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<div style="background:#fff;border:#bbb dashed 1px;padding:5px"><a href="http://en.citatepedia.ro/comments.php?id=460621" style="color:#000;text-decoration:none"><div style="margin:10px 0"><strong>0148 Dear Jenny Joseph...</strong></div><div style="margin:10px 0">Dear Jenny Joseph, </div><div style="margin:10px 0">How are you getting along these days? <br>Now that you've hit our 'top poems' list? <br>I'll bet that, as a National Treasure<br>you're asked to give readings<br>at a minimal fee<br>with the request<br>'please wear a red hat and a purple cloak -<br>our members would like it...' aw shurrup...</div><div style="margin:10px 0">I'm contemplating a parallel<br>to raise the status of old men<br>God knows we need it...</div><div style="margin:10px 0">Where shall I start? <br>I guess the secret is<br>it's fun confounding expectations, <br>so, first on the list, <br>anything that labels you British - out! <br>(then we can start again from scratch) : </div><div style="margin:10px 0">out with the stiff upper lip -<br>weep in public - preferably a full rush-hour commuter train<br>from Surrey or Gloucestershire<br>or Berkshire would do; <br>and watch the men freeze<br>into emotional ineptitude; </div><div style="margin:10px 0">Get on a jam-packed tube train<br>around the evening rush hour, when they think they're tired, <br>those poor 20-year-olds who clubbed all night on E<br>and say very loud<br>'Which of you young people is going to give up your seat to me? <br>(And if there's no move<br>and everyone hides behind their papers or suddenly closed eyes, <br>repeat the question louder and louder<br>until even the kind-hearted of your own age<br>hate you...) : </div><div style="margin:10px 0">When the train stops in a tunnel<br>and everyone goes quiet, <br>whistle out of tune one that everyone knows; </div><div style="margin:10px 0">And don't forget that<br>garlic and an open mouth<br>can gain you valuable personal space.</div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>Open doors for all ladies, and expecially those<br>wearing pierced noses and lips and eyebrows, tattoos, <br>SM gear and/or short haircuts<br>and when they walk past without a glance<br>say 'Thank you...? ' very loudly; </div><div style="margin:10px 0">Walk round the snootiest 'boutiques'<br>and the more the assistants bridle, <br>stand near you<br>or raise their eyebrows at their fellow assistants<br>the longer you hang around, natch, <br>and when you say 'Just looking...'<br>look them in the eye<br>like Clint Eastwood who just hit town; </div><div style="margin:10px 0">At formal weddings, <br>when it gets to the butt-clenching 'just cause...? ' bit<br>clear your throat loudly<br>as if about to speak...<br>it will give the dry cleaners<br>extra work.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">Talk to all children with their parents<br>especially those whose parents quickly pull them away; <br>feel free to embrace all and especially sundry; <br>just check you have the address of your Citizen's Advice Bureau<br>for free legal representation; </div><div style="margin:10px 0">Talk to Friends of Friends whom<br>you're meeting for the first time<br>as if you know them well; <br>it's amazing how many 'friends'<br>you can cross off that way; </div><div style="margin:10px 0">Cold callers<br>who introduce themselves<br>with their Christian name<br>(even though Hindus calling from India..) <br>and are pushy (be kind to the others...) <br>- pretend you know them<br>and discuss some past<br>scandalous relationship with them, <br>then accuse them of misleading you; </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>Be natural - but very very publicly so; <br>in Victorian times, you could pee in the road<br>on please, only on the offside of horses; <br>so don't choose motorways<br>(though the central reservation is OK - I mean, who's going to stop<br>to be offended in the fast lane, or ring the police on the mobile while driving?) <br>and if anyone objects to your peeing in the gutter<br>that's what gutters used to be for<br>and who asked them to look anyway? </div><div style="margin:10px 0">Clothes-wise, it's up to you -<br>though of course if 'dress-code..' is requested, well, that's obviously<br>inviting trouble - do they want to see you in person, <br>or what you bought or hired? <br>Or are they wanting free film extras<br>in the home movies of ego? </div><div style="margin:10px 0">Oxfam permitting, <br>wear the clothes that 15-year-olds do -<br>that really pisses them off.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">If people dropp a word<br>about your undone zip in public<br>and they're polite about it<br>thank them with a smile<br>perhaps explaining the circumstances<br>in friendly fashion; <br>but if they comment disapprovingly<br>threaten<br>further measures.</div><div style="margin:10px 0">Sitting on the pavement, that sort of thing -<br>well, that's personal; if you enjoy it, do it...</div><div style="margin:10px 0">Above all - Embarrass Your Children. Mortally.<br>' D-a-a-d....! '</div><div style="margin:10px 0">(This Poem is an Expanding Poem -<br>there's more cringe-making stuff to come just here...<br>as Rusty says, that's what parents are for...) </div><div style="margin:10px 0">Doesn't sound very exciting, you may be thinking? <br>OK, just try one of these, and see if<br>you can't cut the atmosphere with a knife.<br> -That's not yet court evidence, but it could be, <br>in a nanny state - 'The witness observed<br>that you could cut the atmosphere with a knife, m'lud...'</div><div style="margin:10px 0">But I'm very open to suggestions<br>from others, to make this <br>second childhood<br>even better than the first, OK? </div><div style="margin:10px 0">And Jenny, by the way, are you married? <br>It could be fun...</div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br /></a><br />poem by <a href="http://en.citatepedia.ro/by.php?a=Michael+Shepherd">Michael Shepherd</a><div class=q>
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<script type="text/javascript" src="//s7.addthis.com/js/300/addthis_widget.js#pubid=citatepedia" async="async"></script><div style="display:inline-block" class="addthis_sharing_toolbox" data-url="http://en.citatepedia.ro/comments.php?id=460621" data-title="0148 Dear Jenny Joseph... de Michael Shepherd" data-description="Dear Jenny Joseph, 

How are you getting along these days? 
Now that you've hit our 'top poems' list? 
I'll bet that, as a National Treasure
you're asked to give readings
at a minimal fee
with the request
'please wear a red hat and a purple cloak ..."></div>
</div>
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