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<div style="background:#fff;border:#bbb dashed 1px;padding:5px"><a href="http://en.citatepedia.ro/comments.php?id=426419" style="color:#000;text-decoration:none"><div style="margin:10px 0"><strong>The Lady's Dressing Room</strong></div><div style="margin:10px 0">By haughty Celia spent in dressing;<br>The goddess from her chamber issues,<br>Arrayed in lace, brocades, and tissues.<br>Strephon, who found the room was void<br>And Betty otherwise employed,<br>Stole in and took a strict survey<br>Of all the litter as it lay;<br>Whereof, to make the matter clear,<br>An inventory follows here.<br>And first a dirty smock appeared,<br>Beneath the arm-pits well besmeared.<br>Strephon, the rogue, displayed it wide<br>And turned it round on every side.<br>On such a point few words are best,<br>And Strephon bids us guess the rest;<br>And swears how damnably the men lie<br>In calling Celia sweet and cleanly.<br>Now listen while he next produces<br>The various combs for various uses,<br>Filled up with dirt so closely fixt,<br>No brush could force a way betwixt.<br>A paste of composition rare,<br>Sweat, dandruff, powder, lead and hair;<br>A forehead cloth with oil upon't<br>To smooth the wrinkles on her front.<br>Here alum flower to stop the steams<br>Exhaled from sour unsavory streams;<br>There night-gloves made of Tripsy's hide,<br>Bequeath'd by Tripsy when she died,<br>With puppy water, beauty's help,<br>Distilled from Tripsy's darling whelp;<br>Here gallypots and vials placed,<br>Some filled with washes, some with paste,<br>Some with pomatum, paints and slops,<br>And ointments good for scabby chops.<br>Hard by a filthy basin stands,<br>Fouled with the scouring of her hands;<br>The basin takes whatever comes,<br>The scrapings of her teeth and gums,<br>A nasty compound of all hues,<br>For here she spits, and here she spews.<br>But oh! it turned poor Strephon's bowels,<br>When he beheld and smelt the towels,<br>Begummed, besmattered, and beslimed<br>With dirt, and sweat, and ear-wax grimed.<br>No object Strephon's eye escapes:<br>Here petticoats in frowzy heaps;<br>Nor be the handkerchiefs forgot<br>All varnished o'er with snuff and snot.<br>The stockings, why should I expose,<br>Stained with the marks of stinking toes;<br>Or greasy coifs and pinners reeking,<br>Which Celia slept at least a week in?<br>A pair of tweezers next he found<br>To pluck her brows in arches round,<br>Or hairs that sink the forehead low,<br>Or on her chin like bristles grow.<br>The virtues we must not let pass,<br>Of Celia's magnifying glass.<br>When frighted Strephon cast his eye on't<br>It shewed the visage of a giant.<br>A glass that can to sight disclose<br>The smallest worm in Celia's nose,<br>And faithfully direct her nail<br>To squeeze it out from head to tail;<br>(For catch it nicely by the head,<br>It must come out alive or dead.)<br>Why Strephon will you tell the rest?<br>And must you needs describe the chest?<br>That careless wench! no creature warn her<br>To move it out from yonder corner;<br>But leave it standing full in sight<br>For you to exercise your spite.<br>In vain, the workman shewed his wit<br>With rings and hinges counterfeit<br>To make it seem in this disguise<br>A cabinet to vulgar eyes;<br>For Strephon ventured to look in,<br>Resolved to go through thick and thin;<br>He lifts the lid, there needs no more:<br>He smelt it all the time before.<br>As from within Pandora's box,<br>When Epimetheus oped the locks,<br>A sudden universal crew<br>Of humane evils upwards flew,<br>He still was comforted to find<br>That Hope at last remained behind;<br>So Strephon lifting up the lid<br>To view what in the chest was hid,<br>The vapours flew from out the vent.<br>But Strephon cautious never meant<br>The bottom of the pan to grope<br>And foul his hands in search of Hope.<br>O never may such vile machine<br>Be once in Celia's chamber seen!<br>O may she better learn to keep<br>'Those secrets of the hoary deep'!<br>As mutton cutlets, prime of meat,<br>Which, though with art you salt and beat<br>As laws of cookery require<br>And toast them at the clearest fire,<br>If from adown the hopeful chops<br>The fat upon the cinder drops,<br>To stinking smoke it turns the flame<br>Poisoning the flesh from whence it came;<br>And up exhales a greasy stench<br>For which you curse the careless wench;<br>So things which must not be exprest,<br>When plumpt into the reeking chest,<br>Send up an excremental smell<br>To taint the parts from whence they fell,<br>The petticoats and gown perfume,<br>Which waft a stink round every room.<br>Thus finishing his grand survey,<br>Disgusted Strephon stole away<br>Repeating in his amorous fits,<br>Oh! Celia, Celia, Celia shits!<br>But vengeance, Goddess never sleeping,<br>Soon punished Strephon for his peeping:<br>His foul Imagination links<br>Each dame he see with all her stinks;<br>And, if unsavory odors fly,<br>Conceives a lady standing by.<br>All women his description fits,<br>And both ideas jump like wits<br>By vicious fancy coupled fast,<br>And still appearing in contrast.<br>I pity wretched Strephon blind<br>To all the charms of female kind.<br>Should I the Queen of Love refuse<br>Because she rose from stinking ooze?<br>To him that looks behind the scene<br>Satira's but some pocky queen.<br>When Celia in her glory shows,<br>If Strephon would but stop his nose<br>(Who now so impiously blasphemes<br>Her ointments, daubs, and paints and creams,<br>Her washes, slops, and every clout<br>With which he makes so foul a rout),<br>He soon would learn to think like me<br>And bless his ravished sight to see<br>Such order from confusion sprung,<br>Such gaudy tulips raised from dung.</div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br /></a><br />poem by <a href="http://en.citatepedia.ro/by.php?a=Jonathan+Swift">Jonathan Swift</a><div class=q>
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<script type="text/javascript" src="//s7.addthis.com/js/300/addthis_widget.js#pubid=citatepedia" async="async"></script><div style="display:inline-block" class="addthis_sharing_toolbox" data-url="http://en.citatepedia.ro/comments.php?id=426419" data-title="The Lady's Dressing Room de Jonathan Swift" data-description="By haughty Celia spent in dressing;
The goddess from her chamber issues,
Arrayed in lace, brocades, and tissues.
Strephon, who found the room was void
And Betty otherwise employed,
Stole in and took a strict survey
Of all the litter as it lay;
Whe..."></div>
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