Praise day at even, a wife when dead, a weapon when tried, a maid when married, ice when 'tis crossed, and ale when 'tis drunk.
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How It Happened
I got to thinkin' of her--both her parents dead and gone--
And all her sisters married off, and none but her and John
A-livin' all alone there in that lonesome sort o' way,
And him a blame old bachelor, confirmder ev'ry day!
I'd knowed 'em all from childern, and their daddy from the time
He settled in the neighborhood, and had n't ary a dime
Er dollar, when he married, far to start housekeepin' on!--
So I got to thinkin' of her--both her parents dead and gone!
I got to thinkin' of her; and a-wundern what she done
That all her sisters kep' a gittin' married, one by one,
And her without no chances--and the best girl of the pack--
An old maid, with her hands, you might say, tied behind her back!
And Mother, too, afore she died, she ust to jes' take on,
When none of 'em was left, you know, but Evaline and John,
And jes' declare to goodness 'at the young men must be bline
To not see what a wife they 'd git if they got Evaline!
I got to thinkin' of her; in my great affliction she
Was sich a comfert to us, and so kind and neighberly,--
She 'd come, and leave her housework, far to be'p out little Jane,
And talk of _her own_ mother 'at she 'd never see again--
Maybe sometimes cry together--though, far the most part she
Would have the child so riconciled and happy-like 'at we
Felt lonesomer 'n ever when she 'd put her bonnet on
And say she 'd railly haf to be a-gittin' back to John!
I got to thinkin' of her, as I say,--and more and more
I'd think of her dependence, and the burdens 'at she bore,--
Her parents both a-bein' dead, and all her sisters gone
And married off, and her a-livin' there alone with John--
You might say jes' a-toilin' and a-slavin' out her life
Far a man 'at hadn't pride enough to git hisse'f a wife--
'Less some one married _Evaline_, and packed her off some day!--
So I got to thinkin' of her--and it happened thataway.
poem by James Whitcomb Riley
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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A Married Man's A Fool
(Willie McTell)
Had a friend, Louie Brown, he was a deacon
Just as wise as he could be
Now I realized he could read the Good Book
Back from Revelations down to Genesis
You know last Sunday morning we was over to the church
My buddy wants to take him a stand
And he looks out upon that whole congregation
The Good Book in his hand
Now he cast his eye about, and then he looks over in the Amen Corner
All the sisters commenced to shout [What'd he say ?]
He said a married man's a fool to think that his wife love nobody else but him
She stick by you all your life the chances is mighty slim
Now you read the Good Book, chapter twenty-one:
Every married woman got to have a little fun
Read on over chapter twenty-two:
It's a sin to let that woman make a fool outta you
Now you read a little further, chapter twenty-three:
She two-time you, brother, like she double-crossed me
Read on back, over chapter ten:
She shimmy one time, you got the problem again
'Cause a married man's a fool to think that his wife
Loves nobody else but him, I mean, loves nobody else but him
Well, a married man's a fool to think that his wife
Loves nobody else but him
She stands by you all your life the chances is mighty and slim
Now you read on over twenty-fifth page:
Married womens, Lord, is hard to engage
Read kinda careful, chapter twenty-six:
Back door slamming you got to learn to get it fixed
Read on out, chapter twenty-eight:
Who's that back slidin' out through the back gate ?
I believe I'll close on chapter twenty-nine:
Woman get tired of the same man all the time
'Cause a married man's fool to think that his wife love nobody else but him
song performed by by Ry Cooder
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Married Mans A Fool
(willie mctell)
Had a friend, louie brown, he was a deacon
Just as wise as he could be
Now I realized he could read the good book
Back from revelations down to genesis
You know last sunday morning we was over to the church
My buddy wants to take him a stand
And he looks out upon that whole congregation
The good book in his hand
Now he cast his eye about, and then he looks over in the amen corner
All the sisters commenced to shout [whatd he say ? ]
He said a married mans a fool to think that his wife love nobody else but him
She stick by you all your life the chances is mighty slim
Now you read the good book, chapter twenty-one:
Every married woman got to have a little fun
Read on over chapter twenty-two:
Its a sin to let that woman make a fool outta you
Now you read a little further, chapter twenty-three:
She two-time you, brother, like she double-crossed me
Read on back, over chapter ten:
She shimmy one time, you got the problem again
cause a married mans a fool to think that his wife
Loves nobody else but him, I mean, loves nobody else but him
Well, a married mans a fool to think that his wife
Loves nobody else but him
She stands by you all your life the chances is mighty and slim
Now you read on over twenty-fifth page:
Married womens, lord, is hard to engage
Read kinda careful, chapter twenty-six:
Back door slamming you got to learn to get it fixed
Read on out, chapter twenty-eight:
Whos that back slidin out through the back gate ?
I believe Ill close on chapter twenty-nine:
Woman get tired of the same man all the time
cause a married mans fool to think that his wife love nobody else but him
song performed by by Ry Cooder
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Married Men
(bugatti - musker)
Producers for bonnie: ronnie scott, steve wolfe
Bonnie recorded this song in 1979 for the film the world is full of married men. the lyrics are taken from the japanese single.
The world is full of married men
With wives who never understand
Theyre looking for someone to share
The excitement of a love affair
Just as soon as they find you
They wine you and dine you
You fly on the wings of romance
But in the eyes of the world
Youre just another crazy girl
Who loves a married man
Oh your love is a secret
And youve got to keep it
As long as you can
No dont cry for your lover
Theres always another married man
The world is full of married men
Oh yeah you make him feel so young
But his wife will still be number one
He promises to marry you
Just as soon as his divorce
Comes through
And its not just a fling
He swears its the real thing
A love that could last till the end
As hes driving away
You know its true what they say
About married men
They do it, they do it, they do it
They do it again and again
They do it, they do it, they do it
They do it, married men
Oh hell run when the scandal
Gets too hot to handle
Hell say I just want to be friends
They hell walk out of your life
Hell go home to his wife
cause hes a married man
Oh your love is a secret
And youve got to keep it
As long as you can
No dont cry for your lover
Theres always another married man
The world is full of married men
They do it, they do it, they do it
They do it again and again
They do it, they do it, they do it
They do it, married men
Hell walk out of your life
And go home to his wife
A married man
Dont cry for your lover
Theres always another married man
They do it, they do it, they do it
They do it again and again
They do it, they do it, they do it
They do it, married men....repeat and fade
song performed by by Bonnie Tyler
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Welcome Me
Welcome me to your city of angels
Devil prophets still hold my hand
I walked your stillborn streets for hours
Ethnic echoes spitting out their trials
They tell me Ill be the first to praise the sun
The first to praise the moon
The first to hold the lone coyote
The last to set it free
Welcome me to a haven given
Its well received into my open arms
Oh I ran in my sleep through shaking tremors
I felt the splitting earth echoing in my ears
I feel it Ill be the first to praise the sun
The first to praise the moon
The first to hold the lone coyote
The last to set it free
Welcome me to your city of angels
Theres a devil monkey laying on our backs
Now tell me wheres the heart
Wheres the bullet for breaking
Whos gonna give me a weapon
A pacifying weapon
I need it Ill be the first to praise the sun
The first to praise the moon oh
The first to hold the lone coyote
The last to set it free
Ill be the first to praise the sun
I said I said welcome me
The first to praise the moon oh
The first to hold the lone coyote
The last to set it free
I said welcome me
song performed by by Indigo Girls
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I Cannot Sleep
Let me be your wife if,
You are not married;
Let me be one of your wives if,
You are married;
I have your muse all over me and,
I cannot sleep.
My dreams are full of your image,
My mind is always on you;
Let me be closer to you my dream lover.
I have everything and i need your love to crown it,
I am lost in a place and all that i need is you;
Let me be your wife if you are not married.
I have all that one needs in life but,
Your love is what i do lack;
So let me be one of your wives if,
You are already married.
I need you and, i will care more for you;
I am lost in place and,
Your love is all that i need to find my way home.
poem by Edward Kofi Louis
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Dont Drive Drunk
He and his wife have had problems
That hes played off like nothings wrong
til he comes home from work early
Just to find the girl is gone
Oh but he gets into the cupboard
Picks out that bottle of gin
Drinks like theres no tomorrow
And decides to take a spin
No dont drive drunk
Dont drive drunk, no
Dont drive drunk
Mothers against drunk drivers are mad
Teenager at a live party
Says, give me one for the road
But hes already so inebriated
If you lit a smoke hed explode
But bartender says, I dont think so
Young one says, I can deal
Staggering out he says, check you all later
But I really dont think he will
No dont drive drunk
Dont drive drunk, no
Dont drive drunk
Mothers against drunk drivers are mad
(repeat)
(background)
Dont drive drunk
D-d-d dont drive drunk
Dont drive drunk
Hicup
(repeat)
Boy out with girl on their first date
Gets pulled over by the law
Officer says, hey cant you drive straight
Or have you been drinking alcohol?
Boy says, man are you crazy?
Cop says, hey then walk this line
But results from the breathalizer
Proves hes charged with d.u.i.
No dont drive drunk
Dont drive drunk, no
Dont drive drunk
Mothers against drunk drivers are mad
(repeat)
(background)
Dont drive drunk
D-d-d dont drive drunk
Dont drive drunk
Hicup
(repeat)
song performed by by Stevie Wonder
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A Wife and Her Benefits
Wife is a maid without payment.
As a bed mate, a house maid,
A care taker, a cook, a nurse,
She serves her spouse and his kids
For the wages of title - wife.
Retirement benefit is, perhaps, widowhood.
poem by Rm. Shanmugam Chettiar
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Maggie and Max
Our son married a flibbertygibbet,
my wife says, and I agree,
but he loves Maggie very much
so I say let's keep quiet.
It's not our place to criticize.
Max is 33, and not long
back from Iraq.
I remind my wife
that Maggie can cook
better than most
so let's give her a chance.
Max works two jobs
and he's never home.
Maggie's young.
Maybe the baby will help
but I doubt it.
Too bad Maggie
didn't take to quilting,
my wife points out.
The ladies at church
did their best to teach her.
But quilters, I remind her,
don't go out at midnight
to places nobody knows.
My wife keeps asking
why Max married Maggie.
I don't know what to say.
Finally I tell her I never saw
any woman walk like Maggie.
My wife says I never will.
poem by Donal Mahoney
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Try It (I'm In Love With A Married Man)
I think of you each day
I think of you at night
Do you think about me, darling,
when you make love to your wife?
The world won't understand
my affair with a married man
(Try it, try it, try my love)
Try my love
(Why won't you try it, try it)
I'm in love with a married man
Do you think of us on weekends
when you're with your family
Are you lonely when you're with her
and do you ever long for me?
As I get down on my knees
As I cry myself to sleep
(Try it, try it, try my love)
Try my love
(Why won't you try it, try it)
I'm in love with a married man
Oh lord, the risk is me
I've done for you what I can
I'm in love with a married man
(Try it, try it, try my love)
Try my love
(Why won't you try it, try it)
I'm in love with a married man
song performed by by Pet Shop Boys
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.
quote by P.J. O'Rourke
Submitted by Dan Costinaş
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Weapons of Mass Destruction
The Holy Roman Empire and Alexander The Great
Exterminate the globe, with extreme prejudice,
A Weapon of Mass Destruction
The European Inquisition, A Weapon of Mass Destruction
The Holy Christian Crusades, A Weapon of Mass Destruction
The Manifest Destiny and land expansion, A Weapon of Mass Destruction
Globalization and commercialization of the many rain forests,
A Weapon of Mass Destruction
Comprehensive sanctions is economic violence,
A Weapon of Mass Destruction
The procreation of religion and God, A Weapon of Mass Destruction
Democratizing the whole world, A Weapon of Mass Destruction
The extermination of The Iroquois Confederation, A Weapon of Mass Destruction
World domination the salvation of, A Weapon of Mass Destruction
War, is the greatest Weapon of Mass Destruction
The justification for annihilation of, The Constitution
The constitution of retribution, the absolution of, A Weapon of Mass Destruction.
poem by Josephine DixonBanks
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Wife- better half of life
Wife is the better half of life
Give wife love affection as soul-mate
Wife is not glorified maid as said
Wife do not want money salary honorarium
Do not make hulla gulla and do not beat drum.
Mian bibi relationship should not be commercialized
Third party intervention in family relation vandalized.
Wife is not a domestic labourer
Wife is backbone of the family
The maile stone of the family
Wife is the torchlight of the family
Wife is the colorful star
Do no put any question to her.
Wife is there to give everything
Wife is not to take anything in return
Wife is the goddess.
Only mad man can say wife is a domestic servant
Make wife a wife life-partner better half
And enjoy life freely.
poem by Gajanan Mishra
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He Wants To Get Married
(sandy knox, anthony little)
He believes in the family unit
The union of man and wife
He believes that you stand before god
For better, for worse and beyond this life
He believes that a ring on his finger
Is something to be proud of
For all of the world to witness
That he is committed to this love
He wants to get married
Hell build a house in the country
Where hell watch his children grow
And teach them the values of something
That most people never even know
He wants to get married
I never thought I would be so blessed
To know a man like this
Hes everything, everything I believe that a man should be
And when he is called to his maker
He wants to go to his grave
With his final remembrance of this earth
To be one last look at his wifes face
He wants to get married
He wants to get married
Oh, he wants to get married
But not to me
song performed by by Reba Mcentire
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A Love Song
okay"
I really do appreciate the fact you're sittin' here
Your voice sounds so wonderful
But yer face don't look too clear
Bar maid bring a pitcher, another round o' brew
"alright let's here it"
Why (don't we get drunk and screw)
"you're on the record!"
Chorus:
Why don't we get drunk and screw
I just bought a water bed, it's filled up for me and you
They say you are a snuff queen
Honey i don't think that's true
So, why don't we get drunk and screw.
"i can't wait for 'em to put that label on my live album. you're sounding absolutely wonderful out there, but we have invited the all girls choir from lima, ohio down here and we can't here
Too well now. we'd like all of you gentlemen out in the audience to just sorta take a break, sit back and let's let these beautiful women of the nineties tell us how they feel about it. ladies
Ou ready? on the count of four. one, two, three, four."
Chorus:
Why (don't we get drunk and screw)
"whoo yeah!"
I just bought a waterbed it's filled up with elmer's glue."
They say you are a snuff queen
Let's see what all you macho men can do
Why (don't we get drunk and screw)
"oh yeah."
Why don't we get drunk and screw
"i think we better work this out amongst ourselves."
Why don't we get drunk and screw, oooh yeah
song performed by by Jimmy Buffett
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Shakespeare to His Wife, Ann Hathaway
To my angry, shrewish bitter wife,
Who threw at me both pan and knife,
Who told me I was bound to fail
And end my life in debtor's jail;
How right I was to run, abscond,
From you of whom I was not fond;
You had me in your old maid's bed,
Your belly swelled, I had to wed;
What gratitude did I incur?
You answered me with every slur;
I ran away to London Town,
A poacher being chased by hounds,
And there learned to hold a horse,
And became an actor to your remorse;
After all these years and my brief stays,
My gold aroused no word of praise;
And now I'm sick and write my will,
My hand shakes so with ink and quill,
I leave to you my second bed
In remembrance that you wished me dead
poem by David McLansky
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At Home
At home
Wife was
Fighted every time...
With his husband...
One day husband
Run to girl friend too
Love married...?
The wife
Fighted for dog
And his children....
Husband happy
For newely married...!
Tommrow lot of fights
Thear enjoy...
poem by Otteri Selvakumar
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Why Dont We Get Drunk
By: marvin gardens
1973
I really do appreciate the fact youre sittin here
Your voice sounds so wonderful
But yer face dont look too clear
So bar maid bring a pitcher, another round o brew
Honey, why dont we get drunk and screw
Chorus:
Why dont we get drunk and screw
I just bought a water bed, its filled up for me and you
They say you are a snuff queen
Honey I dont think thats true
So, why dont we get drunk and screw
-- spoken: pick it coral reefers, here we go...
(swing instrumental)
Chorus:
Why dont we get drunk and screw
I just bought a waterbed its filled up for me and you
They say you are a snuff queen
Honey I dont think thats true
So why dont we get drunk and screw
Yeah, now baby I say, (lord!)
Why dont we get drunk and screw
song performed by by Jimmy Buffett
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Happy Divorcee
Such a lovely person and so nice to know
By the smile on her face she has the inner glow
The windows of her soul are open to light
She is always so cheerful and bubbly and bright.
In her early fifties her brown hair flecked with gray
Perhaps physically she has known a far better day
To her horrible ex husband she was a good wife
And without him she lives a much happier life.
Her ex husband has re-married on her he used to cheat
And when drunk he was aggressive her he used to beat
He done his best for to lower her sense of self esteem
Life for her better without him much better 'twould seem
Their only daughter in her mid twenties is married in a town far away
Her young son will be three on his birthday in May
At Christmas her daughter and grandson she will see
And life is looking good for the happy divorcee.
poem by Francis Duggan
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Vice Versa
Down in the state of Maine, the story goes,
A woman, to secure a lapsing pension,
Married a soldier-though the good Lord knows
That very common act scarce calls for mention.
What makes it worthy to be writ and read
The man she married had been nine hours dead!
Now, marrying a corpse is not an act
Familiar to our daily observation,
And so I crave her pardon if the fact
Suggests this interesting speculation:
Should some mischance restore the man to life
Would she be then a widow, or a wife?
Let casuists contest the point; I'm not
Disposed to grapple with so great a matter.
'T would tie my thinker in a double knot
And drive me staring mad as any hatter
Though I submit that hatters are, in fact,
Sane, and all other human beings cracked.
Small thought have I of Destiny or Chance;
Luck seems to me the same thing as Intention;
In metaphysics I could ne'er advance,
And think it of the Devil's own invention.
Enough of joy to know though when I wed
I _must_ be married, yet I _may_ be dead.
poem by Ambrose Bierce
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