<div style="background:#fff;border:#bbb dashed 1px;padding:5px"><a href="http://en.citatepedia.ro/comments.php?id=373977" style="color:#000;text-decoration:none"><div style="margin:10px 0"><strong>Absolution</strong></div><div style="margin:10px 0">THREE months had passed since she had knelt before <br>The grate of the confessional, and he, <br>--The priest--had wondered why she came no more <br>To tell her sinless sins--the vanity <br>Whose valid reason graced her simple dress-- <br>The prayers forgotten, or the untold beads-- <br>The little thoughtless words, the slight misdeeds, <br>Which made the sum of her unrighteousness. </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>She was the fairest maiden in his fold, <br>With her sweet mouth and musical pure voice, <br>Her deep grey eyes, her hair's tempestuous gold, <br>Her gracious graceful figure's perfect poise. <br>Her happy laugh, her wild unconscious grace, <br>Her gentle ways to old, or sick, or sad, <br>The comprehending sympathy she had, <br>Had made of her the idol of the place. </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>And when she grew so silent and so sad, <br>So thin and quiet, pale and hollow-eyed, <br>And cared no more to laugh and to be glad <br>With other maidens by the waterside-- <br>All wondered, kindly grieved the elders were, <br>And some few girls went whispering about, <br>'She loves--who is it? Let us find it out!' <br>But never dared to speak of it to her. </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>But the priest's duty bade him seek her out <br>And say, 'My child, why dost thou sit apart? <br>Hast thou some grief? Hast thou some secret doubt? <br>Come and unfold to me thine inmost heart. <br>God's absolution can assuage all grief <br>And all remorse and woe beneath the sun. <br>Whatever thou hast said, or thought, or done, <br>The Holy Church can give thy soul relief.' </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>He stood beside her, young and strong, and swayed <br>With pity for the sorrow in her eyes-- <br>Which, as she raised them to his own, conveyed <br>Into his soul a sort of sad surprise-- </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>For in those grey eyes had a new light grown, <br>The light that only bitter love can bring, <br>And he had fancied her too pure a thing <br>For even happy love to dare to own. </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>Yet all the more he urged on her--'Confess, <br>And do not doubt some comfort will be lent <br>By Holy Church thy penitence to bless. <br>Trust her, my child.' With unconvinced consent <br>She answered, 'I will come;' and so at last <br>Out of the summer evening's crimson glow, <br>With heart reluctant and with footsteps slow <br>Into the cool great empty church she passed. </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>'By my own fault, my own most grievous fault, <br>I cannot say, for it is not!' she said, <br>Kneeling within the grey stone chapel's vault; <br>And on the ledge her golden hair was spread <br>Over the clasping hands that still increased <br>Their nervous pressure, poor white hands and thin, <br>While with hot lips she poured her tale of sin <br>Into the cold ear of the patient priest. </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>'Love broke upon me in a dream; it came <br>Without beginning, for to me it seemed <br>That all my life this thing had been the same, <br>And never otherwise than as I dreamed. <br>I only knew my heart, entire, complete, <br>Was given to my other self, my love-- <br>That I through all the world would gladly move <br>So I might follow his adorèd feet. </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>'I dreamed my soul saw suddenly appear <br>Immense abysses, infinite heights unknown; <br>Possessed new worlds, new earths, sphere after sphere, <br>New sceptres, kingdoms, crowns, became my own. <br>When I had all, all earth, all time, all space, <br>And every blessing, human and divine, <br>I hated the possessions that were mine, <br>And only cared for his belovèd face. </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>'I dreamed that in unmeasured harmony, <br>Rain of sweet sounds fell on my ravished sense, <br>And thrilled my soul with swelling ecstasy, <br>And rose to unimagined excellence. </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>And while the music bade my heart rejoice, <br>And on my senses thrust delicious sway, <br>I wished the perfect melody away, <br>And in its place longed for his worshipped voice. </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>'And at the last I felt his arms enfold, <br>His kisses crown my life--his whispered sighs <br>Echo my own unrest--his spirit hold <br>My spirit powerless underneath his eyes, <br>My face flushed with new joy, and felt more fair: <br>He clasped me close, and cried, 'My own, my own!' <br>And then I woke in dawn's chill light, alone, <br>With empty arms held out to empty air. </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>'I never knew I loved him till that dream <br>Drew from my eyes the veil and left me wise. <br>What I had thought was reverence grew to seem <br>Only my lifelong love in thin disguise. <br>And in my dream it looked so sinless too, <br>So beautiful, harmonious, and right; <br>The vision faded with the morning light, <br>The love will last as long as I shall do. </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>'But in the world where I have wept my tears, <br>My love is sinful and a bitter shame. <br>How can I bear the never-ending years, <br>When every night I hear him call my name? <br>For though that first dream's dear delight is past, <br>Yet since that night each night I dream him there <br>With lips caressing on my brow and hair, <br>And in my arms I hold my heaven fast!' </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>'Child, have you prayed against it?' 'Have I prayed? <br>Have I not clogged my very soul with prayer; <br>Stopped up my ears with sound of praying, made <br>My very body faint with kneeling there <br>Before the sculptured Christ, and all for this, <br>That when my lips can pray no more, and sleep <br>Shuts my unwilling eyes, my love will leap <br>To dreamland's bounds, to meet me with his kiss? </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>'Strive against this?--what profit is the strife? <br>If through the day a little strength I gain, <br>At night he comes and calls me 'love' and 'wife,' <br>And straightway I am all his own again. </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>And if from love's besieging force my fight <br>Some little victory have hardly won, <br>What do I gain? As soon as day is done, <br>I yield once more to love's delicious might.' </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>'Avoid him!' 'Ay, in dewy garden walk <br>How often have I strayed, avoiding him. <br>And heard his voice mix with the common talk, <br>Yet never turned his way. My eyes grow dim <br>With weeping over what I lose by day <br>And find by night, yet never have to call <br>My own. O God! is there no help at all-- <br>No hope, no chance, and no escapeful way?' </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>'And who is he to whom thy love is given?' <br>'What? Holy Church demands to know his name? <br>No rest for me on earth, no hope of heaven <br>Unless I tell it? Ah, for very shame <br>I cannot--yet why not?--I will--I can! <br>I have grown mad with brooding on my curse. <br>Here! Take the name, no better and no worse <br>My case will be. Father, thou art the man!' </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>An icy shock shivered through all his frame-- <br>An overwhelming cold astonishment; <br>But on the instant the revulsion came, <br>His blood felt what her revelation meant, <br>And madly rushed along his veins and cried: <br>'For you too life is possible, and love <br>No more a word you miss the meaning of, <br>But all your life's desire unsatisfied.' </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>Then through his being crept a new strange fear-- <br>Fear of himself, and through himself, for her; <br>His every fibre felt her presence near, <br>Disquiet in his breast began to stir. <br>'Lord Christ,' his soul cried, while his heart beat fast, <br>'Give strength in this, my hour of utmost need.' <br>And with the prayer strength came to him indeed, <br>And with calm voice he answered her at last. </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>'Child, go in peace! Wrestle, and watch, and pray, <br>And I will spend this night in prayer for thee, <br>That God will take thy strange great grief away. <br>Thou hast confessed thy sin. Absolvo te.' </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>Silence most absolute a little while, <br>Then passed the whisper of her trailing gown <br>Over the knee-worn stones, and soft died down <br>The dim deserted incense-memoried aisle. </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>She passed away, and yet, when she was gone, <br>His heart still echoed her remembered sighs: <br>What sin unpardonable had he done <br>That evermore those grey unquiet eyes <br>Floated between him and the dying day? <br>How had she grown so desperately dear? <br>Why did her love-words echo in his ear <br>Through all the prayers he forced his lips to say? </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>All night he lay upon the chancel floor, <br>And coined his heart in tears and prayers, and new <br>Strange longings he had never known before. <br>Her very memory so thrilled him through, <br>That to his being's core a shiver stole <br>Of utter, boundless, measureless delight, <br>Even while with unceasing desperate might <br>His lips prayed for God's armour for his soul! </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>The moon had bathed the chancel with her light, <br>But now she crept into a cloud. No ray <br>Was left to break the funeral black of night <br>That closely hung around the form that lay <br>So tempest-tossed within, so still without. <br>'God! I love her, love her, love her so! <br>Oh, for one spark of heaven's fire to show <br>Some way to cast this devil's passion out! </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>'I cannot choose but love--Thou knowest, Lord-- <br>Yet is my spirit strong to fly from sin, <br>But oh, my flesh is weak, too weak the word <br>I have to clothe its utter weakness in! <br>I am Thy priest, vowed to be Thine alone, <br>Yet if she came here with those love-dimmed eyes, <br>How could I turn away from Paradise? <br>Should I not wreck her soul, and blast my own? </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>'Christ, by Thy passion, by Thy death for men, <br>Oh, save me from myself, save her from me!' <br>And at the word the moon came out again <br>From her cloud-palace, and threw suddenly </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>A shadow from the great cross overhead <br>Upon the priest; and with it came a sense <br>Of strength renewed, of perfect confidence <br>In Him who on that cross for men hung dead. </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>Beneath that shadow safety seemed to lie; <br>And as he knelt before the altar there, <br>Beside the King of Heaven's agony <br>Light seemed all pangs His priest might have to bear-- <br>His grief, his love, his bitter wild regret, <br>Would they not be a fitting sacrifice, <br>A well-loved offering, blessed in the eyes <br>That never scorned a sad heart's offering yet? </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>But as the ghostly moon began to fade, <br>And moonlight glimmered into ghostlier dawn, <br>The shadow that the crucifix had made <br>With twilight mixed; and with it seemed withdrawn <br>The peace that with its shadowy shape began, <br>And as the dim east brightened, slowly ceased <br>The wild devotion that had filled the priest-- <br>And with full sunlight he sprang up--a man! </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>'Ten thousand curses on my priestly vow-- <br>The hated vow that held me back from thee! <br>Down with the cross! no death-dark emblems now! <br>I have done with death: life wakes for thee and me!' <br>He tore the cross from out his breast, and trod <br>The sacred symbol underfoot and cried, <br>'I am set free, unbound, unsanctified! <br>I am thy lover--not the priest of God!' </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>He strode straight down the church and passed along <br>The grave-set garden's dewy grass-grown slope: <br>The woods about were musical with song, <br>The world was bright with youth, and love, and hope; <br>The flowers were sweet, and sweet his visions were, <br>The sunlight glittered on the lily's head <br>And on the royal roses, rich and red, <br>And never had the earth seemed half so fair. </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>Soon would he see her--soon would kneel before <br>Her worshipped feet, and cry, 'I am thine own, <br>As thou art mine, now, and for evermore!' <br>And she should kiss the lips that had not known </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>The kiss of love in any vanished year. <br>And as he dreamed of his secured delight, <br>Round the curved road there slowly came in sight <br>A mourning band, and in their midst a bier. </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>He hastened to pass on. Why should he heed <br>A bier--a blot on earth's awakened face? <br>For to his love-warm heart it seemed indeed <br>That in sweet summer's bloom death had no place. <br>Yet still he glanced--a pale concealing fold <br>Veiled the dead, quiet face--and yet--and yet-- <br>Did he not know that hand, so white and wet? <br>Did he not know those dripping curls of gold? </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>'We came to you to know what we should do, <br>Father: we found her body in the stream, <br>And how it happed, God knows!' One other knew-- <br>Knew that of him had been her last wild dream-- <br>Knew the full reason of that life-disdain-- <br>Knew how the shame of hopeless love confessed <br>And unreturned had seemed to stain her breast, <br>Till only death could make her clean again. </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>They left her in the church where sunbeams bright <br>Gilded the wreathèd oak and carven stone <br>With golden floods of consecrating light; <br>And here at last, together and alone, <br>The lovers met, and here upon her hair <br>He set his lips, and dry-eyed kissed her face, <br>And in the stillness of the holy place <br>He spoke in tones of bitter blank despair: </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>'Oh, lips so quiet, eyes that will not see! <br>Oh, clinging hands that not again will cling! <br>This last poor sin may well be pardoned thee, <br>Since for the right's sake thou hast done this thing. <br>Oh, poor weak heart, for ever laid to rest, <br>That could no longer strive against its fate, <br>For thee high heaven will unbar its gate, <br>And thou shalt enter in and shalt be blessed. </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>'The chances were the same for us,' he said, <br>'Yet thou hast won, and I have lost, the whole; <br>Thou wouldst not live in sin, and thou art dead-- <br>But I--against thee I have weighed my soul, </div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br>And, losing thee, have lost my soul as well. <br>I have cursed God, and trampled on His cross; <br>Earth has no measurement for all my loss, <br>But I shall learn to measure it in hell!'</div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br /></a><br />poem by <a href="http://en.citatepedia.ro/by.php?a=Edith+Nesbit">Edith Nesbit</a><div class=q> <img src="https://www.citatepedia.ro/g/32share.png" style="float:left" alt="Share"> <script type="text/javascript" src="//s7.addthis.com/js/300/addthis_widget.js#pubid=citatepedia" async="async"></script><div style="display:inline-block" class="addthis_sharing_toolbox" data-url="http://en.citatepedia.ro/comments.php?id=373977" data-title="Absolution de Edith Nesbit" data-description="THREE months had passed since she had knelt before The grate of the confessional, and he, --The priest--had wondered why she came no more To tell her sinless sins--the vanity Whose valid reason graced her simple dress-- The prayers forgotten,..."></div> </div> </div>

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