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<div style="background:#fff;border:#bbb dashed 1px;padding:5px"><a href="http://en.citatepedia.ro/comments.php?id=512566" style="color:#000;text-decoration:none"><div style="margin:10px 0"><strong>Hudibras: Part 3 - Canto III</strong></div><div style="margin:10px 0">THE ARGUMENT</div><div style="margin:10px 0">The Knight and squire's prodigious Flight<br>To quit th' inchanted Bow'r by Night.<br>He plods to turn his amorous Suit<br>T' a Plea in Law, and prosecute<br>Repairs to Counsel, to advise<br>'Bout managing the Enterprise;<br>But first resolves to try by Letter,<br>And one more fair Address, to get her.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">WHO wou'd believe what strange bugbears<br>Mankind creates itself of fears<br>That spring like fern, that insect weed,<br>Equivocally, without seed;<br>And have no possible foundation, <br>But merely in th' imagination;<br>And yet can do more dreadful feats<br>Than hags, with all their imps and teats<br>Make more bewitch and haunt themselves<br>Than all their nurseries of elves? <br>For fear does things so like a witch,<br>'Tis hard t' unriddle which is which:<br>Sets up Communities of senses,<br>To chop and change intelligences;<br>As Rosicrucian virtuosos <br>Can see with ears, and hear with noses;<br>And when they neither see nor hear,<br>Have more than both supply'd by fear<br>That makes 'em in the dark see visions,<br>And hag themselves with apparitions; <br>And when their eyes discover least,<br>Discern the subtlest objects best<br>Do things not contrary, alone,<br>To th' course of nature, but its own;<br>The courage of the bravest daunt,<br>And turn poltroons as valiant:<br>For men as resolute appear<br>With too much as too little fear<br>And when they're out of hopes of flying,<br>Will run away from death by dying;<br>Or turn again to stand it out,<br>And those they fled, like lions, rout.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">This HUDIBRAS had prov'd too true,<br>Who, by the furies left perdue,<br>And haunted with detachments, sent <br>From Marshal Legion's regiment,<br>Was by a fiend, as counterfeit,<br>Reliev'd and rescu'd with a cheat;<br>When nothing but himself, and fear,<br>Was both the imp and conjurer;<br>As, by the rules o' th' virtuosi,<br>It follows in due form of poesie.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">Disguis'd in all the masks of night,<br>We left our champion on his flight,<br>At blind man's buff, to grope his way,<br>In equal fear of night and day,<br>Who took his dark and desp'rate course,<br>He knew no better than his horse;<br>And, by an unknown Devil led,<br>(He knew as little whither,) fled.<br>He never was in greater need,<br>Nor less capacity, of speed;<br>Disabled, both in man and beast,<br>To fly and run away his best;<br>To keep the enemy, and fear,<br>From equal falling on his rear.<br>And though with kicks and bangs he ply'd<br>The further and the nearer side,<br>(As seamen ride with all their force,<br>And tug as if they row'd the horse, <br>And when the hackney sails most swift,<br>Believe they lag, or run a-drift,)<br>So, though he posted e'er so fast,<br>His fear was greater than his haste:<br>For fear, though fleeter than the wind,<br>Believes 'tis always left behind.<br>But when the morn began t' appear,<br>And shift t' another scene his fear,<br>He found his new officious shade,<br>That came so timely to his aid,<br>And forc'd him from the foe t' escape,<br>Had turn'd itself to RALPHO's shape;<br>So like in person, garb, and pitch,<br>'Twas hard t' interpret which was which.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">For RALPHO had no sooner told <br>The Lady all he had t' unfold,<br>But she convey'd him out of sight,<br>To entertain the approaching Knight;<br>And, while he gave himself diversion,<br>T' accommodate his beast and person,<br>And put his beard into a posture<br>At best advantage to accost her,<br>She order'd th' anti-masquerade<br>(For his reception) aforesaid:<br>But when the ceremony was done,<br>The lights put out, and furies gone,<br>And HUDIBRAS, among the rest,<br>Convey'd away, as RALPHO guess'd,<br>The wretched caitiff, all alone,<br>(As he believ'd) began to moan,<br>And tell his story to himself,<br>The Knight mistook him for an elf;<br>And did so still till he began<br>To scruple at RALPH's Outward Man;<br>And thought, because they oft agreed <br>T' appear in one another's stead,<br>And act the Saint's and Devil's part<br>With undistinguishable art,<br>They might have done so now, perhaps,<br>And put on one another's shapes<br>And therefore, to resolve the doubt,<br>He star'd upon him, and cry'd out,<br>What art? My 'Squire, or that bold Sprite<br>That took his place and shape to-night?<br>Some busy indepenent pug,<br>Retainer to his Synagogue?<br>Alas! quoth he, I'm none of those,<br>Your bosom friends, as you suppose;<br>But RALPH himself, your trusty 'Squire,<br>Wh' has dragg'd your Dunship out o' th' mire, <br>And from th' inchantments of a widow,<br>Wh' had turn'd you int' a beast, have freed you;<br>And, though a prisoner of war,<br>Have brought you safe where you now are;<br>Which you would gratefully repay<br>Your constant Presbyterian way.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">That's stranger (quoth the Knight) and stranger.<br>Who gave thee notice of my danger?</div><div style="margin:10px 0">Quoth he, Th' infernal Conjurer<br>Pursu'd and took me prisoner;<br>And knowing you were hereabout,<br>Brought me along to find you out;<br>Where I, in hugger-mugger hid,<br>Have noted all they said or did:<br>And though they lay to him the pageant,<br>I did not see him, nor his agent;<br>Who play'd their sorceries out of sight,<br>T' avoid a fiercer second fight.<br>But didst thou see no Devils then?<br>Not one (quoth he) but carnal men, <br>A little worse than fiends in hell,<br>And that She-Devil Jezebel,<br>That laugh'd and tee-he'd with derision,<br>To see them take your deposition.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">What then (quoth HUDIBRAS) was he <br>That play'd the Dev'l to examine me?<br>A rallying weaver in the town,<br>That did it in a parson's gown;<br>Whom all the parish take for gifted;<br>But, for my part, I ne'er believ'd it: <br>In which you told them all your feats,<br>Your conscientious frauds and cheats;<br>Deny'd your whipping, and confest<br>The naked truth of all the rest,<br>More plainly than the Rev'rend Writer, <br>That to our Churches veil'd his Mitre;<br>All which they took in black and white,<br>And cudgell'd me to under-write.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">What made thee, when they all were gone,<br>And none but thou and I alone, <br>To act the Devil, and forbear<br>To rid me of my hellish fear?</div><div style="margin:10px 0">Quoth he, I knew your constant rate<br>And frame of sp'rit too obstinate<br>To be by me prevail'd upon <br>With any motives of my own;<br>And therefore strove to counterfeit<br>The Dev'l a-while, to nick your wit;<br>The Devil, that is your constant crony,<br>That only can prevail upon ye;<br>Else we might still have been disputing,<br>And they with weighty drubs confuting.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">The Knight who now began to find<br>Th' had left the enemy behind,<br>And saw no farther harm remain,<br>But feeble weariness and pain;<br>Perceiv'd, by losing of their way,<br>Th' had gain'd th' advantage of the day;<br>And, by declining of the road,<br>They had, by chance, their rear made good;<br>He ventur'd to dismiss his fear,<br>That parting's wont to rent and tear,<br>And give the desperat'st attack<br>To danger still behind its back.<br>For having paus'd to recollect, <br>And on his past success reflect,<br>T' examine and consider why,<br>And whence, and how, they came to fly,<br>And when no Devil had appear'd,<br>What else, it cou'd be said, he fear'd;<br>It put him in so fierce a rage,<br>He once resolv'd to re-engage;<br>Toss'd like a foot-ball back again,<br>With shame and vengeance, and disdain.<br>Quoth he, it was thy cowardice <br>That made me from this leaguer rise<br>And when I'd half reduc'd the place,<br>To quit it infamously base<br>Was better cover'd by the new<br>Arriv'd detachment then I knew;<br>To slight my new acquests, and run<br>Victoriously from battles won;<br>And reck'ning all I gain'd or lost,<br>To sell them cheaper than they cost;<br>To make me put myself to flight, <br>And conqu'ring run away by night<br>To drag me out, which th' haughty foe<br>Durst never have presum'd to do<br>To mount me in the dark, by force,<br>Upon the bare ridge of my horse;<br>Expos'd in querpo to their rage,<br>Without my arms and equipage;<br>Lest, if they ventur'd to pursue,<br>I might th' unequal fight renew;<br>And, to preserve thy Outward Man,<br>Assum'd my place, and led the van.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">All this quoth RALPH, I did, 'tis true,<br>Not to preserve my self, but you;<br>You, who were damn'd to baser drubs<br>Than wretches feel in powd'ring tubs. <br>To mount two-wheel'd carroches, worse<br>Than managing a wooden-horse<br>Dragg'd out through straiter holes by th' ears,<br>Eras'd or coup'd for perjurers;<br>Who, though th' attempt had prov'd in vain,<br>Had had no reason to complain:<br>But since it prosper'd, 'tis unhandsome<br>To blame the hand that paid our ransome,<br>And rescu'd your obnoxious bones<br>From unavoidable battoons. <br>The enemy was reinforc'd,<br>And we disabled, and unhors'd,<br>Disarm'd, unqualify'd for fight,<br>And no way left but hasty flight,<br>Which though as desp'rate in th' attempt,<br>Has giv'n you freedom to condemn't.<br>But were our bones in fit condition<br>To reinforce the expedition,<br>'Tis now unseasonable, and vain,<br>To think of falling on again. <br>No martial project to surprize<br>Can ever be attempted twice;<br>Nor cast design serve afterwards,<br>As gamesters tear their losing-cards,<br>Beside, our bangs of man and beast <br>Are fit for nothing now but rest;<br>And for a-while will not be able<br>To rally, and prove serviceable;<br>And therefore I, with reason, chose<br>This stratagem t' amuse our foes;<br>To make an honourable retreat,<br>And wave a total sure defeat;<br>For those that fly may fight again,<br>Which he can never do that's slain.<br>Hence timely running's no mean part <br>Of conduct in the martial art;<br>By which some glorious feats atchieve,<br>As citizens by breaking thrive;<br>And cannons conquer armies, while<br>They seem to draw off and recoil;<br>Is held the gallantest course, and bravest<br>To great exploits, as well as safest;<br>That spares th' expence of time and pains,<br>And dangerous beating out of brains;<br>And in the end prevails as certain <br>As those that never trust to fortune;<br>But make their fear do execution<br>Beyond the stoutest resolution;<br>As earthquakes kill without a blow,<br>And, only trembling, overthrow,<br>If th' ancients crown'd their bravest men<br>That only sav'd a citizen,<br>What victory could e'er be won,<br>If ev'ry one would save but one<br>Or fight endanger'd to be lost, <br>Where all resolve to save the most?<br>By this means, when a battle's won,<br>The war's as far from being done;<br>For those that save themselves, and fly,<br>Go halves, at least, i' th' victory; <br>And sometimes, when the loss is small,<br>And danger great, they challenge all;<br>Print new additions to their feats,<br>And emendations in Gazettes;<br>And when, for furious haste to run, <br>They durst not stay to fire a gun,<br>Have done't with bonfires, and at home<br>Made squibs and crackers overcome;<br>To set the rabble on a flame,<br>And keep their governors from blame;<br>Disperse the news the pulpit tells,<br>Confirm'd with fire-works and with bells;<br>And though reduc'd to that extream,<br>They have been forc'd to sing Te Deum;<br>Yet, with religious blasphemy, <br>By flattering Heaven with a lie<br>And for their beating giving thanks,<br>Th' have rais'd recruits, and fill'd their banks;<br>For those who run from th' enemy,<br>Engage them equally to fly; <br>And when the fight becomes a chace,<br>Those win the day that win the race<br>And that which would not pass in fights,<br>Has done the feat with easy flights;<br>Recover'd many a desp'rate campaign <br>With Bordeaux, Burgundy, and Champaign;<br>Restor'd the fainting high and mighty<br>With brandy-wine and aqua-vitae;<br>And made 'em stoutly overcome<br>With bachrach, hoccamore, and mum; <br>Whom the uncontroul'd decrees of fate<br>To victory necessitate;<br>With which, although they run or burn<br>They unavoidably return:<br>Or else their sultan populaces<br>Still strangle all their routed Bassas.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">Quoth HUDIBRAS, I understand<br>What fights thou mean'st at sea and land,<br>And who those were that run away,<br>And yet gave out th' had won the day;<br>Although the rabble sous'd them for't,<br>O'er head and ears in mud and dirt.<br>'Tis true, our modern way of war<br>Is grown more politick by far,<br>But not so resolute, and bold, <br>Nor ty'd to honour, as the old.<br>For now they laugh at giving battle,<br>Unless it be to herds of cattle;<br>Or fighting convoys of provision,<br>The whole design o' the expedition: <br>And not with downright blows to rout<br>The enemy, but eat them out:<br>As fighting, in all beasts of prey,<br>And eating, are perform'd one way,<br>To give defiance to their teeth <br>And fight their stubborn guts to death;<br>And those atchieve the high'st renown,<br>That bring the others' stomachs down,<br>There's now no fear of wounds, nor maiming;<br>All dangers are reduc'd to famine; <br>And feats of arms, to plot, design,<br>Surprize, and stratagem, and mine;<br>But have no need nor use of courage,<br>Unless it be for glory or forage:<br>For if they fight, 'tis but by chance,<br>When one side vent'ring to advance,<br>And come uncivilly too near,<br>Are charg'd unmercifully i' th' rear;<br>And forc'd with terrible resistance,<br>To keep hereafter at a distance;<br>To pick out ground to incamp upon,<br>Where store of largest rivers run,<br>That serve, instead of peaceful barriers,<br>To part th' engagements of their warriors;<br>Where both from side to side may skip,<br>And only encounter at bo-peep:<br>For men are found the stouter-hearted,<br>The certainer th' are to be parted,<br>And therefore post themselves in bogs,<br>As th' ancient mice attack'd the frogs, <br>And made their mortal enemy,<br>The water-rat, their strict ally.<br>For 'tis not now, who's stout and bold,<br>But who bears hunger best, and cold;<br>And he's approv'd the most deserving,<br>Who longest can hold out at starving;<br>And he that routs most pigs and cows,<br>The formidablest man of prowess.<br>So th' emperor CALIGULA,<br>That triumph'd o'er the British Sea,<br>Took crabs and oysters prisoners,<br>Lobsters, 'stead of cuirasiers,<br>Engag'd his legions in fierce bustles<br>With periwinkles, prawns, and muscles;<br>And led his troops with furious gallops,<br>To charge whole regiments of scallops<br>Not like their ancient way of war,<br>To wait on his triumphal carr<br>But when he went to dine or sup<br>More bravely eat his captives up; <br>And left all war, by his example,<br>Reduc'd to vict'ling of a camp well.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">Quoth RALPH, By all that you have said,<br>And twice as much that I cou'd add,<br>'Tis plain you cannot now do worse,<br>Than take this out-of-fashion'd course;<br>To hope, by stratagem, to woo her,<br>Or waging battle to subdue her<br>Though some have done it in romances,<br>And bang'd them into amorous fancies<br>As those who won the AMAZONS,<br>By wanton drubbing of their bones;<br>And stout Rinaldo gain'd his bride,<br>By courting of her back and side.<br>But since those times and feats are over,<br>They are not for a modern lover,<br>When mistresses are too cross-grain'd<br>By such addresses to be gain'd;<br>And if they were, wou'd have it out<br>With many another kind of bout. <br>Therefore I hold no course s' infeasible,<br>As this of force to win the JEZEBEL;<br>To storm her heart, by th' antick charms<br>Of ladies errant, force of arms;<br>But rather strive by law to win her,<br>And try the title you have in her.<br>Your case is clear; you have her word,<br>And me to witness the accord<br>Besides two more of her retinue<br>To testify what pass'd between you; <br>More probable, and like to hold,<br>Than hand, or seal, or breaking gold;<br>For which so many, that renounc'd<br>Their plighted contracts, have been trounc'd<br>And bills upon record been found, <br>That forc'd the ladies to compound;<br>And that, unless I miss the matter,<br>Is all the bus'ness you look after.<br>Besides, encounters at the bar<br>Are braver now than those in war, <br>In which the law does execution<br>With less disorder and confusion<br>Has more of honour in't, some hold<br>Not like the new way, but the old<br>When those the pen had drawn together, <br>Decided quarrels with the feather,<br>And winged arrows kill'd as dead,<br>And more than bullets now of lead.<br>So all their combats now, as then,<br>Are manag'd chiefly by the pen;<br>That does the feat with braver vigours,<br>In words at length, as well as figures;<br>Is judge of all the world performs<br>In voluntary feats of arms<br>And whatsoe'er's atchiev'd in fight,<br>Determines which is wrong or right:<br>For whether you prevail, or lose<br>All must be try'd there in the close;<br>And therefore 'tis not wise to shun<br>What you must trust to ere y' have done.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">The law, that settles all you do,<br>And marries where you did but woo;<br>That makes the most perfidious lover<br>A lady, that's as false, recover;<br>And if it judge upon your side,<br>Will soon extend her for your bride;<br>And put her person, goods, or lands,<br>Or which you like best int' your hands.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">For law's the wisdom of all ages,<br>And manag'd by the ablest sages; <br>Who, though their bus'ness at the bar<br>Be but a kind of civil war,<br>In which th' engage with fiercer dudgeons<br>Than e'er the GRECIANS did and TROJANS,<br>They never manage the contest <br>T' impair their public interest;<br>Or by their controversies lessen<br>The dignity of their profession:<br>Not like us Brethren, who divide<br>Our Commonwealth, the Cause, and Side;<br>And though w' are all as near of kindred<br>As th' outward man is to the inward,<br>We agree in nothing, but to wrangle<br>About the slightest fingle-fangle;<br>While lawyers have more sober sense <br>Than t' argue at their own expence,<br>But make their best advantages<br>Of others' quarrels, like the Swiss;<br>And, out of foreign controversies,<br>By aiding both sides, fill their purses; <br>But have no int'rest in the cause<br>For which th' engage, and wage the laws;<br>Nor further prospect than their pay,<br>Whether they lose or win the day:<br>And though th' abounded in all ages,<br>With sundry learned clerks and sages,<br>Though all their business be dispute,<br>Which way they canvass ev'ry suit,<br>Th' have no disputes about their art,<br>Nor in Polemicks controvert: <br>While all professions else are found<br>With nothing but disputes t' abound<br>Divines of all sorts, and physicians,<br>Philosophers, mathematicians:<br>The Galenist and Paracelsian <br>Condemn the way each other deals in:<br>Anatomists dissect and mangle,<br>To cut themselves out work to wrangle<br>Astrologers dispute their dreams,<br>That in their sleeps they talk of schemes:<br>And heralds stickle, who got who<br>So many hundred years ago.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">But lawyers are too wise a nation<br>T' expose their trade to disputation;<br>Or make the busy rabble judges <br>Of all their secret piques and grudges;<br>In which whoever wins the day,<br>The whole profession's sure to pay.<br>Beside, no mountebanks, nor cheats,<br>Dare undertake to do their feats,<br>When in all other sciences<br>They swarm, like insects, and increase.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">For what bigot durst ever draw,<br>By inward light, a deed in law?<br>Or could hold forth, by revelation,<br>An answer to a declaration?<br>For those that meddle with their tools<br>Will cut their fingers, if they're fools;<br>And if you follow their advice,<br>In bills, and answers, and replies, <br>They'll write a love-letter in chancery,<br>Shall bring her upon oath to answer ye,<br>And soon reduce her to b' your wife,<br>Or make her weary of her life.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">The Knight, who us'd with tricks and shifts <br>To edify by RALPHO's Gifts,<br>But in appearance cry'd him down,<br>To make them better seem his own,<br>(All Plagiaries' constant course<br>Of sinking when they take a purse),<br>Resolv'd to follow his advice,<br>But kept it from him by disguise;<br>And, after stubborn contradiction,<br>To counterfeit his own conviction,<br>And by transition fall upon<br>The resolution as his own.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">Quoth he, This gambol thou advisest<br>Is of all others the unwisest;<br>For if I think by law to gain her,<br>There's nothing sillier or vainer <br>'Tis but to hazard my pretence,<br>Where nothing's certain, but th' expence;<br>To act against myself, and traverse<br>My suit and title, to her favours<br>And if she shou'd (which Heav'n forbid)<br>O'erthrow me, as the fidler did,<br>What aftercourse have I to take,<br>'Gainst losing all I have at stake?<br>He that with injury is griev'd,<br>And goes to law to be reliev'd,<br>Is sillier than a sottish chowse,<br>Who, when thief has robb'd his house,<br>Applies himself to cunning men,<br>To help him to his goods agen;<br>When all he can expect to gain,<br>Is but to squander more in vain;<br>And yet I have no other way<br>But is as difficult to play.<br>For to reduce her by main force,<br>Is now in vain; by fair means, worse;<br>But worst of all, to give her over,<br>'Till she's as desp'rate to recover<br>For bad games are thrown up too soon,<br>Until th' are never to be won.<br>But since I have no other course, <br>But is as bad t' attempt, or worse,<br>He that complies against his will,<br>Is of his own opinion still;<br>Which he may adhere to, yet disown,<br>For reasons to himself best known:<br>But 'tis not to b' avoided now,<br>For SIDROPHEL resolves to sue;<br>Whom I must answer, or begin<br>Inevitably first with him.<br>For I've receiv'd advertisement, <br>By times enough, of his intent;<br>And knowing he that first complains<br>Th' advantage of the business gains;<br>For Courts of Justice understand<br>The plaintiff to be eldest hand; <br>Who what he pleases may aver;<br>The other, nothing, till he swear;<br>Is freely admitted to all grace,<br>And lawful favour, by his place;<br>And, for his bringing custom in,<br>Has all advantages to win.<br>I, who resolve to oversee<br>No lucky opportunity,<br>Will go to council, to advise<br>Which way t' encounter, or surprize, <br>And, after long consideration,<br>Have found out one to fit th' occasion;<br>Most apt for what I have to do,<br>As counsellor and justice too.<br>And truly so, no doubt, he was,<br>A lawyer fit for such a case.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">An old dull sot, who told the clock<br>For many years at Bridewell-dock,<br>At Westminster, and Hicks's-Hall,<br>And Hiccius Doctius play'd in all;<br>Where, in all governments and times,<br>H' had been both friend and foe to crimes,<br>And us'd two equal ways of gaining<br>By hind'ring justice or maintaining;<br>To many a whore gave priviledge, <br>And whipp'd for want of quarteridge:<br>Cart-loads of bawds to prison sent<br>For b'ing behind a fortnight's rent<br>And many a trusty pimp and croney<br>To a Puddle-dock for want of money; <br>Engag'd the constable to seize<br>All those that would not break the peace,<br>Nor give him back his own foul words,<br>Though sometimes Commoners or Lords,<br>And kept 'em prisoners of course, <br>For being sober at ill hours;<br>That in the morning he might free<br>Or bind 'em over for his fee;<br>Made monsters fine, and puppet-plays,<br>For leave to practise in their ways; <br>Farm'd out all cheats, and went a share<br>With th' headborough and scavenger;<br>And made the dirt i' th' streets compound<br>For taking up the publick ground;<br>The kennel, and the King's highway,<br>For being unmolested, pay;<br>Let out the stocks, and whipping-post,<br>And cage, to those that gave him most;<br>Impos'd a tax on bakers' ears,<br>And for false weights on chandelers; <br>Made victuallers and vintners fine<br>For arbitrary ale and wine;<br>But was a kind and constant friend<br>To all that regularly offend;<br>As residentiary bawds,<br>And brokers that receive stol'n goods;<br>That cheat in lawful mysteries,<br>And pay church duties and his fees;<br>But was implacable, and awkward,<br>To all that interlop'd and hawker'd.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">To this brave man the Knight repairs<br>For council in his law-affairs<br>And found him mounted in his pew,<br>With books and money plac'd for shew,<br>Like nest-eggs to make clients lay, <br>And for his false opinion pay<br>To whom the knight, with comely grace,<br>Put off his hat to put his case<br>Which he as proudly entertain'd<br>As th' other courteously strain'd; <br>And, to assure him 't was not that<br>He look'd for, bid him put on's hat.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">Quoth he, There is one SIDROPHEL,<br>Whom I have cudgell'd - Very well.<br>And now he brags t' have beaten me. -<br>Better and better still, quoth he. -<br>And vows to stick me to a wall<br>Where-e'er he meets me - Best of all.<br>'Tis true, the knave has taken's oath<br>That I robb'd him - Well done, in troth <br>When h' has confess'd he stole my cloak,<br>And pick'd my fob, and what he took;<br>Which was the cause that made me bang him,<br>And take my goods again - Marry hang him.<br>Now whether I should before-hand, <br>Swear he robb'd me? - I understand.<br>Or bring my action of conversion<br>And trover for my goods? - Ah, Whoreson!<br>Or if 'tis better to indite,<br>And bring him to his trial? - Right.<br>Prevent what he designs to do,<br>And swear for th' State against him? - True.<br>Or whether he that is defendant<br>In this case has the better end on't;<br>Who, putting in a new cross-bill,<br>May traverse th' action? - Better still.<br>Then there's a Lady too - Aye, marry<br>That's easily prov'd accessary;<br>A widow, who, by solemn vows<br>Contracted to me for my spouse,<br>Combin'd with him to break her word,<br>And has abetted all. - Good Lord<br>Suborn'd th' aforesaid SIDROPHEL<br>To tamper with the Dev'l of Hell;<br>Who put m' into a horrid fear, <br>Fear of my life. - Make that appear.<br>Made an assault with fiends and men<br>Upon my body. - Good agen,<br>And kept me in a deadly fright,<br>And false imprisonment, all night<br>Mean while they robb'd me, and my horse,<br>And stole my saddle. - Worse and worse.<br>And made me mount upon the bare ridge,<br>T' avoid a wretcheder miscarriage.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">Sir, quoth the Lawyer, not to flatter ye, <br>You have as good and fair a battery<br>As heart can wish, and need not shame<br>The proudest man alive to claim.<br>For if th' have us'd you as you say;<br>Marry, quoth I, God give you joy. <br>I wou'd it were my case, I'd give<br>More than I'll say, or you'll believe.<br>I would so trounce her, and her purse;<br>I'd make her kneel for better or worse;<br>For matrimony and hanging here<br>Both go by destiny so clear,<br>That you as sure may pick and choose,<br>As Cross, I win; and, Pile, you lose;<br>And, if I durst, I would advance<br>As much in ready maintenance, <br>As upon any case I've known,<br>But we that practise dare not own.<br>The law severely contrabands<br>Our taking bus'ness off men's hands;<br>'Tis common barratry, that bears <br>Point-blank an action 'gainst our ears<br>And crops them till there is not leather<br>To stick a pin in left of either;<br>For which some do the Summer-sault,<br>And o'er the bar, like tumblers, vault,<br>But you may swear, at any rate,<br>Things not in nature, for the State;<br>For in all courts of justice here<br>A witness is not said to swear,<br>But make oath; that is, in plain terms, <br>To forge whatever he affirms.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">(I thank you, quoth the Knight, for that,<br>Because 'tis to my purpose pat - )<br>For Justice, though she's painted blind,<br>Is to the weaker Side inclin'd, <br>Like Charity; else right and wrong<br>Could never hold it out so long,<br>And, like blind Fortune, with a slight<br>Convey mens' interest and right<br>From Stiles's pocket into Nokes's,<br>As easily as Hocus Pocus;<br>Play fast and loose; make men obnoxious,<br>And clear again, like Hiccius Doctius.<br>Then whether you wou'd take her life,<br>Or but recover her for your wife,<br>Or be content with what she has,<br>And let all other matters pass,<br>The bus'ness to the law's alone,<br>The proof is all it looks upon:<br>And you can want no witnesses<br>To swear to any thing you please,<br>That hardly get their mere expences<br>By th' labour of their consciences;<br>Or letting out to hire their ears<br>To affidavit customers,<br>At inconsiderable values,<br>To serve for jury-men or tallies,<br>Although retain'd in th' hardest matters,<br>Of trustees and administrators.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">For that, quoth he, let me alone; <br>W' have store of such, and all our own;<br>Bred up and tutor'd by our teachers,</div><div style="margin:10px 0">The ablest of conscience-stretchers.<br>That's well, quoth he; but I should guess,<br>By weighing all advantages, <br>Your surest way is first to pitch<br>On BONGEY for a water-witch;<br>And when y' have hang'd the conjurer,<br>Y' have time enough to deal with her.<br>In th' int'rim, spare for no trepans<br>To draw her neck into the bans<br>Ply her with love-letters and billets,<br>And bait 'em well, for quirks and quillets<br>With trains t' inveigle, and surprize,<br>Her heedless answers and replies;<br>And if she miss the mouse-trap lines,<br>They'll serve for other by-designs;<br>And make an artist understand<br>To copy out her seal or hand;<br>Or find void places in the paper<br>To steal in something to intrap her<br>Till, with her worldly goods and body,<br>Spight of her heart, she has endow'd ye,<br>Retain all sorts of witnesses,<br>That ply i' th' Temple under trees; <br>Or walk the round, with knights o' th' posts,<br>About the cross-legg'd knights, their hosts;<br>Or wait for customers between<br>The pillars-rows in Lincoln's-Inn<br>Where vouchers, forgers, common-bail, <br>And affidavit-men, ne'er fail<br>T' expose to sale all sorts of oaths,<br>According to their ears and cloaths,<br>Their only necessary tools,<br>Besides the Gospel and their souls;<br>And when y' are furnish'd with all purveys,<br>I shall be ready at your service.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">I would not give, quoth HUDIBRAS,<br>A straw to understand a case,<br>Without the admirable skill <br>To wind and manage it at will;<br>To vere, and tack, and steer a cause<br>Against the weather-gage of laws;<br>And ring the changes upon cases<br>As plain as noses upon faces, <br>As you have well instructed me,<br>For which you've earn'd (here 'tis) your fee.<br>I long to practise your advice,<br>And try the subtle artifice;<br>To bait a letter, as you bid; <br>As not long after, thus he did<br>For having pump'd up all his wit,<br>And humm'd upon it, thus he writ.</div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br /></a><br />poem by <a href="http://en.citatepedia.ro/by.php?a=Samuel+Butler">Samuel Butler</a><div class=q>
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<script type="text/javascript" src="//s7.addthis.com/js/300/addthis_widget.js#pubid=citatepedia" async="async"></script><div style="display:inline-block" class="addthis_sharing_toolbox" data-url="http://en.citatepedia.ro/comments.php?id=512566" data-title="Hudibras: Part 3 - Canto III de Samuel Butler" data-description="THE ARGUMENT

The Knight and squire's prodigious Flight
To quit th' inchanted Bow'r by Night.
He plods to turn his amorous Suit
T' a Plea in Law, and prosecute
Repairs to Counsel, to advise
'Bout managing the Enterprise;
But first resolves to try ..."></div>
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