The British tourist is always happy abroad as long as the natives are waiters.
quote by Robert Morley
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McGonagall's Ode to the King
Oh! God, I thank Thee for restoring King Edward the Seventh's health again,
And let all his subjects throughout the Empire say Amen;
May God guard him by night and day,
At home and abroad, when he's far away.
May angels guard his bed at night when he lies down,
And may his subjects revere him, and on him do not frown;
May he be honoured by them at home and abroad,
And may he always be protected by the Eternal God.
My blessing on his noble form, and on his lofty head,
May all good angels guard him while living and when dead;
And when the final hour shall come to summons him away,
May his soul be wafted to the realms of bliss I do pray.
Long may he reign, happy and serene,
Also his Queen most beautiful to be seen;
And may God guard his family by night and day,
That they may tread in the paths of virtue and not go astray.
May God prosper King Edward the Seventh wherever he goes,
May he always reign victorious over his foes;
Long may he be spared to wear the British Crown,
And may God be as a hedge around him at night when be lies down;
May God inspire him with wisdom, and long may he reign
As Emperor of India and King Edward the VII. --Amen.
poem by William Topaz McGonagall
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Beach Called Life
Worn out by the constant pounding
Of life’s perpetual waves.
Yes I watch both the tourist and the natives
As they gaze at the beach.
And see bits of human remains
Amongst this beach we called life.
poem by Richard Noggin
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A gentleman ought to travel abroad, but dwell at home.
The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.
quote by Russell Baker
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Brunch in Tampa
Let's let the waiters have their say. Let's let
The ones who took the bus to set the silver
As you drove, who crossed the desert
Overnight, describe their versions of
Privation as you stuff your bloated face.
Let's let them ask how much you need.
Your hair is perfect, and your teeth.
Your house is large. You make a lot
Of money from your leather chair,
But you complain they're not enough.
You want for nothing, but for this:
Some proof that you and yours are
Grand, and all these others, unlike
You, are wretched, and always will be.
You cast about for confirmation.
Let the waiters say.
poem by Lawrence Beck
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On the night of the 1st of September we observed for the first time signs of the natives being in the neighbourhood. Fires were seen on the low land near Cape Frederick Henry, and at daylight we saw the natives with our glasses.
quote by William Bligh
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Tourism
Decisive tourist
Chancellor Adolph Hitler
Visits Paris
The final tourist
President George Bush
Visits Baghdad
poem by Jan Oskar Hansen
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Globe Trotting
I asked him what,
New York was like.
He said it was crazy.
He said Manhattan,
Would suit me.
How does he know that?
He hasn’t even seen my picture.
What does he think I’m like?
Probably just another,
British tourist.
He said that he’d never,
Travelled much.
So I told him what this
Little island was like.
I turned the dales,
Into a wilderness.
Told him about
The changeable weather.
And advised him,
Never to call football, soccer,
In an Englishman’s presence.
poem by Rachel Flint
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Lines Read at a Dairymaids' Social, 1887
Where the young lady waiters were dressed as dairymaids.
Throughout the world they do extol
The fame of our town Ingersoll,
The capital of dairyland,
To-night it seems like fairy land,
The youth and beauty here arrayed,
So sweet and neat each dairymaid.
And worthy of a poet's theme,
Sweet and smooth flows milk and cream,
For song or glee what is fitter
In this land of cheese and butter,
But no young man should be afraid
To court a pretty dairymaid.
And far abroad he should not roam
But find a charmer here at home,
Find some one now your heart to chear,
Thus celebrate the jubilee year,
Remember long this ladies' aid
And each bewitching dairymaid.
poem by James McIntyre
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I'm Only Happy When
I'm only happy when it rains
without a cloud in the sky
I'm only happy in these chains
all that I can do is cry
I'm only happy when I bleed
it let's me know I'm alive
I'm only happy when I need
just myself to survive
I'm only happy when I dream
of my long lost love
I'm only happy when I scream
at the Heavens above
I'm only happy when I'm alone
at war with my brain
I'm only happy when I've known
that life is just pain
I'm only happy when I'm lost
and I can't find my way
I'm only happy when I've crossed
the path of disarray
I'm only happy when I see
death is my way out
I know I'll be free
I have no doubt
I'm only happy when I'm told
that I've gone insane
I'm only happy when I hold
all these thoughts in my brain
I'm only happy when I sleep
and go out of my mind
I'm only happy when I'm in too deep
I'm only happy when it's me you cannot find
poem by Haley Nicole
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Mystical End
On the plains of the desert
A murmured cry was heard
From the echoes of a wind song
Singing of a word
The word of the land begotten
Is very seldom taught
To natives of the desert
Which tribes of old have sought
Way up in the sky the sun is burning bright
All the natives screaming
song performed by by Iced Earth
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Great Three
At one time when the country was ruled by creul british
there came the Tremendous three
who were on mission to make our country free
they distributed templates
to stop their mission
the british called simon commission
they knew it was test of the best
against simon they made protest
but it proved them costly
as their leader was beaten by sticks
furious by their behaviour
it was time to teach british lesson
The officer guilty deserved the punishment
it was justice
After some days
once again the british at its creulity
for their pleasure
they were going with train of treasure
the Revolutionaries decide to do justice
they steal the train
The british pass bill
which made sure that the farmers will not get justice
it was test of best
as they protest
in the Assembly they throw bomb
the british catch the tremendous three
the punishment they get is hanged till death
but fear is stranger to them
as they happily hang themselves
and they still say
long live the revolution
vande mataram
I proud to be indian
poem by Rohan Bendre
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An Ode to the Queen
All hail to the Empress of India, Great Britain's Queen!
Long may she live in health, happy and serene;
Loved by her subjects at home and abroad;
Blest may she be when lying down
To sleep, and rising up, by the Eternal God;
Happy may her visions be in sleep ...
And happy her thoughts in the day time;
Let all loyal subjects drink to her health
In a flowing bumper of Rhenish Wine.
And when the final hour shall come to summon her away,
May her soul be wafted to the realms of bliss,
I most sincerely do pray, to sing with saints above,
Where all is joy, peace and love -
In Heaven, for evermore to reign,
God Save the Queen. Amen.
poem by William Topaz McGonagall
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Wear Is Happy
Today's
Each and
Everybody
Not life long
Happy...? ? ? ! ! !
Little...little...
Happy
Is making
With live happy...
But its not
Happy
All ways for hobby...!
Habby is
Also one of
Happy...
But
Wear is happy...!
poem by Otteri Selvakumar
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Oh Yes, I'm So Happy!
oh yes, i'm so happy
cause i get to hear your lies
i'm so happy
surprise!
oh yes, i'm so happy
cause you tell lies on me
i'm so happy
see?
oh yes, i'm so happy
cause you call me names
i'm so happy
i'v fame!
oh yes, i'm so happy
cause you break your promises
i'm so happy
i'm joyous!
oh yes, i'm so happy
cause you gave me some attention
i'm so happy
i'm in heaven!
oh yes, i'm so happy
cause i get to be used
i'm so happy
i'm amused!
oh yes, i'm so happy
cause you spare me a few minutes
i'm so happy
i must be nuts!
oh yes, i'm so happy
cause you let me love you
i'm so happy
i'm through with you!
oh yes, if i was so happy
cause of you
i'll be happier
now without you!
poem by Sandy Nobody
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Happy, Sad
When your happy
You go further than a mile.
When your sad
You see not even a smile.
Why does happiness
Collaborate
With sadness?
It hurts.
It hurts
Knowing that
When your happy
Later on you’re sad.
Later on you’re sad
Knowing that
What you feel
Is not for long.
Not for long
Your nature
Will do change.
Happy then sad.
Happy then sad
Or sad then happy.
Who knows?
Nobody knows.
Nobody knows.
Whatever that comes
You might be sad;
You might be happy.
You might be happy
And travel a mile
Or you might be sad
And not even smile.
poem by Pathrese Lei Mari Abejuela
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Goody for Our Side and Your Side Too
Foreigners are people somewhere else,
Natives are people at home;
If the place you’re at
Is your habitat,
You’re a foreigner, say in Rome.
But the scales of Justice balance true,
And tit leads into tat,
So the man who’s at home
When he stays in Rome
Is abroad when he’s where you’re at.
When we leave the limits of the land in which
Our birth certificates sat us,
It does not mean
Just a change of scene,
But also a change of status.
The Frenchman with his fetching beard,
The Scot with his kilt and sporran,
One moment he
May a native be,
And the next may find him foreign.
There’s many a difference quickly found
Between the different races,
But the only essential
Differential
Is living different places.
Yet such is the pride of prideful man,
From Austrians to Australians,
That wherever he is,
He regards as his,
And the natives there, as aliens.
Oh, I’ll be friends if you’ll be friends,
The foreigner tells the native,
And we’ll work together for our common ends
Like a preposition and a dative.
If our common ends seem mostly mine,
Why not, you ignorant foreigner?
And the native replies
Contrariwise;
And hence, my dears, the coroner.
So mind your manners when a native, please,
And doubly when you visit
And between us all
A rapport may fall
Ecstatically exquisite.
One simple thought, if you have it pat,
Will eliminate the coroner:
You may be a native in your habitat,
But to foreigners you’re just a foreigner.
poem by Ogden Nash
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Happy Dog
I’m a happy dog at the beach
If I had the power of speech
I would tell you all
To throw my ball
I’m a happy dog at the beach
I’m a happy dog at the beach
There are no new tricks you can teach
I’m bouncy and glad
And my tail wags like mad
I’m a happy dog at the beach
I’m a happy dog at the beach
My joy is always in reach
Whatever the talk
It’s the best place to walk
I’m a happy dog at the beach
I’m a happy dog at the beach
As I hear the seagulls screech
I chase and I bark
Long into the dark
I’m a happy dog at the beach
I’m a happy dog at the beach
And I don’t want to start to preach
But if you ask me
The best thing to see
Is a happy dog at the beach
poem by Flying Lemming
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I envy Seas, whereon He rides
498
I envy Seas, whereon He rides—
I envy Spokes of Wheels
Of Chariots, that Him convey—
I envy Crooked Hills
That gaze upon His journey—
How easy All can see
What is forbidden utterly
As Heaven—unto me!
I envy Nests of Sparrows—
That dot His distant Eaves—
The wealthy Fly, upon His Pane—
The happy—happy Leaves—
That just abroad His Window
Have Summer's leave to play—
The Ear Rings of Pizarro
Could not obtain for me—
I envy Light—that wakes Him—
And Bells—that boldly ring
To tell Him it is Noon, abroad—
Myself—be Noon to Him—
Yet interdict—my Blossom—
And abrogate—my Bee—
Lest Noon in Everlasting Night—
Drop Gabriel—and Me—
poem by Emily Dickinson
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Earle Birney
No agèd tourist you
Explorer guide and ever young
Who in a magic land
Where trembling minds step warily
Can see horizons out of sight
Of ordinary men
But are you not like us
Do we not follow where you lead
And are we really strangers in this realm
That seems so surely ours
You take our souls
And show them glimpses of themselves
Yet as a tourist guide
You hardly fill the role
You seek no token of our thanks
But what a gratitude there is
And envy too
For one whose youth cannot grow old
For one whose spirit never dies
poem by Roger Clark
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