I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
quote by Will Rogers
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Related quotes
All the Jokes
All the jokes have already been told
And so instead, we tell jokes about how
All the jokes have already been told
But these new jokes aren't very funny
In fact, they're actually kind of sad
So instead we tell jokes about how
All the new jokes aren't very funny
In fact, they're actually kind of sad
Because they remind us about how
All the jokes have already been told
But these jokes get old very quickly
So we make up new jokes about how
The jokes about the new jokes about how
All the jokes that have already been told
Are starting to get quite old
But after a while, once these jokes
Have gotten quite old themselves
We sit and listen to the silence
And wonder about the past, and how
All the jokes have already been told
Then suddenly, out of nowhere
Somebody comes up with a joke
That had been forgotten long ago
But is so funny we can't even breathe
So we roll on the floor, gasping for air
poem by Derek Ouyang
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I believe in an America with a government of men devoted solely to the public interests — men of ability and dedication, free from conflict or corruption or other commitment — a responsible government that is efficient and economical, with a balanced budget over the years of the cycle, reducing its debt in prosperous times — a government willing to entrust the people with the facts that they have — not a businessman's government, with business in the saddle … not a labor government, not a farmer's government, not a government of one section of the country or another, but a government of, for and by the people.
quote by John F. Kennedy
Submitted by Veronica Serbanoiu
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The British Government and the Irish Government have accepted very clearly the Mitchell Report.
quote by Dick Spring
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Report
What is report?
Report is established,
Not demanded.
Seduction to manipulate
Premeditated moves
Will not sit well with someone else
You wish to impress
With what you offer that's approved.
One seeking report
Leaves these aggressions at the door.
If not one will find rejection...
Without another reception.
And having report,
Is what one should never first ignore!
'You mean 'ree'pour? '
Report is like giving a grade.'
And 'ree'pour is like giving what?
'Having class! '
Well,
What do you get in a 'class'?
'A report! '
Let's see...
If you report to class with 'ree'pour',
You'll get a good grade!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I am pleased to report that Texas is known for having one of the strongest set of open government laws in our Nation. And ever since that experience, I have long believed that our federal government could use 'a little Texas sunshine.'
quote by John Cornyn
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Murder The Government
I wanna see the constitution burn
Wanna watch the white hourse overturn
Wanna witness some blue blood bleed red
I wanna tar and lynch the kkk
I wanna pull and shoot the nra
I wanna pay the lobbyists to kill themselves
I wanna dose the dea
I wanna join the cia (not really)
Murder the government, murder the government
Murder the government, and then do it again.. yeah
Murder the government, murder the government
Murder the government, and then
Murder the government
song performed by by NOFX
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Our show was - it remained - you know, kids could watch it and laugh at it. And they wouldn't know - they wouldn't get the jokes. But they would laugh at it. So they tell me now they have grown up and they're watching it. Now they get the jokes. But we didn't say anything blatant.
quote by Rue McClanahan
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I rarely watch TV but I guess I'd watch the weather report since I fly so much.
quote by Fred Schneider
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A diet is when you watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch.
Hermione Gingold in press report (1973)
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Report, report, report. Dig, dig, dig. Think, think, think. Don't stop being a reporter because you've become a columnist.
quote by Allan Sloan
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I can't think of a time that the U.S. government asked us or instructed us not to report or air something.
quote by Jim Walton
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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It wasn't until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was put the jokes out there and I'm just behind the jokes.
quote by Wanda Sykes
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Gaza Poem-who Wants War? Lets See The Facts And Not Igonre
ISRAEL WANTS PEACE
GAZA WANTS WAR
LETS SEE THE FACTS AND NOT IGONRE
WHO WANTS WAR?
WHOSE TANKS ARE TOWARDS WHOSE DOOR?
LETS SEE THE FACTS AND NOT IGONRE
WHO WANTS WAR?
WHOSE WARSHIPS ON WHOSE SHORE?
LETS SEE THE FACTS AND NOT IGONRE
WHO WANTS WAR?
WHOSE SOLDIERS ARE CALLED IN MORE & MORE?
LETS SEE THE FACTS AND NOT IGONRE
WHO WANTS WAR?
WHOSE VILLAGES ARE DESTROYED - BOMBS IN POUR?
LETS SEE THE FACTS AND NOT IGONRE
WHO WANTS WAR?
WHOSE BODIES ARE IN BITS AND PIECES TORE?
LETS SEE THE FACTS AND NOT IGONRE
WHO WANTS WAR?
WHOSE HOSPITALS ARE FILLED WITH DEFACED CORP?
LETS SEE THE FACTS AND NOT IGONRE
WHO WANTS WAR?
212,387,991 DEAD BODIES STACK UP… …CAN U IMAGINE THE SCORE?
LETS SEE THE FACTS AND NOT IGONRE
WHO WANTS WAR?
CANT U SEE ANYMORE?
ISRAEL WANTS WAR!
YOU SEE THE FACTS AND IGNORE
poem by Noor Alkhatib
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Be With You Awhile
I wish I could tell you something you didn't know
I wish I could give you something you didn't owe
I wish I could tell you a joke to make you smile
And I could be with you awhile
Just wanna be that someone you weren't looking for
Some nameless fascination that showed up at your door
And when you're sad and blue my jokes still make you smile
And I could be with you awhile
I just want to take you somewhere you haven't been
Find an old time movie where we don't know the end
Lost in the radio, drive another mile
So I could be with you awhile
Just wanna be that someone you weren't looking for
Some nameless fascination that showed up at your door
And when you're sad and blue my jokes still make you smile
And I could be with you awhile
Tired of serious conversation
Tangled up in situations
I feel so free 'cause you want nothing from me
Just wanna be that someone you weren't looking for
Some hopeless vagabond asleep there on your floor
And when you're old and gray my jokes still make you smile
And I could be with you awhile
Just wanna be that someone you weren't looking for
Some nameless fascination that showed up at your door
And when you're old and gray my jokes still make you smile
And I could be with you awhile
I just want to be with you awhile
I just want to be with you awhile
I just want to be with you...
song performed by by Alice Cooper
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Distractions
Fancy a big house
Some kids and a horse
I can not quite, but nearly
Guarantee, a divorce
I think that I love you
I think that I do
So go on mister, make Miss me Mrs you.
I love you, I love you, I love you, I do
I only make jokes to distract myself
From the truth, from the truth.
Fancy a fast car
A bag full of loot
I can nearly guarantee
You'll end up with the boot
I love you, I love you, I love you , I do
I only make jokes to distract myself
From the truth, from the truth.
I love you, I love you, I love you , I do
I only make jokes to distract myself
From the truth, from the truth.
song performed by by Zero 7
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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They wanted facts. Facts! They demanded facts from him, as if facts could explain anything.
quote by Joseph Conrad
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Open your newspaper - any day of the week - and you will find a report from somewhere in the world of someone being imprisoned, tortured or executed because his opinions or religion are unacceptable to his government.
quote by Peter Benenson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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You can never get all the facts from just one newspaper, and unless you have all the facts, you cannot make proper judgements about what is going on.
quote by Harry Truman
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Not One Of My Greatest Attributes
My position has always been,
To present the facts!
With the getting of them out of the way.
To free the air of false pretentions.
But many refuse to see the facts,
For what they are.
And instead wish to embellish their delusions,
With beliefs facts presented...
They can re-invent with a bit of flourishing.
Only to later discover those facts presented to them,
Came from experiences many fantasized do not get.
And being patient is not one of my greatest attributes.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Grim Facts
The boy's got problems
The boy's got stress
The boys' a .38 hidden in his desk
The boy's got a chickie
With four months to go
Grim Facts - every parent better know
The girl's a deadly teaser
Wants to do a private show
She's got a hundred thousand fantasies
She wants the band to know
She likes to brush across my Levis
She likes to watch him grow
Grim Facts - every parent better know
Grim Facts - every parent better know
Red lights
Gang fights
Brewing in the heat
Cop cars
Gay bars
On your precious street
That ain't so neat
Sister's on the street now
Looking for some Joe
Only got about an hour
To pay for her new nose
She gets a hundred for her body
A nickel for her soul
These are grim facts - every parent better know
Grim facts - every parent better know
Red lights
Gang fights
Brewing in the heat
Cop cars
Gay bars
On your precious street
That ain't so neat
And I'm feeling itchy
Got a fire down below
I'm a walkin' loaded time bomb
Just about to blow
Tries to slide inside my pockets
But it's strictly SRO
Grim facts - every parent better know
Grim facts - every parent better know
Red lights
Gang fights
Brewing in the heat
Cop cars
Gay bars
On your precious street
That ain't so neat
Mmm Grim facts, you know, growing all the time
Mmm Grim facts, real grim Yeah.
song performed by by Alice Cooper
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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