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<div style="background:#fff;border:#bbb dashed 1px;padding:5px"><a href="http://en.citatepedia.ro/comments.php?id=498853" style="color:#000;text-decoration:none"><div style="margin:10px 0"><strong>The Merchant of Venice,: A Legend of Italy</strong></div><div style="margin:10px 0">I believe there are few <br>But have heard of a Jew, <br>Named Shylock, of Venice, as arrant a 'screw' <br>In money transactions as ever you knew; <br>An exorbitant miser, who never yet lent <br>A ducat at less than three hundred per cent., <br>Insomuch that the veriest spendthrift in Venice, <br>Who'd take no more care of his pounds than his pennies, <br>When press'd for a loan, at the very first sight <br>Of his terms, would back out, and take refuge in Flight. <br>It is not my purpose to pause and inquire <br>If he might not, in managing thus to retire, <br>Jump out of the frying-pan into the fire; <br>Suffice it, that folks would have nothing to do, <br>Who could possibly help it, with Shylock the Jew. </div><div style="margin:10px 0">But, however discreetly one cuts and contrives, <br>We've been most of us taught in the course of our lives, <br>That 'Needs must when the Elderly Gentleman drives!' <br>In proof of this rule, <br>A thoughtless young fool, <br>Bassanio, a Lord of the Tomnoddy school, <br>Who, by showing at Operas, Balls, Plays, and Court, <br>A 'swelling' (Payne Collier would read 'swilling') 'port,' <br>And inviting his friends to dine, breakfast, and sup, <br>Had shrunk his 'weak means,' and was 'stump'd,' and 'hard up,' <br>Took occasion to send <br>To his very good friend <br>Antonio, a merchant whose wealth had no end, <br>And who'd often before had the kindness to lend <br>Him large sums, on his note, which he'd managed to spend. </div><div style="margin:10px 0">'Antonio,' said he, 'Now listen to me; <br>I've just hit on a scheme which, I think you'll agree, <br>All matters consider'd, is no bad design, <br>And which, if it succeeds, will suit your book and mine. <br>'In the first place, you know all the money I've got, <br>Time and often, from you has been long gone to pot, <br>And in making those loans you have made a bad shot; <br>Now do as the boys do when, shooting at sparrows <br>And tom-tits, they chance to lose one of their arrows, <br>-- Shoot another the same way -- I'll watch well its track, <br>And, turtle to tripe, I'll bring both of them back! <br>So list to my plan, <br>And do what you can, <br>To attend to and second it, that's a good man! </div><div style="margin:10px 0">'There's a Lady, young, handsome, beyond all compare, at <br>A place they call Belmont, whom, when I was there, at <br>The suppers and parties my friend Lord Mountferrat <br>Was giving last season, we all used to stare at, <br>Then, as to her wealth, her solicitor told mine, <br>Besides vast estates, a pearl fishery, and gold mine, <br>Her iron strong box <br>Seems bursting its locks, <br>It's stuffed so with shares in 'Grand Junctions,' and 'Docks,' <br>Not to speak of the money's she's got in the stocks, <br>French, Dutch, and Brazilian, Columbian, and Chilian, <br>In English Exchequer-bills full half a million, <br>Not 'kites,' manufactured to cheat and inveigle, <br>But the right sort of 'flimsy,' all signed by Monteagle. <br>Then I know not how much in Canal-shares and Railways <br>And more speculations I need not detail, ways <br>Of vesting which, if not so safe as some think'em, <br>Contribute a deal to improving one's income; <br>In short, she's a Mint! <br>-- Now I say, deuce is in't <br>If with all my experience, I can't take a hint, <br>And her 'eye's speechless messages,' plainer than print <br>At the time that I told you of, know from a squint, <br>In short, my dear Tony, <br>My trusty old crony, <br>Do stump up three thousand once more as a loan -- I <br>Am sure of my game -- though, of course there are brutes, <br>Of all sorts and sizes, preferring their suits <br>To her you may call the Italian Miss Coutts, <br>Yet Portia -- she's named from that daughter of Cato's-- <br>Is not to be snapp'd up like little potatoes, <br>And I have not a doubt I shall rout every lout <br>Ere you'll whisper Jack Robinson -- cut them all out -- <br>Surmount every barrier, Carry her, marry her! <br>-- Then hey! my old Tony, when once fairly noosed, <br>For her Three-and-a-half per cents -- New and Reduced!' </div><div style="margin:10px 0">With a wink of his eye His friend made reply <br>In his jocular manner, sly, caustic, and dry. <br>'Still the same boy, Bassanio -- never say 'die'! <br>-- Well -- I hardly know how I shall do't, but I'll try.-- <br>Don't suppose my affairs are at all in a hash, <br>But the fact is, at present I'm quite out of cash; <br>The bulk of my property, merged in rich cargoes, is <br>Tossing about, as you know, in my Argosies, <br>Tending, of course, my resources to cripple,-- I <br>'ve one bound to England,-- another to Tripoli-- <br>Cyprus -- Masulipatam -- and Bombay;-- <br>A sixth, by the way, I consigned t'other day <br>To Sir Gregor M'Gregor, Cacique of Poyais, <br>A country where silver's as common as clay. <br>Meantime, till they tack, And come, some of them, back, <br>What with Custom-house duties, and bills falling due, <br>My account with Jones Loyd and Co. looks rather blue; <br>While, as for the 'ready,' I'm like a Church-mouse,-- <br>I really don't think there's five pounds in the house. <br>But, no matter for that, <br>Let me just get my hat, <br>And my new silk umbrella that stands on the mat, <br>And we'll go forth at once to the market -- we two,-- <br>And try what my credit in Venice can do; <br>I stand well on 'Change, and, when all's said and done, I <br>Don't doubt I shall get it for love or for money.' </div><div style="margin:10px 0">They were going to go, <br>When, lo! down below, <br>In the street, they heard somebody crying, 'Old Clo'!' <br>--'By the Pope, there's the man for our purpose!-- I knew <br>We should not have to search long. Salanio, run you, <br>-- Salarino,-- quick!-- haste! ere he get out of view, <br>And call in that scoundrel, old Shylock the Jew!' </div><div style="margin:10px 0">With a pack, <br>Like a sack <br>Of old clothes at his back, <br>And three hats on his head, Shylock came in a crack, <br>Saying, 'Rest you fair, Signior Antonio!-- vat, pray, <br>Might your vorship be pleashed for to vant in ma vay!' </div><div style="margin:10px 0">--'Why, Shylock, although, As you very well know, <br>I am what they call 'warm,'-- pay my way as I go, <br>And, as to myself, neither borrow nor lend, <br>I can break through a rule to oblige an old friend; <br>And that's the case now -- Lord Bassanio would raise <br>Some three thousand ducats -- well,-- knowing your ways, <br>And that nought's to be got from you, say what one will, <br>Unless you've a couple of names to the bill, <br>Why, for once, I'll put mine to it, <br>Yea, seal and sign to it -- <br>Now, then, old Sinner, let's hear what you'll say <br>As to 'doing' a bill at three months from to-day? <br>Three thousand gold ducats, mind -- all in good bags <br>Of hard money -- no sealing-wax, slippers, or rags?' </div><div style="margin:10px 0">'-- Vell, ma tear,' says the Jew, 'I'll see vat I can do! <br>But Mishter Antonio, hark you, 'tish funny <br>You say to me, 'Shylock, ma tear, ve'd have money!' <br>Ven you very vell knows, How you shpit on ma clothes, <br>And use naughty vords -- call me Dog -- and avouch <br>Dat I put too much int'resht py half in ma pouch, <br>And vhile I, like de resht of ma tribe, shrug and crouch, <br>You find fault mit ma pargains, and say I'm a Smouch. <br>-- Vell!--n o matters, ma tear,-- Von vord in your ear! <br>I'd be friends mit you bote -- and to make dat appear, <br>Vy, I'll find you de monies as soon as you vill, <br>Only von littel joke musht be put in de pill; <br>Ma tear, you musht say, <br>If on such and such day <br>Such sum or such sums, you shall fail to repay, <br>I shall cut vere I like, as de pargain is proke, <br>A fair pound of your flesh -- chest by vay of a joke.' </div><div style="margin:10px 0">So novel a clause Caused Bassanio to pause; <br>But Antonio, like most of those sage 'Johnny Raws' <br>Who care not three straws <br>About Lawyers or Laws, <br>And think cheaply of 'Old Father Antic,' because <br>They have never experienced a gripe from his claws, <br>'Pooh pooh'd' the whole thing.--'Let the Smouch have his way, <br>Why, what care I, pray, <br>For his penalty?-- Nay, <br>It's a forfeit he'd never expect me to pay: <br>And, come what come may, I hardly need say <br>My ships will be back a full month ere the day.' <br>So, anxious to see his friend off on his journey, <br>And thinking the whole but a paltry concern, he <br>Affixed with all speed <br>His name to a deed, <br>Duly stamp'd and drawn up by a sharp Jew attorney. <br>Thus again furnish'd forth, Lord Bassanio, instead <br>Of squandering the cash, after giving one spread, <br>With fiddling and masques, at the Saracen's Head, <br>In the morning 'made play,' And without more delay, <br>Started off in the steam-boat for Belmont next day. <br>But scarcely had he <br>From the harbour got free, <br>And left the Lagunes for the broad open sea, <br>Ere the 'Change and Rialto both rung with the news <br>That he'd carried off more than mere cash from the Jew's. </div><div style="margin:10px 0">Though Shylock was old, <br>And, if rolling in gold, <br>Was as ugly a dog as you' wish to behold, <br>For few in his tribe 'mongst their Levis and Moseses, <br>Sported so Jewish an eye, beard, and nose as his, <br>Still, whate'er the opinion of Horace and some be, <br>Your aquilæ generate sometimes Columbæ, <br>Like Jephthah, as Hamlet says, he'd 'one fair daughter,' <br>And every gallant, who caught sight of her, thought her, <br>A jewel -- a gem of the very first water; <br>A great many sought her, <br>Till one at last caught her, <br>And, upsetting all that the Rabbis had taught her, <br>To feelings so truly reciprocal brought her, <br>That the very same night Bassanio thought right <br>To give all his old friends that farewell 'invite,' <br>And while Shylock was gone there to feed out of spite, <br>On 'wings made by a tailor' the damsel took flight. </div><div style="margin:10px 0">By these 'wings' I'd express <br>A grey duffle dress, <br>With brass badge and muffin cap, made, as by rule, <br>For an upper-class boy in the National School. <br>Jessy ransack'd the house, popp'd her breeks on, and when so <br>Disguised, bolted off with her beau -- one Lorenzo, <br>An 'Unthrift,' who lost not a moment in whisking <br>Her into the boat, <br>And was fairly afloat <br>Ere her Pa had got rid of the smell of the griskin. <br>Next day, while old Shylock was making a racket, <br>And threatening how well he'd dust every man's jacket <br>Who'd help'd her in getting aboard of the packet, <br>Bassanio at Belmont was capering and prancing, <br>And bowing, and scraping, and singing, and dancing, <br>Making eyes at Miss Portia, and doing his best <br>To perform the polite, and to cut out the rest; <br>And, if left to herself, he, no doubt, had succeeded, <br>For none of them waltz'd so genteelly as he did; <br>But an obstacle lay, Of some weight, in his way, <br>The defunct Mr. P. who was now turned to clay, <br>Had been an odd man, and, though all for the best he meant, <br>Left but a queer sort of 'Last will and testament,'-- <br>Bequeathing her hand, <br>With her houses and land, <br>&c., from motives one don't understand, <br>As she rev'renced his memory, and valued his blessing, <br>To him who should turn out the best hand at guessing! </div><div style="margin:10px 0">Like a good girl, she did <br>Just what she was bid, <br>In one of three caskets her picture she hid, <br>And clapp'd a conundrum a-top of each lid. </div><div style="margin:10px 0">A couple of Princes, a black and a white one, <br>Tried first, but they both fail'd in choosing the right one. <br>Another from Naples, who shoe'd his own horses; <br>A French Lord, whose graces might vie with Count D'Orsay's;-- <br>A young English Baron;-- a Scotch Peer his neighbour;-- <br>A dull drunken Saxon, all moustache and sabre; <br>All follow'd, and all had their pains for their labour. <br>Bassanio came last -- happy man be his dole! <br>Put his conjuring cap on,-- considered the whole,-- <br>The gold put aside as <br>Mere 'hard food for Midas,' <br>The silver bade trudge <br>As a 'pale common drudge;' <br>Then choosing the little lead box in the middle, <br>Came plump on the picture, and found out the riddle. </div><div style="margin:10px 0">Now, you're not such a goose as to think, I dare say, <br>Gentle Reader, that all this was done in a day, <br>Any more than the dome Of St. Peter's at Rome <br>Was built in the same space of time; and, in fact, <br>Whilst Bassanio was doing <br>His billing and cooing, <br>Three months had gone by ere he reach'd the fifth act; <br>Meanwhile that unfortunate bill became due, <br>Which his Lordship had almost forgot, to the Jew, <br>And Antonio grew In a deuce of a stew, <br>For he could not cash up, spite of all he could do; <br>(The bitter old Israelite would not renew,) <br>What with contrary winds, storms, wrecks, and embargoes, his <br>Funds were all stopp'd, or gone down in his argosies, <br>None of the set having come into port, <br>And Shylock's attorney was moving the Court <br>For the forfeit supposed to be set down in sport. </div><div style="margin:10px 0">The serious news <br>Of this step of the Jew's, <br>And his fix'd resolution all terms to refuse, <br>Gave the newly-made Bridegroom a fit of 'the Blues,' <br>Especially, too, as it came from the pen <br>Of his poor friend himself on the wedding-day,-- then, <br>When the Parson had scarce shut his book up, and when <br>The Clerk was yet uttering the final Amen. </div><div style="margin:10px 0">'Dear Friend,' it continued, 'all's up with me -- I <br>Have nothing on earth now to do but to die! <br>And, as death clears all scores, you're no longer my debtor; <br>I should take it as kind <br>Could you come -- never mind -- <br>If your love don't persaude you, why,-- don't let this letter!' </div><div style="margin:10px 0">I hardly need say this was scarcely read o'er <br>Ere a post-chaise and four <br>Was brought round to the door <br>And Bassanio, though, doubtless, he thought it a bore, <br>Gave his Lady one kiss, and then started at score. <br>But scarce in his flight <br>Had he got out of sight <br>Ere Portia, addressing a groom, said, 'My lad, you a <br>Journey must take on the instant to Padua; <br>Find out there Bellario,a Doctor of Laws, <br>Who, like Follett, is never left out of a cause, <br>And give him this note, <br>Which I've hastily wrote, <br>Take the papers he'll give you -- then push for the ferry <br>Below, where I'll meet you, you'll do't in a wherry, <br>If you can't find a boat on the Brenta with sails to it <br>-- Stay, bring his gown too, and wig with three tails to it.' </div><div style="margin:10px 0">Giovanni (that's Jack) <br>Brought out his hack, <br>Made a bow to his mistress, then jump'd on its back, <br>Put his hand to his hat, and was off in a crack. <br>The Signora soon follow'd herself, taking as her <br>Own escort Nerissa her maid, and Balthasar. </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>'The Court is prepared, the Lawyers are met, <br>The Judges all ranged, a terrible show!' <br>As Captain Macheath says,-- and when one's in debt, <br>The sight's as unpleasant a one as I know, <br>Yet still not so bad after all, I suppose, <br>As if, when one cannot discharge what one owes, <br>They should bid people cut off one's toes or one's nose; <br>Yet here, a worse fate, <br>Stands Antonio, of late <br>A Merchant, might vie e'en with Princes in state, <br>With his waistcoat unbutton'd, prepared for the knife, <br>Which, in taking a pound of flesh, must take his life; <br>-- On the other side Shylock, his bag on the floor, <br>And three shocking bad hats on his head, as before, <br>Imperturbable stands, <br>As he waits their commands <br>With his scales and his great snicker-snee in his hands: <br>-- Between them, equipt in a wig, gown and bands, <br>With a very smooth face, a young dandified Lawyer, <br>Whose air, ne'ertheless, speaks him quite a top-sawyer, <br>Though his hopes are but feeble, <br>Does his possible <br>To make the hard Hebrew to mercy incline, <br>And in lieu of his three thousand ducats take nine, <br>Which Bassanio, for reasons we well may divine, <br>Shows in so many bags all drawn up in a line. <br>But vain are all efforts to soften him -- still <br>He points to the bond He so often has conn'd, <br>And says in plain terms he'll be shot if he will. <br>So the dandified Lawyer, with talking grown hoarse, <br>Says, 'I can say no more -- let the law take its course.' </div><div style="margin:10px 0">Just fancy the gleam of the eye of the Jew, <br>As he sharpen'd his knife on the sole of his shoe <br>From the toe to the heel, And grasping the steel, <br>With a business-like air was beginning to feel <br>Whereabouts he should cut, as a butcher would veal, <br>When the dandified Judge puts a spoke in his wheel. <br>'Stay, Shylock,' says he, Here's one thing -- you see <br>This bond of yours gives you here no jot of blood! <br>-- The words are 'A pound of flesh,'-- that's clear as mud -- <br>Slice away, then, old fellow -- but mind!-- if you spill <br>One drop of his claret that's not in your bill, <br>I'll hang you, like Haman?-- By Jingo I will!' </div><div style="margin:10px 0">When apprised of this flaw, You never yet saw <br>Such an awfully mark'd elongation of jaw <br>As in Shylock, who cried, 'Plesh ma heart! ish dat law?'-- <br>Off went his three hats, <br>And he look'd as the cats <br>Do, whenever a mouse has escaped from their claw. <br>'-- Ish't the law?'-- why the thing won't admit of a query -- <br>'No doubt of the fact, <br>Only look at the act; <br>Acto quinto, cap. tertio, Dogi Falieri -- <br>Nay, if, rather than cut, you'd relinquish the debt, <br>The Law, Master Shy, has a hold on you yet. <br>See Foscari's 'Statutes at large'--'If a Stranger <br>A Citizen's life shall, with malice, endanger, <br>The whole of his property, little or great, <br>Shall go, on conviction, one half to the State, <br>And one to the person pursued by his hate; <br>And, not to create <br>Any farther debate, <br>The Doge, if he pleases, may cut off his pate.' <br>So down on your marrowbones, Jew, and ask mercy! <br>Defendant and Plaintiff are now wisy wersy.' </div><div style="margin:10px 0">What need to declare <br>How pleased they all were <br>At so joyful an end to so sad an affair? <br>Or Bassanio's delight at the turn things had taken, <br>His friend having saved, to the letter, his bacon?-- <br>How Shylock got shaved, and turn'd Christian, though late, <br>To save a life-int'rest in half his estate? <br>How the dandified Lawyer, who'd managed the thing, <br>Would not take any fee for his pains but a ring <br>Which Mrs. Bassanio had given to her spouse, <br>With injunctions to keep it on leaving the house?-- <br>How when he, and the spark <br>Who appeared as his clerk, <br>Had thrown off their wigs, and their gowns, and their jetty coats, <br>There stood Nerissa and Portia in petticoats?-- <br>How they pouted, and flouted, and acted the cruel, <br>Because Lord Bassanio had not kept his jewel?-- <br>How they scolded and broke out, <br>Till having their joke out, <br>They kissed, and were friends, and, all blessing and blessed, <br>Drove home by the light <br>Of a moonshiny night, <br>Like the one in which Troilus, the brave Trojan knight, <br>Sat astride on a wall, and sigh'd after his Cressid?-- </div><div style="margin:10px 0">All this, if 'twere meet, <br>I'd go on to repeat, <br>But a story spun out so's by no means a treat, <br>So, I'll merely relate what, in spite of the pains <br>I have taken to rummage among his remains, <br>No edition of Shakspeare, I've met with, contains; <br>But, if the account which I've heard be the true one, <br>We shall have it, no doubt, before long, in a new one. </div><div style="margin:10px 0">In an MS., then sold <br>For its full weight in gold, <br>And knock'd down to my friend, Lord Tomnoddy, I'm told <br>It's recorded that Jessy, coquettish and vain, <br>Gave her husband, Lorenzo, a good deal of pain; <br>Being mildly rebuked, she levanted again, <br>Ran away with a Scotchman, and, crossing the main, <br>Became known by the name of the 'Flower of Dumblane.' </div><div style="margin:10px 0">That Antonio, whose piety caused, as we've seen, <br>Him to spit upon every old Jew's gaberdine, <br>And whose goodness to paint <br>All colours were faint, <br>Acquired the well-merited prefix of 'Saint,' <br>And the Doge, his admirer, of honour the fount, <br>Having given him a patent, and made him a Count, <br>He went over to England, got nat'ralis'd there, <br>And espous'd a rich heiress in Hanover Square. </div><div style="margin:10px 0">That Shylock came with him; no longer a Jew, <br>But converted, I think may be possibly true, <br>But that Walpole, as these self-same papers aver, <br>By changing the y in his name into er, <br>Should allow him a fictitious surname to dish up, <br>And in Seventeen-twenty-eight make him a Bishop, <br>I cannot believe--but shall still think them two men <br>Till some Sage proves the fact 'with his usual acumen.' </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>MORAL. </div><div style="margin:10px 0">From this tale of the Bard <br>It's uncommonly hard <br>If an editor can't draw a moral.--'Tis clear, <br>Then,-- In ev'ry young wife-seeking Bachelor's ear <br>A maxim, 'bove all other stories, this one drums, <br>'PITCH GREEK TO OLD HARRY, AND STICK TO CONUNDRUMS!!' </div><div style="margin:10px 0">To new-married ladies this lesson it teaches, <br>'You're &quot;no that far wrong&quot; in assuming the breeches!' </div><div style="margin:10px 0">Monied men upon 'Change, and rich Merchants it schools <br>To look well to assets -- nor play with edge tools! <br>Last of all, this remarkable History shows men, <br>What caution they need when they deal with old-clothesmen! <br>So bid John and Mary <br>To mind and be wary, <br>And never let one of them come down the are'</div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br /></a><br />poem by <a href="http://en.citatepedia.ro/by.php?a=Richard+Harris+Barham">Richard Harris Barham</a><div class=q>
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<script type="text/javascript" src="//s7.addthis.com/js/300/addthis_widget.js#pubid=citatepedia" async="async"></script><div style="display:inline-block" class="addthis_sharing_toolbox" data-url="http://en.citatepedia.ro/comments.php?id=498853" data-title="The Merchant of Venice,: A Legend of Italy de Richard Harris Barham" data-description="I believe there are few 
But have heard of a Jew, 
Named Shylock, of Venice, as arrant a 'screw' 
In money transactions as ever you knew; 
An exorbitant miser, who never yet lent 
A ducat at less than three hundred per cent., 
Insomuch that the ve..."></div>
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