The Weird Al Show Theme
Oh, this is a story bout a guy named al
And he lived in a sewer with his hamster pal
But the sanitation workers really didnt approve
So he packed up his accordion and had to move
To a city in ohio where he lived in a tree
And he worked in a nasal decongestant factory
And he played on the company bowling team
And every single night he had a strange recurring dream
Where he was wearing lederhose in a vat of sour cream
But thats really not important to the story
Well, the very next year he met a dental hygienist
With a spatula tatooed on her arm (on her arm)
But he didnt keep in touch
And he lost her number
Then he got himself a job on a tator tot farm
And he spent his life-savings on a split-level cave
Twenty miles below the surface of the earth (of the earth)
And he really makes a might fine jelly bean and pickle sandwich
For what its worth
Then one day al was in the forest trying to get a tan
When he heard the tortured screaming of a funny little man
He was caught in a beart trap and al set him free
And the guy that he rescued was grateful as could be
And it turns out hes a big-shot producer on tv
So he gives al a contract and whaddya know
Now hes got his very own weird al show
(much unintelligeable talking and yelling)
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Related quotes
Working At The Factory
All my life I've been a workin' man
When I was at school they said that's all you'll ever understand
No profession. I didn't figure in their plans
So they sent me down factory to be a workin' man
All I lived for, All I lived for
All I lived for was to get out of the factory
Now I'm here seemingly free, but working at the factory.
The music came along and gave new life to me
And gave me hope back in 1983
The music came and set me free
From working at the factory
All I lived for, All I lived for
All I lived for was to get out of the factory
All I lived for, All I lived for
All I lived for was to get out of the factory
Never wanted to be like everybody else
But now there are so many like me sitting on the shelf
They sold us a dream but in reality
It was just another factory
I made the music , thought that was mine
It made me free , but that was in another time
But then the corporations and the big combines
Turned musicians into factory workers on assembly lines.
All I lived for, All I lived for
All I lived for was to get out of the factory
We made the music to set ourselves free
From working at the factory.
All my life I've put in a working day
Now it's sign the contract. Get production on the way
Take the money, make the music pay
Working at the factory
All I lived for was to get out of the factory.
Never wanted to be like everybody else
But now there are so many like me sitting on the shelf
They sold us a dream but in reality
Was just another factory
Working at the factory.
song performed by by Kinks
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Talking 'Bout Yo Momma
1, 2, 3, 4. talking 'bout your mom... talking 'bout your mom... talking 'bout your mom... talking 'bout your mom... she's a whore bitch, gutter slut. likes to shove me up her butt. drives a pickle, wearing combat boots. while farting, she'll pick me up and give me a ride and drop me in front of the show. oh no, talking 'bout your mom... talking 'bout your mom... talking 'bout your mom... talking 'bout your mom...
song performed by by NOFX
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Spatula City
Announcer: theres just one place to go for all of your spatula needs
Random voice #1: spatula city
Random voice #2: spatula city
Announcer:
A giant warehouse of spatulas for every occasion. thousands to choose from in every shape, size, and color. and because we eliminate the middle man, we can sell all our spatulas factory direct t
. where do you go if you want to buy name brand spatulas at a fraction of retail cost?
Random voice: spatula city
Random voice: spatula city
Announcer:
And this weekend only, take advantage of our special liquidation sale. buy nine spatulas, get the tenth one for just one penny. dont forget, they make great christmas presents. and what better
O say I love you. than with the gift of a spatula?
Random voice: spatula city
Random voice: spatula city
Sy greenblum:
Hello, this is sy greenblum, president of spatula city. I liked their spatulas so much, I bought the company.
Announcer:
Spatula city - seven locations; were in the yellow pages under spatulas.
Neighbor: my, where did you get that lovely spatula?
Singers: spatula city: we sell apatulas, and thats all
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Wherever Would I Be
(dianne warren)
When my world is turning
When its turning upside down
When all I see is rain
When I think the night wont end
I just think of you
And I can see the sun again
Wherever would I be without you?
If I didnt have you, if I didnt have you
Whatever would I do now, baby?
Wherever would I be without you?
Id be nowhere, nowhere, Id be nowhere, nowhere
When the dreams I dream all seem a million miles away
When Im sure Ill never win
When its looking like Ive lost my faith
I just look at you baby, baby
And I got a reason to believe again, oh, oh
Wherever would I be without you?
If I didnt have you, ooh
Whatever would I do now, baby?
Wherever would I be without you?
Id be nowhere, Id be nowhere, Id be nowhere
Without you to love me
Just be wasting time
Going out of my mind
Wherever would I be without you?
If I didnt have you, if I didnt have you
Whatever would I do now baby?
Wherever would I be?
Id be nowhere, nowhere, Id be nowhere, nowhere, oh, oh
Wherever would I be? wherever would I be?
If I didnt have you, if I didnt, if I didnt, if I didnt have you, ah, ah
Id be nowhere, Id be nowhere
Without you, oh, oh
song performed by by Dusty Springfield
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Didnt We Almost Have It All
Remember when we held on in the rain
The night we almost lost it
Once again we can take the night into tomorrow
Living on feelings
Touching you I feel it all again
Chorus:
Didnt we almost have it all
When love was all we had worth giving?
The ride with you was worth the fall my friend
Loving you makes life worth living
Didnt we almost have it all
The night we held on till the morning
You know youll never love that way again
Didnt we almost have it all
The way you used to touch me felt so fine
We kept our hearts together down the line
A moment in the soul can last forever
Comfort and keep us
Help me bring the feeling back again
Chorus
Didnt we have the beat of times
When love was young and new?
Couldnt we reach inside and find
The world of me and you?
Well never lose it again
Cause once you know what love is
You never let it end
Chorus
song performed by by Whitney Houston
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I Didnt Want To Need You
Baby, I never gave my heart to anyone, oh no
Used to think that love was a game
I used to make it just for fun
When we spent the night together
Didnt mean it meant that much
Now I just cant live without your touch
I didnt wanna to need you, no
I didnt wanna want you like I do
I didnt mean to fall
Didnt wanna care at all
I didnt wanna need you
Like I need you now
I cant get no sleep
coz I keep thinking of you all through the
Night, oh yeah
My eyes cant wait to see you again
My arms cant wait to hold you tight oh yeah
And when youre laying here beside me
There is nothing else I need
Never thought that this could ever be
I didnt wanna to need you, oh no
I didnt wanna want you like I do
I didnt mean to fall
Didnt wanna care at all
I didnt wanna need you
Like I need you now
Ive always been free
To leave when I wanna leave
But its not up to me anymore
I didnt wanna need you ...
I didnt wanna to need you, no
I didnt wanna want you like I do
I didnt mean to fall
Didnt wanna care at all
I didnt wanna need you
But I need you now
song performed by by Heart
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Loneliest Rider
A long, long time ago there lived an indian boy,
When he came upon this earth he brought his family joy.
A paranoid young brave was he, inside his frame was some misery,
He heard the other warriors talking angrily bout the white man taking over his country.
Chorus
What he didnt know, is that some day his ma would be crying.
What he didnt know, is that some day his tribe would be dying.
What he didnt know, is that some day his fatherd be gone.
What he didnt know, is that some day hed be all alone.
None of the stories in the schoolbooks said it, the truth is gone and theyre tryin to forget it.
The history books are all one-sided, the truth is gone and their trying to hide it.
Who had the land till we came around? the indian made his life from the ground.
And what about the boy that this storys about? where his tee-pee once stood there now is a town.
Chorus
He was the loneliest rider on the plain.
He was the loneliest rider on the plain.
He was the loneliest rider on the plain.
song performed by by Grand Funk Railroad
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Ladder
Once upon a time in the land of sinaplenty
There lived a king who didnt deserve 2 be
He knew not where he came from
Nor where he was going
He never once said thank u, never please
Now this king he had a subject named electra
Who loved him with a passion, uncontested
4 him each day she had a smile
But it didnt matter
The king was looking 4 the ladder
Everybodys looking 4 the ladder
Everybody wants salvation of the soul
The steps u take are no easy road
But the reward is great
4 those who want 2 go
A feeling of self-worth (everybodys looking)
Will caress u (for the answers)
The size of the whole wide world will decrease (how the story started)
(and how it will end)
The love of gods creation will undress u
And time spent alone my friend, will cease
Everybodys looking 4 the answers
How the story started and how it will end
Whats the use in half a story, half a dream
U have 2 climb all of the steps in between (yeah, we ride)
Everybodys looking 4 the ladder
Everybody wants salvation of the soul
The steps u take are no easy road (the steps you take are no easy road)
(its not that easy)
But the reward is great
4 those who want 2 go (I do)
Everybody... everybodys looking (everybodys looking 4 the answers)
For the answers
Everybody wants to know how the story (how the story started)
Started and how it will end (started and how it will end)
Whats the use in half a story, (whats the use in half a story)
Half a dream (half of a dream)
U, u gotta climb, u gotta climb (u have 2 climb all)
All of the steps in between (the steps in between)
Everybody,
Everybodys looking 4 that ladder (everybodys looking 4 the ladder)
Everybody wants salvation of the soul (everybody wants salvation of the soul)
(salvation)
The steps u take are no easy road (the steps you take are no easy road)
(thats for sure)
But the reward is great (the reward is great)
4 those who want 2 go, (4 those who want 2 go)
Those who want 2 go
Everybody... everybody wants (everybodys looking 4 the answers)
An answer
Anyone who know how the story (how the story started)
Started, how it will end (started and how it will end)
Will it be lonely in the world (whats the use in half a story)
Whats the use? (half of a dream)
(have 2 climb all)
(the steps in between)
song performed by by Prince
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Cambodia
Written by ricky & marty wilde
Well he was thailand based
She was an airforce wife
He used to fly weekends
It was the easy life
But then it turned around
And he began to change
She didnt wonder then
She didnt think it strange
But then he got a call
He had to leave that night
He couldnt say too much
But it would be alright
He didnt need to pack
Theyd meet the next night
He had a job to do
Flying to cambodia
And as the nights passed by
She tried to trace the past
The way he used to look
The way he used to laugh
I guess shell never know
What got inside his soul
She couldnt make it out
Just couldnt take it all
He had the saddest eyes
The girl had ever seen
He used to cry some nights
As though he lived a dream
Ans as she held him close
He used to search her face
As though she knew the truth
Lost inside cambodia
But then a call came through
They said hed soon be home
She had to pack a case
And they would make a rendez-vous
But now a year has passed
And not a single word
And all the love she knew
Has disappeared out in the haze
Cambodia - dont cry now - no tears now
And now the years have passed
With not a single word
But there is only one thing left
I know for sure
She wont see his face again
song performed by by Kim Wilde
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Didnt I?
(carly simon)
Didnt I give you midnight?
Didnt I give you the month of june
Didnt I make it alright
When everything was ruined
Didnt I say didnt i
Didnt you say didnt I too
Didnt we both say didnt i
till didnt we say were through
Didnt I try, didnt I cry
Didnt i?
Sorry that your mother dropped you on your head
Maybe her mother dropped her too
In the end we all get dropped
We all get black and blue
But didnt I always love you long
When time was short and the night was cold
Didnt I admit that I was wrong
When the anger was new but the fight was old
Didnt I say didnt i
till didnt we say were through
Didnt I try, didnt I cry
Didnt i, didnt i,
Didnt I do?
song performed by by Carly Simon
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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No Way Out
No intentions
Whatsoever
I was gone for a night
Nothings forever
The cruel daylight
Brought me back to my senses (back to my senses)
Got caught in here
Under false pretenses
No way out
None whatever
I made up the story
Thought it was clever
She didnt ask
And I got no reply (got no reply)
But later that night
I heard her cry
Chorus:
No way out she doesnt buy my story
No way out she doesnt buy my story
No way out she doesnt buy my story
No way out she doesnt buy my story
No accusations
Whatsoever
But can she forget
Nothings forever
Since yesterday
Shes a little bit colder (little bit colder)
Wont happen again
What could Ive told her
No way out she doesnt buy my story
No way out she doesnt buy my story
No way out she doesnt buy my story
No way out she doesnt buy my story
Doesnt buy my story
How can she tell the truth from the lies
When does she know when to close her eyes
She doesnt want to lose me
So she only sees what she wants to see
No way out she doesnt buy my story
No way out she doesnt buy my story
No way out she doesnt buy my story
No way out, no way
No way out...
song performed by by Starship
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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No Way Out
No intentions
Whatsoever
I was gone for a night
Nothings forever
The cruel daylight
Brought me back to my senses
(back to my senses)
Got caught in here
Under false pretenses
No way out
None whatever
I made up the story
Thought it was clever
She didnt ask
And I got no reply
(got no reply)
But later that night
I heard her cry
No way out
She doesnt buy my story
No way out
She doesnt buy my story
No way out
She doesnt buy my story
No accusations
None, whatever
But can she forget
Nothings forever
Since yesterday
Shes a little bit colder
(little bit colder)
Wont happen again
What could Ive told her
No way out
She doesnt buy my story
No way out
She doesnt buy my story
No way out
She doesnt buy my story
Doesnt buy my story
How can she tell the truth from the lies
How does she know when to close her eyes
She doesnt want to lose me
So she only sees what she wants to see
No way out
She doesnt buy my story
No way out
She doesnt buy my story
No way out
She doesnt buy my story
No way out
No way out
No way out
song performed by by Jefferson Starship
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Its The Same Old Story
M. field / n. oliphant
The same old story
Its as old as the stars above
The same old story
Of a boy and a girl in love
The scenes say more moonlight
The times say more june light
Romances the thing
Two hearts away deep in a dream
The same old story
Its been told much too much before
The same old story
But its worth telling just once more
Its all fun and laughter
They lived ever after in ecstacy
The same old story but its new to me
song performed by by Billie Holiday
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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When I Was Your Age
Let me tell you sonny... let me tell you straight
You kids today aint never had it tough
Always had everything handed to you on a silver plate
You lazy brats think nothings good enough
Well, nobody ever drove me to school when it was ninety degrees below
We had to walk buck naked through forty miles of snow
Worked in the coal mines twenty two hours a day for just half a cent
Had to sell me internal organs just to pay the rent
When I was your age. when I was your age
When I was your age. when I was your age
Let me tell you something, you whiny little snot
Theres something wrong with all you kids today
You just dont appreciate all the things youve got
We were hungry, broken and miserable and we liked it fine that way
There were seventy three of us living in a cardboard box
All I got for christmas was a lousy bag of rocks
Every night for dinner, we had a big ol chunk of dirt
If we were really good, we didnt get dessert
When I was your age. when I was your age
When I was your age. when I was your age
Didnt have no telephone, didnt have no fax machine
All we had was a couple cans and a crummy piece of string
Didnt have no swimming pool when I was just a lad
Our neighbors mseptic tank was the closest thing we had
Didnt have no dental floss, had to use old rusty nails
Didnt have nintendo, we just poured salt on snails
Didnt have no water bed, had to sleep on broken glass
Didnt have no lawnmower, we used our teeth to cut the grass
Whats the matter now, sonny, you say you dont believe this junk?
You think my storys wearin kinda thin?
I tell you one thing, I never was such a disrespectful punk
Back in my time, we had a thing called discipline
Dad would whoop us every night till a quarter after twelve
Then hed get too tired and hed make us whoop ourselves
Then hed chop me into pieces and play frisbee with my brain
And let me tell ya, junior, you never heard me complain
When I was your age. when I was your age
When I was your age. when I was your age
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Thats Not Me
I had to prove that I could make it alone
But thats not me
I wanted to show how independent Id grown now
But thats not me
I could try to be big in the eyes of the world
What matters to me is what I could be to just one girl
Im a little bit scared
Cause I havent been home in a long time
You needed my love
And I know that I left at the wrong time
My folks when I wrote them
Told em what I was up to said thats not me
I went through all kinds of changes
Took a look at myself and said thats not me
I miss my pad and the places Ive known
And every night as I lay there alone I will dream
I once had a dream
So I packed up and split for the city
I soon found out that my lonely life wasnt so pretty
Im glad I went now Im that much more sure that were ready
I once had a dream
So I packed up and split for the city
I soon found out that my lonely life wasnt so pretty
I once had a dream
So I packed up and split for the city
I soon found out that my lonely life wasnt so pretty
song performed by by Beach Boys
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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1921
Lover:
Ive got a feeling twenty one
Is going to be a good year.
Especially if you and me
See it in together.
Father:
So you think 21 is going to be a good year.
It could be for me and her,
But you and her-no never!
I had no reason to be over optimistic,
But somehow when you smiled
I could brave bad weather
Mother:
What about the boy?
What about the boy?
What about the boy?
He saw it all!
Mother and father:
You didnt hear it
You didnt see it.
You wont say nothing to no one
Ever in your life.
You never heard it
Oh how absurd it
All seems without any proof.
You didnt hear it
You didnt see it
You never heard it not a word of it.
You wont say nothing to no one
Never tell a soul
What you know is the truth.
song performed by by Who
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Angel
You are my best friend,
And I love you.
You were always there to love me.
When I didnt love myself,
You bring out the best in me,
And I thank you.
Thank you for my life thanx for your advice,
Your wisdom and your strength.
My earth angel,
Thank you Im so grateful,
For trusting me and loving me,
With your love unconditionally.
My earth angel,
Thank you Im so grateful,
For trusting me and loving me,
With your love unconditionally.
You are my messenger,
From heaven.
No matter how unhappy I become,
You always find a way to make me smile.
And I admire you,
For your pure heart.
Youre always giving all of you to,
Everyone around you and I pray we never part.
My earth angel,
Thank you Im so grateful,
For trusting me and loving me,
With your love unconditionally.
My earth angel,
Thank you Im so grateful,
For trusting me and loving me,
With your love unconditionally.
And if it wasnt for you,
And if I didnt know you,
And if you never reached me,
And if you didnt teach me,
I wouldnt be who I am right now,
I wouldnt give what I give right now,
I wouldnt think what I think right now.
Im thanking you Im thanking you
My earth angel,
Thank you Im so grateful,
For you trusting me and loving me,
With your love unconditionally.
My earth angel,
Thank you Im so grateful,
For you trusting me and loving me,
With your love unconditionally
song performed by by Kelly Rowland
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Didnt Know It Was Love
It felt so easy in the morning sun
When love was in season I was on the run
I was lookin for trouble and the thrill of the chase
Love was lookin at me eye to eye, face to face
One touch shouldve told me, try and understand
Love was always a long shot to a gambling man
With a roll of the dice, girl I threw it away
Now Im thinkin bout you day and night, night and day
*didnt know it was love
Didnt know it was fate
Didnt know it was destiny callin
Tell me its never too late
Was I too blind to see
When push came to shove
You were all that I needed
Didnt know it was love*
Wasnt blind to the magic, you think Im so tough
Turning back on the thunder just aint good enough
I keep trying to shake you, there just aint no way
Now Im thinkin bout you day and night, night and day
(* repeat)
Those crazy nights on the borderline
Did my best to cut myself free
Stood alone, just a prisoner
Never knew you were holdin the key
(* repeat)
song performed by by Survivor
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Inside & Out
Released on spot the pigeon e.p., 1977.
Inside
Brother seems theyre letting him out next year
Hes behaving himself, I hear
Governor conway says it will be fine
Just as long as he can tow the line
Its the same old story
But it says here mum youre not to worry
cos some you lose and some you lose
At this party, he was on his own
All he did was say hed take her home
But it seems they didnt go straight there
cos on the porch, she told him,
Put your hand here
Yes its that same old story
They told her mum shes not to worry
Police if what she says is so,
Well never let him go!
Him never a word could be heard
Not even the sound of a bird
Singing it over again, telling a different story
Never the same as before
See the summer going out by the door
Brother and now that youve paid for those lies
Get another disguise
Its twenty years now since our kid came free
Oh I remember august 53
But it wasnt quite like they said
With that behind you, you cant plan ahead
Yes its the same old story
They say youre free, but dont worry
What they saids not so
Theyll never let you go!
Him never a word could be heard
Not even the sound of a bird
Singing it over again, telling a different story
Never the same as before
See the summer going out by the door
Brother and now that youve paid for those lies
Get another disguise
Out
song performed by by Genesis
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Planet Earth
I heard a girl in a dress
Say her face was a mess
I heard theres no reason why
I heard that nows the time to buy
On planet earth
Ill probably stay
On planet earth
Its a place to live your life
Where pleasure follows pain
People go insane
Fly around in planes
Pray that it wont rain
Drive around in cars
Get drunk in local bars
Dream of being stars
Well I lived all my life on planet earth
I saw a girl lose all control
When she lost her new mink stole
I saw her try to catch a man
Things I couldnt understand
On planet earth
Ill probably stay
On planet earth
Its a place to live your life
Where pleasure follows pain
People go insane
Fly around in planes
Pray that it wont rain
Drive around in cars
Get drunk in local bars
Dream of being stars
Well I lived all my life on planet earth
I saw a man on a stage
Scream put me back in my cage
I saw him hang by his tie
I saw enough to make me cry
On planet earth
On planet earth
I lived all my life on planet earth
I lived all my life on planet earth
On planet earth
(repeat)
song performed by by Devo
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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