The snail, to be rid of annoyances, bartered its eyes for horns.
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Snail Shell
Sir hand
Or is it maam
I fell out of my right place again
And you
Considered me
And now Im where a snail has to be
I want to thank you for putting me back in my snail shell
I want to thank you for putting me back in my snail shell
Was it something you would do for anybody?
Was it what youd only do for me?
I need to know because you see
I want to thank you for putting me back in my snail shell
Friend
Look what you gave
And how can you ever be repaid?
How may I give you a hand
From the position at your feet where I stand?
So let me thank you for putting me back in my snail shell
Id like to thank you for putting me back in my snail shell
Was it something you would do for anybody?
Was it what youd only do for me?
I need to know because you see
I want to thank you for putting me back in my snail shell
Snail shell
Thank you
Snail shell
Thank you
Ah
Ah
Ah
Was it something you would do for anybody?
Was it what youd only do for me?
Or was it something where you acted when you saw the need
And knew that there would be a way the act could be repaid
And so it may, but for today
I want to thank you for putting me back in my snail shell
song performed by by They Might Be Giants
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Seeking Remedies
You bartered for guaranteed luck,
To fill up to the rim...
Your carried and prized cup.
And you bartered for fun,
To leave your work undone.
Now in a haste you want that replaced...
To minimize and chase away,
Mistakes you wish weren't made.
You bartered for luck,
To fill up your cup.
And like an eagle flying high,
To spot a feast to eat you could not deny.
But a landing done to get closer to see,
Did not provide...
That satisfaction sought you thought,
For a curing of that need you have for seeking remedies.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The horns of the sister are horns of gold; the horns of the wife are true horns.
As You Have No Wings
As you have no wings,
I am cutting down mine to please you.
Then we shall snail or walk together
With our eyes fixed at destinations unknown!
You could have told me once
Not to develop wings for myself,
You could have told me twice
That you have had no wings ever.
My wings were my power
Ever have I felt so for long.
But as I cut down them now for you,
My dear, I know I am crippled.
Your limbs have no agility!
Your eyes have no vision!
Your sole hope is me, I know.
But crippled I am!
In the wilderness of these lanes
I know not how to snail or walk on.
You look at me still even as
I remain crippled.
The skies have a charm and
Where they kiss the mountains I was once there
I was wondering to be like them for once
And I am crippled now.
You could have told me
Not to cut down my wings!
But you did never say so.
You ever want to snail or walk with me!
As you have no wings,
I miss to be what I could have been.
As you are wingless ever
Never shall I fly unto my infinite world!
poem by M.d Dinesh Nair
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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A Snail Goes To Heaven (A One-Act Tragicomedy)
Bare stage. A square neon sign on extreme right which reads: “This way to Heaven”.
Prolonged silence. Enter Snail, moving very slowly throughout the play.
Snail:
I’m a dead snail.
I’m going to Heaven.
I’ve lived for 15 years.
That’s a ripe old age.
I’ve been blessed.
Had a marvellous sex life, you know.
Well, if you know snails
we attract a mate with our slime.
Oh, slime turns me on, baby.
(Snail moves slowly, and then stops.)
Well, maybe I should focus on holy thoughts.
Purity...refined thoughts...you know...
Snail God does not like sex.
Copulation is not exactly what
Snail God meant when Snail God declared:
'Go forth and slime the world;
be ye together...'
Snail God demands purity
so let me be so...
after all, I’m going to Heaven...
a dead snail and moving on to Heaven...
(Snail moves slowly, and then stops.)
Had a precarious life,
you know,
all these 15 years...
A farmer saw me in the grass.
I heard him curse
and he raised his foot to crush me.
Well, unfortunately for him
he stepped on a snake
and the last I heard of the man
was an expletive
and the last I heard of the snake was a hiss.
Yes, I’ve had a long life
a risky life - but it’s all worth it
for an eternal life in Heaven
is my reward
(Snail moves slowly, and then stops.)
(Enter Frog, jumping. Snail looks at Frog in amazement. And Frog stops and looks at Snail in amazement.)
Frog: What are you doing?
Snail: That’s what I was about to ask of you.
Frog: I’m a dead Frog and I’m jumping on my way to Heaven.
Snail: I’m a dead Snail and I’m moving on to Heaven.
Frog: This is ridiculous.
Snail: Indeed. It is ridiculous.
A Frog going to Heaven?
No, for it is truly declared by Snail God:
'None but Snails shall enter Heaven.'
Frog: And in the words of the Frog God:
'I shall confound all other creatures.
Only Frogs shall enter Heaven.'
And so it has come to pass
Snails think they can go to Heaven.
Unless the Frog God
in Its Infinite Wisdom
has arranged for a Dish of Snails
when all Pure Frogs are at Its side in Paradise.
Well, Snail...you’re toast when I see you in Heaven.
(Frog jumps on to near stage right, screaming: “Heaven - here I come! ” and then disappears.)
(Long silence.)
Snail (facing audience) : Well, what next? - The snake to Heaven?
The Farmer to Heaven? His dog to Paradise?
Donkeys to Heaven?
(Snail moves on, in its slow way, to nothing but Heaven...)
poem by Raj Arumugam
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Halos & Horns
Halos and horns, sinners and saints,
Hearts that are torn between what's wrong and ain't
Just because it feels right does not make it so
So we struggle through life in horns and halos
Tempted and tried with each step we take
We stumble and slide and make our mistakes,
Ask God to forgive us for all of our sins,
Then we take off our horns and wear halos again
Halos and horns, sinners and saints,
Hearts that are torn between what's wrong and ain't
Just because it feels right does not make it so
So we struggle through life in horns and halos
Halos and horns, sinners and saints,
We're praised or we're scorned, we either run or we faint
Oh, but life is a challenge from the day that we're born
Just tryin' to balance halos and horns
It's heaven or hell, halos or horns
Halos and horns, sinners and saints,
Hearts that are torn between what's wrong and ain't
But just because it feels right; well, that don't make it so
So we struggle through life in horns or halos
It's either horns or halos
song performed by by Dolly Parton
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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True Truth Can Not Be Bartered
Have we been too wise,
In the closing of our eyes...
To walk away from situations,
As if those realities...
For us did not exist.
And today with too much reality,
Staring all of us in the face...
We wish to keep most of it edited.
For fear that truth for what it is,
And reluctantly accepted...
Has a way of blocking out deceit,
But welcomes denial to pamper as a pet.
Leaving those shadowed by conformity,
To realize true truth can not be bartered.
Or left to anger those putting away their tap shoes.
The ones no longer choosing to be fools,
For the sake of keeping stereotypical images active.
True truth can not be bartered.
Or be bothered by the pondering of it,
That come for some to sit to discuss benefits.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Find New Ways to Annoy
To those who annoy...
For purposes to gain attention.
And other conscious efforts,
Motivated by childhood deprivation.
Or something connected,
To a seeking not found.
Listen up!
Find new ways to annoy.
Don't just do it,
Because it is enjoyed and routine.
Make this a process of your creativity.
Revel with refreshed integrity involved.
Build upon it.
And you can...
Take pride that 'your' annoyance done,
Is second to none.
With an established identity,
Only you can deliver!
Only 'you' can prevent...
Hand-me-down-annoyances.
Make that your goal.
Think it over.
You can develop your own customed genre.
*Annoyances From The Heart*
Or something like that.
Just don't annoy for the hell of it!
Make it your concentrated area,
Of a deliberate artform.
And, If you'd like...
I'll provide you with a list of folks,
To test market your service.
I see success there for you.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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War Profits
THE horns of the moon are tipped
With pearl. Her lover, wooed
By charms and won, Endymion,
Inherits quietude.
White the gleam
Of the dream
On his eyes.
The horns of the sun are dipt
In ruddy flame that flings
Adventurous young Icarus
To earth on ruined wings.
But he flew,
But he knew
Winds and skies.
Lucifer's horns have a crust
Of gold and topaz gem
On points that thrust to yellow dust
The heart that covets them.
Heed! take heed!
For by greed
Glory dies.
poem by Katharine Lee Bates
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Two ibises
Sounding their horns harshly
two ibises rise from the lawn,
rise from their snail pecking
with hard big wings
slapping against the rainy air,
but neck on neck
keeping to straight formation
stretching out lifting into the wind
again they shriek at the barking dog
before swinging in flight
to a new direction.
poem by Gert Strydom
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A grouch escapes so many little annoyances that it almost pays to be one.
quote by Kin Hubbard
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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What annoyances are more painful than those of which we cannot complain?
quote by Marquis De Custine
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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He puts up with small annoyances to gain great results.
Headache Makers
Why is it that headache makers,
Are the first to participate in the generating...
Of annoyances wished to inflict,
And knowing this?
Uncomfortable with social etiquette,
Headache makers have their own priority list.
And it is studied to make sure,
Those in their presence know they exist!
Number 1...Be the center of attention.
Number 2...Name dropp and embellish.
Number 3...Speak loudly and laugh at own jokes told.
Number 4...Disrespect with opinions not solicited.
Number 5...Create nicknames to call others when socializing.
Number 6...Pry and be a nuisance.
Number 7...Tell everyone present what is wrong with 'them'.
Number 8...Interrupt and interfere with other conversations.
Number 9...Suggest to host and/or hostess what needs to be done.
Number 10..Pretend to be something that one isn't.
Why is it that headache makers,
Are the first to participate in the generating...
Of annoyances wished to inflict,
And knowing this?
As they wonder why,
Very few people wish...
To be in their presence again,
Consciously!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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The 23rd Psalm Of The Lowly Snail
the snail shall not want
it shall lie down in green ponds
it shall reside beside still waters
it shall restore its flesh
it shall be lead in the paths of wetness for your name's sake
it will fear no evil
for you are with it
its hand shall comfort it
and it shall prepare a leaf before it in the presence of all the other insects
its saliva runneth over
it shall anoint its snail with the rainwater
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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A Self Spent
got this small self
small as a snail
slow
pacing like that old snail
that you know
something that you did not
touch
because of pity
got this tiny conscience
like a speck of dust
it is too small and perhaps
of lesser value
than any other self
in this lonely nook
i do not think anymore
how to spend it well
i got a day
or just a second
and i am spending it all
till i am no more.
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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I'm not supposed to talk about the snail. The snail is, well, congratulations to whoever noticed it. It's supposed to be a thing where you gotta look for it in every episode, and it's there three times in every episode.
quote by Steve Burns
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Today I accidentally stepped on a snail on the sidewalk in front of our house. And I thought, I too am like that snail. I build a defensive wall around myself, a 'shell' if you will. But my shell isn't made out of a hard, protective substance. Mine is made out of tinfoil and paper bags.
Jack Handey in Deep Thoughts
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Lobster-Quadrille
'Will you walk a little faster?' said a whiting to a snail,
'There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on my tail.
See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance!
They are waiting on the shingle -- will you come and join the dance?
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?
'You can really have no notion how delightful it will be
When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to sea!'
But the snail replied 'Too far, too far!' and gave a look askance --
Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join the dance.
Would not, could not, would not, could not, would not join the dance.
Would not, could not, would not, could not, could not join the dance.
'What matters it how far we go?' his scaly friend replied.
'There is another shore, you know, upon the other side.
The further off from England the nearer is to France --
Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance.
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you joint the dance?
poem by Lewis Carroll
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