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<div style="background:#fff;border:#bbb dashed 1px;padding:5px"><a href="http://en.citatepedia.ro/comments.php?id=554078" style="color:#000;text-decoration:none"><div style="margin:10px 0"><strong>Go Ahead, Call Me A Pig, I’ve Heard Worse</strong></div><div style="margin:10px 0">(A narrative) </div><div style="margin:10px 0">Met her at the seminar and asked her over for an <br>early dinner. I assured her my aim was not to get <br>into her pants. I said, “It would be too soon for <br>me.” I use that line all the time and they usually <br>buy it.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">Showed her some poetry books, asked about her <br>childhood and her family. I don’t even remember <br>her answers. She showed me some pictures from <br>her wallet – her cousin or a friend or something, <br>I don’t remember.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">I displayed confidence in the kitchen but not too <br>much, more like a world-weary confidence, as if <br>I’d been doing this chef thing for years, adding <br>pinches of things with an understated flourish, <br>displaying the requisite false modesty after I fed <br>her a sip of the sauce with the wooden spoon, with <br>my other hand palm-up underneath her chin - I <br>always like that nurturing, semi-intimate gesture - <br>and she swooned at the taste and hopefully at the <br>thought of a man who (supposedly) loved to cook.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">I tried to agree with most of the things she said <br>over dinner, furrowing my brow and pursing my <br>lips when I wanted her to think she had made a <br>point worth pondering. I intentionally forgot to <br>light the candles so that she could do it as a small <br>act of taking care of me. I made sure to tell her <br>about some of my embarrassing moments that <br>never happened. </div><div style="margin:10px 0">We went for a stroll in the park after dinner. I <br>wanted her to think I loved children. I pointed at <br>one and said, “Look at that cute kid.” Almost any <br>kid would have sufficed. The one I picked was <br>playing with a ball or a stick or something.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">I sensed things were going well so it was time to <br>bring up my old girlfriend so that we could talk <br>about relationships. I looked for an opportunity. <br>When she said she liked country music, I lied that <br>my old girlfriend was a big country music fan. <br>She took the bait and asked what happened <br>between my old girlfriend and me. I didn’t say <br>anything for a few seconds so that she would <br>think I was getting deep and that I was going to be <br>straight with her. Then I acted winsome and <br>reflective. I said my old girlfriend had left me (which <br>wasn’t true) , and get this: I said I thought my old <br>girlfriend was afraid of intimacy, and that, yes, I <br>know that’s a role reversal, but that that’s what I <br>had wanted – someone to be close to, someone to <br>share my feelings with.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">Okay, okay, this is getting long, and I’m almost <br>ready to vomit myself, so I’ll cut to the chase. <br>Did we wind up in bed? You bet. Not that night, <br>but a few days later. Now, you can go ahead and <br>call me a pig. I’ve heard worse. But just <br>understand one thing. I was only trying to satisfy <br>a biological urge. I didn’t ask to be wired this <br>way. It’s the way God made me: horny as all get <br>up. But see, I can’t be honest with women about <br>that because overtly sex-charged guys turn them <br>off big time (well, usually) , so I’m forced to use <br>deceit. I don’t mean to hurt anyone. I wish I <br>didn’t have to go through such a rigmarole to get <br>laid, but there’s no other way.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">If it gives you any solace, I ended up marrying <br>her. Yeah, after all that, I actually liked her. I <br>guess I love her too, whatever that means. Turns <br>out she likes sex even more than me, who knew? <br>One day, I confessed to her about all those <br>manipulative ruses I had used to get her in the <br>sack. She wasn’t even mad. She just formed her <br>face into a little pout, gave me a playful slap, and <br>said, “I hope we have daughters. Then you’ll get your <br>comeuppance.” She got her wish.</div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br /></a><br />poem by <a href="http://en.citatepedia.ro/by.php?a=Michael+Philips">Michael Philips</a><div class=q>
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<script type="text/javascript" src="//s7.addthis.com/js/300/addthis_widget.js#pubid=citatepedia" async="async"></script><div style="display:inline-block" class="addthis_sharing_toolbox" data-url="http://en.citatepedia.ro/comments.php?id=554078" data-title="Go Ahead, Call Me A Pig, I’ve Heard Worse de Michael Philips" data-description="(A narrative) 

Met her at the seminar and asked her over for an 
early dinner. I assured her my aim was not to get 
into her pants. I said, “It would be too soon for 
me.” I use that line all the time and they usually 
buy it.

Showed her som..."></div>
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