Your Horoscope For Today
aquarius
There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a
Speeding bus
Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing whack-a-mole seventeen hours a
Day
Pisces
Try to avoid any virgos or leos with the ebola virus
You are the tru lord of the dance, no matter what those idiots at work say
Aries
The look on your face will be priceless when you find that forty pound
Watermelon in your colon
Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to meryl streep
Taurus
You will never find tru happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it?
The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go
Back to sleep
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
Gemini
Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence
Your love life will run into trouble when your fiance hurls a javelin through
Your chest
Cancer
The position of jupiter says you should spend the rest of the week face down in
The mud
Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver's
Test
Leo
Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's
Face, oh no
Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon of
Strawberry quik
Virgo
All virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent - except for you
Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled on a stick
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the
Relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep
Significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give
You my assurance that these forcasts and predictions are all based on solid,
Scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not
To reaize that every single one of the is absolutely true.
Where was i?
Libra
A big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more talented that
You
Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts
Next week
Scorpio
Get ready for an unexpected trip when you call screaming from an open window
Work a little harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak
Sagittarius
All your friends are laughing behind your back (kill them)
Take down all those naked pictures of ernest borgnine you've got hanging in
Your den
Capricorn
The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you know
They're lying
If i were you, i's lock my doors and windows and never never never never never
Leave my house again
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay)
That's your horoscope for today
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Related quotes
Horoscope
At one time, I used to read
my horoscope every day,
just to see what the stars
had in store for me.
It always seemed that
they were writing
about someone who wasn’t me.
The things they said were going to happen
and the dates they gave all went by,
but nothing ever happened.
They even asked those who wrote it,
did we get it right?
It made me wonder if they knew
what they were doing
or was it just one big sham.
I got tired of reading them
and now only do it for a laugh,
because whatever they say
is never going to come true.
Well, at least not for me.
Therefore, if you read your horoscope
and read religiously
just take it with a pinch of salt
is the advice I give to thee.
No one can predict
what will happen just to you.
Now I just like the mystery
that each new day brings
and it is much more fun that way.
19 January 2008
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Affirmations(2002-2004)
Today, I will get up before my alarm
Today, I won't close my eyes until dusk
Today, I will not get a speeding ticket
Today, I will count this day as a first
Today, I will enjoy the life that has been left to me
Today, I won't frown over the may-have-beens
Today, I won't cry over the should-have-beens
Today, I won't wonder about the could-have-beens
Today, I'll smile.......Today, I'll Laugh.... Today, I'll relax
Today, I won't feel alone because I don't see you
Today, I'll find something new that wasn't true of you
Today, I won't be afraid to look upon a new face
Today, I'll step up and take my place
Today, I won't think about what I've lost
Today, I'll look forward instead of behind
Today, I'll find some piece of mind
Today, I'll hope.... Today, I'll pray... Today, I'll believe
Today, I'll dream as if I always did
Today, I'll wish on a star the way I used to
Today, I'll reach for the heavens and sigh
Today, My heart will start to heal
Today, the biggest miracle is ME.
Today, Yesterday's problems ceased to be
Today, the rain has stopped and the sun has returned
Today, the breath of kindness is found in words
Today, I wonder.... Today, I am a child.
poem by Lillian B. Rose
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Today
There has been a day like today
But a fresh new day is today
It is a unique day today
It is wide open today
All the answers for our questions has today
Let us dream today
Let us laugh today
Let us share our love today
Let us express our greatness today
Let us trade many a yesterday for today
Let us perform our tasks today
Let us make it a magnificent today
Let us thank God for giving life today
Let us thank God for seeing His creations today
Let us love most about today
A golden day is today
For it is a fact today
It has arrived today!
poem by Chandra Thiagarajan
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The Man of Her Dreams
today is the day i marry the man of my dreams
today is the day all my worries will be deceased
today is the day all my dreams will come true
today is the day that i say i do
today is the day that two become one
today is the day to rejoice and have fun
today is the day i give you my heart because i knew i loved you from the start
today is the day you take my hand and we have our first weddeing dance
today is the day that ive been waitin for
today is the day that i can truely say that i am yours
today is the day to see family and friends
today is the day you became my one and only man
today is the day`to laugh joke and play
today is the day that my father gives me away
today is the day i marry the man of my dreams
today is the day ive been dreamin about in my sleep
today is the day
poem by Nene Brock
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I Wished Upon My Life Today
I wished upon my life today
I wean upon my life today
I bet upon my life today
I borrowed upon my life today
I feasted upon my life today
I fell upon my life today
I paid upon my life today
I plead upon my life today
I frowned upon my life today
I flew upon my life today
I smoked upon my life today
I shitted upon my life today
I pissed upon my life today
I pass upon my life today
I sneezed upon my life today
I sneaked upon my life today
I asked upon my life today
I ate upon my life today
I wept upon my life today
I won upon my life today.
I prayed upon my life today.
poem by David E. Patton
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Today...
Today, the leaves were greener
Today, the sky wasn’t grey
Today, the sun was brighter
Yes, it changed today
Today, people transformed
Today, they weren’t rude
Today, I felt loved
All just today, it’s true
Today, I lived for today
Today, was not for the future
Today, was a great day
Not menial, tiring, brutal
Today, I laughed in silence
Today didn’t make me cry
Today, everything became clearer
But, today, I couldn’t figure out why
And today, if everything changed
And today, if it wasn’t a dream
I don’t know what happened
But today will become everyday, it seems.
poem by Shreya Madhogarhia
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Is Today the Day
Is today the day
we tell Satan flee
is today the day
we will be free
Is today the day
we curl and run
is today the day
we use that gun
Is today the day
much like before
Is today the day
to close the door
Is today the day
the walls come down
Is today the day
we will abound
Is today the day
we ask Jesus in
Is today the day
life begins again
Is today the day
we help a friend
is today the day
Will we let Him in
(2005)
poem by Linda Fleming
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Live your day...
Today, forget your past;
Today, don't worry about tomorrow.
Today, the life is vast;
Today, forget the joy and sorrow.
Today, don't belong to any caste;
Today, fill in your prevailing hollow.
Today, live in minute;
Today, work in the moment.
Today, the hero stands high;
Today, there's no time for a sigh.
Today, persevere in today;
Today, is the moment.
poem by Aashish Kalra
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What Shall I Do Today?
Today,
all the events shall be taken as God's wish.
Today,
I shall love everyone.
Today,
I shall speak only truth.
Today,
I shall have pure and clean thoughts.
Today,
I shall spend the whole day in pursuit of Happiness.
Today,
i shall be polite and nice to people.
Today,
I shall not curse to anyone.
Today,
Whatever work is assigned to me shall be completed.
Today,
I shall be courteous to people.
Today,
Who ever approaches me with a problem or request shall go back satisfied.
Today,
I shall try to reform myself as much as possible.
Today,
I shall repent for all my ill deeds.
poem by Ginni Aggarwal
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It is a New Day
Today is a new day
today is a new life
today, yes today is a special day
it never has occurred before
the sun light cast on today is ancient
the words I will speak will be for the first time, today
The air I breath is new today
the aches are new as well
the feelings are new today
my cats meow is new today
todays lunch I have is new
the thoughts I think are new today
the life I live today is new
indeed today is a new day
poem by Bullion Grey
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Just for today...
Just for today I will start my day the right way
Just for today I will pray on my knees
Just for today I will be thankful for all my treasures
Just for today I will lean more into His understanding.
Just for today I will be confidant and share my heart
Just for today I will not be afraid
Just for today I will Love myself unconditionally
just for today I will extend grace to all I know.
Just for today I will be BOLD and Courageous
Just for today I will share my hopes and dreams
Just for today I will listen to others as well...
and just for today I will help others succeed.
Just for today I will accept myself for who I am
Just for today I will work on my gifts...and
Just for today I will extend a hand to a fellow man
Just for today I will know God put me on this earth to Give.
Written July 9 2008
poem by Shelley L Baxter Stanley
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Just for today...
Just for today I will start my day the right way
Just for today I will pray on my knees
Just for today I will be thankful for all my treasures
Just for today I will lean more into HIS understanding
Just for today I will be confidant and share my heart
Just for today I will not be afraid
Just for today I will Love myself unconditionally
just for today I will extend grace to all I know
Just for today I will be BOLD and Courageous
Just for today I will share my hopes and dreams
Just for today I will listen to others as well...
and just for today I will help others succeed.
Just for today I will accept myself for who I am
Just for today I will work on my gifts...and
Just for today I will extend a hand to a fellow man
Just for today I will know God put me on this earth to Give
Written July 9 2008
poem by Shelley L Baxter Stanley
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After Today
Woo
Thaaa
Thaaa
Always in trouble
Never to blame
Must be a double
You are the same
Here it comes again
Doing the wrong thing
Forgetting your li..ines
Waiting for something better to shine
Take that same okay
After today, fortune man will find you
After today, they will find you working
After today, youll find the ones youre after
After today, look out, after today
What kind of rescue?
What will you be?
Where can you take it, baby boy? for me
Break that heart for me
After today, the fortune fan will find you
After today, they will fly you away
After today, youll find the one youre after
After today, look out, after today
After today, the fortune fan will find you
After today, they will fly you away
After today, youll find the one youre after
After today, look out, after today
Today
After today
After toda-ay, hey
Look out, after today
Ah, yeah
Look, ah (laughter)
(spoken : I was gettin in to that)
(laughter)
song performed by by David Bowie
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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If Not
If not for my Father, would I be what I am today?
If not for my Mother, would I be what I am today?
If not for my Teachers, would I be what I am today?
If not for my Brothers, would I be what I am today?
If not for my Sisters, would I be what I am today?
If not for my Spouse Dear, would I be what I am today?
If not for my Children, would I be what I am today?
If not for my Good Deeds, would I be what I am today?
If not for my Talents, would I be what I am today?
If not for my Hard Work, would I be what I am today?
If not for my Blessings, would I be what I am today?
If not for my Country, would I be what I am today?
If not for my Dear GOD, would I be what I am today?
Copyright by Dr John Celes 11-12-2004
poem by John Celes
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January Stars
Ten below and falling fast
Those days of summer were long past
My horoscope said you'd come back
I have my doubts, you see
And as I watched the mercury
And thought about the prophecy
A new moon and an early thaw
I watched the door for you
If January stars came true
And as I gaze at winter stars
The second house conjunct with Mars
They would suggest that we'll be one
I have my doubts, you see
If I maintain a skeptic's eye
And train the other on the sky
I'd eat my hat if it came true
I'd probably eat yours too
If January stars came true
If January stars came true
Now I'm in a pretty mess
It's getting warmer I confess
My horoscope said you'd come back
I have my doubts it's true
And as I watched the mercury
And thought about the prophecy
A new moon and an early thaw
I left the door for you
If January stars
If January stars
If January stars came true
January stars
song performed by by Sting
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Maybe Today
Maybe today
Maybe tomorrow
Maybe someday
Things shall be any different
Than they are today
Maybe today the moon shall smile
Maybe today the world will dance
To the music and rhythm of yesterday’s drums
Maybe today our visions will rise to its Zenith
Maybe today we shall walk on the wire of our purest imaginations
Maybe today is all we have to become the architects of our fate
Maybe today is the perfect time to make peace
Maybe today is the best day chosen to forgive and let go
Maybe today is the time to be better people than we were yesterday
Maybe today is the best day to say ”AM SORRY”
Maybe today is the day to climb the highest mountain of purpose.
Who knows what tomorrow has in store?
poem by Irenio Irenaeus Bero
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Today's Gone...
*****************
Today's Gone
*****************
Today's gone,
Its gone with the wind,
I don't know where its gone...
But today's gone!
I don't know where i m going,
For all i know to be left alone,
Today's Gone,
Its Gone with the wind...
I took a walk on lonely road,
To where the heart wants,
Today's gone,
Its gone with the wind...
Heart sings the tune,
It feels like June,
Today's gone,
It's gone with the wind...
Rock on, they 're all gone,
The Hendrix, Cobain and Page,
Today's gone,
It's gone with the wind...
'Imagine there's no countries' said John,
Wish the terrorism from the world is withdrawn,
Today's gone,
It's gone with the wind..
'Nothing Else Matters'; Says Met,
Strum the Guitar and play the frets,
For Today's gone,
It's gone with the wind...
I got something to say,
It was wonderful day today,
Today's gone,
Its gone with the wind...
poem by Sam Kanabar
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What's the use of consulting a dead man's horoscope?
Happy birthday friend
Today a close friend will celebrate his best day
Today is not like any other day
Today is the twenty-third of may
Today he will we have plenty to play
Today is special for you and I
Today lions roar while horses neigh
People will respect as if you're their bey
Today a sculpture will be built for you from clay
This day you'll recognize that you are no longer the prey
You're the predator and everyone should pay
As for me i know you'll have mercy on your special day
Today the truth of people will be apparent never forget the lie
Today you'll be the king and every one else servants to his majesty
Some holds jugs others plates while most of them the special tray
Today what can i tell you it's a very special day
Today is simply a day never to forget
Today is your birthday
Happy birthday
Special Day
Today is my day,
and no one elses around.
Today is my day and celebrated all around.
Today my grandparents come and the birds cherp.
Today is my day.
Today is my day I get stuff I wanted.
Today is my day.
and after dinner I get a cake with candels.
Today is my day,
all the way until midight.
Today is my day,
but now it is someones some where else.
7073
poem by Monkey 7073
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