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<div style="background:#fff;border:#bbb dashed 1px;padding:5px"><a href="http://en.citatepedia.ro/comments.php?id=547716" style="color:#000;text-decoration:none"><div style="margin:10px 0"><strong>Buzz Aldrin, Space Imperialist</strong></div><div style="margin:10px 0">Buzz Aldrin, Space Imperialist, <br>discovers a tiny brown lesion<br>on the end of his nose.<br>he uses his wife’s<br>concave make up mirror<br>to examine it more closely<br>and confirms his worse suspicions: <br>It’s malignant.<br>Coolly, he makes<br>one appointment with his dermatologist<br>and another in Samara.<br>After brushing his teeth <br>he takes another look<br>at the tiny brown Angel of Death.<br>It flakes off<br>-a brown booger.<br>Buzz cancels his appointments<br>and craves a celebratory drink terribly, <br>but summons his fantastic will power<br>and resists the urge.</div><div style="margin:10px 0"> II<br>Buzz Aldrin, Space Imperialist, <br>lands on the Dark Side of the Moon<br>and meets the indigenous Moonpupiks, <br>who are heavily armed yet friendly.<br>He has sex with many tribeswomen, <br>but fends off the attentions of the polymorphous perverse<br>tribesmen, and tells all that they must<br>dropp their religion and adopt the<br>State Religion of NASA, Tanglicanism, <br>which uses Tang for communion wine.<br>The natives say they don’t mind a bit<br>as they are lapsed Moonitarians<br>and were looking for something to fill the gap.<br>Disappointed they don’t offer more conversion resistance, <br>Buzz orders the leaders beheaded<br>and claims the Dark Side of the Moon<br>in the name of Rio Tinto, <br>an Australian mining corporation<br>whose logo he wears on his helmet<br>and ship.<br>Then he wakes up.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">II(a) <br>Buzz Aldrin, Space Imperialist<br>takes another nap and, <br>against the advice of his fellow astronauts, <br>brings 4 or 5 Moonpupiks (MOON pu pix) <br>back to the Court of Richard Nixon, Imperial Vizard, <br>where they are presented to the potentate<br>as he sits on his throne<br>and broods. The Moonpupiks, <br>with their Bonobo-like sexuality, <br>create a sensation among the White House courtiers.<br>Charles Colson and E. R. Haldeman are especially lovestruck.<br>Imperial Vizard Richard Nixon finally draws a line in the moon dust<br>when some of the indigenous people<br>give Pat and Julie Nixon rare and incurable lunar STD’s.<br>The Moonpupiks are packed off<br>to quarantine behind glass<br>at the Washington Zoo, where they become even more popular<br>than the pandas.<br>Again Buzz Aldrin, Space Imperialist, <br>awakes…..this time with a two-day hangover<br>and a mindblowing thirst.<br>He craves a drink something awful, <br>but summons his inhuman, his monumental, his other worldly, <br>will power<br>and resists temptation.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">III<br>Buzz Aldrin, Space Imperialist, <br>is hired to provide the voice for a hero, <br>Michael J. Moonwalker, <br>in a new full-length Pixar animated feature.<br>At the recording studio, <br>Tom Hanks, his producer/director, <br>suggests that his delivery is flat<br>and asks for “More gusto, <br>More verve, more je ne sais quoi.”<br>Tom shows him exactly how to<br>say a line. “Just copy that.”<br>Buzz Aldrin, Space Imperialist, mortally affronted, <br>takes umbrage and<br>coldcocks Tom, who lies unconscious<br>on the studio floor<br>for 90 or 95 seconds.<br>No showbiz flunky, no studio pantywaist, <br>dares to intervene.<br>When he comes to, Tom rubs his chin, <br>summons his fantastic, his other worldly, will power, <br>and says: “Thanks Buzz, I needed that.”<br>The recording proceeds cordially <br>and Buzz completes all his lines by evening.<br>He then relaxes with the cast<br>in a bar in Studio City<br>and craves a drink terribly.<br>Summoning his fantastic, his other worldly, will power, <br>he resists temptation for about 30 minutes, <br>then replunges into the familiar abyss of alcoholism, <br>which is something like getting caught on the<br>far side of the moon without your retro rockets, <br>only worse.<br>Meanwhile, Tom Hanks listens to Buzz’s recording<br>and realizes the whole thing is a wash.<br>He secretly trashes the whole performance<br>and has it redubbed<br>by a far more expressive, uncredited, <br>highly paid, <br>Buzz Aldrin voice double.<br>The movie is a huge hit; <br>Buzz, drying out the Betty Ford Clinic, <br>misses the premiere, <br>notices that his voice has been redubbed, <br>but publicly admits nothing<br>and is awarded a special Interstellar Oscar for Lifetime Achievement<br>at the Academy Awards Ceremony.<br>He boozily accepts, saying: <br>“One small statuette for man, <br>One giant ballbust for mankind.”<br>After his brief acceptance speech, <br>while humming 'I was walking on the moon one day, <br>in the merry month of May, '<br>he tees up several golfballs and beats them into the audience, <br>putting out the eye of a studio head.<br>The glittering assemblage gasps, <br>then cheers. The studio head<br>never presses charges or sues<br>Buzz Aldrin, true American hero, <br>saying: “I’ve still got one good eye, ”<br>and: “Who needs stereoscopic vision<br>in my line of work? ”<br>But Buzz Aldrin never works in Hollywood again.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">IV<br>Buzz Aldrin, Space Imperialist, <br>is again, for the umpteenth time, <br>publicly heckled<br>by crackpots claiming<br>the moonlanding was staged.<br>Fueled by Jim Beam and HGH, <br>he decides he can take no more, <br>steps down from his podium, <br>and lays waste to 3 or 4 dozen of the rascals, <br>though he’s an octogenarian <br>and breaks every one of his knuckles<br>on their asinine jawbones.<br>Off to one side, Buzz Aldrin’s world-famed press agent, <br>who shall go unnamed in this narrative, <br>cries out to the hecklers, “Have you no decency? ! ”<br>but does not wade in to help his boss, <br>Buzz Aldrin, Space Imperialist, <br>who spends the next 6 months in hand casts.<br>His attack is captured on Youtube and gets <br>330 million hits. This fresh publicity<br>bumps up his speaking fees a hundredfold.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">V<br>Relishing this fresh tsunami of worldwide popularity, <br>Buzz Aldrin, Space Imperialist, <br>goes on an endless speaking tour and<br>welcomes the many space groupies who approach him<br>hoping for a taste of geriatric sex.<br>He takes neither Viagra nor Cyalis, <br>yet has no trouble<br>satisfying the torrid needs<br>of their nubile, voluptuous, bodies, for he is<br>Buzz Aldrin, Space Imperialist.<br>After each encounter, <br>he signs his name on their buttocks<br>with his gravity-defying space pen.<br>At the end of his worldwide speaking tour<br>He has made enough to keep his<br>wife, his children, and his grandchildren, <br>and his mistresses, <br>financially secure for their foreseeable futures, <br>barring an ecological or financial apocalypse.<br>“My work here is finished, ”<br>says Buzz Aldrin, Space Imperialist, <br>and he falls back to Earth<br>in a swoon. His doctor declares the hero<br>terminally exhausted.<br>The world gathers ‘round his deathbed<br>hoping for a last, deathless, word.<br>“Tell the Moonpupiks I’m sorry, ”<br>croaks Buzz Aldrin, Space Imperialist, <br>'That Tanglicanism is BULLSHIT.”<br>Buzz Aldrin, true American hero, <br>gasps his last and is no more.<br>A grateful nation erects a gigantic monument to him<br>on the Washington Mall, marring the sightlines from<br>the Lincoln Memorial to the Capitol<br>and dwarfing the Washington Monument.<br>The surviving astronauts of the Apollo Mission, <br>jealous, <br>park a truck packed with fertilizer explosives<br>near Buzz’s obelisk<br>and blow it moonward, <br>but nothing, not ever! <br>can wipe away the glory of<br>Buzz Aldrin, Space Imperialist, <br>from the space drunk memories<br>of 300 million<br>redblooded Americans.</div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br /></a><br />poem by <a href="http://en.citatepedia.ro/by.php?a=Percy+Dovetonsils">Percy Dovetonsils</a><div class=q>
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<script type="text/javascript" src="//s7.addthis.com/js/300/addthis_widget.js#pubid=citatepedia" async="async"></script><div style="display:inline-block" class="addthis_sharing_toolbox" data-url="http://en.citatepedia.ro/comments.php?id=547716" data-title="Buzz Aldrin, Space Imperialist de Percy Dovetonsils" data-description="Buzz Aldrin, Space Imperialist, 
discovers a tiny brown lesion
on the end of his nose.
he uses his wife’s
concave make up mirror
to examine it more closely
and confirms his worse suspicions: 
It’s malignant.
Coolly, he makes
one appointment wi..."></div>
</div>
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