Thank God for J-Lo. All of a sudden big asses are de rigueur.
quote by Gabrielle Union
Submitted by Veronica Serbanoiu
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A Man's World
The world of a man climbs into sin,
His every move becomes his movement,
Like the snake that slithers and burns
Within the souls of asses.
My mobility has a crisis like his,
The running effect creeps up,
But the running has completion,
Unlike the asses.
A unique donkey would go to war
Over a significant rule of stupidity;
But my monster-moves require a blessing
Such that peace ensues.
A man shall sin twice before the fodder
Of asses is stolen by their stomachs,
And so the motions of the emotions
Repress the wars of our conception.
poem by Naveed Akram
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Clown's Reply
JOHN TROTT was desired by two witty peers
To tell them the reason why asses had ears?
'An't please you,' quoth John, 'I'm not given to letters,
Nor dare I pretend to know more than my betters;
Howe'er, from this time I shall ne'er see your graces,
As I hope to be saved! without thinking on asses.'
poem by Oliver Goldsmith
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Members Only
Uncle Larry's hooked on ice again
He seems to be stuck in the 80's
He wears his members only jacket
Cause he thinks it turns on all the ladies
And all the white folks shake their asses
Looking for the two and four
I'll have mine in martini glasses
Cause I can't take it anymore
These are the days of empty kitchens
The rise and fall of Mary Ellen's hairdo
I think she's found a new religion
Studying the Kabalah in her J Crew
And all the rich kids shake their asses
Looking for the two and four
Well I'll have mine with Blackstrap molasses
Cause I can't taste it anymore
No I can't taste it anymore
My friend Greg says it's all good
As the eastern seaboard's blown away
Now everything is going half-price
So look at all the money we saved
And all the politicians shake their asses
Looking for the backdoor
I'll just be hanging out with the lasses
Cause they don't like the boys no more
No and I can't take it anymore
song performed by by Sheryl Crow from Globe Sessions
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Distracted Druggist
'A shilling's worth of quinine, please,'
The customer demanded.
The druggist went down on his knees
And from a cupboard handed
The waiting man a tiny flask:
'Here, Sir, is what you ask.'
The buyer paid and went away,
The druggist rubbed his glasses,
Then sudden shouted in dismay:
'Of all the silly asses!'
And out into the street he ran
To catch the speeding man.
Cried he: 'That quinine that you bought,
(Since all may errors make),
I find was definitely not,--
I sold you strychnine by mistake.
Two shillings is its price, and so
Another bob you owe.'
poem by Robert William Service
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Anal Narcotico
Babies asses profaned
By lustful
Psychopath' penises
Asses from which blood
And entrails' fragments
Spill out.
Inconceivable scream - tearing
Apart ears of the
Criminal
Who wants to fulfill
His sick mind,
Sick of emptiness that
Blows up his brain
Anal narcotic that allows
To unload animal lust.
Small object of orgiastic play
Choking in its yell - by sperm
Of the executioner
Who's got nothing
For his defense - except
Innocence
Raped eyes in deaf scream
Look for death that
Will release from
Pain,
Off "mother's pain",
When they came into
This world.
song performed by by Yattering
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Up Against The Wall Redneck Mother
(ray wylie hubbard)
He was born in oklahoma
His wifes name is betty jo thelma liz.
Hes not responsible for what hes doing;
His mother made him what he is.
And its up against the wall redneck mother
Mother who has raised her son so well.
Hes thirty-four and drinking in them honky-tonks
Just kicking all them hippies asses raising hell.
Well, you know, he sure likes to drink that lone star beer
And he chases it down with that wild turkey bourbon liquor.
He got a 57 gmc pick em up truck with a gun rack
And a Id rather be a roper than a doper bumper sticker.
And its up against the wall redneck mother
Mother who has raised her son so well.
Hes thirty-four and drinking in them honky-tonks
Just kicking all them hippies asses raising hell.
M is for the mud flaps you gave me for my pick-up truck
O is for the oil I put in my pick-up truck, drain it out, and put grease on my hair,
T is for tolly parton,
H is for haggard
E is for el paso and
R is for redneck!
And its up against the wall redneck mother
Mother who has raised her son so well.
Hes thirty-four and drinking in them honky-tonks
Kicking all them hippies asses raising hell.
And its up against the wall redneck mother
Mother who has raised her son so well.
And hes thirty-four and drinking in them honky-tonks
Just kicking all them hippies asses raising hell.
Where, kinky ?
Where ? right here in the lone star caf in new york city!
song performed by by Kinky Friedman
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Winter Birthday (Life Poem)
Coffee and texts Happy Birthday
Snow outside makes it a brrrrday
Slip sliding to colleagues’ bonjours
Your fixed smile will be de rigueur
Tonight your turn to buy the drinks
Friends will all be there methinks
You hoping that their thoughtful gift
Will give you a twenty nine candles lift.
poem by Ian Beckett
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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All Of A Sudden
(andy partridge)
What can i say?
Why do we starve a thing thats near extinction?
From day to day,
These weeds of fear,
Are choking our conviction,
Life's like a jig-saw,
You get the straight bits,
But there's something missing in the middle.
All of a sudden,
We find the cupboard's bare.
All of a sudden,
We find heaven's not there.
All of a sudden,
We find the sun's gone cold.
All of a sudden
We find we're more than old.
All of a sudden,
We find that we've lost love,
So please don't push or shove because,
It's too late,
It's too late,
In all your hurry you've accidentally locked the gate
What can we do?
Trying to stem the flow of sand is useless.
It's up to you start holding hands,
And watch the balance redress,
Life's like a firework,
You're only lit once,
And you must stand and radiate correctly.
All of a sudden,
We find the cupboard's bare.
All of a sudden,
We find heaven's not there.
All of a sudden,
We find the sun's gone cold.
All of a sudden
We find we're more than old.
All of a sudden,
We find that we've lost love,
So please don't push or shove because,
It's too late,
It's too late,
In all your hurry you've accidentally locked the gate
Love's not a product you can hoard or pack a suitcase with,
It's more a way you have to give.
All of a sudden,
We find the cupboard's bare.
All of a sudden,
We find heaven's not there.
All of a sudden,
We find the sun's gone cold.
All of a sudden
We find we're more than old.
All of a sudden,
We find that we've lost love,
So please don't push or shove because,
It's too late,
It's too late,
In all your hurry you've accidentally locked the gate your hurry you've accidentally locked the gate.
song performed by by Xtc
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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All Of A Sudden (It's Too Late)
W W W hat can I say? why do we starve a thing that near
W w W w W extinction? from day to day these weeds of fear
W W W are choking our conviction life's like a jig-saw
WWW WWW you get the straight bits but there's something missing
in the middle. all of a sudden we find the cupboard's bare
all of a sudden we find heaven's not there all of a sudden
we find the sun's gone cold all of a sudden we find we're
more than old all of a sudden we find that we've lost love
so please don't push or shove because it's too late it's too late
in all your hurry you've accidentally locked the gate
what can we do? trying to stem the flow of sand is useless.
it's up to you start holding hands and watch the balance redress
life's like a firework you're only lit once and you must stand
and radiate correctly. all of a sudden we find the-
cupboard's bare all of a sudden we find heaven's not there
all of a sudden we find the sun's gone cold all of a sudden
we find we're more than old all of a sudden we find that
we've lost love so please don't push or shove because it's
too late it's too late in all your hurry you've accidentally
locked the gate. love's not a product you can hoard or
pack a suitcase with it's more a way you have to give.
all of a sudden we find the cupboard's bare all of a sudden
we find heaven's not there all of a sudden we find the sun's
gone cold all of a sudden we find we're more than old
all of a sudden we find that we've lost love so please don't
push or shove because it's too late it's too late in all
your hurry you've accidentally locked the gate.
andy - lead and backing vocals, acoustic guitar colin - fretless
bass, backing vocals dave - electric 12-string guitar terry -
drums and percussion composed by a. partridge
song performed by by Xtc
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Asses
'I KNOW where I'd get
An ass that would do,
If I had the money
A pound or two.'
Said a ragged man
To my uncle one day;
He got the money
And went on his way.
And after that time
In market or fair
I'd look at the asses
That might be there.
And wonder what kind
Of an ass would do
For a ragged man
With a pound or two.
O the black and roan horses the street would fill,
Their manes and tails streaming, and they standing still,
And their owners, the men of estate, would be there,
Refusing gold guineas for a colt or a mare.
And one, maybe, riding up and down like a squire
So that buyers from Dublin might see and admire
The hunter or racer come to be sold
And be willing and ready to pay out their gold.
With men slouching beside them and buyers not near
It's no wonder the asses held down head and ear.
They had been sold or in by-ways bought
For a few half-crowns tied up in a knot,
And no one so poor as to buy one might come
To that fair that had horses so well prized at home!
And then it fell out
That at Arva or Scrabbey,
At some down-county fair,
Or Mohill or Abbey,
On two asses I happened
Without duress or dole
They were there in the market,
A dam and her foal.
And the owner, a woman,
Did not slouch or stand,
But in her cart sitting
Was as grand as the grand;
Like a queen out of Connacht
From her toe to her tip,
Like proud Crania Uaile
On the deck of her ship.
And her hair 'twas a mane:
The blackberries growing
Out of the hedge-rows
Have the sheen it was showing,
There kind was with kind
Like the flowers in the grasses
If the owner was fine,
As fine were her asses.
White, white was the mother
As a dusty white road;
Black on back and on shoulders
The cross-marking showed.
She was tall she could carry
A youth stout of limb,
Or bear down from her mountain
The bride decked for him!
Such was the mother
The foal's hide was brown,
All fleecy and curly,
And soft like bog-down;
And it nuzzled its mother,
Its head to her knee,
And blue were its eyes
Like the pools of the sea!
Then I thought all the silver
My uncle could draw
Might not pay for the creatures
That that day I saw;
And I thought that old Damer,
Who had troughs made of gold,
Could not pay for the asses,
The young and the old.
And I think of them still
When I see on the roads
Asses unyoked,
And asses with loads;
One running and trotting,
With harness loose,
And a man striking and hitting
Where his stick has use;
And one with a hide
Like a patched-on sack
And two creels of turf
Upon its back;
And one in the market,
Meek and brown,
Its head to the cart-shafts
That are down;
Eating its forage
A wisp of hay;
In the dust of the highway
Munching away;
Unmarked in the market
As might be a mouse
Behind a low stool
In a quiet house
Then I think of the pair
Horses might not surpass
The dam and her foal,
The white ass and brown ass.
poem by Padraic Colum
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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