COUCH POTATO
Parody of "Lose Yourself" by Eminem
Look
If you had
One shot
To sit on your lazy butt
And watch all the TV you ever wanted
Until your brain turned to mush
Would you go for it
Or just let it slip?
Yo
Remote is ready
Eyes wide, palms are sweaty
There's Flintstone's on the TV already
Wilma N' Betty
No virgin to channel surfin
And I'm HD ready
So I flip, garbage is all I'm getting
There's Simon Cowell
Who folks wanna disembowel
He opens his mouth, always says something foul
They're dying, Wow!
Wannabe's are crying now
He votes them out
Time to throw in the towel
Show's based on reality
Oh the humanity!
Oh! Ozzy's family!
Sho' loves profanity!
Whoa! The insanity!
Oh! Dogs that crap and pee
Home of depravity?
No! They live happily
Yo! Plus "The Ali G Show"
And "Celebrity Mole"
Oh there's Anna Nicole
She's scaring me
"Look ma, no cavities!"
Oh! It's a station break
Better go out to the kitchen and microwave something
"You're gonna lose your mind watchin TV"
They told me, they'd scold me
But I still tune in every show (show)
My cable gets C-SPAN, TV Land and HBO
The Travel Channel, Discovery, and Lifetime (yo)
"You're gonna lose your mind watchin' TV"
They told me, cajoled me
"Turn off those music videos!" (no!)
I'm gonna watch C-SPAN TV Land and HBO
The History Channel and QVC and Lifetime (yo)
"You're Gonna..."
My butt is aching
As I watch NASCAR racing
That show about undertaking
Larry King to "24" to "Law and Order"
The Weather Channel's boring like 60 Minutes
Ancient reporters next up on "E True Hollywood Story"
The rise and decline of twelve actors named Corey
Shows for next fall, they've already been naming
"CSI: Boise", and "Touched By An Uncle", both sound prettying lame, man
so does "Everybody Tolerates Raymond"
and "King of Queens" jumped the shark the first minute
I can't believe Richard Simmons ain't in it.
I'll move right on to "8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenaged Daughter"
Then I bet I'll watch "The Bachelorette"
Followed by "Welcome Back, Kotter"
And "The Muppet Show" where they go "Mahna Mahna"
"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"
They told me, they'd scold me
But I still tune in every show (show)
My cable gets C-SPAN, TV Land and HBO
The Disney Channel, and A&E and Lifetime
"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"
They told me, cajoled me
But I still love Lisa Kudrow (drow)
I'm lookin' at C-SPAN, TV Land and HBO
The Playboy Channel and Court TV and Lifetime (yo)
Never missed "Melrose Place" or "Lost in Space"
I've seen each "Amazing Race" and "Without a Trace"
But I only watched "Will and Grace" one time one day
Wished I hadn't cause TiVo now thinks I'm gay
Oh, and "Fear Factor" I watched maybe a half hour
After that felt like I needed a long shower
Network execs with naked ambition
"Next week on FOX - watch lions eat Christians!"
Like to tie up those programming planners
Make'em watch all of that junk 'til their heads explode just like "Scanners"
Leech-covered grub-eating fools on "Survivor"
Look, there's James Lipton discussing the oeuvre of Mr. Rob Schneider
And there's Gilligan and SpongeBob, plus there's MacGyver
And Jay Leno has got Madonna and hey, there's Luke Perry
And a special all pig-latin episode of "Drew Carey"
Wanna turn on ET cause I'm a gossip freak
And I gotta know who J. Lo is marryin' this week
A 30 second spot, then we come back to "Are You Hot?"
I was planning on recording "The Sopranos". I forgot!
I love shows with or without a plot
I stare 'til my legs are numb, my eyes bloodshot
Because I only have got
one brain to rot
I'm gonna spend my life watching television a lot
"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"
They told me, they'd scold me
But I still tune into every show (show)
My cable's gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
The Sci-Fi Channel and AMC and Lifetime (yo!)
"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"
They told me, cajoled me,
"Turn off that Oprah Winfrey show!" (no!)
I got it on C-SPAN, TV Land and HBO
The Learning Channel and MTV and Lifetime (yo!)
You can watch anything you want to, man.
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Related quotes
Chick Flicks, Just Won't, Get It.
You would probably have to put hot coals under my feet...
To drag my butt, into the sneak peek, of a chick flick.
I am a romantic, but spare me the gushing muck...
No such mush for me, not that mush, would I wish to see.
Not even if the admittance-were free...
Let me be, let me be.
Action is where I'm at....
Not viewing a film about a talking, baby, dog, or cat.
Comedy will move my feet...
That type of film, will be my treat.
Romantic mush...
Won't make me gush.
Only action...
Will get my feet like, attraction.
poem by Michael Gale
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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A Challenge to the Dark
shot in the eye
shot in the brain
shot in the ass
shot like the affectionate mom
planting her kiss
everywhere over her sweet child
inspired by
A Challenge To The Dark
shot in the eye
shot in the brain
shot in the ass
shot like a flower in the dance
Charles Bukowski
poem by John Tiong Chunghoo
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Superman
[Dina Rea:]
Mmmhh
[Eminem:]
You high baby?
[Dina Rea:]
Yeahh...
[Eminem:]
Yeah?
[Dina Rea:]
hahaha..Talk to me...
[Eminem:]
You want me to tell you somethin?
[Dina Rea:]
Uh huh...
[Eminem:]
I know what you wanna hear...
'Cuz I know you want me baby I think I want you too...
[Dina Rea:]
I think I love you baby...
[Eminem:]
I think I love you too...
I'm here to save you girl
song performed by by Eminem from The Eminem Show
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Lose My Way
On this count
Ok
One two three four
Summer leaves when autumn falls
Winter waiting by the wall
Going oh - ah oh ha ah
How will we ever know
I believe in here again
And I can hear the angels singing
Oh - ah oh ha ah
How will we ever know
And californias on my brain
And Im about to lose my way
Summer whispers in the wind
I can hear the angels calling
Oh - ah oh ha ah
How will we ever know
Some are weak and some are wise
And summer comes as no surprise
And oh - ah oh ha ah
How will we ever know
And californias on my brain
And Im about to lose my way
I can feel it
Im about to lose my way
Can you hear it
Im about to lose my way (to lose my way)
And Im about to lose my way (to lose my way)
And Im about to do my brain
Yea but somewhere in the blue youre being
Im about (to lose my way)
And Im about to do my brain
Yea but somewhere in the blue youre being
song performed by by Men Without Hats
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Through My Heart (The Arrow)
[Brain Mcknight]
Quietly I watch you sleep
Hopefully you won't hear what I say
Wondering if I turned the clouds
Happy the moment I tasted your rain
Tonight was the night
That I saw my first sight
Of how pleasure wins over pain
Now I know what I know
Don't wanna ever let you go
I just hope that you feel the same
You shot your arrow
Through my restless
song performed by by Az Yet from Az Yet
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Butt Town
The cops are well-groomed, with
Muscled physiques in butt town
Their tan uniforms are tailored in chic
In butt town
Any young black male who walks down the street
Is gonna get stopped by a car full of meat
But the girl with the hair
Flies by in her underwear-
Shes done nothing so far to deserve that car
When you live in butt town
You gotta get down
But in butt town Im learnin
In butt town Im earnin
In butt town Im turnin
Into my worst nightmare
Im tellin you, its a motley crew in butt town
Monday youre new, and friday youre through
In butt town
The producer is wily, and owns what he sells
The talent is eager to go straight to hell
Th tits are amazing, and everyones gazing
At some body part-
Thats the nature of art in butt town
All over butt town dreams have a show down
All over butt town values are thrown down
But in butt town Im learnin
In butt town Im earnin
In butt town Im turnin
Into my worst nightmare
In butt town baby
Im gonna be a star
Im gonna shake my butt far
Now here we go
Im gonna shake my butt
Shake my butt shake my butt
In butt town
song performed by by Iggy Pop
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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In The Name Of Angels
Jenny had a vision
Jenny had a vision of her mother dancing
In the middle of a million rainbows
And everywhere you look were the lovers dancing
In the middle of expanding halos
And jenny held johnny with the sweetest promise
Please tell me which way your name goes
When all he really wanted was to be his fondest
He never really liked tornados
Theyre all in the name of angels
Singing
Johnny had a vision of the understanding
But he couldnt tell his mom or me, no!
He said it was a mission that we took for granted
Tell me which way the rain bows
And jenny heard johnny make the sweetest promise
And sounded like theyd won the game show
And all he really wanted was to be his proudest
He never really liked tornadoes
Theyre all in the name of angels
Singing
You can lose your head
You can lose your mind
You can lose your way (you can lose your way)
Keep your eyes and still be blind
And you can lose your head
You can lose your mind
And you can lose your brain
Keep your eyes and still be blind
Jenny loves johnny like the earth and sun
In the middle of a moment they can will all become
Johnny loves jenny like the wind and sea
In the middle of forever we can all be free
Jenny loves johnny like the earth and sun
In the middle of a moment they will all be one
Johnny loves jenny like the wind and sea
In the middle of forever we can all be free
Say
You can lose your head
You can lose your mind
You can lose your way (you can lose your way)
Keep your eyes and still be blind
And you can lose your head
You can lose your mind
And you can lose your brain
Keep your eyes and still be blind
And you can lose your head
You can lose your mind
And you can lose your brain
Keep your eyes and still be blind
Mommy
song performed by by Men Without Hats
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Lazy People
Lazy is as lazy does,
Which is do nothing really,
Coz Lazy is as always does,
Make us do nothing freely.
Lazy people are no crazy people.
Lazy people are truly smart people.
Fast tricks, short fix type of people.
So Lazy has it's good and bad,
Are you lazy? Ask your Dad.
We have our lazy days,
We have our lazy ways.
Do you qualify the breed?
Bring your eyes to feed,
On lazy poems, read.
Inactivity Created
Lazy.
A feast of ignorance,
Has fed them well.
Lazy.
Delusionists speak of their triumphs.
Glorify in imaginations.
Party in their sweat.
Yet few work...
To where they need to get!
Lazy.
Creatures seeking credentials.
But absent of common sense.
Lazy.
Exhausted from thoughts!
With no intent meant.
Lazy.
Approached to verify all they claim.
And when there is nothing there...
They play the blame game.
Accusing some of being 'lucky' in life...
And every excuse they use is lame.
Lazy.
They watch a way of life diminish.
Lazy.
They wish their fantasies replenished.
Lazy.
But when a working ethic isn't there to be done,
They point a finger at everyone.
And more like them are relieved...
So many like them believe,
If it had not been for someone else...
Success they too could achieve.
But those who bust their butts can see...
These folks appreciate,
Only another pretention they can make!
And taking time to waste.
But don't call them...
Lazy.
That's a word they hate!
But keep dates with it to salivate...
An inactivity created!
There is no debate,
To contemplate this observation.
They are without hesitation of doubt...
Lazy!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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A Challenge To The Dark
shot in the eye
shot in the brain
shot in the ass
shot like a flower in the dance
poem by Charles Bukowski
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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These Years Are More Golden
When you pinched my butt,
Of course I knew.
I know it is muscular,
And it is attractive to you.
But why did you sneak,
Just one pinch?
I was waiting to be convinced,
You wanted to be screwed too!
That one pinch did for me...
A rising I forgot could lift.
Since I turned 62!
And so prepared was I.
But you just wanted to see what I would do.
How 'rude' of you!
These years are more golden,
Than ever I thought I would behold!
I don't want to hear you giggle.
I want to feel you sweat!
And submissive under my control.
Doing something we both will not soon forget.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Slip Slidin Away
Words & music by paul simon
Slip slidin away
Slip slidin away
You know the nearer your destination
The more youre slip slidin away
I know a man
He came from my home town
He wore his passion for his woman
Like a thorny crown
He said delores
I live in fear
My love for yous so overpowering
Im afraid that I will disappear
Slip slidin away
Slip slidin away
You know the nearer your destination
The more youre slip slidin away
I know a woman
Became a wife
These are the very words she uses
To describe her life
She said a good day
Aint got no rain
She said a bad days when I lie in bed
And think of things that might have been
Slip slidin away
Slip slidin away
You know the nearer your destination
The more youre slip slidin away
And I know a fa-ther
Who had a son
He longed to tell him all the reasons
For the things hed done
He came a long way
Just to explain
He kissed his boy as he lay sleeping
Then he turned around and headed home again
Slip slidin away
Slip slidin away
You know the nearer your destination
The more youre slip slidin away
God only knows
God makes his plan
The informations unavailable
To the mortal man
We work our jobs
Collect our pay
Believe were gliding down the highway
When in fact were slip slidin away
Slip slidin away
Slip slidin away
You know the nearer your destination
The more youre slip slidin away
Slip slidin away
You know the nearer your destination
The more youre slip slidin away
Mmm...
song performed by by Paul Simon
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Eminem is more like a friend. And I'm also a fan on Eminem.
quote by Obie Trice
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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One Shot At Love
One shot
Oh lord
You know, its gonna be a lot of negative things surroundin you
Tryin to pull you down
But what you have to remember is
Its up to you - its your choice
You only get one shot in life
And you only get one shot at love
Did you ever notice - everytime you fall in love
And it seems like you finally met the perfect match
Everything is perfect, it seems divine
But for some strange reason, theres always a catch
Its a one-way relationship, it hurts inside
One person smirks while the other one cries
Butterflies in the stomach of the one whose in love
It cuts like a knife, the truth mixed with lies
One shot (one shot at love..)
One shot at love, one shot (one shot at love..)
One shot at love, one shot (one shot at love..)
One shot at love, one shot (one shot at love..)
Thats all you get
Physical and mental, those are two different loves
Physicals a moment, mental is forever
If the physical fades and gets weak, all of a sudden
Remember, its the mental love that keeps you together
You gotta be strong and endure the hard times
Cause af-ter hard times, good times, always follow
And when youre kissin and huggin and makin love
Treat that person like theres no tomorrow
One shot (one shot at love..)
One shot at love, one shot (one shot at love..)
Thats all you get baby; one shot at love, one shot (one shot at love..)
One shot at love, one.. shot.. (one shot at love..)
Thats all you get {*sniff*}
Jealousy - dont let it interfere
Dont let it come in between
The love you two share, cause jealousys a hateful god
So merciless and mean
And its only job in life, is to ruin relationships
And pit two people against, one another
And because of this god, the one you love so much
Will no longer be your lover
One shot (one shot at love..)
Aww baby, one shot at love, one shot (one shot at love..)
Thats all we get, one shot at love, one shot (one shot at love..)
I mean this baby, one shot at love, one shot (one shot at love..)
Thats all..
I hope you understand what I just said
All Im sayin is that you only get one shot at love in life
And you have to hold on to that shot, take advantage of it
Cause when you lose it, its gonna hurt real bad
Take it from me
You only get one shot, and I mean that
One shot
You only get you only get you only get one (2x)
One shot at love..
You only get you only get you only get one (2x)
One shot at love..
You only get you only get you only get one (2x)
One shot at love..
You only get you only get you only get one (2x)
One shot at love.. {*fades*}
song performed by by LL Cool J
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Someone To Love
Darling i, I was a fool, oh what a fool, I thought you were cool,
Now Im a victim of things that you do,
I just wanted someone to love, so I became a victim of love.
Lonely nights, spent all alone by a lonesome telephone,
You never called, youd never come,
I just wanted someone to love, so I became a victim for love.
Darling i, I was a fool and so you used me just like a clown,
Oh I just wanted someone to love, so I became a victim for love.
Mon cherie, jetais une folle, completement conne, tu netais pas con.
Je veux te baiser, tu le mal que tu mas fait,
Oh I just wanted someone to love, so I became a victim for love.
Why did you let go? why did I lose,
When did love slip away, I though we were always going to stay,
Oh baby, where were you when I needed you,
Oh I just wanted someone to love, so I became a victim of love.
song performed by by Grace Jones
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Dealing with backstabbers, there was one thing I learned. They're only powerful when you got your back turned.
But then, I just decided to get off my lazy butt and take advantage of the L.A. weather.
quote by Jason Biggs
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Bicycle Wheels
Life is to be lived on the positive tip
Never lose the ground
You never gonna slip
If you never lose the ground
Always draw the line
Never wear the frown
Shouldve got myself some bicycle wheels
Shouldve got myself some bicycle wheels
Shouldve got myself some bicycle wheels
On the wings of steel
Theres dinosaurs in countries
Everyone that Ive seen
Theres dinosaurs in countries
If you know what I mean
I always keep a watch on the ever changing future
Doing what I want
And you could do what suits you
I said throw your hands in the air
I like to see your armpit hair
Throw your hands in the air
I like to see your armpit hair
Life is to be lived on the positive tip
Ill never lose the ground
You know Im never gonna slip
Never gonna slip, cause I never lose the ground
Always draw the line
You know I never wear the frown
song performed by by Ugly Kid Joe
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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If I Wanted To
If I wanted to I could do anything right
I could dance with the devil on a
Saturday night
If I wanted to I could turn matches to gold
I could smoke drink swear and I would never
grow old
I wouldn't have to be in love with you
If I only wanted to
If I only wanted to
If I wanted to I could run fast as a train
Be as sharp as a needle that's twisting your brain
If I wanted to I could turn mountains to sand
Have political leaders in the palm of my hand
I wouldn't have to be in love with you
If I only wanted to
If I only wanted to
I could leave tonight
And I would be all right
Stop holding on
If I wanted to
If I only wanted to
If I wanted to I could be as patient as death
Fix this hole in my heart leaking into my flesh
If I wanted to I could turn sparks into ice
There'd never be another woman who could make you
think twice
I wouldn't have to be in love with you
If I only wanted to
If I only wanted to
song performed by by Melissa Etheridge
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Brain Tap Shuffle
Take the worst of this quirky world
Roll it up in a ball
Add the hair of a go-go girl
Turn it into a dance that's called
The bloody...
Brain Tap Shuffle
Lose your mind
You'll see the oceans part
You'll think your goin' blind
You can talk about your daily grind
While she'll dish out the soft shoe
If makin' money doesn't suit your mind
We've got something here
Here for you
You can sit there and suck your thumb
Hear the rock and roll hum
But you're just a crazy wall flower
Till you join all your friends on the floor
And do the...
Brain Tap Shuffle
Lose your mind
You'll see the oceans part
You'll think your goin' blind
Take your clothes off and start to shake
Shake rattle and roll
Watch the walls and the ceiling quake
Let it move your body and soul
And do the...
Brain Tap Shuffle
Lose your mind
You'll see the oceans part
You'll think your goin' blind
song performed by by Steely Dan
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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