<div style="background:#fff;border:#bbb dashed 1px;padding:5px"><a href="http://en.citatepedia.ro/comments.php?id=512563" style="color:#000;text-decoration:none"><div style="margin:10px 0"><strong>Hudibras: Part 2 - Canto II</strong></div><div style="margin:10px 0">THE ARGUMENT</div><div style="margin:10px 0">The Knight and Squire, in hot dispute,<br>Within an ace of falling out,<br>Are parted with a sudden fright<br>Of strange alarm, and stranger sight;<br>With which adventuring to stickle,<br>They're sent away in nasty pickle.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">'Tis strange how some mens' tempers suit<br>(Like bawd and brandy) with dispute,<br>That for their own opinions stand last<br>Only to have them claw'd and canvast;<br>That keep their consciences in cases,<br>As fiddlers do their crowds and bases,<br>Ne'er to be us'd, but when they're bent<br>To play a fit for argument;<br>Make true and false, unjust and just,<br>Of no use but to be discust; <br>Dispute, and set a paradox<br>Like a straight boot upon the stocks,<br>And stretch it more unmercifully<br>Than HELMONT, MONTAIGN, WHITE, or TULLY,<br>So th' ancient Stoicks, in their porch, <br>With fierce dispute maintain'd their church;<br>Beat out their brains in fight and study,<br>To prove that Virtue is a Body;<br>That Bonum is an Animal,<br>Made good with stout polemic brawl; <br>in which some hundreds on the place<br>Were slain outright; and many a face<br>Retrench'd of nose, and eyes, and beard,<br>To maintain what their sect averr'd;<br>All which the Knight and Squire, in wrath,<br>Had like t' have suffered for their faith,<br>Each striving to make good his own,<br>As by the sequel shall be shown.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">The Sun had long since, in the lap<br>Of THETIS, taken out his nap, <br>And, like a lobster boil'd, the morn<br>From black to red began to turn,<br>When HUDIBRAS, whom thoughts and aking,<br>'Twixt sleeping kept all night and waking,<br>Began to rub his drowsy eyes,<br>And from his couch prepar'd to rise,<br>Resolving to dispatch the deed<br>He vow'd to do with trusty speed.<br>But first, with knocking loud, and bawling,<br>He rouz'd the Squire, in truckle lolling;<br>And, after many circumstances,<br>Which vulgar authors, in romances,<br>Do use to spend their time and wits on,<br>To make impertinent description,<br>They got (with much ado) to horse,<br>And to the Castle bent their course,<br>In which he to the Dame before<br>To suffer whipping duly swore;<br>Where now arriv'd, and half unharnest,<br>To carry on the work in earnest, <br>He stopp'd, and paus'd upon the sudden,<br>And with a serious forehead plodding,<br>Sprung a new scruple his head,<br>Which first he scratch'd, and after said -<br>Whether it be direct infringing <br>An oath, if I should wave this swingeing,<br>And what I've sworn to bear, forbear,<br>And so b' equivocation swear,<br>Or whether it be a lesser sin<br>To be forsworn than act the thing,<br>Are deep and subtle points, which must,<br>T' inform my conscience, be discust;<br>In which to err a tittle may<br>To errors infinite make way;<br>And therefore I desire to know <br>Thy judgment e'er we further go.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">Quoth Ralpho, Since you do enjoin't,<br>I shall enlarge upon the point;<br>And, for my own part, do not doubt<br>Th' affirmative may be made out, <br>But first, to state the case aright,<br>For best advantage of our light,<br>And thus 'tis: Whether 't be a sin<br>To claw and curry your own skin,<br>Greater or less, than to forbear,<br>And that you are forsworn, forswear.<br>But first, o' th' first: The inward man,<br>And outward, like a clan and clan,<br>Have always been at daggers-drawing,<br>And one another clapper-clawing. <br>Not that they really cuff, or fence,<br>But in a Spiritual Mystick sense;<br>Which to mistake, and make 'em squabble<br>In literal fray's abominable.<br>'Tis heathenish, in frequent use <br>With Pagans and apostate Jews,<br>To offer sacrifice of bridewells,<br>Like modern Indians to their idols;<br>And mongrel Christians of our times,<br>That expiate less with greater crimes,<br>And call the foul abomination,<br>Contrition and mortification.<br>Is 't not enough we're bruis'd and kicked<br>With sinful members of the wicked,<br>Our vessels, that are sanctify'd,<br>Prophan'd and curry'd back and side,<br>But we must claw ourselves with shameful<br>And heathen stripes, by their example;<br>Which (were there nothing to forbid it)<br>Is impious because they did it; <br>This, therefore, may be justly reckon'd<br>A heinous sin. Now to the second<br>That Saints may claim a dispensation<br>To swear and forswear, on occasion,<br>I doubt not but it will appear<br>With pregnant light: the point is clear.<br>Oaths are but words, and words but wind;<br>Too feeble implements to bind;<br>And hold with deeds proportion so<br>As shadows to a substance do. <br>Then when they strive for place, 'tis fit<br>The weaker vessel should submit.<br>Although your Church be opposite<br>To ours as Black Friars are to White,<br>In rule and order, yet I grant, <br>You are a Reformado Saint;<br>And what the Saints do claim as due,<br>You may pretend a title to:<br>But Saints whom oaths and vows oblige,<br>Know little of their privilege; <br>Further (I mean) than carrying on<br>Some self-advantage of their own:<br>For if the Dev'l, to serve his turn,<br>Can tell troth, why the Saints should scorn,<br>When it serves theirs, to swear and lye;<br>I think there's little reason why:<br>Else h' has a greater pow'r than they,<br>Which 't were impiety to say.<br>W' are not commanded to forbear<br>Indefinitely at all to swear;<br>But to swear idly, and in vain,<br>Without self-interest or gain<br>For breaking of an oath, and lying,<br>Is but a kind of self-denying;<br>A Saint-like virtue: and from hence<br>Some have broke oaths by Providence<br>Some, to the glory of the Lord,<br>Perjur'd themselves, and broke their word;<br>And this the constant rule and practice<br>Of all our late Apostles acts is. <br>Was not the cause at first begun<br>With perjury, and carried on?<br>Was there an oath the Godly took,<br>But in due time and place they broke?<br>Did we not bring our oaths in first,<br>Before our plate, to have them burst,<br>And cast in fitter models for<br>The present use of Church and War?<br>Did not our Worthies of the House,<br>Before they broke the peace, break vows? <br>For having freed us first from both<br>Th' Allegiance and Supremacy Oath,<br>Did they not next compel the Nation<br>To take and break the Protestation?<br>To swear, and after to recant<br>The solemn League and Covenant?<br>To take th' Engagement, and disclaim it,<br>Enforc'd by those who first did frame it<br>Did they not swear, at first, to fight<br>For the KING'S Safety and his Right,<br>And after march'd to find him out,<br>And charg'd him home with horse and foot;<br>But yet still had the confidence<br>To swear it was in his defence<br>Did they not swear to live and die<br>With Essex, and straight laid him by?</div><div style="margin:10px 0">If that were all, for some have swore<br>As false as they, if th' did no more,<br>Did they not swear to maintain Law,<br>In which that swearing made a flaw? <br>For Protestant Religion vow,<br>That did that vowing disallow?<br>For Privilege of Parliament,<br>In which that swearing made a rent?<br>And since, of all the three, not one <br>Is left in being, 'tis well known.<br>Did they not swear, in express words,<br>To prop and back the House of Lords,<br>And after turn'd out the whole House-full<br>Of Peers, as dang'rous and unusefull? <br>So CROMWELL, with deep oaths and vows,<br>Swore all the Commons out o' th' House;<br>Vow'd that the red-coats would disband,<br>Ay, marry wou'd they, at their command;<br>And troll'd them on, and swore, and swore,<br>Till th' army turn'd them out of door.<br>This tells us plainly what they thought,<br>That oaths and swearing go for nought,<br>And that by them th' were only meant<br>To serve for an expedient. <br>What was the Public Faith found out for,<br>But to slur men of what they fought for<br>The Public Faith, which ev'ry one<br>Is bound t' observe, yet kept by none;<br>And if that go for nothing, why <br>Should Private Faith have such a tye?<br>Oaths were not purpos'd more than law,<br>To keep the good and just in awe,<br>But to confine the bad and sinful,<br>Like moral cattle, in a pinfold.<br>A Saint's of th' Heav'nly Realm a Peer;<br>And as no Peer is bound to swear,<br>But on the Gospel of his Honour,<br>Of which he may dispose as owner,<br>It follows, though the thing be forgery,<br>And false th' affirm, it is no perjury,<br>But a mere ceremony, and a breach<br>Of nothing, but a form of speech;<br>And goes for no more when 'tis took,<br>Than mere saluting of the book. <br>Suppose the Scriptures are of force,<br>They're but commissions of course,<br>And Saints have freedom to digress,<br>And vary from 'em, as they please;<br>Or mis-interpret them, by private<br>Instructions, to all aims they drive at.<br>Then why should we ourselves abridge<br>And curtail our own privilege?<br>Quakers (that, like to lanthorns, bear<br>Their light within 'em) will not swear <br>Their gospel is an accidence,<br>By which they construe conscience,<br>And hold no sin so deeply red,<br>As that of breaking Priscian's head;<br>(The head and founder of their order,) <br>That stirring Hat's held worse than murder.<br>These thinking th' are oblig'd to troth<br>In swearing, will not take an oath<br>Like mules, who, if th' have not their will<br>To keep their own pace, stand stock-still:<br>But they are weak, and little know<br>What free-born consciences may do.<br>'Tis the temptation of the Devil<br>That makes all human actions evil<br>For Saints may do the same things by <br>The Spirit, in sincerity,<br>Which other men are tempted to,<br>And at the Devil's instance do<br>And yet the actions be contrary,<br>Just as the Saints and Wicked vary.<br>For as on land there is no beast,<br>But in some fish at sea's exprest,<br>So in the Wicked there's no Vice,<br>Of which the Saints have not a spice;<br>And yet that thing that's pious in<br>The one, in th' other is a sin.<br>Is't not ridiculous, and nonsense,<br>A Saint should be a slave to conscience,<br>That ought to be above such fancies,<br>As far as above ordinances? <br>She's of the wicked, as I guess,<br>B' her looks, her language, and her dress:<br>And though, like constables, we search,<br>For false wares, one another's Church,<br>Yet all of us hold this for true,<br>No Faith is to the wicked due;<br>For truth is precious and divine;<br>Too rich a pearl for carnal swine,</div><div style="margin:10px 0">Quoth HUDIBRAS, All this is true;<br>Yet 'tis not fit that all men knew,<br>Those mysteries and revelations,<br>And therefore topical evasions<br>Of subtle turns and shifts of sense,<br>Serve best with th' wicked for pretence,<br>Such as the learned Jesuits use, <br>And Presbyterians for excuse<br>Against the Protestants, when th' happen<br>To find their Churches taken napping:<br>As thus: A breach of oath is duple,<br>And either way admits a scruple, <br>And may be, ex parte of the maker<br>More criminal than th' injur'd taker;<br>For he that strains too far a vow,<br>Will break it, like an o'er-bent bow:<br>And he that made, and forc'd it, broke it, <br>Not he that for convenience took it.<br>A broken oath is, quatenus oath,<br>As sound t' all purposes of troth,<br>As broken laws are ne'er the worse;<br>Nay, till th' are broken have no force.<br>What's justice to a man, or laws,<br>That never comes within their claws<br>They have no pow'r, but to admonish:<br>Cannot controul, coerce, or punish,<br>Until they're broken, and then touch<br>Those only that do make 'em such.<br>Beside, no engagement is allow'd<br>By men in prison made for good;<br>For when they're set at liberty,<br>They're from th' engagement too set free. <br>The rabbins write, when any Jew<br>Did make to God, or man, a vow,<br>Which afterward he found untoward,<br>And stubborn to be kept, or too hard,<br>Any three other Jews o' th' nation, <br>Might free him from the obligation<br>And have not two saints pow'r to use<br>A greater privilege than three Jews?<br>The court of conscience, which in man<br>Should be supreme and sovereign,<br>Is't fit should be subordinate<br>To ev'ry petty court i' the state,<br>And have less power than the lesser,<br>To deal with perjury at pleasure?<br>Have its proceedings disallow'd, or<br>Allow'd, at fancy of Pye-Powder?<br>Tell all it does, or does not know,<br>For swearing ex officio?<br>Be forc'd t' impeach a broken hedge,<br>And pigs unring'd at Vis. Franc. Pledge?<br>Discover thieves, and bawds, recusants,<br>Priests, witches, eves-droppers, and nuisance:<br>Tell who did play at games unlawful,<br>And who fill'd pots of ale but half-full<br>And have no pow'r at all, nor shift, <br>To help itself at a dead lift<br>Why should not conscience have vacation<br>As well as other courts o' th' nation<br>Have equal power to adjourn,<br>Appoint appearance and return; <br>And make as nice distinction serve<br>To split a case, as those that carve,<br>Invoking cuckolds' names, hit joints;<br>Why should not tricks as slight do points<br>Is not th' High-Court of Justice sworn <br>To judge that law that serves their turn,<br>Make their own jealousies high-treason,<br>And fix 'm whomsoe'er they please on?<br>Cannot the learned counsel there<br>Make laws in any shape appear? <br>Mould 'em as witches do their clay,<br>When they make pictures to destroy<br>And vex 'em into any form<br>That fits their purpose to do harm?<br>Rack 'em until they do confess, <br>Impeach of treason whom they please,<br>And most perfidiously condemn<br>Those that engag'd their lives for them?<br>And yet do nothing in their own sense,<br>But what they ought by oath and conscience? <br>Can they not juggle, and, with slight<br>Conveyance, play with wrong and right;<br>And sell their blasts of wind as dear<br>As Lapland witches bottled air?<br>Will not fear, favour, bribe and grudge <br>The same case sev'ral ways adjudge?<br>As seamen, with the self-same gale,<br>Will sev'ral different courses sail?<br>As when the sea breaks o'er its bounds,<br>And overflows the level grounds, <br>Those banks and dams, that, like a screen,<br>Did keep it out, now keep it in;<br>So when tyrannic usurpation<br>Invades the freedom of a nation,<br>The laws o' th' land, that were intended<br>To keep it out, are made defend it.<br>Does not in chanc'ry ev'ry man swear<br>What makes best for him in his answer?<br>Is not the winding up witnesses<br>And nicking more than half the bus'ness? <br>For witnesses, like watches, go<br>Just as they're set, too fast or slow;<br>And where in conscience they're strait-lac'd,<br>'Tis ten to one that side is cast.<br>Do not your juries give their verdict<br>As if they felt the cause, not heard it?<br>And as they please, make matter of fact<br>Run all on one side, as they're pack't?<br>Nature has made man's breast no windores,<br>To publish what he does within doors, <br>Nor what dark secrets there inhabit,<br>Unless his own rash folly blab it.<br>If oaths can do a man no good<br>In his own bus'ness, why they shou'd<br>In other matters do him hurt,<br>I think there's little reason for't.<br>He that imposes an oath, makes it,<br>Not he that for convenience takes it:<br>Then how can any man be said<br>To break an oath he never made? <br>These reasons may, perhaps, look oddly<br>To th' Wicked, though th' evince the Godly;<br>But if they will not serve to clear<br>My honour, I am ne'er the near.<br>Honour is like that glassy bubble <br>That finds philosophers such trouble,<br>Whose least part crack't, the whole does fly,<br>And wits are crack'd to find out why.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">Quoth RALPHO, Honour's but a word<br>To swear by only in a Lord:<br>In other men 'tis but a huff,<br>To vapour with instead of proof;<br>That, like a wen, looks big and swells,<br>Is senseless, and just nothing else.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">Let it (quoth he) be what it will, <br>It has the world's opinion still.<br>But as men are not wise that run<br>The slightest hazard they may shun,<br>There may a medium be found out<br>To clear to all the world the doubt; <br>And that is, if a man may do't,<br>By proxy whipt, or substitute.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">Though nice and dark the point appear,<br>(Quoth RALPH) it may hold up and clear.<br>That sinners may supply the place <br>Of suff'ring Saints is a plain case.<br>Justice gives sentence many times<br>On one man for another's crimes.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">Our brethren of NEW ENGLAND use<br>Choice malefactors to excuse, <br>And hang the guiltless in their stead,<br>Of whom the Churches have less need;<br>As lately 't happen'd: In a town<br>There liv'd a cobler, and but one,<br>That out of doctrine could cut use, <br>And mend men's lives as well as shoes,<br>This precious brother having slain,<br>In time of peace, an Indian,<br>(Not out of malice, but mere zeal,<br>Because he was an Infidel,)<br>The mighty TOTTIPOTTYMOY<br>Sent to our elders an envoy,<br>Complaining sorely of the breach<br>Of league held forth by brother Patch<br>Against the articles in force <br>Between both Churches, his and ours<br>For which he crav'd the Saints to render<br>Into his hands or hang th' offender<br>But they maturely having weigh'd,<br>They had no more but him o' th' trade, <br>(A man that serv'd them in a double<br>Capacity, to teach and cobble,)<br>Resolv'd to spare him; yet, to do<br>The Indian Hoghgan Moghgan too<br>Impartial justice, in his stead did <br>Hang an old Weaver, that was bed-rid.<br>Then wherefore way not you be skipp'd,<br>And in your room another whipp'd?<br>For all Philosophers, but the Sceptick,<br>Hold whipping may be sympathetick. </div><div style="margin:10px 0">It is enough, quoth HUDIBRAS,<br>Thou hast resolv'd and clear'd the case<br>And canst, in conscience, not refuse<br>From thy own doctrine to raise use.<br>I know thou wilt not (for my sake) <br>Be tender-conscienc'd of thy back.<br>Then strip thee off thy carnal jerking,<br>And give thy outward-fellow a ferking;<br>For when thy vessel is new hoop'd,<br>All leaks of sinning will be stopp'd.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">Quoth RALPHO, You mistake the matter;<br>For in all scruples of this nature,<br>No man includes himself, nor turns<br>The point upon his own concerns.<br>As no man of his own self catches <br>The itch, or amorous French aches<br>So no man does himself convince,<br>By his own doctrine, of his sins<br>And though all cry down self, none means<br>His ownself in a literal sense. <br>Beside, it is not only foppish,<br>But vile, idolatrous and Popish,<br>For one man, out of his own skin,<br>To ferk and whip another's sin;<br>As pedants out of school-boys' breeches <br>Do claw and curry their own itches.<br>But in this case it is prophane,<br>And sinful too, because in vain;<br>For we must take our oaths upon it,<br>You did the deed, when I have done it. </div><div style="margin:10px 0">Quoth HUDIBRAS, That's answer'd soon<br>Give us the whip, we'll lay it on.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">Quoth RALPHO, That we may swear true,<br>'Twere properer that I whipp'd you<br>For when with your consent 'tis done, <br>The act is really your own.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">Quoth HUDIBRAS, It is in vain<br>(I see) to argue 'gainst the grain;<br>Or, like the stars, incline men to<br>What they're averse themselves to do:<br>For when disputes are weary'd out,<br>'Tis interest still resolves the doubt<br>But since no reason can confute ye,<br>I'll try to force you to your duty<br>For so it is, howe'er you mince it; <br>As ere we part, I shall evince it<br>And curry (if you stand out) whether<br>You will or no, your stubborn leather.<br>Canst thou refuse to hear thy part<br>I' th' publick work, base as thou art? <br>To higgle thus for a few blows,<br>To gain thy Knight an op'lent spouse<br>Whose wealth his bowels yearn to purchase,<br>Merely for th' interest of the Churches;<br>And when he has it in his claws, <br>Will not be hide-bound to the Cause?<br>Nor shalt thou find him a Curmudgin,<br>If thou dispatch it without grudging.<br>If not, resolve, before we go,<br>That you and I must pull a crow. </div><div style="margin:10px 0">Y' had best (quoth RALPHO) as the ancients<br>Say wisely, Have a care o' th' main chance,<br>And look before you ere you leap;<br>For as you sow, y' are like to reap:<br>And were y' as good as George-a-Green,<br>I shall make bold to turn agen<br>Nor am I doubtful of the issue<br>In a just quarrel, and mine is so.<br>Is't fitting for a man of honour<br>To whip the Saints, like Bishop Bonner? <br>A Knight t' usurp the beadle's office,<br>For which y' are like to raise brave trophies.<br>But I advise you (not for fear,<br>But for your own sake) to forbear;<br>And for the Churches, which may chance, <br>From hence, to spring a variance;<br>And raise among themselves new scruples,<br>Whom common danger hardly couples.<br>Remember how, in arms and politicks,<br>We still have worsted all your holy tricks; <br>Trepann'd your party with intrigue,<br>And took your grandees down a peg;<br>New modell'd th' army, and cashier'd<br>All that to legion SMEC adher'd;<br>Made a mere utensil o' your Church,<br>And after left it in the lurch<br>A scaffold to build up our own,<br>And, when w' had done with't, pull'd it down<br>Capoch'd your Rabbins of the Synod,<br>And snap'd their Canons with a why-not; <br>(Grave Synod Men, that were rever'd<br>For solid face and depth of beard);<br>Their classic model prov'd a maggot,<br>Their direct'ry an Indian Pagod;<br>And drown'd their discipline like a kitten,<br>On which they'd been so long a sitting;<br>Decry'd it as a holy cheat,<br>Grown out of date, and obsolete;<br>And all the Saints of the first grass<br>As casting foals of Balaam's ass. </div><div style="margin:10px 0">At this the Knight grew high in chafe,<br>And staring furiously on RALPH,<br>He trembled, and look'd pale with ire<br>Like ashes first, then red as fire.<br>Have I (quoth he) been ta'en in fight, <br>And for so many moons lain by't,<br>And, when all other means did fail,<br>Have been exchang'd for tubs of ale?<br>Not but they thought me worth a ransome<br>Much more consid'rable and handsome,<br>But for their own sakes, and for fear<br>They were not safe when I was there<br>Now to be baffled by a scoundrel,<br>An upstart sect'ry, and a mungrel;<br>Such as breed out of peccant humours,<br>Of our own Church, like wens or tumours,<br>And, like a maggot in a sore,<br>Would that which gave it life devour;<br>It never shall be done or said;<br>With that he seiz'd upon his blade;<br>And RALPHO too, as quick and bold,<br>Upon his basket-hilt laid hold,<br>With equal readiness prcpar'd<br>To draw, and stand upon his guard;<br>When both were parted on the sudden, <br>With hideous clamour, and a loud one<br>As if all sorts of noise had been<br>Contracted into one loud din;<br>Or that some member to be chosen,<br>Had got the odds above a thousand, <br>And by the greatness of its noise,<br>Prov'd fittest for his country's choice.<br>This strange surprisal put the Knight<br>And wrathful Squire into a fright;<br>And though they stood prepar'd, with fatal <br>Impetuous rancour to join battel,<br>Both thought it was the wisest course<br>To wave the fight and mount to horse,<br>And to secure by swift retreating,<br>Themselves from danger of worse beating. <br>Yet neither of them would disparage,<br>By utt'ring of his mind, his courage,<br>Which made them stoutly keep their ground,<br>With horror and disdain wind-bound.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">And now the cause of all their fear <br>By slow degrees approach'd so near,<br>They might distinguish different noise<br>Of horns, and pans, and dogs, and boys,<br>And kettle-drums, whose sullen dub<br>Sounds like the hooping of a tub. <br>But when the sight appear'd in view,<br>They found it was an antique show;<br>A triumph, that, for pomp and state,<br>Did proudest Romans emulate:<br>For as the aldermen of Rome <br>Their foes at training overcome,<br>And not enlarging territory,<br>(As some mistaken write in Story,)<br>Being mounted, in their best array,<br>Upon a carr, and who but they! <br>And follow'd with a world of tall-lads,<br>That merry ditties troll'd, and ballads,<br>Did ride with many a good-morrow,<br>Crying, Hey for our Town! through the Borough<br>So when this triumph drew so nigh <br>They might particulars descry,<br>They never saw two things so pat,<br>In all respects, as this and that.<br>First, he that led the cavalcade,<br>Wore a sow-gelder's flagellate, <br>On which he blew as strong a levet<br>As well-fee'd lawyer on his breviate,<br>When over one another's heads<br>They charge (three ranks at once) like Swedes,<br>Next pans and kettle, of all keys, <br>From trebles down to double base;<br>And after them, upon a nag,<br>That might pass for a forehand stag,<br>A cornet rode, and on his staff<br>A smock display'd did proudly wave.<br>Then bagpipes of the loudest drones,<br>With snuffling broken-winded tones,<br>Whose blasts of air, in pockets shut<br>Sound filthier than from the gut,<br>And make a viler noise than swine <br>In windy weather, when they whine.<br>Next one upon a pair of panniers,<br>Full fraught with that which for good manners<br>Shall here be nameless, mixt with grains,<br>Which he dispens'd among the swains,<br>And busily upon the crowd<br>At random round about bestow'd.<br>Then, mounted on a horned horse,<br>One bore a gauntlet and gilt spurs,<br>Ty'd to the pummel of a long sword <br>He held reverst, the point turn'd downward,<br>Next after, on a raw-bon'd steed,<br>The conqueror's standard-bearer rid,<br>And bore aloft before the champion<br>A petticoat display'd, and rampant<br>Near whom the Amazon triumphant<br>Bestrid her beast, and on the rump on't<br>Sat face to tail, and bum to bum,<br>The warrior whilom overcome;<br>Arm'd with a spindle and a distaff, <br>Which, as he rode, she made him twist off;<br>And when he loiter'd, o'er her shoulder<br>Chastis'd the reformado soldier.<br>Before the dame, and round about,<br>March'd whifflers and staffiers on foot, <br>With lackies, grooms, valets, and pages,<br>In fit and proper equipages;<br>Of whom some torches bore, some links,<br>Before the proud virago minx,<br>That was both Madam and a Don,<br>Like NERO'S SPORUS, or POPE JOAN;<br>And at fit periods the whole rout<br>Set up their throats with clamorous shout.<br>The Knight, transported, and the Squire,<br>Put up their weapons, and their ire;<br>And HUDIBRAS, who us'd to ponder<br>On such sights with judicious wonder,<br>Could hold no longer to impart<br>His animadversions, for his heart.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">Quoth he, In all my life, till now,<br>I ne'er saw so prophane a show.<br>It is a Paganish invention, -<br>Which heathen writers often mention:<br>And he who made it had read GOODWIN,<br>Or Ross, or CAELIUS RHODOGINE, <br>With all the Grecians, SPEEDS and STOWS,<br>That best describe those ancient shows;<br>And has observ'd all fit decorums<br>We find describ'd by old historians:<br>For as the Roman conqueror, <br>That put an end to foreign war,<br>Ent'ring the town in triumph for it,<br>Bore a slave with him, in his chariot;<br>So this insulting female brave,<br>Carries behind her here a slave: <br>And as the ancients long ago,<br>When they in field defy'd the foe,<br>Hung out their mantles della guerre,<br>So her proud standard-bearer here<br>Waves on his spear, in dreadful manner, <br>A Tyrian-petticoat for banner:<br>Next links and torches, heretofore<br>Still borne before the emperor.<br>And as, in antique triumphs, eggs<br>Were borne for mystical intrigues,<br>There's one with truncheon, like a ladle,<br>That carries eggs too, fresh or addle;<br>And still at random, as he goes,<br>Among the rabble-rout bestows.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">Quoth Ralpho, You mistake the matter;<br>For all th' antiquity you smatter,<br>Is but a riding, us'd of course<br>When the grey mare's the better horse;<br>When o'er the breeches greedy women<br>Fight to extend their vast dominion; <br>And in the cause impatient Grizel<br>Has drubb'd her Husband with bull's pizzle,<br>And brought him under Covert-Baron,<br>To turn her vassal with a murrain;<br>When wives their sexes shift, like hares,<br>And ride their husbands like night-mares,<br>And they in mortal battle vanquish'd,<br>Are of their charter disenfranchis'd<br>And by the right of war, like gills,<br>Condemn'd to distaff, horns, and wheels: <br>For when men by their wives are cow'd,<br>Their horns of course are understood</div><div style="margin:10px 0">Quoth HUDIBRAS thou still giv'st sentence<br>Impertinently, and against sense.<br>Tis not the least disparagement <br>To be defeated by th' event,<br>Nor to be beaten by main force;<br>That does not make a man the worse,<br>Although his shoulders with battoon<br>Be claw'd and cudgel'd to some tune.<br>A taylor's 'prentice has no hard<br>Measure that's bang'd with a true yard:<br>But to turn tail, or run away,<br>And without blows give up the day,<br>Or to surrender ere th' assault,<br>That's no man's fortune, but his fault,<br>And renders men of honour less<br>Than all th' adversity of success;<br>And only unto such this shew<br>Of horns and petticoats is due. <br>There is a lesser profanation,<br>Like that the Romans call'd ovation:<br>For as ovation was allow'd<br>For conquest purchas'd without blood,<br>So men decree these lesser shows<br>For victory gotten without blows,<br>By dint of sharp hard words, which some<br>Give battle with, and overcome.<br>These mounted in a chair-curule,<br>Which moderns call a cucking-stool, <br>March proudly to the river's side,<br>And o'er the waves in triumph ride;<br>Like Dukes of VENICE, who are said<br>The Adriatick Sea to wed;<br>And have a gentler wife than those <br>For whom the State decrees those shows,<br>But both are heathenish, and come<br>From th' whores of Babylon and Rome;<br>And by the Saints should be withstood,<br>As Antichristian and lewd; <br>And as such, should now contribute<br>Our utmost struggling to prohibit.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">This said, they both advanc'd, and rode<br>A dog-trot through the bawling crowd,<br>T'attack the leader, and still prest, <br>Till they approach'd him breast to breast<br>Then HUDIBRAS, with face and hand,<br>Made signs for silence; which obtain'd, <br>What means (quoth he) this Devil's precession<br>With men of orthodox profession? <br>'Tis ethnic and idolatrous,<br>From heathenism deriv'd to us,<br>Does not the Whore of Babylon ride<br>Upon her horned beast astride<br>Like this proud dame, who either is <br>A type of her, or she of this?<br>Are things of superstitious function<br>Fit to be us'd in Gospel Sun-shine?<br>It is an Antichristian opera, <br>Much us'd in midnight times of Popery,<br>Of running after self-inventions<br>Of wicked and profane intentions;<br>To scandalize that sex for scolding,<br>To whom the Saints are so beholden.<br>Women, who were our first Apostles <br>Without whose aid we had been lost else;<br>Women, that left no stone unturn'd<br>In which the Cause might he concern'd;<br>Brought in their children's' spoons and whistles,<br>To purchase swords, carbines, and pistols; <br>Their husbands, cullies, and sweet-hearts,<br>To take the Saints and Churches' parts;<br>Drew several gifted Brethren in,<br>That for the Bishops would have been,<br>And fix'd 'em constant to the party, <br>With motives powerful and hearty;<br>Their husbands robb'd, and made hard shifts<br>T'administer unto their gifts<br>All they cou'd rap, and rend, and pilfer,<br>To scraps and ends of gold and silver;<br>Rubb'd down the Teachers, tir'd and spent<br>With holding forth for Parliament,<br>Pamper'd and edify'd their zeal<br>With marrow-puddings many a meal;<br>And led them, with store of meat, <br>On controverted points to eat;<br>And cram'd 'em, till their guts did ake,<br>With cawdle, custard, and plum-cake:<br>What have they done, or what left undone,<br>That might advance the Cause at London? <br>March'd rank and file, with drum and ensign,<br>T'intrench the city for defence in<br>Rais'd rampiers with their own soft hands,<br>To put the enemy to stands;<br>From ladies down to oyster-wenches,<br>Labour'd like pioneers in trenches;<br>Fell to their pick-axes, and tools,<br>And help'd the men to dig like moles?<br>Have not the handmaids of the city<br>Chose of their members a committee,<br>For raising of a common purse<br>Out of their wages to raise horse?<br>And do they not as triers sit,<br>To judge what officers are fit<br>Have they -? At that an egg let fly,<br>Hit him directly o'er the eye,<br>And running down his cheek, besmear'd,<br>With orange tawny slime, his beard;<br>But beard and slime being of one hue,<br>The wound the less appear'd in view. <br>Then he that on the panniers rode,<br>Let fly on th' other side a load,<br>And, quickly charg'd again, gave fully<br>In RALPHO'S face another volley.<br>The Knight was startled with the smell, <br>And for his sword began to feel;<br>And RALPHO, smother'd with the stink,<br>Grasp'd his; when one, that bore a link,<br>O' th' sudden clapp'd his flaming cudgel,<br>Like linstock, to the horse's touch-hole; <br>And straight another, with his flambeaux,<br>Gave RALPHO'S o'er the eye a damn'd blow.<br>The beasts began to kick and fling,<br>And forc'd the rout to make a ring,<br>Through which they quickly broke their way, <br>And brought them off from further fray;<br>And though disorder'd in retreat,<br>Each of them stoutly kept his seat<br>For quitting both their swords and reins,<br>They grasp'd with all their strength the manes, <br>And, to avoid the foe's pursuit,<br>With spurring put their cattle to't;<br>And till all four were out of wind,<br>And danger too, ne'er look'd behind.<br>After th' had paus'd a while, supplying <br>Their spirits, spent with fight and flying,<br>And HUDIBRAS recruited force<br>Of lungs, for action or discourse,</div><div style="margin:10px 0">Quoth he, That man is sure to lose<br>That fouls his hands with dirty foes: <br>For where no honour's to be gain'd,<br>'Tis thrown away in b'ing maintain'd.<br>'Twas ill for us we had to do<br>With so dishonourable a foe:<br>For though the law of arms doth bar<br>The use of venom'd shot in war,<br>Yet, by the nauseous smell, and noisome,<br>Their case-shot savours strong of poison;<br>And doubtless have been chew'd with teeth<br>Of some that had a stinking breath;<br>Else, when we put it to the push,<br>They have not giv'n us such a brush.<br>But as those pultroons, that fling dirt,<br>Do but defile, but cannot hurt,<br>So all the honour they have won, <br>Or we have lost, is much as one,<br>'Twas well we made so resolute<br>And brave retreat without pursuit;<br>For if we had not, we had sped<br>Much worse, to be in triumph led;<br>Than which the ancients held no state<br>Of man's life more unfortunate.<br>But if this bold adventure e'er<br>Do chance to reach the widow's ear,<br>It may, b'ing destin'd to assert <br>Her sex's honour, reach her heart:<br>And as such homely treats (they say)<br>Portend good fortune, so this may.<br>VESPASIAN being daub'd with dirt,<br>Was destin'd to the empire for't; <br>And from a Scavenger did come<br>To be a mighty Prince in Rome<br>And why may not this foul address<br>Presage in love the same success<br>Then let us straight, to cleanse our wounds,<br>Advance in quest of nearest ponds,<br>And after (as we first design'd)<br>Swear I've perform'd what she enjoin'd.</div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br /></a><br />poem by <a href="http://en.citatepedia.ro/by.php?a=Samuel+Butler">Samuel Butler</a><div class=q> <img src="https://www.citatepedia.ro/g/32share.png" style="float:left" alt="Share"> <script type="text/javascript" src="//s7.addthis.com/js/300/addthis_widget.js#pubid=citatepedia" async="async"></script><div style="display:inline-block" class="addthis_sharing_toolbox" data-url="http://en.citatepedia.ro/comments.php?id=512563" data-title="Hudibras: Part 2 - Canto II de Samuel Butler" data-description="THE ARGUMENT The Knight and Squire, in hot dispute, Within an ace of falling out, Are parted with a sudden fright Of strange alarm, and stranger sight; With which adventuring to stickle, They're sent away in nasty pickle. 'Tis strange how some m..."></div> </div> </div>

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