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<div style="background:#fff;border:#bbb dashed 1px;padding:5px"><a href="http://en.citatepedia.ro/comments.php?id=508688" style="color:#000;text-decoration:none"><div style="margin:10px 0"><strong>The Baldness Of Chewed-Ear</strong></div><div style="margin:10px 0">When Chewed-ear Jenkins got hitched up to Guinneyveer McGee,<br>His flowin' locks, ye recollect, wuz frivolous an' free;<br>But in old Hymen's jack-pot, it's a most amazin' thing,<br>Them flowin' locks jest disappeared like snow-balls in the Spring;<br>Jest seemed to wilt an' fade away like dead leaves in the Fall,<br>An' left old Chewed-ear balder than a white-washed cannon ball.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">Now Missis Chewed-ear Jenkins, that wuz Guinneyveer McGee,<br>Wuz jest about as fine a draw as ever made a pair;<br>But when the boys got joshin' an' suggested it was she<br>That must be inflooenshul for the old man's slump in hair --<br>Why! Missis Chewed-ear Jenkins jest went clean up in the air.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">"To demonstrate," sez she that night, "the lovin' wife I am,<br>I've bought a dozen bottles of Bink's Anty-Dandruff Balm.<br>'Twill make yer hair jest sprout an' curl like squash-vines in the sun,<br>An' I'm propose to sling it on till every drop is done."<br>That hit old Chewed-ear's funny side, so he lays back an' hollers:<br>"The day you raise a hair, old girl, you'll git a thousand dollars."</div><div style="margin:10px 0">Now, whether 'twas the prize or not 'tis mighty hard to say,<br>But Chewed-ear didn't seem to have much comfort from that day.<br>With bottles of that dandruff dope she followed at his heels,<br>An' sprinkled an' massaged him even when he ate his meals.<br>She waked him from his beauty sleep with tender, lovin' care,<br>An' rubbed an' scrubbed assiduous, yet never sign of hair.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">Well, naturally all the boys soon tumbled to the joke,<br>An' at the Wow-wow's Social 'twas Cold-deck Davis spoke:<br>"The little woman's working mighty hard on Chewed-ear's crown;<br>Let's give her for a three-fifth's share a hundred dollars down.<br>We stand to make five hundred clear -- boys, drink in whiskey straight:<br>`The Chewed-ear Jenkins Hirsute Propagation Syndicate'."</div><div style="margin:10px 0">The boys wuz on, an' soon chipped in the necessary dust;<br>They primed up a committy to negotiate the deal;<br>Then Missis Jenkins yielded, bein' rather in disgust,<br>An' all wuz signed an' witnessed, an' invested with a seal.<br>They rounded up old Chewed-ear, an' they broke it what they'd done;<br>Allowed they'd bought an interest in his chance of raisin' hair;<br>They yanked his hat off anxiouslike, opinin' one by one<br>Their magnifyin' glasses showed fine prospects everywhere.<br>They bought Hairlene, an' Thatchem, an' Jay's Capillery Juice,<br>An' Seven Something Sisters, an' Macassar an' Bay Rum,<br>An' everyone insisted on his speshul right to sluice<br>His speshul line of lotion onto Chewed-ear's cranium.<br>They only got the merrier the more the old man roared,<br>An' shares in "Jenkins Hirsute" went sky-highin' on the board.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">The Syndicate wuz hopeful that they'd demonstrate the pay,<br>An' Missis Jenkins laboured in her perseverin' way.<br>The boys discussed on "surface rights", an' "out-crops" an' so on,<br>An' planned to have it "crown" surveyed, an' blue prints of it drawn.<br>They ran a base line, sluiced an' yelled, an' everyone wuz glad,<br>Except the balance of the property, an' he wuz "mad".<br>"It gives me pain," he interjects, "to squash yer glowin' dream,<br>But you wuz fools when you got in on this here `Hirsute' scheme.<br>You'll never raise a hair on me," when lo! that very night,<br>Preparin' to retire he got a most onpleasant fright:<br>For on that shinin' dome of his, so prominently bare,<br>He felt the baby outcrop of a second growth of hair.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">A thousand dollars! Sufferin' Caesar! Well, it must be saved!<br>He grabbed his razor recklesslike, an' shaved an' shaved an' shaved.<br>An' when his head was smooth again he gives a mighty sigh,<br>An' sneaks away, an' buys some Hair Destroyer on the sly.<br>So there wuz Missis Jenkins with "Restorer" wagin' fight,<br>An' Chewed-ear with "Destroyer" circumventin' her at night.<br>The battle wuz a mighty one; his nerves wuz on the strain,<br>An' yet in spite of all he did that hair began to gain.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">The situation grew intense, so quietly one day,<br>He gave his share-holders the slip, an' made his get-a-way.<br>Jest like a criminal he skipped, an' aimed to defalcate<br>The Chewed-ear Jenkins Hirsute Propagation Syndicate.<br>His guilty secret burned him, an' he sought the city's din:<br>"I've got to get a wig," sez he, "to cover up my sin.<br>It's growin', growin' night an' day; it's most amazin' hair";<br>An' when he looked at it that night, he shuddered with despair.<br>He shuddered an' suppressed a cry at what his optics seen --<br>For on my word of honour, boys, that hair wuz growin' green.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">At first he guessed he'd get some dye, an' try to dye it black;<br>An' then he saw 'twas Nemmysis wuz layin' on his track.<br>He must jest face the music, an' confess the thing he done,<br>An' pay the boys an' Guinneyveer the money they had won.<br>An' then there came a big idee -- it thrilled him like a shock:<br>Why not control the Syndicate by buyin' up the Stock?</div><div style="margin:10px 0">An' so next day he hurried back with smoothly shaven pate,<br>An' for a hundred dollars he bought up the Syndicate.<br>'Twas mighty frenzied finance an' the boys set up a roar,<br>But "Hirsutes" from the market wuz withdrawn for evermore.<br>An' to this day in Nuggetsville they tell the tale how slick<br>The Syndicate sold out too soon, and Chewed-ear turned the trick.</div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br /></a><br />poem by <a href="http://en.citatepedia.ro/by.php?a=Robert+William+Service">Robert William Service</a><div class=q> <img src="https://www.citatepedia.ro/g/32share.png" style="float:left" alt="Share"> <script type="text/javascript" src="//s7.addthis.com/js/300/addthis_widget.js#pubid=citatepedia" async="async"></script><div style="display:inline-block" class="addthis_sharing_toolbox" data-url="http://en.citatepedia.ro/comments.php?id=508688" data-title="The Baldness Of Chewed-Ear de Robert William Service" data-description="When Chewed-ear Jenkins got hitched up to Guinneyveer McGee, His flowin' locks, ye recollect, wuz frivolous an' free; But in old Hymen's jack-pot, it's a most amazin' thing, Them flowin' locks jest disappeared like snow-balls in the Spring; Jest s..."></div> </div> </div>
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