have to take any courses in mind reading. The pitcher told you he was going to throw at you.
quote by Leo Durocher
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The guilt was set right.
He was given out as leg before.
A wrong decision. The umpire felt.
The next batsman was not given out.
A wrong decision. The umpire did.
He committed two wrongs
But his guilt was set right.
07.10.2010
poem by Rm. Shanmugam Chettiar
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Saddam was a bastard, but he was our bastard.
quote by Phil Donahue
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Dirt Bike
Here comes the dirt bike
Beware of the dirt bike
Because I hear theyre coming to our town
Theyve got plans for everyone
And now I hear theyre over their sophomore jinx, so you had better check it out
All hail the dirt bike
Philosopher dirt bike
Silence as we gathered round
We saw the word and were on our way
Now its
Brain washing dirt bike
Ground shaking dirt bike
Mind bending dirt bike
In control
Soul crushing dirt bike
Self propelled dirt bike
You see I never thought Id understand
til that bike took me by the hand
Now I ride
Ride
Ride
song performed by by They Might Be Giants
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Be an umpire
Players watch the game they play.
The umpire watches the game.
The audience watches the game.
The staff watches the game.
Their emotions and reactions vary.
Being an umpire is the best option.
30.04.2010
poem by Rm. Shanmugam Chettiar
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You had to pitch in and out. The zone didn't belong to the hitters; it belonged to the pitchers. Today, if you pitch too far inside, the umpire would stop you right there. I don't think it's fair.
quote by Juan Marichal
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country.
quote by George S. Patton
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Classy Plastic Lumber
Buh duh buh buh buh
Bud duh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh
You go right through me
I go right through but I'm about to
Go on reminding you I am about to see you through it
Buh duh buh buh buh
Bud duh buh buh buh buh duh buh buh
Buh duh buh buh buh
Your mouth not mind is open wide
You don't have a clue
I I am a reminder
You've got a voice so talk to yourself
Lift the bad weight off your mullet
And let the thoughts fall off your tongue
Cause I'm callin' callin' callin'
I've never written to anyone
So this is about ugly lovers
And this is about pretty songs
Cause I'm a bastard bastard bastard
In my lipstick I'm so much fun
Connect your wood feet to a motor
And the chrome dance trophy is won
A little classy plastic lumber
I'm embarassed but I ain't that stunned
Looks like the humans' days are numbered
That's a sitcom that was number one
Cause we're a past tense late rate (?)
I must've thouroughly convinced us not to mess this place up
(Shameful shameful shameful)
song performed by by Modest Mouse
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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