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I thought to myself: "Join the army. It's free." So I figured while I'm here I'll lose a few pounds.

quote by John Candy
Submitted by Veronica Serbanoiu
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I thought to myself, Join the army. It's free. So I figured while I'm here I'll lose a few pounds.

quote by John Candy
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I realized that in those nine seasons I started out at about 225 pounds and I felt, you know, full figured fabulous woman but in those seasons I gained 75 pounds up to over 300 pounds all in front of the nation.

quote by Star Jones
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Weigh

Id like to cut your head off so I could weigh it, what do ya say?
Five pounds, six, pounds, seven pounds
Id like to go to your house and gather all your razors and pick all the
Little prickly hairs so I can weigh them, what do ya say?
Five pounds, six pounds, seven pounds
Id like to gather all your friends and squish them all into a small
Swimming pool so I can weigh them, what do ya say?
Five pounds, six pounds, seven pounds
Why weigh on a sunny day?
So much to do so why, why weigh?
On a sunny day, why wei-igh-hey?
Why weigh, why weigh?
Id like to hear my options, so I can weigh them, what do ya say?
Five pounds, six pounds, seven pounds
Why weigh on a sunny day?
So much to do, so why, why weigh?
On a sunny day, why wei-gh-hey?
Why
Oh why[x11]
Why weigh?

song performed by by Phish
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Temperance Army

Come all ye friends, and citizens,
Where-ever you may be,
Come listen to a few kind words
A friend will say to thee,
Although going to speak to you
I mean you all no harm,
Tho' I wish you'd join the army
Of the temperance reform.

Come join the glorious army
Of the temperance reform,
And every man that joins the ranks,
Will find it is no harm,
To wear Red Ribbon on his breast,
To show to this rare world,
There is one that joined the army
And his colors has unfurled.

Come all men in our nation,
Come join this happy band,
And make your homes an eden,
Throughout our happy land.
Your homes will then be happy,
Your friends will all be kind;
And in the domestic circle
True happiness will find.

Ah, from this temperance army,
Your feet shall never stray.
Your mind will then be balmy
If you keep the shining way.
Your paths are strewn with flowers,
And your homes are rosy light,
And God will watch the hours,
For He's ever on the right.

Come all ye merry happy lads,
And listen to my rhyme.
Don't be afraid to join the pledge
And let be the cursed wine.
Ah, lay the flowing bowl aside,
And pass saloons if you can,
And let the people see that you
Can be a sober man.

Go join the temperance army,
And battle for the right,
And fight against the enemy
With all your main and might.
For it is a glorious army
This temperance reform,
And the badge Red Ribbon
Will do you all no harm.

poem by Julia A Moore
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Back to the Army Again

I'm 'ere in a ticky ulster an' a broken billycock 'at,
A-layin' on the sergeant I don't know a gun from a bat;
My shirt's doin' duty for jacket, my sock's stickin' out o' my boots,
An' I'm learnin' the damned old goose-step along o' the new recruits!

Back to Army again, sergeant,
Back to the Army again.
Don't look so 'ard, for I 'aven't no card,
I'm back to the Army again!

I done my six years' service. 'Er Majesty sez: "Good day --
You'll please to come when you're rung for, an' 'ere's your 'ole back-pay:
An' fourpence a day for baccy -- an' bloomin' gen'rous, too;
An' now you can make your fortune -- the same as your orf'cers do."

Back to the Army again, sergeant,
Back to the Army again.
'Ow did I learn to do right-about-turn?
I'm back to the Army again!

A man o' four-an'-twenty that 'asn't learned of a trade --
Beside "Reserve" agin' him -- 'e'd better be never made.
I tried my luck for a quarter, an' that was enough for me,
An' I thought of 'Er Majesty's barricks, an' I thought I'd go an' see.

Back to the Army again, sergeant,
Back to the Army again.
'Tisn't my fault if I dress when I 'alt --
I'm back to the Army again!

The sergeant arst no questions, but 'e winked the other eye,
'E sez to me, " 'Shun!" an' I shunted, the same as in days gone by;
For 'e saw the set o' my shoulders, an' I couldn't 'elp 'oldin' straight
When me an' the other rookies come under the barrik-gate.

Back to the Army again, sergeant,
Back to the Army again.
'Oo would ha' thought I could carry an' port?
I'm back to the Army again!

I took my bath, an' I wallered -- for, Gawd, I needed it so!
I smelt the smell o' the barricks, I 'eard the bugles go.
I 'eard the feet on the gravel -- the feet o' the men what drill --
An' I sez to my flutterin' 'eart-strings, I sez to 'em, "Peace, be still!"

Back to the Army again, sergeant,
Back to the Army again.
'Oo said I knew when the troopship was due?
I'm back to the Army again!

I carried my slops to the tailor; I sez to 'im, "None o' your lip!
You tight 'em over the shoulders, an' loose 'em over the 'ip,
For the set o' the tunic's 'orrid." An' 'e sez to me, "Strike me dead,
But I thought you was used to the business!" an' so 'e done what I said.

Back to the Army again, sergeant,
Back to the Army again.
Rather too free with my fancies? Wot -- me?
I'm back to the Army again!

Next week I'll 'ave 'em fitted; I'll buy me a swagger-cane;
They'll let me free o' the barricks to walk on the Hoe again,
In the name o' William Parsons, that used to be Edward Clay,
An' -- any pore beggar that wants it can draw my fourpence a day!

Back to the Army again, sergeant,
Back to the Army again.
Out o' the cold an' the rain, sergeant,
Out o' the cold an' the rain.
'Oo's there?

A man that's too good to be lost you,
A man that is 'andled an' made --
A man that will pay what 'e cost you
In learnin' the others their trade -- parade!
You're droppin' the pick o' the Army
Because you don't 'elp 'em remain,
But drives 'em to cheat to get out o' the street
An' back to the Army again!

poem by Rudyard Kipling
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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99 Pounds

I tell ya shes a heart breaker
And you cant tell me she aint
Theres a little devil in her
Under all that powder and paint
And she can hang you up every night
And get you so uptight
Shes 99 pounds, I said 99 pounds,
Shes 99 pounds of some kind of dynomite
I tell you half a ton of sugar aint half as sweet as her
She can change and rearrange you
Till you cant tell what you were
And it dont even pay to fight
cause she dont know wrong from right
Shes 99 pounds, I said 99 pounds,
Shes 99 pounds of some kind of dynomite
And she may look like an angel
But shes made out of tnt
Shes a little bitty thing and she ? ? ? ?
Yeah but when she holds you tight
Shes some kind of outa sight
Shes 99 pounds, I said 99 pounds,
I said 99 pounds of some kind of dynomite
I said 99 pounds, I said 99 pounds,

song performed by by Monkees
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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99 Lbs

Written by: d. bryant
Twenty-five pounds of pure cane sugar
Shes got in each and every kiss
You wouldnt know what Im talking bout
If you never had a love like this
Well, I dont mean to be frank with you all
Its a natural fact
Good things come wrapped up in small, small packages now
Well you cant argue with that
Oh, oh, yeah
Ninety-nine pounds of natural born goodness
Ninety-nine pounds of soul, oh, oh
Ninety-nine pounds of natural born goodness
Ninety-nine pounds of soul
Twenty-five pounds of tenderness
She got in each and every touch
Twenty-five pounds of understanding my woman
cause I was the one running round town worrying too much
Twenty-four pounds of sunday
That I cant see, yeah
And it all adds up to ninety-nine big pounds
Oh, Im talking about a feline friend
Ninety-nine pounds of natural born goodness
Ninety-nine pounds of soul
Ninety-nine pounds of natural born goodness
Ninety-nine pounds of soul
Ninety-nine pounds of natural born goodness
Ninety-nine pounds of soul
Ninety-nine pounds of natural born goodness
Ninety-nine pounds of soul
Ninety-nine pounds of natural born goodness
Ninety-nine pounds of soul
Ninety-nine pounds of natural born goodness
Ninety-nine pounds of soul

song performed by by Black Crowes
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Confused

I thought I knew
Thought I may have figured it out
But
Then
It became so confusing
And
Now
I'm just not so sure
Of
What I thought I understood
I thought I could be certain
Thought I was able to see
With
Some sort of certainty
Even though
How could I be
So
Confident
When, really
I didn't know
Anything
It's pieces of a puzzle
I'm trying to solve
With limited clues
Or
It could be
My overactive imagination
Playing tricks on me
Letting me see
What I want to see
So
I'm sitting
I'm waiting
I figure perhaps
Eventually
If something is
Then, something will
Reveal itself
Of it's own accord
And, reveal itself
With some clarity
Meanwhile
I'm stopping
With the assumptions I made
Because
I thought I figured it out
But
Now
I'm hesitating
I'm halting
I don't mean for it to impede any progress I've made
If I truly made any progress at all
I'm second guessing myself
But
I have to say
It's all because
I'm a bit confused.

poem by Rabia Minhas
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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As Mark Weiner puts it, whether you gain 50 pounds or lose 50 pounds, whether you have a sex change operation for that matter, that it doesn't matter, that there is some part of ourselves that we cannot escape.

quote by Todd Solondz
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Didnt You Know Shes Gone

(phil vassar, don sampson)
Said the cloud to the sun, todays no time to shine
Didnt you know shes gone
Said the rain to the moon, youre not needed tonight
Didnt you know shes gone
You can keep your magical moments we dont needem round here
Didnt you know shes gone by now
I thought youd have figured it out
Cant you please forget her and just move on
Didnt you know shes gone
Said the tear to the pillow, watch out Im ready to fall
Didnt you know shes gone
Said the pillow to the tear, that aint gonna help at all
Didnt you know shes gone
Why do you insist upon crying, whats the matter with you
Didnt you know shes gone by now
I thought youd have figured it out
Cant you please forget her and just move on
Didnt you know shes gone
Said myself to me, hey man why cant you see
Shes history, shes gone and she aint comin back
Said the mirror to the man, take a good look at yourself
Didnt you know shes gone
Said the man to the mirror a few choice words to myself
Didnt you know shes gone
Talk about a revelation, right between the eyes
Didnt you know shes gone by now
I thought youd have figured it out
Cant you please forget her and just move on
Didnt you know shes gone
Didnt you know shes gone by now
I thought youd have figured it out
Cant you please forget her and just move on
Didnt you know shes gone

song performed by by Phil Vassar
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The people who were against the Vietnam War thought I was attacking the Army. The guys in the Army thought I was representing their experiences. I was on both sides, and I survived.

quote by Mort Walker
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Join Together

When you here this sound a-comin,
Hear the drummers drumming,
I want you to join together with the band,
We dont move in any ticular direction,
And we dont make no collections,
I want you to join together with the band.
Do you really think I care,
What you read or what you wear,
I want you to join together with the band,
Theres a million ways to laugh,
And every ones a path,
Come on and join together with the band.
Everybody join together, I want you to join together,
Come on and join together with the band,
We need you to join together, come on and join together,
Come on and join together with the band.
You dont have to play,
You can follow or lead the way,
I want you to join together with the band,
We dont know where were going,
But the seasons right for knowing,
I want you to join together with the band.
Its the singer not the song,
That makes the music move along,
I want you to join together with the band,
This is the biggest band youll find,
Its as deep as it is wide,
Come on and join together with the band,
Hey hey hey hey hey hey, well everybody come on.
Come on and join, join together with the band,
We need you to join together, everybody come on,
Hey hey hey, join together with the band.

song performed by by Who
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Army of One

I do not see your intention.
Only my perception.
Actions must be clear.
As words can get misconstrued.
The intent behind an action,
Must have no expectation of other.
Only the will to achieve what it set out for.
Love is a choice, love is an action.
So is disappointment.
What do I choose?
I choose to be free.
Free of expectations, free of disappointment, free of fear.
To love unconditionally is the only way.
It is okay to be scared,
But it is not okay to let the fear control me.
If fear controls, fear wins.
If fear stops me, I have nothing to lose.
I have nothing to win either.
His will, my determination, my desire, His Glory.
I will lay my life down for such things.
For the battle has already been won.
When the battle line has been drawn,
It merely comes down to choosing which side I wish to fight on.
My side, or the right side.
I’ll choose the right side.
My side had many soldiers.
All fighting for their own causes.
The Many Armies of One.
The right side also had many soldiers.
An Army of One.
One army with one cause.
May His will be done.
For me, it already has!

poem by Ryan Lee Morris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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A Full Figured Woman.....

A full figured woman
who is full of love
a woman who tries to fit in
and tries to show emotion
but can never do none of the above.

A full figured woman
who is full of peace
but no man wants to touch her
as if she's some type of disease.

A full figured woman
who puts her self down
who smiles in the crowd
who hurts her sense of worth
when no one's around.

A full figured woman
yes, thats me
i am all the woman i need to be
from the curl of my lips
to the curves in my hips.

Yes, i am a full figured woman
who is tired of being judged
but i will never be ashamed
for having more than one pudge!

poem by Jennifer Foreman
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I Thought I Was Going To Lose You

I thought that I was going to lose you
Just for a moment you looked like slipping away
And my only thought was to come with you
There was no other reason to stay
Now Im sinking in a river of happy returns
Though Im tired I can do nothing but sigh
For the greatest relief Im so thankful
As I gaze at your coming-back smile
Lord, I thought I was going to lose you
Yes, I thought I was going to lose you

song performed by by Chris Rea
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Right in Front of the Army

"Where 'ave you been this week or more,
'Aven't seen you about the war'?
Thought perhaps you was at the rear
Guarding the waggons." "What, us? No fear!
Where have we been? Why, bless my heart,
Where have we been since the bloomin' start?
Right in the front of the army,
Battling day and night!
Right in the front of the army
Teaching 'em how to fight!"
Every separate man you see,
Sapper, gunner, and C.I.V.,
Every one of 'em seems to be
Right in front of the army!
Most of the troops to the camp had gone,
When we met with a cow-gun toiling on;
And we said to the boys, as they walked her past,
"Well, thank goodness, you're here at last!"
"Here at last! Why, what d'yer mean?
Ain't we just where we've always been?
Right in the front of the army,
Battling day and night!
Right in the front of the army,
Teaching'em bow to fight!"
Correspondents and Vets in force,
Mounted foot and dismounted horse,
All of them were, as a matter of course,
Right in the front of the army.

Old Lord Roberts will have to mind
If ever the enemy get behind;
For they'll smash him up with a rear attack,
Because his army has got no back!
Think of the horrors that might befall
An army without any rear at all!
Right in the front of the army,
Battling day and night!
Right in the front of the army,
Teaching 'em how to fight!
Swede attaches and German counts,
Yeomen (known as De Wet's Remounts),
All of them were, by their own accounts,
Right in the front of the army!

poem by Andrew Barton Paterson
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I Have Decided To Join The Air Force

Mother, I'm going to join the Air Force today.
I don't care what the neighbors may say,
But I'm going to join the Air Force today.
Mother,I don't care what my father might think.
Perhaps it's going to drive him to drink.
But I don't care what my father might think.
Don't ask me why, it's my mind and it's right.
Don't ask me why, it's my mind ,
It's better, it's better than being alone,
alone on the ground. Now I find
Mother,I've got to join the Air Force you see,
I've seen my friends and they all agree
That's it's better than joining the army or going to sea
Mother,I've go to join the Air Force you see
I've seen my friends and they all agree.
That's it's better then joining the army or going to sea.
Mother, Mother, Mother.

song performed by by Bee Gees
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Join Me

Baby join me in death
Baby join me in death
Baby join me in death
We are so young
Our lifes have just begun
But already were considering
Escape from this world
And weve waited for so long
For this moment to come
Were so anxouis to be together
Together in death
Won't you die tonight for love
Baby join me in death
Won't you die
Baby join me in death
Won't you die tonight for love
Baby join me in death
This world is a cruel place
And we're here only to lose
So before life tears us apart let
Death bless me with you
Won't you die tonight for love
Baby join me in death
So will you die
Baby join me in death
Won't you die tonight for love
Baby join me in death
Join me in death
This life ain't worth living
This life ain't worth living (join me - join me)
This life ain't worth living (join me - join me)
This life ain't worth living
Won't you die tonight for love
Baby join me in death
So will you die
Baby join me in death
Won't you die tonight for love
Baby join me in death
Baby join me in death...

song performed by by H.I.M.
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Free!

free!
free to be hungry!
free to be homeless!
free to be underpaid!
or worse, free to be unemployed.

free to be sick without care!
free to be the object of racial prejudice.
free to be oppressed by the 'haves'!
free to be subjugated to unholy wars!

free to be lied to!
free to be used!
free to be American!
free!

'freedom's just another word
for nothing left to lose! '
kris kristofferson

poem by Eric Cockrell
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Grafted Into the Army

Our Jimmy has gone for to live in a tent,
they have grafted him into the Army,
he finally puckered up courage and went,
when they grafted him into the Army.
I told them the child was too young, alas!
At the captains forequarters, they said he would pass,
they'd train him up well in the Infantry class,
so they grafted him into the Army.

Oh, Jimmy, farewell! Your brothers fell way down in Alabammy;
I though they would spare a lone widder's heir,
but they grafted him into the Army.

Dressed up in his unicorn, dear little chap,
they have grafted him into the Army;
it seems but a day since he sot in my lap,
but they grafted him into the Army.
And these are the trousies he used to wear,
them very same buttons, the patch and the tear;
but Uncle Sam gave him a bran' new pair
when they grafted him into the Army.

Now in my provisions I see him revealed,
they have grafted him into the Army;
a picket beside the contented field,
they have grafted him into the Army.
He looks kinder sickish -- begins to cry,
a big volunteer standing right in his eye!
Oh, what if the ducky should up and die,
now they've grafted him into the Army.

poem by Henry Clay Work
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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