Conservative humor is frankly harder than liberal humor. You get points for just being liberal. You can get more points if you make fun of your own side sometimes.
Related quotes
We must be both more conservative and more liberal than most students of Christian worship: conservative in holding exclusively to God's commands in Scripture as our rule of worship, and liberal in defending the liberty of those who apply those.
quote by John Frame
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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If a conservative is a liberal who's been mugged, a liberal is a conservative who's been arrested.
If the most liberal man that's ever been in office can get elected when 20 percent of the population identifies as liberal then I think we can elect a conservative when 40 percent of the population identifies themselves as conservative.
quote by Rick Santorum
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I don't know about liberal bias, but people of a liberal mentality are probably attracted in greater numbers to the arts than people of a conservative mentality.
quote by Sydney Pollack
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I believe that economists put decimal points in their forecasts to show they have a sense of humor.
quote by William Gilmore Simms
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.
quote by Victor Borge
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Progressive Minds
Progressive liberals with a cause, covering over their spiritual flaws,
Saying what many want to hear; concerning God, they have no fear.
Progressing with the moral tides, on immoral waves the party rides,
As they drift far away from God, while leading with a confident nod.
Progress for all they say they make, as Godly morals they forsake,
Wanting to be all things to all, perpetuates the curse of Adam’s fall.
Bringing upon this mighty land, The Sovereign God’s uplifted hand,
One raised up in Righteous Wrath, against their liberal immoral path.
Many liberal minds in one accord, running a nation without The Lord,
Being followed by a large multitude, caught in a darkened servitude.
Though God may be on their lips, not in their heart, but liberal quips,
To build their liberal agenda friend, which has eternal ruin at the end.
Opposing God’s Righteous Decree, they desire to lead you and me,
Filled with liberal pundits galore, regarding truth, want less not more,
While liberal heroes they raise up tall, moral views they see as small,
Turning conservative concerns into, immoral agendas they’ll pursue.
They approve evil across the board, as the moral issues go ignored,
Counseling together in wickedness, despising God’s Righteousness,
Filling the land with darkened lies, professing to be the best of wise,
With wisdom apart from God, who’s returning soon with an Iron Rod.
(Copyright ©08/2008)
A politician will always tip off his true belief by stating the opposite at the beginning of the sentence. For maximum comprehension, do not start listening until the first clause is concluded. Begin instead at the word "but" which begins the second, or active, clause. This is the way to tell a liberal from a conservative -- before they tell you.
Thus: "I have always believed in a strong national defense, second to none, but ... " (a liberal, about to propose a $20 billion defense cut).
quote by Frank Mankiewicz
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Morning Humor
Slippery jack, no more turning back,
All around, morning humor
I am a waiter and I am a server
Ill run to your needs with strength and fervor
In times when you are wasted I will walk in
Through the door, pick you from the floor
Then watch you grow into a man
With a big burly beard
And a mustache to match
Ill watch you love the world
And all that it has...
With that morning humor,
Morning humor
The kind that wakes you up
The kind thats in my blood
Morning humor, morning humor, yeah...
I am on top again, soon to be low again
Oh will this ever end?
Im sorry I dont mean to sound like a whale
Trapped in the ice, but aint it nice to say exactly
What I please...
With a big toney voice or a
Soft mellow voice or the
Loud boisterous voice of an opera, opera lady!
With that morning humor,
Morning humor
The kind that wakes you up.
The kind thats in my blood
Morning humor, morning humor, yeah...
But the joke that kills
Is just a joke to you
You need some...
Slippery jack, no more turning back,
All around, morning humor
The kind that wakes you up
The kind thats in my blood...
Morning humor...
song performed by by Live
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Contemplative Sentry
When all night long a chap remains
On sentry-go, to chase monotony
He exercises of his brains,
That is, assuming that he's got any.
Though never nurtured in the lap
Of luxury, yet I admonish you,
I am an intellectual chap,
And think of things that would astonish you.
I often think it's comical
How Nature always does contrive
That every boy and every gal,
That's born into the world alive,
Is either a little Liberal,
Or else a little Conservative!
Fal lal la!
When in that house M.P.'s divide,
If they've a brain and cerebellum, too,
They've got to leave that brain outside,
And vote just as their leaders tell 'em to.
But then the prospect of a lot
Of statesmen, all in close proximity,
A-thinking for themselves, is what
No man can face with equanimity.
Then let's rejoice with loud Fal lal
That Nature wisely does contrive
That every boy and every gal,
That's born into the world alive,
Is either a little Liberal,
Or else a little Conservative!
Fal lal la!
poem by William Schwenck Gilbert
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Art of Humor
The parody, the comic
The irony, the slapstick
The comedy, the joke
There are many names of humor
A little flirt, a bit sway
A random bait, a strike catch
A prick of crack, a needed pain
So far we go just for humor
Because it is fun, because it is crazy
Because it is refreshing, because it brings laugh
Lightening the mood, building emotion
Always use humor in a good way
The situation, the mimic
The trap, the surprise
The movement, the style
Only human could understand humor
The witty question, the innocence answer
The spontaneous expression, the awaited performance
The dilemma, the mistake
Everything could turn into humor
To tease, to distract
To criticize, to attract
To break the ice, to open the gag
Don't take humor too serious
In critical condition, in awkward moment
In relaxing time, in happy hour
In strange fact, in life experience
Do you know that God also has a sense of humor?
poem by Maria Sudibyo
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Who Knows What I Did But Its Funny
Maybe is humor
Who
Laughs now.
Who is to say
how many more times
one is to be erase
from ever been.
Funny is reason
Where none seem apparent
But Who is to understand humor
better than Who understands laughter
Who knows
Who cares
Is humor Who laughs now.
poem by Gengis Capote
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To make the argument that the media has a left- or right-wing, or a liberal or a conservative bias, is like asking if the problem with Al-Qaeda is do they use too much oil in their hummus.
quote by Al Franken
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Please, O God of Humor
Please, O God of Humor, give me the gift of being funny
naturally funny
so I can produce poetry and verse that tickles
and makes readers laugh so much their coins roll out of their wallets;
and let the children roll on the floor when my poems are recited;
for indeed my humor is the worst online by any standard
(or lack of standard)
for when I publish poems meant to be funny
my readers never understand me
and what I thought funny, they think tragic
and what I thought was tickle-tickle material
they find pathetic and practically laughable;
I am lectured to or consoled by readers
when I attempt humor;
I am sent e-mails and spam of advice
and words of caution when I attempt to be witty;
and my 113th poem
on the funny side of social networking
brought sympathy and pity for my lack of friends
but no appreciation for what I thought was funny;
and my 213th poem on old ladies at banks
brought outrage at me for hanging out at banks to ogle at wealthy, old ladies;
my 3131th poem on religion, the Divine
and its Power-packed representatives on Planet Earth
provoked no laughter but the ire and wrath of the other God
(you know, not you the Laughing God,
but the Other One, the Only One, the Angry Jealous God)
really neither man nor beast
nor the Highest Being in heaven
truly
nobody laughs at my verse
and nobody finds my offbeat humor at all funny;
Oh please,
God of Humor,
please make my humor a little like that of
Mr Bean or Jim Carrie
so I can have a universal audience
that will laugh at anything I write
(and perhaps incidentally, I’ll make some money)
and then they’ll all say:
See what the God of Humor and Laughter has done
for that simpleton Raj who never knew what humor in poetry is…
Please God of Humor, won't you humor me?
poem by Raj Arumugam
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We Must Be Liberal
I remember when I called you a honky.
And you called me a black ugly monkey.
Now both of us ride on a donkey.
'Haw hee haw.'
The brainiacs are on the attack.
Trying to cover their dirty tracks.
Those conservative try to debate...
How an elephant's gait can keep up the pace.
'Haw hee haw.'
I remember when I called you a honky.
And you called me a black ugly monkey.
Now both of us ride on a donkey.
'Haw hee haw.'
I remember when I called you a honky.
And you called me a black ugly monkey.
Now both of us ride on a donkey.
'Haw hee haw.'
Are we liberal?
'Haw hee haw haw...whoa!
I don't know that.
But an elephant's trying to crush my back! '
Are we liberal?
'Haw hee haw haw...whoa!
I don't know that.
But an elephant's trying to crush my back! '
The brainiacs are on the attack.
Trying to cover their dirty tracks.
Those conservative try to debate...
How an elephant's gait can keep up the pace.
'Haw hee haw haw...whoa!
Are we liberal?
'Haw hee haw haw...whoa!
I don't know that.
But an elephant's trying to crush my back! '
Are we liberal?
'Haw hee haw haw...whoa! '
Are we liberal?
'Haw hee haw haw...whoa! '
Are we liberal?
'Haw hee haw haw...whoa! '
I don't know that.
But an elephant's trying to crush my back! '
I don't know that.
But an elephant's trying to crush my back! '
I don't know that.
But an elephant's trying to crush my back! '
I remember when I called you a honky.
And you called me a black ugly monkey.
Now both of us ride on a donkey.
'Haw hee haw.
We must be liberal.'
'Haw hee haw.
We must be liberal.'
'Haw hee haw.
We must be liberal.'
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Bridging A Gap
It is not those who are 'liberal'
Marketing decadence.
It is those who are in control of the media...
Who preach greed and a need,
To fear 'socialism'!
Hoping those unconscious...
Wish to end their own progress,
In heated debates that lack common sense.
Eliminating a feeding of gluttony,
That those rich feast upon in an exclusiveness.
To deny those in poverty,
With diminishing opportunities.
The rich know then,
They will not in deceit be able to get!
And a bridging of a gap between the 'haves' and 'have nots'!
Will spoil reasons there are arguments between...
Those 'liberal' minded,
And those who are conservative snots!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Be conservative in what you do, be liberal in what you accept from others.
quote by Jon Postel
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A liberal is a conservative who has been arrested.
It is said that a neo-conservative is a liberal who has been mugged by reality.
quote by Stockwell Day
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
quote by Winston Churchill
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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